The Law of Unintended Consequences
Chapter 53
The Lily's Tale Part One
Lily, you may have made many mistakes, but...
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.
Wednesday January 6th, 1976
Severus frowned as he looked at the Lily-imposter; after knocking her out, he and Mary had dragged her to a shed near the field so that they could deal with her without distractions. It had been nearly two hours, so it was highly unlikely that Polyjuice potion had been used, unless it was a superior version of it of the type that Severus had learned to make.
However, Mary was beginning to suspect a form of transfiguration instead, as it could last a good deal longer if done properly. As such, she had started poring over one of her more advanced transiguration books, trying to find something that might help them detect it if it turned out to be the case...
In contrast, Severus was beginning to get a sneaking suspicion that it was indeed Lily, but the problem was that it just didn't make much sense; it WAS possible to learn to apparate on one's own, but Lily hadn't been in a place suitable for learning it in over a year and a half. After all, the Hogwarts grounds were unsuitable for apparition without the direct approval of the headmaster, something which Severus strongly doubted had occured.
On the other hand, if she had tried at her house prior to their deputization as member of the Ministry by being a member of Aduro Terranum, then she would have been arrested for sure.
And yet...Severus couldn't quite fathom what this imposter had been trying to gain by attacking the Death Eaters if she were trying to harm them; most non-Death Eater groups were at least mildly supportive of Aduro Terranum. Potter and his Defense Association didn't have the brains to cook up something like this, unless Dumbledore were involved...
'Yes...that would make sense; Dumbledore is the only person I know who plots so much and with such convoluted plans, from what I hear. Perhaps Dumbledore was involved...or perhaps it IS Dumbledore!' Severus' eyes widened as he considered that angle; Dumbledore would certainly have an interest in finding out whatever he could about their group, being his faction's main rival in the fight against would certainly have the ability to transfigure himself to such an extent with relative ease...
Then Severus frowned; that still didn't make sense, as Dumbledore would be unlikely to be able to act well enough to imitate Lily to an extent capable of fooling ANYONE, let alone two people who knew her as well as Mary and himself. As such, Severus was seriously beginning to think that this might somehow be Lily, as no other option made sense even in his half-paranoid mind...
Speaking of 'Lily', she suddenly started shifting around, then opened her eyes and looked at him confusedly. He couldn't blame her; it wasn't everyday that someone tied you up like that...unless you were into certain practices Severus supposed, certain rather interesting practices...
Severus was distracted from his rather perverted train of thought by Mary, who had clearly noticed 'Lily's' waking up, walking over to them and saying coldly, "Now then, let's dispense with the denials, shall we? You know and we know that you are not Lily Evans, so you can stop with the charade now, OK?"
'Lily' looked at Mary in confusion, then said with a sigh, shaking her head in what appeared to be mild exasperation, "Um, it isn't a charade, and I must say that I am getting rather annoyed with the whole 'tied up' part. Would you like me to prove it to you somehow? I can tell you deep secrets about yourselves, your worst fears, and the fact that Sev thinks that your lips have a certain creamy flavor to them. Which would you prefer?
Mary looked the both of them over appraisingly while clearly fighting a smirk, and Severus had to groan and say aloud, face heating up to the point that he was certain that his head resembled a tomato, "That is...correct, and something...that I did indeed tell Lily back when the two of us were dating...although it was supposed to be PRIVATE!" He then gave 'Lily' a stern look, which he was disappointed to say had no effect in the slightest, other than to make both of the girls start giggling.
Severus then took a deep breath, before saying much more coldly than even Mary had before, causing 'Lily' to stop laughing immediately as her face paled, "However, it doesn't explain the apparition, and there are more than a few ways that you could know of that without being Lily. In contrast, there are no possible explanations that I can think of that would explain OUR Lily's capability to apparate."
Realizing that he had her attention now, he then said calmly, coolly, "Now, not to be cliche, but we can do this the easy way or the hard way... The easy way would be for you to tell us the truth now, and not give us any more trouble, while the hard way..." As he spoke, Severus began to slowly push into 'Lily's' brain, using his leglimency to get to the truth of the matter...
This was proven to be a mistake when he was sent flying across the room, only to nearly impale his left shoulder upon a set of hedge-clippers... 'This could be problematic...'
Lily gasped in shock as Severus suddenly went flying across the room, but that was nothing compared to how Mary reacted: she grabbed Lily by the throat, clutching it to the point that she couldn't breathe, and pointed her wand right between Lily's eyes as she slammed her against the wall behind her.
As Lily tried desperately to take in a breath, Mary glared at her furiously and said softly, in a voice that seemed to be malice incarnate, "That...was a very big mistake, imposter... If you try anything like that again, then you will not live to regret it..." She then let go of Lily, who slumped to the ground while panting, and said in a more normal tone of voice, "...Now then, tell us the truth."
Lily, still gasping for breath, weighed her options as Severus picked himself up and walked back towards them with a look of appraisal on his face; admittedly, she had never really intended to tell them about the fact that she was from a different time-line, as it would have likely made her seem insane.
Also, Lily had grown to be quite ashamed of how she had acted in that time-line when it came to her relationship with Severus, and she didn't want to admit to him what had happened. Although their friendship was secure now, this was something that she doubted would be as easily forgiven as her merely dating Potter, as she had rejected him completely as even her friend for reasons that seemed less than good in the light of hindsight... Perhaps it would be best to not reveal the past...
As she considered this, Severus and Mary had another quiet, whispered conference, with Severus looking at her as if she were a new potion that he hadn't managed to deconstruct yet...
On the other hand, Lily was reminded strongly of her relationship with her original James, and how hurt she had been by what he had admitted in her first return to the afterlife. It had taken a long time, but the implications had been truly painful when they had sunken in...
Although by that time the break-up with this time-line's Potter had probably been inevitable, it had been devastating to her feelings for him in hindsight when Lily had realized that James had always put his attacks on her best friend as more important to him than his relationship with her...
Finally catching her breath, Lily looked up at Severus and Mary's carefully calculating faces and realized the truth: her 'choice' was really no choice at all, as there was no way she could lie to them, because she simply cared too much for them to try and deceive them... She would not make the same mistake as James, and let her lies get built on more and more as time went on, until it shattered the very trust that their relationship was built on.
Besides, they knew her even better than her original Severus and James knew her, and it was incredibly unlikely that she could outsmart them for long when it came to the battlefield of truth and lies; after all, she had never particularly learned how to lie very well...'Except to myself that is; if I think about it, the only person who was better at deceiving themself than Severus in my original time-line was me...'
As 'Lily' opened her mouth to speak, Severus nonverbally casted a Shielding charm, then made another attempt at leglimency while making sure that his back was to the wall rather than something sharp; just like before, Severus was slammed against the wall behind him by the reply.
As his head swam, Severus saw Mary point her wand at 'Lily' and shout angrily as the girl stared at him in horrified shock, clearly not knowing what had caused him to slam into the wall, "You little...! I warned you what would happen and this is how you repay me!? AVAD-"
Realizing that she was about to kill this girl, Severus immediately interrupted by yelling in panic, knowing that there was no other way he could stop Mary in time, "No Mary, DON'T DO IT! She didn't mean it!"
To her credit, Mary stopped immediately, but she gave 'Lily' a hate-filled glare before looking back at him and saying with fear audible in her voice, "Explain, and give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill her after what she nearly did to you twice!"
Severus swallowed, then said with a reasonable level of calm as he walked over to the two of them so that if Mary attacked he could stop her, "I had a Shielding charm on that time, and she didn't use a spell on me, only using a form of occlumency to block my leglimency...which Lily I am reasonably certain knows nothing about."
'Lily' looked utterly bewildered, as if she didn't know what he was talking about, and was about to respond when Mary beat her to it by saying coolly, "And what makes that relevant?"
'Lily' started to reply, saying "But...wha-", but Severus ignored for the moment as he tried to convince Mary not to kill her. He said simply, "The problem with that is that what she did simply isn't possible; the sheer amount of power that it would take to create such a strong mental barrier would be enough to wandlessly vanquish Dumbledore and Voldemort simultaneously with great ease. Moreover, this mental barrier seems to be always active, considering how I didn't even have a tenth of a second before she kicked me out of her mind."
As Mary sat down to think it all over, much calmer than before, 'Lily' said in a confused yet thoughtful tone, "You know, now that you mention it, the same thing happened with Dumbledore back in September. I was talking to him in his office, when he was suddenly blown across the room; perhaps he tried the same thing..."
Severus nodded, trying not to provoke her as he had absolutely no idea what this 'Lily' might be capable of; in hindsight, if she actually had the level of power she would need for that mental barrier, the only people who were in danger in this room were himself and Mary. As such, he then said simply, "Than, 'Lily', could you please explain how you could be our Lily? Don't take this the wrong way, but while our Lily might be a truly brilliant witch, there is no way she would be capable of doing something like that..."
'Lily' glared at him and Mary angrily, then said furiously, her still-beautiful green eyes flashing, "I AM 'your Lily', really I am! I'm the same Lily you've known since you were seven, Sev!" She then paused, before saying in a softer tone of voice, "However, I'm also more than her, as there is a part of me you and Mary don't know..."
As Severus and Mary looked at one another for a moment, she said quietly, "You see...I'm from a different future, one in which we all made very different choices..." Severus' eyebrows threatened to become a part of his hairline as he gaped at her in disbelief while Lily continued, "...I returned to my past, your present, the October before last in an effort to create a better future."
At first, Severus considered laughing at this clearly ridiculous idea, but then he considered for a moment; back in the October of last year, Lily had really changed all of a sudden now that he thought about it.
While the two of them had once been nearly equal in most fields of magic, with the exception of Charms and DADA, Lily had suddenly improved to the point that it was almost impossible to even attempt to keep up in EVERY class they shared. Also, while he had suspected that she might be somewhat attracted to Potter, she had suddenly all but thrown herself at him and become his girlfriend.
As Severus was coming to his own conclusions, Mary said abruptly, in a ice-cold tone of voice as she crossed her arms, "Well? If you're really from the future, tell us about it. Also, please explain how that future was SO bad that you had to come back. Lastly, WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LILY!?"
Severus watched as Lily bit her bottom lip nervously, then looked guiltily at him, before replying quietly, "In my future, there was no Terranum, and you and Severus never became friends. You-Know-Who rose to power starting in our sixth year, and the only people fighting were those in the Order of the Phoenix and the Ministry; with the Order outnumbered badly and the Ministry under the control of incompetents like Bagnold, we were getting slowly but surely ground into dust..."
Lily then swallowed before continuing, "Many people died fighting, or just because they were hated for their heritage; I ended up dying to protect my son, Harry Potter, when Voldemort himself came to kill us all because of a prophecy... Afterward, I was sent back to try and change what happened by changing the past by...I can't say..."
While Lily then explained that she didn't know what had happened to her counterpart in this reality, Severus' eyes widened as he tried to imagine a world without a friend such as Mary in his life; even though it had only been just over a year since they became friends, it was almost impossible to even think of a time with him and her not being friends.
It was the same way as with Lily. He had grown so close to both of them over the past year that the thought of losing either one of them was comparable to thoughts of losing one of his arms... Speaking of which...
"Lily, what happened to all of us in that time-line? You said that Mary and I never became friends, but what else happened? Were we OK...?"
Lily continued looking at him, guilt filling her eyes to the brim as she wrapped her arms around herself as if for protection, then said, "We had a falling out..."
"We had a falling out..."
After saying this, Lily looked at Mary with a pleading expression on her face; understanding immediately, Mary then walked out the door outside the shed they were in. Upon shutting the door behind her, she walked a bit further away so that she could be sure that she wouldn't overhear, as she knew that this conversation was one which was best kept private.
In hindsight, what Lily had told them made sense, even though she had clearly left out a fair bit. It explained why Lily had changed so radically about a year ago, as she had seemed to go from being attracted to yet disgusted by James Potter to clearly being in love with the man. It also explained why her spellwork had suddenly surpassed that of even some of the teachers...
Mary then looked into the swiftly darkening sky as she sat down in the middle of the overgrown field, eyes beginning to water as she realized just how close she had come to making the biggest mistake of her life in that shed. '...And I nearly killed her... I was the one who nearly killed one of my two best friends in the world, and if Severus hadn't shouted, I would have used the killing curse on her...'
Mary then broke into tears; she had been so scared when Lily had nearly impaled Severus that she had let her protective instincts get the better of her when it happened again. If Severus had been a second too late, then she would have done something that she would never be able to undo...
'I hope that I never make a mistake like that again, ever...'
Lily's throat went dry after Mary left, and she could barely look at Severus without feeling like scum, her eyes pleading with him to understand as she told him her tale in a hoarse, guilty whisper,
"Do you remember how, back in fourth year it appeared that we were growing apart at first? Well, in my time-line, we kept drifting apart; you drifted closer to your Slytherin friends and I to my Gryffindor ones, and we started arguing more and more whenever we talked."
She swallowed, then continued in a voice that was less hoarse, but equally remorseful, "It really started to show the first, and in that time-line only, time that Black tried to have you killed using Remus Lupin's werewolf form. I was annoyed with you for being so ungrateful that James had rescued you, and when you hinted to me that there was more to the story than just the rumors I refused to listen. Also, when you compared the Marauders to your friends, I completely missed the point and only focused on your friends' use of Dark magic while acting like a total hypocrite."
Lily paused, then said quietly as she looked up at him, "Mind you, you also refused to listen to me about your friends and the Death Eaters, but I was acting worse I think; I wanted to believe that you were just being paranoid about what you were saying about Potter and being ungrateful by comparing him to 'scum' like how I thought your friends were. You were dropping anvil-sized hints throughout the conversation as to how James hadn't really been as good as he appeared, but I choose to ignore them..."
As Severus frowned at her, Lily continued although she felt lower than dirt, "...Things didn't improve from then, only getting worse as we each refused to listen to each other as we both drifted apart. It is understandable in hindsight, as Mulciber seems to care a great deal for your friendship even if he shows it in a very evil way, but I didn't understand how Mulciber could be your friend when he treated my friends so poorly and I'm sure you felt similarly about the my Gryffindor friends and I..."
Severus then cleared his throat, before saying uncomfortably, "It was mostly because I couldn't see how you could even think anything good about people who would beat me up, when none of my friends ever attacked you. Now that I've gotten to know some of your Gryffindor friends, or former Gryffindor friends I suppose, I can see why you would like them even if they always laughed at me. You liked them because they were generally good people, even if they did something you disliked..."
Lily smiled slightly at his giving her the benefit of the doubt, but it faded fast as she said, "Things got really bad in fifth year, although we both pretended that everything was still fine; I was starting to believe that you had changed into a person that I...didn't want to be friends with anymore..."
As Severus looked at her with hurt eyes, Lily continued, hoping to explain and trying desperately take away the pain in his eyes, "You started calling just every Muggleborn but me a 'Mudblood', and were clearly very interested in the Dark Arts and joining the Death Eaters. I ignored it though, pretending that everything was alright to you... Finally, at the end of the year, the 'incident' happened..."
Severus said nothing, and Lily pushed the words out of her mouth in an effort to explain, hating this moment most of all, "It was just after the DADA O.W.L.s, and you were reading by yourself while I played by the water with my Gryffindor girlfriends, Mary and Sabrina; James then attacked you from behind, hexing you, and I came to your defense only for you to call me a 'Mudblood in repayment for saving you. At least, that's what I felt happened at the time..."
She then said quietly, meekly, as Severus looked at her questioningly, "It actually wasn't until much later that I found out how it had appeared, and ironically Mary was the one to do it; you see, while you were on the ground choking on soap bubbles from one of James' hexes, I was bantering with him as to why I didn't want to date him at the time. While you were being humiliated in front of me, with everyone laughing, I was flirting with the man who was humiliating you! I didn't mean to do it, mind you, but I did it all the same."
Severus sat down and looked away, and Lily walked over so that she could see him, barely realizing that the ropes had somehow vanished. After a few moments, she continued as she put her arm on his shoulder, trying to comfort him and comfort herself at the same time,
"The night afterward was perhaps the defining moment of the difference between what our friendship was and what it should have been; you came up to Gryffindor tower, begging me for forgiveness, clearly remorseful for your actions. You were truly repentent, and knowing what I do now, I think that I could have probably made you crawl for fire if it would buy you my forgiveness and you would have done so. If there was anything that could have been done at that moment to save our friendship, then I think that you would have done it..."
Lily withdrew her arm, wrapping both of them around her chest as she sat down next to him and looked away; she then said bitterly, "I didn't do that; I was so hurt by what you had done and what I had thought had happened that between it and the problems we had been having, I just couldn't take it anymore and gave up..."
As tears started to fill Lily's eyes, she spoke in a voice that was filled with the same crushing guilt she felt, "I cruelly threw your apology in your face and said that I couldn't pretend anymore, then said that I could no longer be friends with you, that it was time we went our seperate ways."
Lily didn't even have to look at Severus to know that he was disappointed in her, and that he felt utterly betrayed by what she had told him; it was a sign of how close that they had gotten over the past year. She waited a few minutes, hoping that he would say something, anything but this dreadful silence; finally, realizing that he wasn't going to speak, she said while hiccuping,
"Afterward, I regretted how it had ended and considered asking if I could be your friend again many times, provided that you stop your 'mad desires' to join the Death Eaters. However, whenever you saw me, you would look at me in such a way that I couldn't bring myself to ask; I thought it was anger at the time, and it might have been, but I think now that you were looking at me in hurt. You had never told me, but you were deeply in love with me...something that is now completely obvious to me in hindsight, and I had broken your heart..."
Severus just sat there, and Lily continued in a rush, desperately wanting to get to the end of this sordid tale before her tears escaped her eyes, "You ended up joining the Death Eaters, with me marrying James and joining the Order while becoming an Auror. Although you never committed any atrocities to my knowledge, you took out quite a few of the Ministry Aurors, including several of my own friends. Finally, you stumbled upon a prophecy and relayed it to You-Know-Who..."
After pausing to take a breath, Lily kept speaking, her voice slowly growing nostalgic as she said, "...Upon finding out that the prophecy, which referred to a child who could kill You-Know-Who, meant me, James and Harry... You first begged Voldemort to spare me, then went over to Dumbledore and promised him that you would do anything he wanted in return for him keeping me and my family safe, even becoming a spy for the Order for my sake..."
Lily looked at Severus and smiled sadly as her tears began to sting her eyes, then spoke, "Unfortunately, even though you tried to save me with all your heart, the girl who had broken yours...my family and I were all betrayed to our deaths by Peter Pettigrew... Still, when I found out about it a short time ago, I was overcome with gratitude. You had loved me so much that even though I had rejected you so painfully, you had done everything you could to save me and my family..."
She wanted to continue, explaining everything, but she got all choked up and she could only sob brokenly; she then felt Severus' arms around her, pulling her back into his warm chest as she continued to cry. Finally, he said quietly, pressing her head to his neck while doing so,
"Do you know one of the reasons that I've always forgiven you when you pull some stupid stunt or put your foot in your mouth, Lily? It's because I believe that you never intentionally try to hurt me, even when you do. I think that maybe he forgave you because he realized how much you regretted our friendship's end as well."
He paused for a moment, then said softly, "Besides, although you may have made a mistake in your first time around, I could not wish for a better friend than you have been in this time-line. Even when I rejected you, you didn't give up on our friendship in this reality." He then hugged her closer to him and continued, "Lily, I love you for what you are and have been to me, not for what you think you are..."
Lily didn't want to feel better, wanting instead to feel the pain she thought she deserved to feel, but she couldn't help but to relax in Severus' comforting embrace as she felt a little less sad thanks to Severus' words...
Author's Note: Some things to keep in mind: Lily does NOT know about how Severus first asked for only her safety from Dumbledore, although I personally suspect that that was more of a priority thing than Severus actually wanting the rest of the Potters in danger, although I cannot say that is the case for sure.
Also, as may be obvious, Lily is going through quite a bit of self-hatred in this chapter and other recent ones about how she feels she treated Severus. It's basically what happened with Sabrina and Mulciber, but far bigger as she knows that she will never be able to repay her original Severus for what he has done for her.
Don't be afraid; this is not a one-chapter confession, as Lily has quite a bit more that she needs to say and get off her chest before she feels she can even consider forgiving herself. It's really quite a good thing that she has Sev there to help her...
I don't know if this chapter is too sappy or not, but I hope that it's OK, as I generally try to avoid doing sappy...
On a offtopic, remember that Mary is an Auror under Crouch, so using the Killing Curse is A'OK for her legally...
