I know this took an obscenely long time in coming. This was due in part to SEVERAL factors (one or two would have held me up but all of them kicked my ass.)
I feel like I owe you an explaination even though most of you are all very clear that you don't mind so long as I do post chapters. You are too good to me and if you're bored of hearing me talk please feel free to skip ahead to the chapter-proper.
I got a job, finally. Then was promptly promoted. My title is technically Support Specialist, but what I actually do is "Anything that no one else wants to do".
Work decided that even though I'm taking the days off for class, they still counted as "vacation" and so worked me nearly to a breaking point. I am better now, as are my hours.
This chapter. A lot of time you (kindly) point out (rightly) that MY speech leaks into the characters and for such an important conversation (That takes up so much of the chapter) this was not acceptable, so I wrote and re-wrote and re-wrote some more, then took a day or two off to re-watch old episodes, then re-wrote it once more, the conversation at the end.
Finally, in general, I wrote this chapter about six times, getting to an equal number of pages and going "ugh, this is CRAP!" and then deleting it all. This is one of the MOST IMPORTANT chapters and it need to be as perfect as I could make it. So I would spend a week or two writing the chapter and twenty seconds deleting it in its entirity.
Okay, so there it is, still no excuse, not really. And I am sorry for the long wait when I promised you wouldn't have to wait that long. All I promise (from the bottom of my soul) is that I'm not giving up this story. It's been a part of my life for so long now and I love it so much I would hate myself forever if I gave it up now when I can see the ending. So, it may take me a while, and sometimes I might spend too much time trying to perfect a chapter, but I will NEVER EVER give up.
Besides, I love my readers too too much. :) Please enjoy:
At the time, of course, those beneath the city—even Toph—had no idea of what grand designs were playing out above them. They did know something was happening, but not that they had found their army in the broken families who hid behind impenetrable walls.
For the last few days, while the Avatar and his friends healed and lived among them, an unexplained tension had begun to grow. It grew and grew, pulling tighter like a lyre string, someone twisting the tuner tighter and tighter until the string began to whine and shiver.
On a lyre the string would, eventually, snap. That was a well known fact, but no one knew what would happen to their quivering string of tension. It invaded their lives and left everyone on edge but merely continued to grow and wind tighter and tighter.
Iroh was up now, and Zuko had seemed to remember whatever drove him away from Katara in the first place so he'd been too busy trying to ignore her to throw a fit. He was silent as a statue as she lead him to Iroh's quarters. This was, in part, to see how he faired walking without assistance and while Katara still felt that stab of pain in her heart that he was pulling away, she was pleased with his healing. He didn't even wobble as he walked.
Aang stood beside her, silent as well—which was, in all honesty—far more odd than Zuko being silent. She felt a sick feeling of tension in her stomach, though she didn't dare investigate the feeling. Too often now there were things she just didn't want to consider. It made things too hard and considering how real the battle was getting. Ever since Sokka had nearly died she had realized that this wasn't just the war she'd heard people talking about since she was a child. This wasn't just the war that her mother had died in either.
Aang was the leader of this war now, and she stood at Aang's side. People looked to her, to Aang, to them all as the Fire Nation looked to Ozai and that was humbling. She couldn't let the thoughts of a little girl from a small Water Tribe village bother her. She was Lady Katara, Master Waterbender and the only true Waterbending Healer in the world.
She had always been ready to die for the cause, to die for freedom and to ensure that no other little girl lost her mother so young. It was a bit chilling to realize that any of those she'd come to care about could die as well; or even that they might be so ready as she to die for the cause. And that people would follow them into battle and maybe they would die as well.
Katara had learned the hard way that she could not heal everything as easily as she might hope.
That had been days ago and now they had long-since learned of their miraculous army ready to fight. So with the last piece they needed to end the war they were planning their attack on the Fire Nation Capital with the army of the people of Ba Sing Se.
Sokka and Toph worked with some of the Resistance Fighters to train those who needed even the most basic of fighting skills while Iroh and Aang worked out the final plans. It fell to Katara to coordinate the attack with the other Nations and she spent most of her time sitting at a desk writing copies and copies of the same letter. Ensuring that no matter where they were everyone knew what was happening in the City of Walls.
Without a word of explanation Zuko had joined her on the second day and begun to assist her. She would write the first letter and then the two of them would work silently on the copies. Zuko would then bring all the letters to the Royal Aviary and attach them to the legs of the messenger birds. He still seemed to be intent on ignoring her completely and no matter what tactic she tried he would refuse to answer.
The silence made her feel nervous and awkward and so she would talk. She'd read aloud the letters they received and then read her responses aloud, asking for opinions he would never give.
It scared her how much his silence hurt her, more than it should in the short time they had traveled together as friends, or at least allies.
She had never expected them to become as good of friends as she and Aang were, but she had thought that they'd made some progress, that maybe he might care for her at least a little and consider her his friend.
That he was so cold to her now hurt so much that it startled her more than she cared to admit. He was Prince Zuko. Even now that he was on their side he was something distant from her. What should she care that he didn't talk to her or even look at her anymore?
She knew the answer though, even if she didn't want to face the truth when there was so much to worry about...she knew why his sudden coldness bothered her.
She had thought that they were getting closer, he'd even told her about his mother and didn't seem to mind when she watched him practice with his swords, though anyone else would generally make him stop and move on to something else.
He didn't even have the decency to tell her why.
He'd saved her life.
Then he'd moved on to ignore her, and now he refused to talk to her, or even acknowledge her really but he was still helping without being asked. She smiled softly to herself, recalling when he came shopping with her without really understanding why.
Even now he was helping her but he still wouldn't explain anything about what was happening and most of all he wouldn't talk to her. Even when she'd run into him and apologized he'd not even taken the chance to insult her.
Against her better judgment she sought out Aang with the sole desire of talking to him about this, trying to restore the friendship they'd been developing since he talked her into Penguin Sledding all the way back in the South Pole.
She hoped that it would help to restore that friendship as well as sooth her troubled mind about the whole business. She could have chosen Sokka, though if their conversation at the North Pole was any indication, he was completely mistaken about her relationship with the newest member of their strange family. Toph...
Was not an option. The two got along much better than ever before—it was true—but Toph was well-versed at knowing Lies from Truth and Katara wasn't certain she was ready for whatever the Truth might be.
So, she convinced herself that if she opened up to Aang a little more than she had been that would help to sooth the breach that had begun to form between them and surely he would be able to help her with Zuko. He was the Avatar after all and even though he did tend to act like the kid he was at times he was very intelligent and always seemed able to solve serious problems—as well as make you laugh.
Like all of them, this close to the final onslaught against the Fire Nation he did not have much free time, but with a small tray in hand she found him alone in his rooms, sitting up and pouring over maps when he should have been sleeping; just as she thought she might find him.
"Aang." She sighed, half out of annoyance and half because it was that kind of dedication that she had come to really like about him. He looked up with hooded grey eyes that actually rather matched the dark smudges under them. "I know you're busy but you're hardly going to be of any help if you fall asleep in the middle of the fight." She told him, keeping her tone as light as possible.
When he was on edge, even if you were right, it was not the time to point out his flaws or mistakes, or especially his weaknesses like needing sleep.
"I know." He said, trying hard not to whine but exhaustion did give his voice that reedy-thin quality.
"I brought you some tea." She told him, shifting the tray so it rested against one hip and she had a free hand. She lifted the pot and set it down in front of Aang, right on top of the maps he had been staring at for so long. Two tea-cups—miss-matched and chipped—followed it.
"You've been spending too much time with Iroh." He was annoyed, of course, at being disturbed, but this was Katara and she was talking to him and bringing him tea. He could not turn her away. Lately she had been slipping away from him, like if he tried to hold water without bending it. If she was willing to come back to him he could not take a chance at losing her. The battle could wait.
After all, he was fighting it for her.
Of course he wanted to help everyone, and he did, but it was for Katara. She had held onto hope uselessly for so long, she wanted the Avatar to save everyone and so Aang would. He couldn't do it for Gyatso and the other monks, he had been too scared. But for Katara he had become the Avatar and he would Fight Sozin and even Ozai and Azula all if he had to. Just for her.
Because he loved her.
"Maybe that's true." She laughed. "But I brought food too." She couldn't find the fruit pastries he had once told her Gyatso made, but she'd found hardtack and smeared it with jams and butter in a vague imitation. Aang's eyes lit up like she'd found a way to bring Gyatso back to him and he dove it with a gusto despite the fact they didn't taste very good—even for hardtack. "Promise me you're going to take care of yourself Aang?" She asked suddenly. "I'm worried you're going to push yourself too hard." And she had recently become aware that she could not heal everything and that thought scared her.
"I have to!" Aang said, thought it was hard to take him as seriously as he was speaking when there was a smear of jelly on his cheek and he sprayed crumbs across the table as he spoke.
"No, no you don't, we're here to help, we want to help." She sighed and picked up her tea cup. "We are your family Aang, remember? We love you and we are going to help you. Even if we have to get Toph to hold you down and make you rest." She said, smiling a little wickedly into her tea cup. She tried to hid the grin by taking a drink but Aang still knew it was there and he made an attempt at a smile all the same.
He couldn't really deny her anything she asked; because you never could with someone you loved.
He would have gotten her a hundred Panda Lilies if she wanted.
"I promise I will be careful." He grinned, finishing off the last of the milky tea in his cup. They knew, though, that that promise only extended so far. There was a very real chance that he would die when he faced Sozin. He would rather die and ensure the freedom of the world rather than live to see Katara's hopes of peace dashed.
She nods at his promise and lifts a little cookie from the plate. Of course, it's less of a cookie and more of baked dough with fruit paste on it, army food, and grins.
"Maybe I should have asked for them not to bake these." She suggested and suddenly they seemed to be as close as they'd ever been and he didn't need to ask what she meant because his confusion was evident to her. It made both of them happy. "It's Avatar Day. Unbaked cookies to remind everyone of the time that the Avatar was not boiled in oil." She explained around a mouthful. They laughed together, like they used to so many months before. Like they had that day ages ago as they flew down the hill on the backs of penguins.
Aang tilted his head, as though trying to memorize her as she was in that moment, to save it forever and ever and to look at whenever he liked. "Katara," He started, and then stopped, uncertain even when she looked at him like that, all trust and laughter. "After." He stopped again and then with a final deep breath he plunged forward. "After the battle, when we win--" He left no room for any other outcome beside peace achieved at long last, though in the secrecy of his mind he was not that sure of what the outcome would be. "When we win and this is all over, I want to stay with you." He admitting, wishing, once he'd spoken, that he had known a better way to say what was in his heart.
"Of course!" She said with a smile that made the dark skin around her eyes crinkle.
"No," He frowned, furrowing his brown, "No, I mean just you and I. Together." Her face fell. "We can go anywhere you like, back to the South Pole if you want or even to the North if you want to train more with Master Pakku."
"Aang," She started, trying to smile even though it didn't reach her eyes. He knew what was coming though, it was the same look she'd worn when she tried to explain about the war, or when she'd tried to convince him to allow the people to live in the Western Air Temple...or a hundred other times when he'd already made his decision and she tried to talk him into being sensible about it instead.
"Why? Why not?" He jumped in, not wanting to hear her let him down. He didn't want her to say 'no'.
"Aang," She tried again, with a heavy sigh. "I love you, you're as much a part of my family as Sokka."
"But Katara, I love you!" He shouted, lunging across the table to grab her hand and upturning his tea cup in the process. Tea sloshed all over the table and onto the floor. "I love you." He repeated again, quietly. Gently she pulled back her hand and tried to speak again. He didn't even let her make a plea of his name this time.
"It's him, isn't it? You'd rather him than me? Katara!" This last made it seem as though he were scolding her, or disappointed in her at the very least.
"Him?"
"He tried to kill us Katara! Sure he's on our side now but that's only because he'll do whatever Iroh says and what happens if Iroh's not there? He's going to hurt you, because he can't love you nearly so much as he loves the power of being a Firebending Prince. He's spoiled and selfish and that's not going to change!" Aang stood up and stormed around the room and for a horrifying moment Katara was months ago and worried that the kind and gentle boy she cared for was going to slip into the Avatar State so deeply that she couldn't reach him.
"Aang you don't mean that!" The words spilled out of her before she could stop them. She tried to be an adult, a mother, a general. She tried to be all the things that other people needed of her and tried to forget that at heart, she was a sixteen-year-old girl.
Suddenly all the things she was trying to be didn't matter and that girl who had been pushed aside when her mother died broke free; and she was sick of being what other people needed and doing what they needed instead of what she wanted.
"You don't mean that!" She growled this time, though neither she nor Aang would notice how like Zuko she sounded in that moment. "He has done everything for us, for you. He could have kept you, tied up and in pain. But he chose to let you go and to help you. He is helping us to fight his father! You would give your life to win this battle but Zuko already has! His mother died, his father left him scarred and abandoned and Iroh was the only one who would stand at his side! He is as broken as the rest of us!
"You forgave Toph for her faults but what makes Zuko so different? You're just like Ozai! Zuko isn't worth anything to you because he can't teach you to master Firebending!" Aang rounded on her at that, fury winning out over anything else.
"You used to defend me! You hated him more than I did in the beginning! That makes you a hypocrite!"
"No! I grew up Aang!" The tea on the floor shivered and pulsed, heaving with the fury of it's master. "I changed and he changed and we both made sacrifices!" She sighed and then barreled on despite the fact she knew better. "He's been hurt just as much as any of us and I can see that!"
"So what? You pick him over me because he lost his mother too? Why not take my side since I've lost everyone I ever cared about!" And now you're leaving me too.
"What does it matter? You say you love me but you will not let me be happy or make my own choices? By Zhe Aang we could all die in the battle and you'd rather spend our last days together fighting because you think I'm choosing someone else over you? I haven't chosen anyone!"
Silence reigned for a long moment, "He would only hurt you. I'd rather see you alone than with him!" Aang admitted quietly.
"If I love him that's my business. If I want to be with him that is between me and him and if you cannot handle that then there's no place for you in my future." She regretted the words the moment she'd said them, and it reflected in her eyes, but she did not take them back. The two stared at each other, seething in quiet rage and hurt for a long moment. Finally, still slightly elated by this strange and sudden ability to do as she wished rather than as someone else wanted, Katara shook her head and tore open the door to leave the room. She moved quickly down the hall, but not quick enough that she missed the looks on the faces of all the Earth Kingdom men and women who had heard the Waterbending Mistress and Avatar argue.
And not fast enough to miss the smudge of yellow and green in the back of the large room that was Toph, who—no doubt—had Sokka with her.
As she stormed past Iroh reached out for her and she pulled away, trembling and only just able to keep her composure around her.
She was thinking about herself right now and she wanted to be alone if she had no mother to hold her.
"Is Sweetness gonna be okay?" Toph asked, trying to sound as though she didn't care. Sokka knew though, he knew that they were good friends even if they were too stubborn to admit it.
"I don't know." He whispered, more for himself than to Toph. "What am I talking about? This is Katara: of course she'll be okay. She's been through so much and come out fine before she won't let a little thing like this stop her."
"But...even the strongest rocks can be worn down after a time." Toph whispered, coming as close to admitting her fears aloud as she ever would.
"What wears down even rocks? Water. Katara has always been the strongest person I know, tied with you of course, she might seem weak, and she cries sometimes, but she always pulls through. I dunno how she does it, but she does." He admitted. And without another word Toph slipped her hand into his and looked away.
Sokka could not contain the goofy grin that spread across his face like Dawn across the sky. "What about Aang?" He asked.
"I've said from the beginning that he needs to toughen up. About time Sweetness set him straight." Sokka was confused, and grateful when she continued. "He would just keep walking all over her like you do. You do it 'cause she's your sister and you're allowed--" Toph had asked about that once, why Katara always did the mending and the cooking even when Sokka didn't appreciate it at all.
He's my brother and he protected me when I was little and tried so hard to be a mother and father to me. He was terrible at it. Now I get to prove I'm better. I'm better at bending than he is at hunting and better at everything he considers a woman's job. He's my brother and that lets him get away with a lot.
"--But Twinkletoes? She let him get away with it because he's the Avatar. But he's a kid too, just like she's a kid. And he forgot how to see that. He'll suck it up, just like he did when I taught him to Earthbend." Toph explained, trying not to sound too much like Iroh, but so many long teas and Pai Shou games had taught her a thing or two about the power of words being equal to the power of her bending. She tugged her hand free of Sokka's and tapped the floor with a foot hard enough to send up a rock and make Sokka stumble. "Stop gawking Snoozels, we've still got a job to do even though they think they can slack off." She snarled, but he'd felt the way her hand trembled in his...He nodded and followed her, but it helped to know that someone else was worried about their little family too.
He certainly didn't know how Katara could worry like this all the time without going mad.
"Oh." Sokka groaned aloud. "How's Zuko going to take this?" He asked, though the question was not, necessarily, directed at Toph unless she wanted to answer. He wasn't certain even she knew though.
"I don't know." Iroh said as Sokka yelped and jumped into the air and Toph just laughed. Sokka had not heard the older man approach. "I am worried about him though, but I have never seen him more stable than he's become surrounded by people who care for him. I think that if Katara and Aang survive this, he will too."
"I'm worried he's going to hurt my sister." He had no doubt that Zuko cared for Katara more he cared about anyone else, but this was Zuko and that might not be enough. Iroh smiled sadly at Sokka, for once he had no answers, nor even a shred of advice. He would like to say that things would work out well for Zuko--whom he loved as a son even though Iroh could not call the boy son--and Katara, but then he had never meant to hurt Ursa, he'd only wanted to live happily with her and their child--with many more to follow.
All he could say was that sometimes wanting not to hurt someone and loving them wasn't enough. Things did not always work out as you wanted, and people got hurt. But that wasn't a comforting thought and Sokka needed to be comforted about the fate of his sister. More now than ever with the final battle looming ever-closer. Children this young should not have to look forward toward a battle that might see them all dead so young.
"If she is hurt, at least she is lucky enough to have a brother as kind as you to stand at her side and help her through." Iroh said finally, and Sokka clung to that, taking a moment to preen that he might be able to help her if something did go wrong.
Until Toph tripped him again that is.
