Chapter 54:
Shouldn't trust... shouldn't trust her... shouldn't...
Doesn't understand what game she's playing... Doesn't understand what she's doing...
Sounds like she means it. Always... always sounds like she... sounded like it when... when she got him to tell... tell her all those... all those things... when he told her about... and thought she... thought it was al... alright because she... wouldn't... wouldn't...
Shouldn't trust her... only... only...
Doesn't know what else to do... Nowhere else to go anymore... nowhere else. Doesn't want to go anywhere else anyway. Doesn't want to leave, doesn't want... doesn't want her to...
Says she'll marry him. Says she'll be his wife... sounds so much like she means it... Says she didn't mean... didn't mean what she said before... said she was s... sorry...
Can understand that, guesses. Happened... happened to him all the time... Meant one thing, only always came out all wrong and...
Want's... want's to believe her. Wants to trust her. Doesn't...
Doesn't make any sense, that she was lying... lying the whole time they were... doesn't make sense... No reason for her to... and she was... the way she... she touched him and... and talked to him and... doesn't see how all of that could have been a... a lie... Doesn't see... Wouldn't agree to... to marry him if...
"You know you've got a bad temper Vegeta." Raditz says. Sees him standing there, over Bulma's shoulder. "You overreact a lot of the time. Remember?"
"He's right little man. You've always had that problem. You know how you lose it." Nappa tells him, standing next to Raditz. "Don't fuck this up. She's the best thing that's ever happened to you. You know that."
Knows it...
Knows it...
Doesn't want to lose it...
Doesn't want to lose her... Wants it... wants this to be real... wants to believe...
"Please Vegeta." Hears her. Tears in her voice, and clinging to him so tightly. Warmth of her tears against his shoulder. "Please, forgive me. I love you so, so much. I want to marry you. I want that so much. Don't lose faith in me. I'm begging you..."
Can't... can't lose faith in you... thinks... he can't... doesn't matter what his brain tells him, he can't...
Can't...
Reaches up, wraps his arms around her and feels so... feels so good, he can't...
Feels her squeeze him back and can't stop the stupid sounds he makes... can't stop the stupid, ugly crying. Presses his face against her shoulder. Too relieved... too relieved to even care if he looks stupid...
"D-don't lie to me..." chokes out. "P-please... don't... don't lie to me..."
Everyone always... always lying to him... telling him things which weren't... weren't true... Doesn't want... doesn't want her to be like all the rest... all the others who...
"I won't." Hears her say. "I swear on my life Vegeta, I won't ever, ever lie to you. Oh, my beautiful man. I love you so much."
Holds her back. Can't say... can't say anything else. Voice trapped in his throat... won't work anymore... Can only hold on to her, terrified to let her go...
Thinks if he ever does the whole world will fall away from under him...
Thinks then he'll fall forever into nothing, nothing, nothing...
/
"Is he alright?" Panchy asks her daughter as she comes out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind her.
She had come back with Vegeta a few minutes earlier, the young man clinging to Bulma as though his very life depended on it, and taken him into her bedroom, where they had both been for several minutes before Bulma had finally emerged. Panchy had felt herself taken aback by the state of him. His skin, hair and clothes had been laden with thick dust, the evidence of tears plain by the tracks running down his cheeks, cutting through the dirt, his eyes bloodshot, though he hadn't been crying.
And his hands...
His hands had been a bloody mess, the knuckles torn open and bleeding sluggishly, bruising evident even through the smear of it.
Panchy had recognized that. Recognized the damage done when someone in an emotional state had struck at something hard with their bare hands. He might even have broken knuckles, she thinks. She would have to take a look herself to know for certain, but...
Oh, that poor young man.
Panchy had known something awful had happened when she'd heard that explosion somewhere in the distance, and then Bulma had come running past her in such a panicked condition, yelling back to her that it was Vegeta before taking off after him.
She had been so relieved when the two of them had come back, more or less whole, but...
Panchy knows that wasn't entirely true.
Vegeta was...
Oh, he was such a hurt young man.
Panchy recognized that too. She saw reflected in him the same broken children she had worked with all those years ago. All those boys and girls who had come from such awful circumstances, leaving them wrecked and traumatized, prone to violent outbursts and hysterical states. They had all come from broken homes, or no homes at all, left from a young age to fend for themselves on the streets or within a government system which didn't care for them at all. She recognized all of that in Vegeta, only somehow she knew for him it was maybe even worse.
Bulma had told her some things. She knew he had been a child soldier.
Panchy could scarce imagine anything worse befalling a child. The things he must have seen... must have been exposed to...
She knew also that the man who had forced Vegeta into that life had been of a cruel and sadistic temperament, and though Bulma had shared few details with her, it didn't take much for Panchy to come to the conclusion that Vegeta had suffered abuse at that man's hands. He displayed all of the classic signs of someone who had been severely ill treated. Who had been terribly neglected and denied any sort of privilege or benefit.
It had often come into Panchy's head that maybe she should talk to the young man. Try to offer him some counseling, the way she had to those boys and girls in her days of volunteering. But she'd decided against it, not wanting to interfere in Bulma's relationships. Her daughter knew, if she wanted her help, her mother was always there to offer it.
But there was little doubt in Panchy's mind that Vegeta did need counseling, of some kind.
Her daughter's grim face upon emerging from the bedroom only reaffirms it.
Bulma had been crying too, her own eyes red and tears drying on her cheeks. She looks exhausted, and unsteady.
She shakes her head.
"Not really Mom." She answers honestly, her voice horse and quiet. "I really fucked up this time with him. I really... I really messed things up bad."
Panchy figured something had happened between them. Some sort of fight, maybe, and she nods.
"Is he sleeping?" She asks carefully.
Bulma shakes her head again.
"I don't think... I just... I told him to rest for now, and I left him lying on the bed. I've got to do something for his hands though. They're all messed up. He... I think he might've broken them."
Tears well in Bulma's eyes, streaming down her face, and she wipes them away.
"Oh, darling..." Panchy steps to her, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into a hug. "We'll take care of that. He's going to be alright."
Bulma clings back to her, sobbing openly against her shoulder.
"I d-don't... I don't know if he is Mom!" She cries. "I screwed up so badly with him th-this time. Th... the things I said were so awful, and I didn't m-mean any of it. But he al-always... always takes everything so to... to heart and..."
Panchy shushes her, kissing the crown of her head.
"It's okay darling. It's okay. Just take a deep breath and tell me what happened. Alright?"
Bulma nods, continuing to cry for several, long minutes before she at last seems to compose herself, wiping again at her eyes and letting Panchy go.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... to cry all over you." She says, embarrassed, and Panchy reaches out, cupping her daughter's cheek, turning her face to look up at her.
"What do you think mother's are for, you silly girl?" She smiles softly at her, and Bulma laughs, the sound fragile.
"You're amazing Mom." She starts, and Panchy waves her off, shaking her head.
"Oh, I'm just trying to help my youngest daughter. So, are you going to tell me what happened that's causing so much drama?"
Fresh tears well in Bulma's eyes at the question, and she begins talking rapidly, almost frantically in explaining.
"Vegeta proposed to me. Or... or he was going to propose to me, but I... I messed it all up. It was just he was acting so weird, and I thought... I-I thought something was wrong, so I started badgering him to tell me what it was, and he got upset, and then I thought it was getting out of control, so I started to tell him I was just worried because he'd been through so much and then we got into a fight because... because he told me I didn't know anything about what... what he'd been through, and so then I got so angry, because I thought we'd built up all this trust between us, and he'd told me all of these... all of these awful things about his past, and I just... I was so mad, and I told him... I... I made it sound like it was some kind of awful burden on me, to have to listen to him talk about his childhood. I didn't mean it like that, gods, I never meant it like that. But... but that's how it sounded. Like I was j-just... just tolerating having to listen to him, like I didn't want to and he... he thought that meant I didn't care... didn't care about him. He took it to mean... oh, gods, Mom, if you had s-seen him out there, he was so... so hurt... he was just... j-just sobbing and h-hitting the ground over and over with his bare... his bare fists. I don't think he even knew what he was doing. I don't think he realized how much he was h-hurting himself. And it's my... it's my fault. It was like he was s-scared of me when I tried to touch him. Like he thought I was going to hurt him, and, oh gods, I just can't... can't..."
Panchy holds onto her, unable to keep the tears from her own eyes now.
Oh, when Bulma had said Vegeta was going to propose to her, for a moment, she had felt her heart leap with such joy and excitement. What had been meant to be a happy occasion, the happiest of occasions, had instead turned into so much heartache, and neither her daughter nor that brave young man deserved it. They both deserved that happiness, that joy.
"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. This should have been a happy moment. That sweet man wants to marry you!"
"I know." Bulma cries, wiping at her face again. "I know, gods, I... he was just... just nervous because... I mean, I'm the only woman he's ever... e-ever been with, ya know...? So he was nervous. He probably never... never even asked a girl out before, let alone..."
"I know." Panchy says, taking hold of her daughter's hands, squeezing them gently. "Oh, honey, I know the circumstances aren't what you would want, but... congratulations. Vegeta is such a good man, and I know you've never loved another boy the way you love him. I'm so proud of the both of you!"
Her daughter can only nod, and Panchy puts her arms around her again, letting her cry into her shoulder once more.
They stand together like that for long minutes, until Bulma at last begins to calm, her tears beginning to dry.
"I... I don't know if I'm crying because I'm happy or sad." She half laughs, though her voice isn't really in it.
"Maybe a little bit of both." Panchy answers, her heart aching for her baby girl. "It's okay to be both sweetheart. It's just been one of those days. Now..." she finally pulls back from Bulma, holding her face in her hands. "what do you say we go and see to that boy's hands? Hmm?"
/
"My mom's just here to take a look at your hands baby." Bulma tells Vegeta, keeping her voice quiet. "Is that okay?"
They'd found Vegeta still sitting on the bed where she'd left him a few minutes earlier, his back pressed against the headboard, knees brought to his chest and arms around them, face hidden against their tops.
He'd looked so small to Bulma in that moment.
He always had such a huge presence to her. Demanding all her attention whenever her eyes fell on him. But it was like she was really noticing for the first time just how little he was. She's always known, of course, objectively, that he was physically small. But something about his demeanor... the way he was holding himself... it seemed to underscore it then...
He looked so vulnerable, and abruptly the thought of others bullying and abusing him had come into Bulma's head... Men two, three, four times Vegeta's size, making his torture into their idea of sport.
She can't bear to think of it now, trying to force the thoughts from her head as she kneels in front of him, wiping gently at his face with a wet washcloth, trying to clean some of the dirt away.
Mom is standing beside her, not moving, waiting, apparently, for Vegeta's okay before touching him.
Bulma doesn't think she'll ever be able to thank her mother enough for the kind of support and understanding she'd shown Vegeta since his coming here. Nor for her words of wisdom which she had offered every time the two of them had run into problems, some of which had at one point or another made Bulma feel like their relationship couldn't go on.
Her mother's kindness towards Vegeta was something she would be endlessly grateful for.
Vegeta nods weakly, his eyes fixed on the carpet, and Mom takes that as her cue to move forward.
She'd practiced nursing, Bulma knows, back when she'd been in her early 20s, before she'd even met Dad, and was an ace at setting bones, treating wounds and wrapping bandages. She'd been an indispensable help all those times when Vegeta had pushed himself too far and ended up hurting himself somehow.
She kneels in front of Vegeta now, reaching out with her delicate, refined fingers, taking hold of his left hand. His thick fingers, wide, calloused palms and scarred up skin looks particularly rough next to her smooth, blemish free skin. His knuckles are a serious mess. Torn to shreds and still bleeding sluggishly.
Mom carefully pokes and prods at them, feeling the joints and bones. Vegeta's face is tight and stoic, and Bulma can tell he's in pain. But he makes no sound, no complaint or protest.
"Does this hurt sweetheart?" Mom asks softly, looking up at Vegeta.
Bulma sees him swallow thickly, his face still without any outward sign of expression.
"... A little." He confesses after a moment. "They're broken." He adds bluntly.
Mom nods, turning her eyes back to what she's doing.
"Yes, I'm afraid that's the case." She says. "I suppose we'll have to set and wrap them. But we should probably get these cuts cleaned up first."
For a moment a look of frustration passes over Vegeta's face, but it's gone a moment later, and he simply nods, his eyes not looking at either Bulma or her mother, locked still on the carpet.
"I'll just go get the first aid kit, and leave you two alone for a moment." Mom smiles at Bulma as she pushes herself to her feet, and Bulma half smiles back, nodding at her in appreciation.
She waits until she and Vegeta are alone before turning back to him, raising up and leaning in, kissing him gently against his cheek, and then his temple, knowing how he hated it when she kissed him in front of people.
"Are you alright?" She asks. He still hasn't looked at her, and he's even more quiet it seems than usual. After seeing him crying so openly out there in the desert, it has her concerned, that he's again withdrawn.
He nods, his eyes flashing up to her briefly before looking away again.
Bulma wants to press, but she checks herself. Badgering him now was probably the worst thing she could do.
"We should probably get you cleaned up and into some new clothes." She says instead. "After Mom takes care of your hands."
"... That... that was stupid of me. I sh-shouldn't have... I wasn't thinking..." he trails off, sounding ashamed, and Bulma takes hold of his wrists, squeezing gently.
"Hey, look at me." She says, and he hesitates only a moment before at last lifting his eyes to her. They're still red, lines of stress pinching the skin around them, and Bulma has to fight to keep her voice from shaking. "Don't do that to yourself. Don't beat yourself up. What happened was my fault, because I'm my careless, stupid words. Do you understand?"
He shakes his head, looking away from her again, wiping at his eyes.
"No, I... I said you don't know... what I've been through and that isn't... that's not true. That wasn't right of me to say to you. All I ever do is... is tell you fu-fucked up things about my life and then get angry when... when you think something's wrong. I'm so fucked up. I can't... I j-just wanted it to be nice... I wanted to ask you to... I had this s-stupid idea... but I can't even do that right. I can't... do anything right. I fucked it all up again. I always f-fuck it all up..."
Tears burn in Bulma's eyes. She shakes her head, pushing forward and throwing her arms around him.
"No," she says. "don't say that. Don't say that Vegeta. It isn't true. Baby, you have to know that isn't true. Oh it hurts me so much when you say things like that. Please don't. Don't Vegeta."
She cries against his shoulder, unable to help it. She knows this is probably the last thing he needs. He was the one who was in so much pain. Who had had his feelings so carelessly stepped on and betrayed by her ignorance. But to see him blame himself for it was too much for her. She couldn't take it. She couldn't...
"Please..." she begs him again and again, desperate and scared. She doesn't want him to hurt himself anymore. She doesn't want that. Please, god...
And suddenly she feels his arms around her, squeezing her back, his hand resting against the back of her head, his lips pressing against her crown, and he's trying to comfort her, she realizes.
What awful irony, she thinks, that he should be trying to comfort her, when she was the one who had done him such horrible injury.
But she can't convince herself to turn the comfort away, feeling so completely warm in his hold. Not when it feels like it's the safest place in the world to her.
No place else she'd rather be.
No place better...
/
AN: Thank you so much again to all my readers and reviewers! I saw the new trailer for Dragon Ball Super: Broly, and I'm so excited! It looks amazing and I can't wait!
