Bad: Shepard

"I didn't grow up hungry, or fending for myself. My parents were there for me when I was a kid, and I knew they loved me. No one died in a tragic accident. My relatives were part of my life: Mom's family on Earth during the summer, Dad's family for Christmas and Easter. I didn't like school, because no kid likes school, but no one really bullied me. When I started dating, I pretty much only dated good guys. No one's ever hit me. I knew I wanted to be a soldier, and I enlisted with the Alliance as soon as I finished school. Later, after I'd been trained, people decided I was a good enough soldier to be sent to N-school, and made a Spectre, but thousands of other people have made that cut.

"Anyone could do what I've done. If someone else with a little bit of luck had stumbled into the messes that made me famous, they'd be commanding the Normandy. I'm too lazy to be special, Liara." Shepard smiles a little.

"I'm not that smart, I'm not good with tech, I'm not mysterious, I'm not a biotic, I'm not incredibly good-looking. I'm boring. Even my issues…I say the wrong thing a lot, I hate talking about my feelings, and sometimes I feel guilty about being alive when I've killed so many people, but none of that's unique.

"I don't want to hurt you. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. You're smart, and kind, and y'know, beautiful, all of that. You're special. You can find someone else, no problem. Someone better than me. Someone who wants what you want. Trust me, this is for the best. Trying to put off the inevitable only means we'll end up hurting more later. At least this way, maybe we can still be friends?"

The soldier winces. "I know how that sounds, but I really would hate it if we weren't friends anymore."

Her words don't even have a chance to hang in the air.

"Liara's sort of a… feminine sounding name, don't you think?" Admiral Shepard comments.

Shepard stares down at the datapad in horror. "Maybe?" she yelps. "Do you think so? Funny! You know I never really thought about that! Let's talk about the speech! Was it okay?"

"Well, I don't think any man really appreciates being told he's beautiful." Her mother crosses her arms. "Try telling him he's handsome. Or that you're not interested in men."

The commander winces. "Mom, I—"

"I don't like being treated like an idiot, Baby."

"Sorry, ma'am."

"I'm a little hurt. I can't believe you never told me that you were—"

"I'm not!" The younger woman stares to the left of the datapad as she mumbles, "Liara is an asari. Technically they're mono-gendered."

"Technically, my eye. The asari look just like women."

"I know, but I'm not…." Shepard bites her lip. "I never even thought about women at all before this, Mom."

"You liked this girl enough to switch teams, and you're going to break up with her using that terrible speech? Are you sure you don't secretly hate her?"

"It was that bad?"

"Baby, it was horrible. Nothing you said was true. You may not be a genius, or a model—especially not with that new scar on your face, when are you going to learn to wear a helmet—but you're smart enough to know your limits. You've got guts. You're sweet, and honest, and good, and you try so hard. You never asked to be anything but a grunt, but when life throws you curveballs, you handle it. And you handle it better than anyone else could. Liara can't do better than you.

"Plus, you never end a breakup speech by asking to stay friends. Unless you want her to shoot you. Do you want her to shoot you?"

Even though she feels miserable, Shepard chuckles. "No."

"Well then don't tell her she's too good for you, and don't tell her that you hope you can still be friends. Why are you breaking up with Blueberry anyway? Did you realize that your feelings for her weren't strong enough to overcome the fact that the plumbing's wrong?"

"Mom!" She can't remember the last time she blushed like this. To make matters worse, now she's thinking about Liara's 'plumbing.' "That's not it. I just—"

"You just what?"

"I really like her, Mom. Take-her-to-the-Orizaba-and-introduce-her-to-the-admiral like her."

"Not to sound dismissive, but that's not really a problem."

"No, I mean, I really like her. And she… likes me, but not—I rescued her once, so I think it's sort of a hero-worship thing for her. She doesn't like me enough to want to spend, you know, a long time with me. Or, um," this conversation should not be happening, "kids?" Shepard's voice sounds like something that should be coming out of a mouse. She can't even look her mother in the eye. "See? It's too serious. What I want. What I want is too serious, because she's young for an asari. Early-twenties young.

"Plus, she's never really been with anyone before, you know? I'd be her first. And I'm terrified that if I sleep with her, she'll be done with me. I don't want her to leave me."

"So… you're going to break up with her because you're afraid she'll leave?" The smile on Admiral Shepard's face is gentle, concerned, and more than slightly amused. "Oh, my Baby, you've got it bad, don't you?"

"What do I do, Mom?"

"You haven't said any of this to her, have you?"

"Of course not."

"Oh, so she told you up front that she's only using you for sex?"

"What? No!"

"What am I missing? The way I see it, you want to spend the rest of your life with an asari who doesn't know that you feel that way, and you have no idea whether she's serious about you. Are you going to break up with her because you're assuming she's a floozy?"

"What? She's not a—you don't even know her! Did you miss the part where she's never had sex before? Liara takes everything seriously! God, Mom, you sound completely racist!"

"Not me," the admiral protests, "Your plan sounds racist. I can tell you used to work for Cerberus."

"I never—"

"That was a joke. Just talk to the girl, Baby."

"But I don't really—"

"It's simple. Either you care about her enough to undergo the horrible torture of telling her that you're serious about her and you love her—"

"I never said that!" Shepard protests.

Her mother ignores the interruption. "—or you don't, and it doesn't matter what you do, because you aren't actually in love with her, so she can't hurt you."

"I never said—"

"Cut the crap, Baby!" Admiral Shepard snaps. "Look out a window! The world is ending. You're on the front lines of this war. You're sitting up in your stateroom because you got stabbed through the gut the other day! I don't care if Liara is an asari, an NCO, or a whistling chocolate bar! If you love her, you tell her!"

Shepard nods.

"Couldn't hear you, soldier. Are you going to go talk to your girl?"

"Yes ma'am."

"I said are you going to go talk to your girl?"

"Ma'am! Yes ma'am!"

"Damn right you are. Although, see if you can get her to come to you. You're not supposed to be moving around too much. I saw the reports—you stay in that bed until your ship's doctor says you're ready for active duty.

"And remember, if she turns you down, she's an idiot, and you can always accidentally push her out an airlock. Accidents happen in space. Although you're a Spectre, so I guess it wouldn't even have to be an accident."

"Heh. Thanks, Mom."

"I love you, Baby."

The commander blinks. They don't usually say it so directly. Before a ground mission, she tells her mother not to lose her stupid dog tags, and Big Shepard promises to bring her daughter back a rock. It really must be the end of the world.

"I love you too, Mom."

"See?" the admiral smiles. "Shepards can say it. It's not that bad."