A/N: Last update before midterms. Thanks to Ryu-chan the Koorime for being the only one to point out that I stole the newscasters from Family Guy.

Thanks to RoRo for editing. Let's count shoulders!

Disclaimer: Should I take these things seriously? They seem pretty superfluous.

Scrumdidileeumptious

Chapter 49

Bonbon's Wrath

-Bonbon's P.O.V.-

I'm a cat. I'm a kitty cat cat. And I do not dance.

I was born in a Pet Co in a large mall in northern California. When I was eight weeks old, I was put up for sale at a special discount because the store owner hated me. His name was Pablo and he was superstitious; terrified by my sleek, black coat. With my siblings, who were also black, I waited to be purchased.

My siblings were sold separately to assorted occult worshippers who loved that fact that we were a litter of pure black kittens until, finally, I was the only one left. I curled up in my cage for the night and wished that someone would buy me in the morning. I didn't want to spend even one more day with Pablo.

Pablo was an absolute freak. As he filled my food bowl, he kept glaring at me, clearly afraid I would attack him. I could smell his fear (and his stale body odor). It was starting to get seriously annoying. I hoped I'd be out of this accursed place soon.

The next day, I watched a fourth grade girl and her parents buy the tabby cat next door for twice the price I was listed at. The little girl had been considering me earlier, but her dad had insisted that I was the runt of my litter, and that I was bad luck, and, look, sweetie, isn't this cat much more playful looking? I am not the runt of my litter!

I glared at her dad as his daughter cradled her new pet. She gave me one last sympathetic glace before she skipped off with her parents. Another happy family completed, and I was still here. This is so cliché, I thought, as I sat thinking about all the lonely, unwanted kittens in the world that have had life changing experiences happen to them. However, it seemed my life would be spent here, in a window display, watching the world as I knew it go by, while I was never spared a glance. It was nauseating. I'd never be the Oliver in Oliver and Company.

Just then, as I was contemplating my depressing lack of a future, Pablo opened my cage door to refill my water. I was immediately accosted with his horrendous stench, a peculiar mixture of fear and old-man-who-hasn't-bathed-in-weeks. Without missing a beat I turned on him, unsheathed my claws, and smacked him across the face. Crying out in rage and surprise, he slammed my cage shut only to return moments later and to tape a "Free to Good Home" sign on my window for the public to see. Scarcely a minute later, a black haired boy wearing an eye patch and a goofy grin pressed his nose to the glass and gazed upon me with childlike joy.

I flinched away and backed up to the farthest recesses of my cage. What the hell was this? He was older than the children that normally came to look at the cats, but younger than the parents. Was this what they called a… 'teenager'?

"I'm Tobi, little kitty, and I'm a pirate!" He yelled through the glass at me, his breath fogging my window. "And I am gonna love you!" He amended. My first impression of Tobi was, admittedly, that somebody must have given this child experimental growth hormones.

Five minutes later he had rescued me from Pablo's dungeon, dubbed me Bonbon, and walked out of the store. I was small enough to fit in his hand, so he deposited me into the cozy pocket of his acid-washed jeans. He took me to the mall that I had never before explored to meet his friends.
When we arrived, there were people everywhere. Many of them were smelly. Very few were as attractive as the cute, overgrown five-year-old who had saved me. What was his name again? Oh, yeah. Tobi.

He stopped abruptly just inside the threshold of Sanrio to pull a mechanical box out of his pocket. He looked at it and read something that was on the box's window. "Huh? Pein's back already?" He said aloud, pocketing the box again, turning on his heel, and walking in a new direction.

We arrived at a scene with more humans. One of them was really much cuter than Tobi. He had black hair, like me, and red eyes, the only color I could differentiate, since I'm color blind. I liked this. After Tobi introduced me, I decided to introduce myself to the hunky, handsome human. So I pranced my fine self on over to him, allowed him to pick me up, and licked his cheek. He tasted like Clearasil.

"Cute." The human remarked. Though his voice was apathetic, I could smell his amusement. I rubbed cheeks with him, marking him as my property, and purred. The vibrations from my purring passed on to him and bounced back two fold. He was releasing his own waves.

This human was psychic. I could use this to my advantage. Although I liked him, I didn't trust him. If he ever turned on me, I'd have to take him down. Clawing out his beautiful eyes would be a travesty of the worst kind, though, seeing as they were such a lovely red color. In fact, he was so handsome, that I found it hard to contemplate ways to kill him. I'd just have to kill everybody he ever loved to teach him his lesson….

However, before I could finish my evil plans, some guy who was half black and half grey plucked me from the red-eyed one by the scruff of my neck and held me out to Tobi again. "Return the kitten." He instructed.

I deflated. I knew it was too good to be true.

However, Tobi was a good owner. Instead of returning me, we went to a showing of Avatar and he just hid me in his pocket. Later, he told his friends that he had returned me.

He smuggled me into his dorm, and when the other humans finally found out about my presence, it was too late to get rid of me. All the humans in Tobi's group of friends were male except for one. Among the males, there was one whose skin was the exact same shade as the fish tanks that had stood across the aisle from my cage in Pet Co. He even looked like a fish, but also bore resemblance to one of those Na'vi from Avatar. I felt an uncontrollable urge to worship him. He was a fish (yummy), a Na'vi (Maybe he'll let me ride his Ikran!), and he even shared my hatred of Pablo. Screw liking Itachi, I was in love with Kisame (the Na'vi-fish-man's name).

There was that girl, though. I didn't like her at first. She smelled like Kisame, which meant they were close, and Kisame was mine. There was also that deal with the cat toys. Does she think I'm stupid? I know those aren't real mice, you discriminating bitch! Peacock feather and catnip laced toys can't buy my affection! (Though, technically, I was free…) Then again, despite the fact that she was a weak-willed, loose-lipped tramp that draped herself all over my Kisame any chance she got, she did feed me and clean up my crap. I guess she was my servant. And, hey, that's cool with me.

However, with the passage of time and the happenings of many strange things, I really began to like my servant girl. I wasn't threatened by her presence around Kisame anymore. And if she overstepped her bounds, I already had her murder fully planned out. It'd be fine. She gets too close to Kisame and she gets a lead sandwich. Sure, I didn't actually know how to use the gun I'd sorta- kinda-maybe stolen from Zetsu, who was almost as cute as Kisame, but the fact of the matter was that I had the gun at the ready. Just in case.

However, my servant girl (I think her name is Sakura, but seeing as she's not a handsome male human, I didn't really bother paying attention to her name) also doubled as my body guard. Like Kisame, I had many enemies, and I needed protection. After all, cats are royalty, which makes me a princess. Do you really expect me to fight my own battles when I have human pawns to do it for me? Kisame's enemies were the various Pablos he encountered. My enemies included my servant girl, who was after my Kisame's heart, and… I don't remember his name. He may be a male human, but he wasn't attractive, so I didn't bother knowing it. Kisame often referred to him as the pedo-creeper-snake though, so let's go with that.

Kisame and the other attractive male humans often whispered about how 'that pedo-creeper-snake is after her!' And, seeing as I'm a much more important female in their lives than my servant girl, who is, after all, just a lowly servant, I am sure they're talking about me. I didn't know who pedo-creeper-snake really was, but I'm sure the reason he was after me was because I'm just so fucking awesome. Who wouldn't want me?

As my servant girl, it was Sakuka's… Sakuah's….I forget the name. Anyway, the point is, it is her job to protect me from all possible harm. That included the pedo-creeper snake.

And, so, one day, when I was enjoying a peaceful slumber on my bed, which I sometimes shared with my servant girl (aren't I nice?) the pedo-creeper-snake guy broke into our humble abode. Though he had a man's stature, he had a lady-face. Also, from the scent of his hormones, even from across the room, I could tell he was neutered. However, spayed or not spayed, he reeked of murderous intent.

I dove for Zetsu's bed and waited for my chance to attack. It didn't come. My servant girl defended me valiantly, but, eventually, she fell. How disappointing. And, really, how dare pedo-creeper-snake hurt her? She was my servant! Only I was allowed to kill her (if it became necessary). And then, he left! I mean, I know Deidara (one of Kisame's human friend-slaves) had showed up, but, seriously, didn't you come here to kidnap me? If your will is so weak, you don't even deserve the right to try kidnapping me!

So, I decided to follow him to punish him for being such a pathetic kidnapper. I was a much better villain than him, after all. I'd already done away with that abhorrent Gertrude and plotted the flawless murders of the entire Akatsuki (except for Kisame, of course), should I need to escape. I even had my alibis figured out! Do you know what my alibi is? "Sir, I'm a cat. How do you think I, as a cat, was able to orchestrate an elaborate murder that involved the removal of Hidan's entire heart?" Being a feline had some serious perks. They'd never suspect me…

Anyway, I followed pedo-creeper snake and his smelly midget sidekick outside and hopped, unnoticed, into their van. They began driving. When they got onto the highway, I crouched on the backseat and meowed loudly. The two turned around. They looked… what's that human emotion again? Oh, right, confused.

They looked confused. "Where'd the cat come from?" The four-eyed one asked as pedo-creeper snake refocused on the road.

"Check its tags." Pedo-creeper snake suggested.

"Doesn't have any." Four-eyes said, and made a move to pet me. "Who's cat are you, little guy?" He asked.

I snapped. There were three things wrong with that question.

First of all, I'm a girl.

Second of all, I am my own cat, thank you very much, not somebody else's property!

And, thirdly, HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS BONBON?

I unsheathed my claws, thanked my deity (Kisame) that I hadn't been declawed, and attacked the two bastards.

Five minutes later I hopped out of their totaled van onto the pavement of the 405. I only had one thought on the events leading up to this moment:

Bitches got blood on my paws.

Feeling rather homicidal, I strut forward to one of the cars that had stopped due to the crash. It was a large truck, the same shade of I'm-color-blind-grey as Kisame's skin in the back, and a deep roan color of rust in the front. Inside of it was a male human that smelled a lot like Kisame. He wasn't Kisame-colored and he had lank, white, chin length hair, but he had a Kisame vibe going on. Perhaps it was his sharpened teeth? Next to him, in the passenger's seat was a soulless looking, sort of demonic feeling older human, like an adult, who was darker than the driver, as tall as Kisame, and had a short crop of black hair.

Despite his begrudging, angry face, he seemed nice. I meowed at him happily and he looked over at me, doing my cutest pose, giving him my big ol' kitty eyes, hoping he'd take me home with him so I wouldn't have to sleep outside (I'm a classy, indoor cat, thank you very much). He didn't seem to care at all and brushed me off, turning back to his friend, the one that reminded me of Kisame. Then, something occurred to him and he looked back at me. He opened the door and knelt in front of me, offering his hand. "Here, kitty, kitty." He said, as if he regretted saying the girly words even as they were coming out of his mouth.

"Yo, Zabuza, what the fuck are you doing?" The Kisame-like kid in the truck called from behind the wheel.

Zabu… Zaba… whatever, glanced apathetically over his shoulder. "Give it a rest, Suigetsu." He instructed. "Haku loves cats." He said as he picked me up gently in his giant hands. I struggled a bit, but not too much. I wanted to know more about the Kisame-smelling guy, Suigetsu.

Zabu-whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is got back into the car with me.

"I still don't see why we have to visit Haku in the hospital." Suigetsu muttered angrily under his breath.

"Look, you're the one that wanted me to teach you martial arts. As such, you have to do what I say. And I say we're going to go visit Haku. He just got dumped by Pablo before the accident and could use a friend." The man holding me snarled, as the truck began to move again.

Pablo? I thought angrily.

"You wouldn't visit me if I were in the hospital." Suigetsu pointed out, driving forward, and getting into the carpool lane.

"You're not Haku." Zabu-sauce answered simply, watching the road and petting me absently.

Suigetsu snorted. "We're not going to be visiting anywhere if Big Blue here doesn't hold up." Suigetsu muttered darkly when the old truck sputtered again, patted the steering wheel soothingly, and hoped his ride would make it for just one more journey.

Zabu-sauce was sick of the conversation, and turned on the expensive looking stereo system that was lodged into the crappy dashboard. Honestly, this truck, Big Blue, wasn't worthy of me. I don't do pumpkin carriages. Where was Kisame's sexy Aston Martin DBS car when you needed it? I miss its awesomeness.

-Meanwhile…-

-Sakura's P.O.V.-

Time doesn't exist in hospitals. They tell you a doctor will be just a minute, and it takes him two goddamn hours to show up just to tell me I've got to stay the night. More crap about the damage to my ribs posing a threat to my internal organs, some shit about blood loss, a little more fussing about possible infections. All it chalks up to is a long day in a hospital.

After the morning report, two hours of boredom, and the doctor coming in to tell me nothing, I enlisted Deidara to burn the accursed paper gown while I took a shower in the bathroom attached to my room and changed into shorts and a tank top. Examining my reflection in the mirror above the sink, I glared at the faint dark circles under my eyes and the purple bruises marring my neck. I washed my face and teeth, brushed my wet hair into a perfect pink sheet, and tried not to think.

To not think about Orochimaru, who could be anywhere, possibly in a hospital after a possible car accident, and possibly somewhere else, plotting his next attack–the though made bile rise in my throat.

To not think about Kabuto, and his stupid reflective glasses and obnoxious mannerisms that irritated me to no end.

To not think about the guys just outside the door, waiting for me to return so they can keep being sexy and oh-so freaking willing if my composure happened to slip and I asked them to make me forget about the whole Orochimaru ordeal for the simple purpose of taking the pain away in a way the morphine drip could not. It was wrong to use them like that. They were my friends and I was supposed to love and respect them. Yet, they are too goddamn hot and I'm too goddamn selfish.

Just one, simple, tiny, little kiss could temporarily numb the pain. Set my heart aflutter and my stomach soaring into my throat, distracting me long enough, taking me from being the girl that is the constant target of a crazed pedophile to the girl who was young and reckless and too preoccupied with crushes and love… octagons to even care about anything else. There were some men just beyond that door that could provide, with a simple kiss, a chance for my mind to go completely blank. The only problem was, it was wrong.

I shouldn't kiss someone to distract myself. I should kiss someone because I like him. And I mean like like. To kiss a man for any other reason is manipulation. So when had I become such a manipulator? Dammit, I'm a bitch, aren't I?

I huffed, wished I had mascara with me, and left the bathroom. The boys were eating pancakes for breakfast. However, they were so hungry that they had devoured all of the hospital's pancake stores and been forced to order out from I-Hop. Tobi was sharing some with the twelve year old girl. She was telling him about her troubles with her newly ex-boyfriend, Pablo.

Needless to say, Kisame was terrified of her. He was cowering in a corner, eating his pancakes. Itachi was trying to comfort him, but his helping hand was nearly bitten off when he ventured too close to the blue monster; clearly lost without his kitten, nursing his pancakes and few remaining scraps of manly pride as he whimpered pathetically. Were those tears I saw?

"Don't bother with him," Pein said, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. "He'll be fine."

Without my permission, my lips twitched. Pein was just as sexy as I remembered. Perfect arms that made me shiver in a good way; flawless, lightly tanned skin; creepy eyes under thin orange eyebrows; too many goddamn piercings obstructing his perfect face and ears; an elasticity about him that made him look much younger than twenty-five.

I plopped into the plastic chair next to him. "So, what have you been up to?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Not much," he answered with a shrug. "It's the dead season. Kakuzu's been restless." He explained, pointing to Kakuzu, who was currently glaring at his laptop. "And what about you? Is your life finally settling down?"

I chuckled. "Obviously not. Just as crazy as usual. Though, it's been quite awhile since we've had a spontaneous vacation to tropical paradise."

Pein chuckled nervously back and rumpled my hair, trying to make himself believe that, by comparison to him, I was a child. "We wouldn't want to get you deported again, anyhow."

"We could always just leave Deidara behind, I suppose." I suggested, smirking and shrugging.

"Hey, un!" Deidara snapped, having heard me even though he was across the room, lounging on my bed, reading a magazine.

I stuck my tongue out at him. He rolled his eyes and returned to his reading material.

Pein snickered genuinely this time. "I see you two are getting along as usual." He remarked.

I smiled. "Like a bickering old married couple, of course."

"As if I'd ever marry a crazy broad like you, un." Deidara muttered, taking a bite of his pancakes, eyes trained on his magazine.

I glared at Deidara while Pein laughed.

"Geez, what's a kid like you doing with a boyfriend anyway." Tobi was saying to the girl in the other hospital bed.

"Oh, I'm seventeen." She said, cocking her head so her crop of long, sleek black hair could fall over her shoulder, exposing the long column of her alabaster neck. Her large brown eyes blinked owlishly at me. In a word, she was freaking adorable.

My jaw dropped. Seventeen? "Damn, girl!" I exclaimed, forgetting about Pein completely. "I thought you were twelve."

She turned to look at me, confused. "I'm a boy…"

"Itachi?" I called, never looking away from the so-called boy.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Catch me…" I instructed before falling backwards in a faint.

Itachi faithfully caught me and carried me to my bed. "Looks like a lady…" I was muttering as he laid me down on my pillow, after pushing Deidara, rather rudely, off.

"Yes, yes, Sakura, it's okay. Honest mistake." Itachi comforted me quietly, laying down beside me on the bed so I could curl into his nice-smelling chest.

"My name's Haku." The girl-guy called to me, trying to amend the situation that had arisen.

"Sakura." I answered.

"Itachi Uchiha." Itachi introduced himself as well.

"So, are you two going out?" Haku asked cheerily.

"No… not really…" I muttered, feeling embarrassed. Did I even like Itachi like that? I mean, I loved the guy, and he was hot, but did I have a crush on him or something? I couldn't remember what a crush felt like. I used to think it was when your stomach clenches and your brain does little summersaults of happiness when you see the guy you like, but that happens to me all the time now. The line between friends, and more-than-friends had blurred too much over the past year. There was no longer white and back, just varying shades of grey.

Itachi twitched beside me and I knew he'd heard what I'd thought. "I'm going to get a movie from upstairs." I announced, sitting up, wanting to leave the overcrowded room. The hospital we were in was a pediatric one, and they had a room upstairs with books and movies for patients staying for extended periods of time.

"I can get that for you." Itachi said, sitting up as well.

"No, I want to walk." I insisted, because it was true. I needed to go somewhere and do something.

"Then I'll go with you." Itachi insisted.

I gave in. This was the best it was going to get. "Fine, let's go." I muttered and made for the door.

"Are you sure they're not dating?" Haku stage-whispered to Tobi as Itachi and I left.

Ignoring them, we walked down the hall to the staircase. Walking on my injured leg was a pain in the ass, so I leaned against Itachi and he faithfully put his hand around my waist to support me. "Thanks," I mumbled, blushing and trying not to. Why should I blush? Itachi and I have shared a bed before, not to mention made out on several occasions. However, I knew it. I'm just a sap for random acts of affection. Even a simple, friendly gesture like this had my heart working double time.

Calm down, girl.

It's just… so weird. One minute, I'm being attacked by a pedophile. The next, I'm angsty and self-loathing. And, now, here I am, next to one of the hottest guys in the whole freaking world acting like a five-year-old with a playground crush.

Don't question it. Just… celebrate our good fortune.

You don't get it. You're only ever supposed to like one guy. But, if any of the other guys were here (except Kakuzu, who I can't fucking stand most of the time), being sexy and wrapping their arms around my waist, I'd still be blushing up a storm!

It all reminded me of that one time Itachi had asked me, at the beginning of summer if I liked him, or if anybody would do. I stood by my answer. No, not anybody would do, but that didn't mean only one person would cut it. I liked several boys, at the moment, as way more than friends, but I didn't like everybody. You sure wouldn't catch me dead doing couple-like things with Naruto. I was fickle, but not that fickle.

In this situation, I could conclude two things. I liked Itachi. Itachi liked me. So I threw my concept of 'it's wrong to use people' out the window, pushed Itachi against a wall, and kissed him. Not to make myself forget about the whole Orochimaru thing. Not to make sure I still could feel. Not for any of those selfish bitchy reasons or because I knew Itachi wouldn't complain.

No talking about the feelings we would never have the words, nor balls, to express with words. Just my lips, laying all my cards on the table, as they met Itachi's. I didn't kiss him for consolation, or because he was hot, or for a deeper meaning of any kind. I kissed him because I just, simply, wanted to. It felt damn good to do something of my own free will, to be in control, to kiss Itachi, who I loved in so many different ways. He was free to push me away, but he didn't.

-END CHAPTER-

A/N: Thanks for reading! Ahh, it got deep there for a moment or two, but I hope it was funny enough as well. Please don't be surprised that I'm portraying Haku as gay. We all know it's true. Once again, a special thanks to my wonderful beta, RoRo, who, like me, took time out of studying for midterms for this story. Please leave a review!

Request to reviewers: Please tell me your favorite part of this chapter, if you have one. Also, if you have a favorite line, please tell me which one it is. I'm very curious.