A long discussion with Minerva about how to gauge Hermione's interest in him, Severus found himself adequately distracted. His interview with Xenophilius Lovegood and the Quibbler was upon him in no time.

The slender, tall, and long white-blonde haired man stood nervously before him.

"Mister Lovegood," He greeted the man coolly. "I believe you know Hermione Granger, our mediwitch, and Minerva McGonagall, our Transfiguration Professor and Head of Gryffindor House."

The man nodded nervously and scribbled the names down on his notepad. "Yes. How are you all?"

Severus had met the man on a few occasions before, but the daughter now made perfect sense as he observed the father. He was dressed strangely, in mismatching clothes and pants that were far too short for his long legs. He avoided eye contact and had the same strange airy look on his face. Raising an eyebrow, Severus stared at him, but Minerva elbowed him. He'd promised her he'd play nicely, and reminded him that this interview had been Severus' idea.

"Sit, please," Severus offered and he sat behind his wooden desk, with Hermione directly on his right and Minerva on his right.

"Would you like some tea, Mister Lovegood?" Hermione offered politely.

When Lovegood declined, Severus said, "Shall we begin then? What questions do you have?"

Lovegood fumbled to the next page in his notebook. "I've got a lot of the basics already written here... Slytherin, graduated in 1978 with academic honors in all subject areas, hired on as a staff member in 1980..."

"Yes," Severus confirmed.

The man transformed before his eyes. Gone was the fumbling, nervous Lovegood, and the professional journalist sat in his place. "You applied for a position at Hogwarts first at the request of You-Know-Who?"

Severus noticed the man's use of the moniker. "Yes."

"Can you give me details about that quest?"

Leaning back into his chair, Severus said, "The Dark Lord requested I interview with Albus Dumbledore for a teaching position at Hogwarts. He wished me to spy on Dumbledore and to relay any useful information back to him."

"Was there anything strange about your interviewing process?"

"Once I joined the Death Eaters..."

Xenophilius cut him off. "And when was that?"

"July of 1978," Severus answered. "When I joined, I had no intention of being a spy, however, the Dark Lord recognized that I had the academic skill to qualify for a position at this school, so he requested I win one. I desired to please my master, so I spied largely unsuccessfully on an interview Dumbledore was conducting with another potential employee, Sybil Trewlawney. During that interview, I overheard the first part of a prophecy she made about a boy born as the seventh month dies who would possesse the power to vanquish the Dark Lord."

"And you relayed this prophecy to You-Know-Who?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"And how did he interpret it?"

"The details of the entire part that I overheard led the Dark Lord to two potential families. At long last, he settled on James and Lily Potter, and their son, Harry."

"You knew James and Lily Potter?"

"Yes," Severus answered.

"How?"

"I met Lily before we attended Hogwarts. We lived in neighboring towns. I met James on the train to Hogwarts before our first year."

"What was your relationship like with the two of them?"

Severus stiffened, but Hermione touched his arm and Minerva nodded at him. "Lily and I were close friends by that time, but my relationship with James was instantly antagonistic."

"And your friendship with Lily, did it last throughout your years at Hogwarts?"

He stiffened again. "No. We had a falling out."

"Over?"

"That details are unimportant," Severus said and his voice was sharp.

"When did this falling out occur?"

"Near the end of our fifth year."

"Your friendship did not recover?"

"No," Severus admitted softly.

"Are you able to elaborate more on this antagonistic relationship you had with James?"

"I have no intent to speak ill of the dead, nor was the antagonizing completely one-sided. We were two very different people," Severus said as politically as he could.

"After Hogwarts, you joined the Death Eaters, and they married?"

"Yes," Severus said.

"Why did you join the Death Eaters?"

Snape looked away from Lovegood toward the window. "Without seeming like I am excusing a very poor decision, I did not have a decent home life, nor did I have very good taste in friends. I joined to fit in, to feel like I was protected."

"Did you fit in? Were you protected?"

"Yes, at first, to both questions. Ultimately, no. Things were very different in the beginning. The Dark Lord was charismatic, and he spoke to the broken youth, much like the muggle dictator, Adolf Hitler did."

Lovegood was scribbling Snape's words down. Once he finished, he asked, "After you overheard the prophecy, relayed it to You-Know-Who, and he interpreted it, what happened?"

"Panic," Severus said. "On my part. Though Lily and I had not spoken in years, I never wanted her to get her, or to be in danger. When I realized the Dark Lord would strike her down no matter how I tried to negotiate and manipulate the prophecy, I appealed to Dumbledore, begged him to use me in whatever way he could, in exchange for his protection for the Potter family."

"And that is how you became a double agent?"

"Yes," Severus answered quietly. His eyes were far away as he stared at the window, remembering that fateful and horribly windy night on that darkened hilltop.

"When was this?"

"July of 1980."

"So you were truly only a Death Eater for two years?"

"That is no small amount of time, Mister Lovegood, and the public will not see it as such either."

"After you betrayed the Dark Lord and turned spy against him, what happened?

"Dumbledore went to tremendous lengths to protect James, Lily, and their infant son. He enlisted the help of a Secret Keeper. Using information I gave him from the Dark Lord, and feeding the Dark Mord misinformation, Dumbledore moved the family to a safe house."

"All of this to protect a former friend whom you had not spoken with in years?"

Severus turned his dark gaze back to Lovegood, who was looking at his paper. "I loved her." A silence filled the room.

"What happened?" Lovegood broke the tension.

"The Potters were betrayed by their secret keeper. Their location was given to the Dark Lord directly by the Secret Keeper. The world thought that Sirius Black was the Potter's chosen Secret Keeper, but they'd anticipated the fact that Black would be the most likely candidate, and had chosen another. The switch was one that only Lily and James and Peter Pettigrew, their friend from school and chosen Secret Keeper knew. Not even Dumbledore knew that they had not made Black the Secret Keeper."

Lovegood finished writing and glanced at his next question hesitantly. "After their deaths, how did you react?"

"That's private," Severus warned. "Professionally, Dumbledore convinced me that the Dark Lord would return, and that Harry Potter would need protection, that the Light would still have need of me as a spy."

"Were their conditions for your continued loyalty?"

"Only that Dumbledore never reveal the reasons I had for being loyal to him, for working to protect Harry Potter."

"Why?"

"That he would tell no one of my true loyalties, or give any reason why he trusted me."

"Did he honor that request?"

Severus heard a familiar and meddlesome cough above him on the wall. "For many years, yes. Then, he made the decision to bring allies in for me, Minerva McGonagall and Hermione Granger."

"Why did he choose them?"

"Dumbledore was dying from an injury he obtained from cursed item. When he had died, he believed them to the best options for me to feed information to, to keep in the loop. Granger is a fiercely loyal friend. Wherever Harry Potter would go, and he would not remain at Hogwarts following Dumbledore's death, Dumbledore was certain that Granger would follow him. Minerva would, undoubtedly, defend this school to her last breath. In his words, I could keep an informative foot in both worlds - Hogwarts and Potter."

Snape stood and walked to the window. Granger and McGonagall's eyes were trained on his back, but Lovegood hadn't seemed to notice the man had moved at all.

"Dumbledore arranged to have you kill him?"

"I did," Albus said from his portrait. "Convincing Severus of the need for him to be the one to kill me was very difficult. He had no desire to kill anyone, and he knew what he would cast himself in our world once he'd done it. It was one of the hardest requests I made of anyone in my life."

Lovegood did not look at the portrait, and instead merely focused on his writing. "Had you committed murder prior to Dumbledore?"

"No."

"Did you after?"

"No," Severus' voice was very quiet.

"Why did Dumbledore feel that you were the one who had to kill him?"

Albus answered again. "It was the only way that Lord Voldemort would trust Severus completely."

Lovegood and Snape flinched at the use of the Dark Lord's name. Shaking off his flinch, Lovegood regained his professional composure and asked, "After Dumbledore, you became Headmaster of Hogwarts, which had fallen into You-Know-Who's grasp." Severus didn't answer, but he hadn't been asked a question. "Under your leadership during that year, students were captured, tortured, and attacked..." There was an angry undertone in the man's words.

Hermione glanced at Severus, and she noticed he was fidgeting with his fingers again. "Perhaps we might take a break?"

"Yes, that sounds lovely. Mister Lovegood, would you like to see the greenhouses?" Minerva asked. The man's professionalism disappeared and his strangeness returned. He followed McGonagall amicably from the office, leaving Hermione alone with Severus.

She approached him slowly. "Severus..."

He turned to her, several tears running down his face silently, and met her gaze. Her heart shattered. She hadn't even realized he'd been crying while he stood facing the window. She stepped to him, wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her ear against his chest. The man had a level of self control the world had never seen before, and she struggled to master her own emotions as she listened to his heart beat wildly inside his chest.

"I know this is hard, but you're doing wonderfully, and once it's done, you'll never have to do it again. You're doing so well," She assured him as she squeezed her arms tighter around his slender body.

"Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing." ~ Hate List