First off- Polly- thanks for reviewing, I read somewhere that JK Rowling said that Remus's greatest weakness is that he likes to be liked, which is understandable seeing how most of the wizarding world treats him, but it means that he cuts his friends a lot of slack. You'll find out what my theory of how he finally gave into James and Sirius in the next couple of chapters ;) (I'm getting so good at teasing people I should apply for a job at the BBC!) but I'm basically building this part of the story line around what JKR has said.
Anyway this chapter is basically my view what JK meant when she said that- and obviously because I am not JK it is entirely probably that this view is completely wrong, but until the end of PoA comes out on Pottermore and simultaneously breaks my heart and crushes my ideas of what is canon... please just read and review!
"Come on Moony, exams are still ages away, let's go and do something," said James
"You're more than welcome to," said Remus, "I however, need to finish reviewing these three chapters today or I'll be falling behind again."
"Oh come on, it's not fun without you there..." said Sirius.
"Well this is all very flattering but..."
"Nagging in our ears..." Sirius continued.
"Threatening to go all 'Prefect' on us," added James.
"Like I said," said Remus, "this is all very flattering, but you know that neither flattery nor mild insults will get you anywhere with me."
"Nah, you're right," said James, "Hey Padfoot, what d'you say we pay our greasy Slytherin pal a little visit."
"No, James..." started Remus.
"Nice idea Prongs," said Sirius, "it seems like we haven't spent any quality time with old Snivellus in ages."
"Guys come on I thought you'd..."
"Yeah, top idea Prongs," said Peter, eager to get in on the fun.
"Oh Peter not you too, haven't you grown out of this by now?"
"Nope," said Sirius, "see you later Moony, have fun with," he lifted up Remus's textbook to look at the cover and wrinkled his nose, "Ancient Runes: Deciphering Magic's Mysteries."
He waggled his fingers in what Remus assumes was meant to be a mysterious way as he shuffled backwards towards the door.
"You really that if you threaten to go after Snape then I'll come with you just to stop you?" asked Remus.
"No," said James, "well, yes, but even if you don't it'll still be fun."
"Fine, go and have your fun then, see if I care."
"Evans will be annoyed at you if you don't try and stop us," said James.
"Yeah and Lily will be annoyed at you if you try to hex Snape again, the difference is I am not head over heels in love with her, so for once I have the leverage in this situation."
"In what way do you have leverage?!" laughed Sirius, "if you don't try and stop us Evans will be annoyed at both of you, and if you do, you still won't succeed, so evans will still be annoyed at both of you. And don't pretend you don't care about being in Evans's bad books, I know you Moony, you can't stand being in anyone's bad books."
"You say that like it's a fault," said Remus.
"Well it is, you've got to be prepared to step on a few toes to get what you want in life," said Sirius.
"You sound like a Slytherin," said Remus.
"Well you've got to be prepared to step on a few toes to defend the rights of the meek and the helpless then, whatever you prefer Godric."
"Including yours?"
"What?"
"I can step on people's toes when I want to," said Remus "I'll step on your toes right now, I am not going to let you hex Snape again."
"Oh yeah? How?" asked Sirius
"I'll... I'll put my foot down."
"What? On my toes?" smirked Sirius.
"Yes!"
"What literally or metaphorically?"
"Literally!"
"Nah, you're too nice."
"No I'm not I can be a... a right jerk sometimes."
"Only at certain times of the month," muttered James, giving Peter a dig in the ribs with his painfully bony elbows.
"Ooh, are you going to take that Moony?" asked Sirius, "Going to show us some of your super ninja toe stepping moves?"
"Yes!" said Remus.
"Well go on then," said James, offering his right foot out in front of him.
"You really want me to do this?" asked Remus, raising one eyebrow.
"Oh totally, of course," said James.
"Because you really are asking for it now."
"Oh I know I am, I really would love nothing more than a great big stamp on the toes."
"Well that's good because you're going to get it."
"Oh am I indeed, I'm sorry it's just that I wasn't sure seeing as I've been holding my foot in prime position for some times now and you still haven't made your move. I'm even getting pins and needles now, a good hard stamp might bring some feeling back into the poor fellow. I'm sorry Moony I'm going to have to give him a little wriggle. You put your right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in, out, and shake it... Argh!"
James stopped doing the hokey-cokey and hopped around the room on one leg, clutching the other in his hands.
"Oh my god James I'm so sorry! I didn;t mean to do it that hard. Are you alright? Here let me see it, I've got some stuff for bruises in my trunk..."
James let go of his foot and burst out laughing.
"You... absolute... prat."
"Just proving a point Moony," said James, slapping him on the shoulder.
"So, now we're done here you want to go and see how many flobberworms we can fit in Snivelly's pants?" asked Sirius.
"Nah, Evans is hanging out with him today, and she really would get seriously pissed off if we hexed her right in front her own eyes."
"Her luscious green, meadow coloured eyes?" asked Sirius, placing his hands princess style under his chin and fluttering his eyelids with surprising adeptness.
"Oh shut up I only said that like once," said James.
"Saying something like that any number of times is creepy Prongs," said Remus, "and I'm not even going to ask how you know exactly where Lily is at this precise moment in time."
"I just over heard her conversation with Marlene and Mary this morning, Merlin it's not like I know what knickers she'd wearing or anything."
"I bet you'd like to though."
"Well of course, what kind of a bloke couldn't look at an arse like that and imagine it skirt-less."
"And you wonder why she thinks you're a misogynistic prick," laughed Remus.
"Hey I looked that up in the dictionary and I now strongly resent that comment, I think women are great."
"Yeah only because Evans is one," said Sirius, "come on mate, who cares if she gets a bit pissed off, she'd not going to go out with you either way so what does it matter?"
"No, she'll only land us in detention again, come on let's leave I 'til another time eh? I think we've done enough damage to Moony's arteries for one day anyway."
"And since when did you become so concerned about my health?" asked Remus, returning to his pitifully neglected Ancient Runes notes.
"Err, I don't know, maybe since became bleeding animagi to we could play etch with you at the full moon so you wouldn't have to take lumps out of yourself for lack of something better to do?" said Sirius.
"Well, that's true," said Remus awkwardly.
"Oh Merlin Padfoot, look what you did now, you made him go all guilty on us, that's like his most boring mood."
"Sorry," said Remus.
"For the last time you don't need to go feeling guilty about it Moony," said Sirius, "we've told you before, the full moons are fun for us, we like playing with you when you're like that."
"You're a lot more fun than you are normally," joked James.
"Obviously we know it's still not the best time of the month for you," said Sirius, "but that's why you've got us, if distracting a blood-thirsty werewolf happens to be surprisingly entertaining then that's just a bonus isn't it?"
"But you are careful right?" asked Remus, "You do look after yourselves don't you? And Peter, he's so small I could easily seriously hurt him, even if I couldn't infect him."
"Course we're careful, we're always careful Remus. You seem to think we have no concept of where mad and exhilarating becomes down-right dangerous," said James, "but we do. Think about it, when has anyone, Snivellus and Padfoot's little brother excluded, ever actually got hurt from one of our little jokes?"
"Well I now that you say it..."
"And even they've never gotten seriously injured," said Sirius, "I know we've come close sometimes, and most of those times I've come out of it saying I wish we'd come even closer, but really every time something's made me pull back. It's not that I don't think I'd be capable of doing my worst to either of them, I just, I don't know, every time I come that close a little voice tells me that I should wait until they really deserve it."
Remus was stunned, he merely blinked at Sirius, leaving it up to James to break the silence.
"So you are a true Gryffindor after all, if you'd prefer to hex Snape buttocks halfway to Mars defending the rights of the... what was it? The meek and helpless, rather than because Moony's being boring with his Ancient Bleeding Runes."
"Well yeah, wouldn't you?" said Sirius.
"Definately," said James, "Plenty of time for that when we're Aurors though eh?"
"Sometimes I wonder about you two you know," said Remus, finally speaking up.
"Wonder about what? How far into our infinite brilliance stretches into the depths of space?"
"Funnily enough Prongs that wasn't what I was about to say. I was going to say that it will never cease to amaze me, the lengths that you two go to to conceal the fact that you are actually decent morally sound human beings."
"Well, we've got to always have another trick up our sleeves haven't we," said James.
"Has it never occurred to you that this particular trick might actually win you the respect of one Lily Evans.
"It has actually, seeing as you've pointed it out to me about a billion and one times. I have tried actually, but defending the meek and all that, it doesn't work well with an audience see? It just doesn't seem like something to be proud of."
"James Potter not proud about something?" asked Remus, "I think you ought to see Madam Pomfrey mate, are you feeling alright?"
"No, no I mean... Being a totally awesome quidditch player, that's something to be proud of, being the best in almost every class without even trying, that's something to be proud of, discovering more secret rooms and passage ways that probably any other student Hogwarts has ever seen, pulling the ultimate prank of Snivellus... they're all things to be proud of. Being a good person, that's just... well, that should just be normal, shouldn't it?"
"It's not though," said Remus.
"Yeah but that doesn't make being a decent guy something to boast about," said James, "I mean, you know how you're always saying how unusual we are 'cause we didn't react liek dicks when we found out you were a werewolf, well, I would never boast about that, it's just not right. So I boast about all that other stuff instead, 'cause I mean, you've got to let people know you're brilliant somehow right?"
"Nutters, both of you," said Remus, shaking his head, "you know if you'd told me this sooner I might have trusted you."
"What d'you mean?" asked Sirius.
"What you did a couple of months ago, I reckon I would have been less angry if you'd have said something like that rather than just badgering me for days about it then going ahead and doing it anyway without my permission."
"Look like we said," said Sirius, "it's fine if you don't feel comfortable leaving the Shack, we get it, you don't want to hurt anyone, and it's hard to trust us because you know we're immature knobheads."
"But you're not immature knobheads," said Remus, "you've just been bloody acting like you are to make yourselves look cool. And that makes you both complete and utter knobheads for sure, but you're by no means immature. I reckon I've been to hard on you guys. I was acting like a knobhead assuming you would actually let me hurt anyone. I should have trusted you."
"Wait, are you saying..?" started James, before trailing off.
Remus shrugged.
"I'm not going to lie, it was the easiest transformation I had ever had," he said, "and I guess it is true that nothing went wrong. And if you're really, really careful..."
"Are you serious?" gasped Sirius.
Remus shrugged again.
"You've been such good friends to me, you deserve to have some fun while you're at it."
"Oh this is brilliant Moony!" said James, "you won't regret it I swear."
"Wait," said Peter, "I'm confused, are we still talking about hexing Snape?"
"It's better than that Wormtail," said James, "we're going on a full moon adventure!"
