A/N: This chapter might be a little OOC but I hope you'll go with it.


Denial is Not a Solution

Terran Gastronomy, Starbase 23, 2287.160, 1324 hours. They were nearly through with their meal, Se'tak eagerly devouring the last of his burger, when Veren entered the establishment. T'Alora had her back to the door and did not notice his entrance until her sa-kai caught sight of him. He hastily wiped the grease from his hands and mouth and leapt to his feet.

"Veren! It's nice to finally meet you!" he said, one hand extended. T'Alora watched her sa-sugalsu examine it curiously then take it in his own; Se'tak quickly drew him into a one-armed hug. Upon his release Veren extended the ta'al. "Dif-tor heh smusa, Se'tak.*"

"Sochya e dif.*"

He slid into the booth next to her and Se'tak reclaimed his seat. "Thank you for your most warm welcome. It is pleasing to finally meet you as well."

"Pleasing, huh?" Again, he waggled his brow at T'Alora. "So you've told him good things about me. Thanks, T." Se'tak returned his attention to Veren. "Are you hungry? Because there's plenty of vegetarian options and I'm sure…"

"I am not in need of nourishment at this time, thank you." In her mind's eye T'Alora saw that Veren had made a point of eating aboard the ship, not only to allow her more time to visit alone with Se'tak, but also to provide her ample opportunity to release her earlier anger. His plan had worked—to a point. Now she was simply upset with herself for her earlier dereliction of duty.

Throughout the silent exchange Se'tak remained oblivious. "Food on the T'Kara Mol that good, huh?"

"The shipboard offerings are more than sufficient for our needs, yes."

Se'tak pursed his lips to keep from laughing at Veren's straightforward manner, no doubt reminding him of Sa-mekh. "Right," he said with a nod. "So what exactly do you do? Like what are your duties?"

As she silently finished her food she listened to Veren launch into a detailed outline of his responsibilities, Se'tak periodically interrupting to seek clarification or elaboration. They continued on in this manner for the next half hour and in that time T'Alora began to see what a truly gifted communicator her sa-kai was; the conversation flowed freely and Se'tak learned more about Veren than she had in the first six months of their acquaintance. It was nothing short of remarkable.

"And what do you do in your downtime?"

Veren looked to her then back to Se'tak. "I do not understand."

"Downtime? You know, when you're not working? What do you do for fun?"

In the back of her head T'Alora sensed her sa-sugalsu struggling to properly identify what 'fun' was. "I meditate," Veren said. "I exercise. I read…"

"What do you like to read?"

"I read technical journals, news reports, and poetry."

"Any Poe?"

One eyebrow shot up. "I am unfamiliar with this author. Is this a Vulcan poet?"

Se'tak shook his head, grinning. "No, Terran. Edgar Allen Poe. He's different. You might like it."

"I will indeed look into his work."

Her sa-kai took another sip from his glass and set it back on the tabletop. "Ok, you read, you work-out, you meditate. What else?"

"I…" Again, she sensed Veren's hesitation. "I draw."

He draws? Surely he had told her of that particular hobby before only her head was so muddled with exhaustion that she could not recall. T'Alora glanced across the table and saw the amazement she felt written all over sa-kai's face. "You draw?"

"Yes. My mother was also an artist. I prefer to paint, as she did, but our current living quarters aboard the ship are not conducive to such endeavors. I do sketch when the opportunity presents itself, which has been rare on this mission."

Se'tak glanced at her before speaking for them both. "Wow, that's really cool. Does Selas know you like art? Because he's the only artist on our side of the family—T and I can barely make stick figures." An exaggeration—she could sketch more than simple 'stick figures'—however, Se'tak's observation was not far off the mark.

"I have not had a chance to speak with your sa-kai about art; our schedules have been too disparate for any prolonged conversation."

"Yeah, I hear you; half the time I have the same problem. Well maybe some time you two will catch up and swap techniques or whatever."

"Yes," Veren agreed. "That would suit me very well."

Meanwhile T'Alora took a small sip of water to remove herself from the conversation. Her head ached miserably. Darting a glance at her companions she saw that Veren and Se'tak had moved on to other topics, providing the perfect opportunity for her to excuse herself and head toward the washroom. She desperately needed to splash some cold water on her face and breathe in the cool recycled air without drawing undue suspicion.


Se'tak watched his ko-kai go out of the corner of his eye, waiting until she rounded the corner toward the bathrooms before changing topics. "Ok, what's going on?"

Much as he expected Veren remained outwardly unfazed. "Clarify."

"Did you two have a fight or something? Because my sister's been acting weird during lunch but she's been acting weirder ever since you got here; plus she's got huge dark circles under her eyes. Even if she was the kind of girl who wore make-up T wouldn't have been able to hide those so why hasn't she been sleeping? What happened?"

His future brother-in-law canted his head to the side. "What has T'Alora told you about our last mission?"

"Uh, nothing."

"I see." Veren considered the facts briefly before elaborating. "We were in orbit around Dima's Planet; T'Alora went planetside to repair a malfunctioning piece of equipment. She and the landing party were attacked by native creatures causing them to be 'locked in' to their own bodies. In light of this incident your ko-kai has been quite shaken and is not sleeping well." Out of the corner of their eye both men glanced toward the restrooms; T'Alora hadn't emerged. "I have been doing all that I can for her but the emotional ramifications of the attack have only intensified, not lessened. She refuses to seek medical aid and I cannot force her to seek such assistance no matter how hard I try."

Se'tak scoffed ruefully. "No one can force T to do anything—trust me, I've tried."

He sank back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest. T didn't exactly have the best track record when it came to taking care of herself when she was stressed—he knew that firsthand. Glancing up at Veren he suddenly saw how tired-looking he was too. Se'tak felt bad for the guy—he really cared for T and seemed to be trying his hardest to help her. If only she weren't so damn stubborn.

He'd been called that too on occasion. And worse.

Then the thunderbolt struck. "You guys think maybe I could come visit you tonight on the ship? Maybe for dinner?"

"I am certain that such a visit can be arranged." He looked pleased and Se'tak realized he was beginning to read Veren pretty well. He was going to like having another brother around.


After tea and dessert she and Veren returned to the ship together. Permission was granted for Se'tak to come aboard that evening for a tour and a meal. She urged him in the strongest possible terms to arrive on-time and although he promised he would T'Alora knew to meet him at 1805 rather than 1800 hours.

They walked along the corridors in silence, Veren's arm pressing up against hers. She knew he wanted to discuss the morning's events to better understand her and her reaction but she found she did not have the energy for such a discussion. He lingered at the door to her quarters; they had the entire afternoon and evening free. "I believe I will take this opportunity to rest before Se'tak's visit."

She felt rather than saw his disappointment in forestalling their talk but he also felt the decision was wise. "I understand." Discreetly she pressed two fingers to his to demonstrate that there was no lasting damage and that her affection for him remained unchanged. His relief was palpable. "I will see you at 1800 at the starboard portal." With a nod he departed toward his own quarters.

T'Alora felt some light meditation was in order and after changing into loose clothing she settled down on the floor before her asenoi to clear her mind. Staring into the flame she watched it weave back and forth in it's slow, fiery dance; after so many years of practice she expected no less but inexplicably the flame split into two and as she pondered this phenomenon her eyes grew heavy and fell shut of their own accord.


Personal Quarters, T'Kara Mol, 2287.161, 0211 hours. With a gasp T'Alora shot up in her bed, eyes wide and heart pounding. In the darkness beyond she heard a large figure jostle sharply in her desk chair then fall to the floor.

"Computer, lights, 25%," she ordered crisply. Looking to the ground she saw Se'tak covered in spare sheets.

"Don't get mad," he said, hands thrown up in surrender, one blanket half-covering his head. "I was just trying to help."

Her eyes narrowed into hard slits. She did not like the direction of this conversation already. "Clarify."

"Ok." Se'tak slowly picked himself up off the ground and sat back in her desk chair. "Back at the restaurant I asked Veren what was going on." He pushed back his hair and looked up at her meaningfully. "Don't give me that look, I know you and I knew something was up. He told me what happened and said you'd been having trouble sleeping and stuff so I thought I'd help. When you didn't meet up with us at the portal he got worried until I told him what I did; he let me in and we saw you asleep on the floor so we got you into bed. He stayed for awhile but in case you hadn't noticed these rooms are ridiculously small so I told him I'd stay with you 'til you woke up and he could go back to his place and get some shuteye."

T'Alora whipped her blankets off and swung her legs around the side of the bed as he helped himself back into the chair. Her body felt heavy and her reactions were sluggish. "Se'tak," she said in an accusatory tone, "Did you drug me?"

"Yes." She shot daggers at him and resisted the urge to cross her quarters and throttle him. He threw his arms back up in surrender again. "But Veren didn't know anything about it, I swear! I slipped it in your tea when you weren't looking. I was going to do it at dinner but the opportunity presented itself then so I took it."

She leapt to her feet, wavering slightly. "Sa-kai, what do you think gives you the right to…"

"Because I know what you're going through," he interjected. By now the chair Se'tak sat in had been pushed to the farthest possible corner and he had no chance of escape. "And because I know you're too stubborn to help yourself so I did it for you."

T'Alora raised an eyebrow and advanced upon him. He shrank back as much as he could. "Explain yourself, now."

He winced but when he saw that she was not going to strike him he straightened in his seat. "T…" he began, "I know you think what I do is all well-digging and hut building but that's not everything. Do you remember about 4 months ago that big story that broke out at the Quincette Colony in the Bruegger system?" She nodded. Quincette was a human colony that had been struck down by a violent, mysterious illness. Starfleet had been called in to assist and discovered a virulent mutation of the Varicella virus. Approximately 2/3rds of the population were killed. "Well I was there."

Her eyes widened in surprise and Se'tak shook his head. "Yeah. Everyone was getting sick, even the doctors, and nobody knew what was going on. We were closer so Starfleet asked us to step in and help until they could get there. We suited up in full hazmat gear—so I guess we were prepped in that sense—but nothing could've prepared us for what we saw on the surface." Se'tak lowered his gaze to the floor.

"It was bad, T, really, really bad. I don't know what Starfleet was thinking sending us in there—it was like throwing a little dermaplast on a nicked artery, we just couldn't stop the bleeding. We went to work at an elementary school that'd been turned into a hospital and people were everywhere, all of them covered in white pustules and throwing up and moaning and…G-d it was awful. We'd all had training in basic first aid but Quincette needed doctors, real doctors, and no matter what we did everyone around us kept getting sicker and sicker.

"Our third day there our group leader, Charlie, pulled me and my buddy Micah aside for a 'special' detail." Se'tak shook violently at the words and did not speak for several seconds as he fought to keep his composure. "We followed him out about 200 meters past a dusty playing field before the stench hit us. There was an abandoned backhoe nearby; Charlie said someone had dug the ditch but then they'd gotten sick and since they couldn't find anyone else trained on the equipment we'd have to do it by hand.

"It was a mass grave, T'Alora. The bodies were piling up so fast and the infection was spreading so rapidly that there was no other choice. We…we…" His voice shook and his eyes were moist when he finally looked up at her. All T'Alora wanted to do was pull him into a hug but she sensed he did not want that comfort; not yet. "We buried them. Micah actually threw up in his suit halfway through. Someone had already laid out some of the bodies and as long as I live I'll never forget the sight. The worst part was there was this one kid right on top—his body was covered in pox and he couldn't have been more than 10 years old—but the scary thing was that he looked just like Selas.

"I was beyond exhausted that night but I couldn't sleep—every time I closed my eyes I saw that kid and I dreamt he was Selas. He haunted me for weeks!" He ran a hand down his haggard face; suddenly Se'tak looked older than his 21.75 years. "Starfleet finally arrived after we'd been there almost a week. We stayed on 'cause they needed us to—all hands on deck and all. Once the situation got sorted out one of the medics took a look at me and asked what was going on. He was an older guy and I could tell he'd seen some stuff so I told him everything: about the bodies, the grave, the kid.

"And he understood. He gave me his personal comm info, told me to call him whenever I needed to talk, and said he was glad I got help when I did; he'd seen other guys who thought they were tough shit wait a lot longer and get a lot worse before doing what I'd done. Then he got me a prescription for some sedatives to help me sleep. That night was the first time in a month that that kid didn't haunt my nightmares." He looked up at her, eyes still watery, with a small grin on his face. "I think I'll take that hug now, if you're still offering."

She barely gave Se'tak time to stand before wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. Without having been there she could still envision the little boy who resembled their pi'sa-kai lying on a pile of bodies and she shuddered. When he was well enough Se'tak grasped her biceps and looked her straight in the eyes. "What I'm trying to say is denial isn't a solution—not for me and not for you either. You need help; I know it and Veren knows it. We love you but you need to stop being a stubborn idiot about all of this. Go talk to a Healer and see what they have to say so I don't have to knock you out again, ok?"

T'Alora nodded solemnly. "I will."

"Good." He grinned.

She hugged him again but when they broke the embrace she leveled him with her sternest glare. "However, if you ever attempt to medicate me without my knowledge or consent ever again…"

"You'll kick my ass, I know. Veren warned me he would too after I told him what I did and he looks like he'd pack a whallop." T'Alora mentally agreed with Se'tak's assessment. "So," he said, "Since you missed dinner last night how about we go get some breakfast? My treat."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You are going to escort me to my own Mess Hall, are you not?"

Se'tak threw back his head and laughed. "'Course I am! What do you think I'm made of credits?"


That afternoon when her shift was through T'Alora spoke with Healer Ketrick at length about her recent difficulties and was surprised to discover that she was not alone in her travails. He prescribed a light sedative for infrequent use and encouraged her to seek him out should she be troubled in her sleep in the future. No one was more pleased about her decision to seek counsel than Veren.

"While I do not approve of his methods your sa-kai's results are commendable," he declared. Veren also wisely pointed out that she had been placing undue pressure on herself in light of the Dima incident and that no one on the T'Kara Mol thought less of her because of her humanity; indeed, he informed her, they held her and humans in general in higher regard as a result of knowing her and respecting her expertise. After further discussion they turned in for the evening and got their first good night's sleep in 56.37 days.


* "Dif-tor heh smusa, Se'tak" = Vulkhansu, "Live long and prosper, Se'tak."

* "Sochya e dif" = Vulkhansu, "Peace and long life."


A/N 2: Forgot to mention this earlier but next week I'll be posting a new chapter to Selas' story, "Rising Son". I will be alternating between these two stories until the bonding ceremony at which time I'll update all of the kids' stories simultaneously (I'll let you know soon when that will be); so if you don't want to miss anything don't forget to set up your alerts! Thanks!