A/N: Gentle readers, I offer my sincere apologies for the delay. I have had some significant health issues over the last few months. But 2 surgeries later I believe I am on the road to recovery. Thank you for your patience.

Chapter 49

JPOV

Lying with Nessie in my arms I slept soundly for the first time in two weeks. When I did awaken she was snuggled against my chest, her bounty of red-gold hair spiraling about me. I breathed in her scent. It was a fascinating mixture of vanilla and roses and I craved it more than food or drink. I smiled. I had almost forgotten what it felt like.

She had chosen me. She had the option of going to the man she had loved since childhood, and she had chosen me. Then I began going over what she had actually said. She said that his offer was no different than mine. That he would support her, but not respect her. Did she not know that I thought the world of her? That I respected her beyond any other, and that I loved her whole heartedly? I had to convince her.

Watching her sleep had always been one of my favorite pastimes, so I looked my fill. There were dark circles beneath her eyes as if she had not been sleeping well. Her cheeks, which normally glowed with the softest blush, now looked pale and chalky. What had happened to my sweet rose that she now seemed wilted and wan.

Had the man she loved hurt her so badly? Had he crushed her spirit? Well, I would see to it that she thrived from now on. I would shower her with love and affection and she would never be hurt again. I would see to it.

I ran the back of my hand over her cheek. She sighed and turned into my hand. I would make her know that she was loved.

Her eyelids fluttered and her eyes opened. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good day," she demurred. A sweet blush colouring her cheeks.

"I cannot tell you how I missed waking to you." I scooted closer to her wrapping my arms about her frame. "I must say, this bed is not nearly as big or as comfortable as the bed next door. I think we should return to the master bedroom. After all, that is where this marriage began."

Nessie looked at me and I watched her eyes skitter away from me. "You are free to rest in whatever bed you find comfort, my lord."

"As your husband, the only bed in which I will find comfort is a bed shared with you." I turned her chin toward me and saw the tears clinging to her lashes. "You said we could try again. Let me show you how perfect we can be together. Today will be the first day of our marriage. All mistakes made are erased. Let us begin again. I promise I will get it right this time. Please, Ness, I beg you."

She eyed me suspiciously. I knew she had every reason to doubt my sincerity, but I was determined to succeed this time. I loved her, and that was the most wonderful feeling. I would give that love to her until she forgot the fool to whom she had given her heart. I would love her until she gave her heart to me.

"I am willing to try again," she said quietly.

I leaned in and kissed her deeply. "I love you," I whispered and she pulled back. "What is it?"

She swallowed. "I would prefer you not say that."

"Why?"

"Because I am not certain you know what it means, and besides, the words alone mean nothing. They mean less than nothing, for they can wound. Love is not a phrase, it is a feeling. The words, I have found are easy, it is the action that people seem to fail in. Look at your mother. She loved you so much that she robbed herself of your company, and robbed you of her presence in your life. In so doing she robbed you of your father. I think of all the hurt her love wrought…" She shook her head. "No, I think that I have had enough of love."

She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. I felt stunned. The words could have come from my own mouth, just a month ago. I hated hearing them from Nessie's lips. They sounded so wrong. She had always been such a loving presence in my life. I could not let her heart harden as mine had due to disappointed love. I reached for her, but she slipped away to her vanity.

"I could use a bit of privacy, my lord. I will see you at breakfast," she said dismissing me.

"Of course," I said leaving her bed to go to the master 's room.

Bertie was there, as expected. I relieved myself and sat down so he could shave me. I watched him in the glass and saw a wicked smile dancing at the edges of his lips.

"You seem pleased with yourself this morning, Bertie."

"I was actually pleased on your behalf, my lord. I did notice that you came from the Duchess' room. I assumed that means that you and her ladyship are reconciled?"

I smiled too. "Not fully, but I believe we have made a beginning."

Bertie lathered my cheeks with soap and nodded cheerily. "I am glad. Her ladyship brings out the best in you, if you don't mind my saying."

I grinned. "She does at that, Bertie." He proceeded with scraping my cheeks and chin and I noticed for the first time just how careful Bertie was with his work.

Bertie had been with me for a long time. He had even followed the drum with me. Were it not for him I might have been injured far worse than I was. He was more than my valet, he was my friend. How had I not noticed that?

When he was finished shaving me he went to my wardrobe and took out a choice of clothes. He offered me two, as he always did and I nodded to the one I would wear. As he dressed me I watched the meticulous way in which he saw to my needs and felt a deep gratitude.

"Bertie?"

"Yes, my lord?"

"Have I ever told you how grateful I am for all you do for me?"

The man stiffened. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Sir?"

"Thank you," even as I said it, it seemed a woefully inadequate statement. I reached out a hand and patted him on the shoulder.

His brow furrowed. "Of course. May I be impertinent, sir?"

"You have never needed to ask before."

"Well," he said brushing my shoulders with his hands and making certain I was dressed impeccably, "you said that you had made a start with her ladyship. How do you plan to… advance your cause, so to speak?"

I felt my spirits fall. I hadn't given it much thought, and he was right. I needed a plan. "I am not certain how to begin. I told her I loved her and she seemed almost angry."

Bertie took a breath. "You know, my lord, sometimes actions speak louder than words."

I must have looked as confused as I felt because he went on. "Show her how you feel. Spend time with her. Listen when she speaks. Demonstrate to hear in little ways how much she means to you."

I nodded and made my way downstairs to the breakfast room thinking about Bertie's advice. My father was there reading the morning post, but his plate was bare.

"Not hungry this morning?" I asked taking my seat.

"I generally wait for your wife. We enjoy sharing meals in each other's company," he explained.

I nodded. "I thought she would have beaten me down. Shall I go and fetch her?"

Papa looked nervous. "No, no. It is a woman's prerogative to take as long as she likes in dressing."

Nessie entered the room looking a bit flushed. She slipped into a seat across from me and nodded to myself and my father. "I apologize for my lateness."

"Not at all," my father said nodding to the footman.

The servants brought platters of eggs and sausages, toast and muffins, and beautifully prepared kippers. They poured coffee for myself and my father and we began our meal. When I looked over at Nessie I saw the servant deliver a covered plate to her with dry toast and a soft boiled egg.

"Tea, my lady?" the servant asked.

"Please," she responded.

"Ness? That cannot be all you mean to eat to break your fast, can it?" I asked seeing an opportunity to show her how I cared for her. "That isn't enough to feed a bird, even my little bird."

I snapped my fingers and ordered hot chocolate be brought to her. "And look at the lovely kippers cook has prepared," I said placing one onto her plate for her.

I watched her eyes grow large. She had not expected me to be so solicitous. I was certain she would be moved by my efforts, but I had not expected it would move her so quickly. She stood. Breathed quickly and tore from the room with a cry of "Excuse me."

I too stood and made to go after her, but my father halted me with his hand. "Jacob, let her go."

"What did I do?"

"You should go to her, it is her news to tell. But be patient, she has been dealing with it alone, and just listen to her. Promise me."

"Of course," I vowed and then climbed the stairs to her door. I had a sudden feeling of nervousness. Was she still ill? Was it something serious? Had I not noticed? I knocked.

Jane opened the door.

"Is she alright?" I asked.

"She will be," Jane said opening the door wider so I could enter. Then she walked to the side of the bed and took the chamber pot, leaving discretely.

Renesmee was sitting on the side of the bed, her hair covering her face from view. I approached slowly and knelt before her. "I will gladly fetch Carlisle. I will spare no expense to see you well."

She raised her head and looked at me. She was bone white and my breath caught in my chest. What if she was ill in the way my mother had been. I would die if I lost her. This could not be happening again.

"There is no need. It will pass in a moment or two. It always does."

"Why didn't you tell me you were ill? I… I should never have allowed us to be parted for so long. God, forgive me," I begged laying my head upon her lap.

Her fingers began to massage my scalp as she spoke to me. "I am not ill. Well, not strictly speaking. It is always worse in the morning," she explained, "that is why the servants have been so careful with breakfast. Esme recommended the toast and tea, and Carlisle suggested the egg. Between the two the worst of the nausea generally passes by midmorning. Although they both say that it should resolve itself in a few weeks. I must say I am praying they are right. Then of course there will be other things to contend with."

I looked up at her completely confounded. "What sort of illness does Carlisle say you have? Is he treating you? What is the prognosis?"

She smiled and took my hands in her own. "Oh Jacob, I meant to tell you the day you and your father argued. I was so excited. It was why I was there, I wanted to share it with you at once." She shook her head as if to clear it. "Your father knew, even before I told him."

"Tell me. We can face anything together," I vowed.

"You are going to be a father."

"I will find you the finest doctors London has to offer. You will not suffer a moment if I have anything to say about it. I shall not leave your side…" Then what she had said hit me. We were going to have… I was going to be… "A father? You mean? You are with child?"

She smiled and nodded. "I know that you had spoken of waiting, but it seems that our carelessness has changed our plans."

I stared at her dumbfounded. This incredible creature before me had given me a gift beyond measure. We had created life. She would make me a father and together we would have a family, a real family. I couldn't believe it.

"Jacob? Please say something."

I looked at her face and realized that I had yet to express my joy. I stood, pulling her up from the bed and held her sweet face in my hands. "Thank you," I said kissing her sweet lips. "Thank you," I kissed her cheek, "thank you," her other cheek was kissed. Then I swung her up into my arms and began to twirl her about. I had not done this to her since she was a child, but I felt such immeasurable happiness I could not contain myself.

"Jacob," she giggled, "put me down. Please, I am just beginning to feel better, and spinning does not help."

I set her down upon her feet and steadied her with my hands at her waist. "Oh God, I am sorry. What is wrong with me? Is there anything I can get for you? Anything I can do?"

"Not at present," she said leading me to the bed and sitting down beside me. "You are pleased?"

"I am overjoyed."

"Thank heavens. I was afraid that you would be disappointed."

"No. I am… honored. I am humbled. I am terrified," I confessed.

"Me too."

"Why are you afraid?"

"Jacob, I have no experience with children. I was barely a child myself. I began working about Mrs. Cope's by the age of five. I feel ill equipped to raise a child."

"True, but we have friends who are wonderful parents and they will help us. Oh, Ness, don't you see? It is a sign that we can begin again, and this time we'll get it right."