Ch. 19
Bucky and Monica returned by lunchtime to see Stacy up and smiling, evidently having gotten some sleep. She was wearing a pair of stained sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt, her long hair up in a ponytail. She was buzzing around the apartment, singing a happy tune, cleaning with a speed and dedication that frankly surprised Bucky.
"Steve just called," she said breathlessly while wiping down the kitchen counters. "He'll be here by six. I want everything to be perfect before he comes home."
"We'll grab a quick lunch and help out," Monica offered.
"Yeah, sure," Bucky said with a smile, rolling up his sleeves.
Within an hour, the entire apartment was sparkling. There wasn't a speck of dirt or errant dustbunny anywhere to be seen and whole place smelled faintly of Lemon Pledge and disinfectant. Stacy beamed as she surveyed the place. "Thanks so much. I just . . . I just want everything to look nice for him."
Bucky bit his lower lip, worried about how anxious Stacy was about Steve coming home. Their separation was gnawing at her. Bucky could see the signs of stress and strain. He felt guilty that he was so consumed with his own problems that he didn't do more to ease her troubled mind.
"He's gonna love it. I know," he reassured her.
She gave him smile, but Bucky wanted to do more. "Actually, you and he should go out tonight. Monica and I are planning on going to see a movie."
"We are?" Monica asked.
Bucky gave her an intense stare and Monica caught on quickly. "Oh, yeah, we are," she said unconvincingly.
"Really?" Stacy asked suspiciously.
"Really," Bucky lied.
"Oh, that'd be perfect! We could go out to dinner together," Stacy said excitedly. "I need to go take a shower and change before he comes."
"A movie?" Monica asked with a cocked eyebrow as soon as Stacy went into her bedroom.
"Sorry. I just wanted them to have some time alone together. Is that okay?" Bucky asked.
"Fine, but you're paying," she said impishly.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
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Steve arrived home at six that evening to a round of hugs and kisses. He was pleasantly surprised that Monica and Bucky were planning on going out and he quickly showered and changed himself so that he could take Stacy out for a special "night on the town". Bucky was relieved to see Steve, not realizing how much he had missed his best friend, how worried he'd been for him while he was on assignment. A part of him still saw Steve as that small, sickly kid, constantly getting picked on and bullied.
Once Steve and Stacy left for their dinner out, Monica picked up her phone. "Let me see what's playing. What are you in the mood for?"
Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care. You pick."
"Um . . . last time, when there was a car chase . . ." she said delicately.
"You're right. Probably not an action flick, then," he said.
"Alright. Let me see . . . oh no," she said, disappointment tinging her words.
"What?"
"I got another text from one of my old roommates. I need to settle up some of the bills for the last month I was there. Look, Bucky, I'm going to have to take a raincheck on that movie. I should probably head over there and straighten this whole thing out. She's been sending me nasty texts all day."
Bucky nodded. Monica's old apartment wasn't exactly in the nicest area of town and he didn't feel right having her visit there at night alone. "I could go with you," he offered.
She hesitated and then nodded. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that. It'd be nice to have another person on my side. They always gang up on me."
"Not with me around," he said firmly.
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They grabbed a quick dinner and then headed over to Monica's old apartment, taking the subway. Looking at some of the rough characters who were eyeing Monica in the subway car, Bucky was more glad than ever that he offered to go along with her. They stood side by side, holding onto the same pole, and he glared at any guy who stared too long at Monica.
Once they arrived at their stop, they walked a few blocks to her old building. They went up the steps to the intercom and she pressed the button. "It's me, Monica."
The buzzer rang and Bucky pushed open the door for her, waving her in first. She walked up the steps to the second floor with Bucky trailing behind her, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering scent that reminded him of a backed-up sewer line in the stairwell. Monica knocked firmly on the door and gave Bucky a nervous smile.
The door opened and Chase stood there.
"Oh," Monica said, her eyes open wide. "I didn't . . . is Renee here? I texted her."
"Come in," Chase said, licking his lips slightly and boldly checking her out. He held the door open for her, his eyes raking over her as she passed by him and nearly closed the door in Bucky's face.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there," Chase said flatly, giving Bucky a false smile and ushering him inside.
"Where's Renee?" Monica asked when they entered the apartment. Neither of her other roommates were there in the tiny studio apartment.
"She went down the street to pick up a pizza. She wanted me to stay here in case you came by," Chase explained.
"And Joann?" Monica asked, waving to the left side of the small studio. There was a lone unmade queen bed where there had once been a set of bunkbeds and a desk/bunkbed combo.
"Moved out right after you did. Renee couldn't swing the rent by herself, so I decided to help her out and split the rent with her."
"Well, aren't you a prince?" Monica said sarcastically.
"Hey, no hard feelings. You can always move back in if you want to," Chase said suggestively. "Three's company," he leered at her.
Monica rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the offer. I have a great place to stay now."
"She does," Bucky said, his hands twitching slightly with the desire to wipe that smug grin off of Chase's face.
"Oh, so you two?" Chase asked, pointing at the both of them. Then, his eyes widened. "Don't I know you?" he asked Bucky.
"Yes," Bucky said, nearly growling, as his hands clenched into fists.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Monica, how low have you fallen that you're dating a homeless guy?" Chase mocked. "Seriously, babe, move back in with us. At least you won't get lice."
"One, Bucky and I are just friends. Two, if this were the last apartment on Earth, I wouldn't move back here. Three, if you ever call me 'babe' again, it'll be the last word you ever say. Just give me the bills and I'll write a check to Renee so that we can go," Monica said curtly.
Bucky took a step forward, fully intending to make Chase regret every single word he had said, when Monica caught his arm. "Don't. He's not worth it," she pled.
Bucky gritted his teeth and gave her a short nod. She took her checkbook out of her purse, snatching the small pile of bills on the small folding table. In a minute, she dashed off a check and left it on the table. "There's the check," she said, stuffing her checkbook back in her purse.
"Hey, don't be angry. I was just playing around," Chase said as she turned to leave.
"I hope you two are very happy together. You really deserve each other," she said as she swept out of the apartment.
She made it to the street before she began to break down and cry. Bucky put his arms around her and held her for a long while. Finally she pulled back a bit, sniffing. "I can't believe I wasted months of my life pining over that guy. He's such a jerk. Sometimes, I have the worst taste in men."
"Are you sure you don't want me to go back there and straighten him out?" Bucky offered.
"Is it horrible that a part of me wants to say yes? But no, he's stuck with Renee. She's a piece of work. I'm sure that they're going to make each other miserable," she said with a rueful smile. "Thanks for coming with me. I would have hated to be stuck alone with him."
Bucky's stomach turned at the thought of Monica alone with that lech. "We're not going to run into him tomorrow, are we?" The last thing he wanted to do was pummel a man at Easter service. Bucky was sure that the next time he saw the creep he wouldn't be able to restrain himself.
"Oh, no. I haven't seen him at church in months. Don't worry," she assured him.
"Hey, want to go back home? Maybe pop some popcorn and rent a movie?" he suggested.
Monica brightened. "Oh, that sounds so good."
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"Well, don't you look dapper?" Monica observed as Bucky walked out of his room the next morning after breakfast, wearing the light gray three piece suit they had bought the day before. "You're going to be more dressed up than the pastor," she said with a grin.
Bucky shrugged his shoulders and straightened his black tie. He wasn't about to wear casual clothes to Easter service.
"You don't look too shabby yourself," he pointed out as Monica spun around to let him have a look at her vibrant turquoise dress. It had a fitted, scoop-necked bodice with cap sleeves and a full, pleated skirt that hit her right above the knee.
"You like?" she asked.
"I like," he agreed.
Before long, Stacy and Steve came out of their room, dressed and ready to go. Steve wore a dark suit and gave Bucky a little nod, approving of his wardrobe choice. Stacy was wearing a mint green sheath dress and strappy heels, although she was still several inches shorter than Steve.
"We should get going. It's almost 10:15 and the 11 o'clock service is going to be packed. Parking on Easter Sunday is always a bit of a mess. And I need to get there early to greet," Stacy said hastily as she put in an earring.
"You're not in the nursery?" Bucky asked Monica as they all headed for the door. She usually left early to help out with the babies during the 9 o'clock service.
"No, I switched with a friend. Didn't want to have a baby spit up all over my new dress," she said with a wink as they entered the elevator.
"Smart thinking," he said as his eyes travelled her form in her new outfit, appreciating the view.
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Growing up, Bucky was used to small churches, wooden pews, and quiet reverence. Visiting the church that Monica and Stacy attended was a bit of a culture shock. Stacy positioned herself at the door when they arrived and began shaking hands or hugging every single person who entered. Bucky followed Monica and Steve inside, blinking a bit at the large industrial space. There were hundreds of folding chairs lined up in rows, all facing a large main stage. For a moment, Bucky felt more like he was attending a rock concert than Easter service.
"Oh, look. There they are!" Monica said, pointed to a small group of people seated on the right side near the front. Steve and Bucky followed her and before long Bucky recognized them as Stacy's friends from her birthday.
"Hey, it's good to see you," Monica said, giving the woman a fierce hug. "Bucky, you remember Erica and her husband, Michael?"
"Of course," Bucky lied smoothly, having completely forgotten their names. He stuck out his hand and shook theirs, a large smile on his face.
"And Josh, how are you?" Monica asked, giving her friend a quick hug.
Bucky grimaced at that, wondering why the shorter man seemed to annoy him so much. He reasoned that he remembered that Josh and Steve had a falling out, but he knew that it was more than that.
"Hi, Bucky," Josh said, sticking out his hand to shake. "It's good to see you again. Happy Easter."
"Happy Easter," Bucky said, forcing himself to smile as he shook Josh's hand.
"Monica, are you all coming out to lunch afterwards?" Josh asked.
"I guess so. Yeah, sure," Monica said with a smile.
"Lunch?" Bucky asked. He had assumed that they'd all go back to the apartment to eat.
"Post-service ritual. Although, I guess we should go somewhere a little fancier than the sub shop for Easter," Monica said.
"Oh, let's go to Luigi's," Steve suggested. "My treat."
"Your treat?" Erica asked.
"Yeah. I've missed you guys. It'll give us all a chance to catch up," Steve said.
"Thanks, man," Michael said.
Bucky smiled wanly. Yet another awkward social gathering. He felt like such an outsider in the group.
Monica put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "We should probably grab a seat. The band looks like they're about to start."
They all shuffled around in the row, claiming their seats. Bucky ended up between Monica and Steve with Steve saving an end seat for Stacy for when she finished greeting.
"Happy Easter," the lead singer said loudly as he came up to mike stand in the center stage. "It's great to see so many people this morning. If this is your first time here, welcome. We hope it won't be your last," he said warmly before nodding to his band behind him and counting in the first song.
Bucky followed the example of his friends around him and stood during the songs. The first two songs were vaguely familiar to Bucky and he realized that Monica had downloaded them to his phone. She sang along next to him and he was impressed at how good she was. He mumbled his way through, following along with the words that were displayed on two large screens on either side of the stage. Bucky was surprised that Steve seemed to know every word, singing loud and clear next to him.
When the third song began, Bucky's head reared back as he recognized the lyrics for "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing". The traditional hymn sounded out of place at first when played by such a modern band, but after a moment, Bucky closed his eyes and sang the hymn he had memorized as a child. When he sang the line "streams of mercy, never ceasing," he began shake slightly. He had lived without mercy for so long, under the harsh control of Hydra. Mercy, grace, love . . . they had no use for those concepts. There was only pain. There was only the completion of each mission, the elimination of each new target.
"You okay?" Monica asked, whispering in his ear, her hand on his shoulder.
Bucky nodded, feeling foolish for breaking down from a simple lyric. But the truth was, the hymn also reminded of his childhood, of his innocence, of a time before, when thing seemed simple. When he was surrounded by friends and family. When life seemed full of possibilities.
Life didn't seem that way anymore.
Monica's hand rested lightly on his back as she leaned over to whisper in his ear. "It's alright. I always sob during worship time. I'm a big softie."
Bucky looked over at her as she wiped away a tear on her cheek and smiled at her, giving her a wink. He turned his gaze to the stage as the pastor strode to a music stand acting as a makeshift podium, setting his notes down and smiling to the crowd as they all sat down. As Monica had predicted, the middle-aged man was wearing khakis and a light blue button down shirt.
"Good morning. How's everyone doing? Are you all enjoying the warmer weather?"
There was a chorus of yeses from the congregation. The pastor chuckled. "I see I'm not the only one. There's only some much snow you can reasonably deal with. We all begin to miss the sun, the warmth on our faces. One reason that we love spring so much is that it is a season of renewal. It marks the end of winter, a dead and barren time. Spring points towards new life and new possibilities. Easter gives us hope. Hope that the broken will be made whole. Hope that old things are washed away. Hope that sacrificial love makes us who we were meant to be."
"We all fall short. Some of us in small ways. Some of us in big ways. And we feel it. We know when we say things we shouldn't, hurt people we shouldn't. We feel that gulf between who we are and who we were meant to be. Who God intended us to be."
"And that's what Easter gives us. A way to bridge that gulf. A way to reconcile with God and one another. A way to stop beating ourselves up for falling short."
"Winter no longer has any claim over you. Your past has no hold over you. Christ's sacrifice has made you free. Are you living in that freedom? Or are you letting the chains of who you used to be pull you down? Drag you under?"
"You are loved."
"You are extravagantly loved."
"You are abundantly loved."
"You are set free."
"You are forgiven."
"You have been redeemed."
"Live your life basking in the sun. Spring has come. The darkness, winter, cannot control you anymore. Now go out and live, secure in the knowledge that you are made new."
Winter no longer has any claim over you. Spring has come. For some reason those words kept echoing in Bucky's mind. Winter no longer has any claim over you. Spring has come. A smile tugged at Bucky's lips and he wasn't even aware of it. For the first time in a long, long time, his mind was consumed not with thoughts of his failures, of his crimes, but at the possibility that freedom was just around the corner.
He had experienced moments of hope before, but this was different. It felt different.
He felt like there was a real possibility of being free.
Winter no longer has any claim over you. Spring has come.
Author's Note- Okay, thanks to all of my kind readers for their lovely suggestions for ship names for Steve and Stacy. While they were all wonderful, my favorites were cheryl72's "Kindershield", Qweb's "CapsBride", and Salkri's "IcedCoffee".
On Monday, Oct. 13 of this week, I celebrated my one year anniversary for posting stories on this site and with over 400,000 words during that year, enough for 4 or 5 novels. I have a big favor to ask to help me celebrate this anniversary. If you've enjoyed this or any other story of mine, can you let me know in a review? Even if you don't normally review a story, just leaving a "I like your stories" as a guest would mean the world to me. Your kind words have been the encouragement I've needed to write so much over this past year and I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Also, "Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing" was written in 1758 and is in the public domain. It's also a beautiful song and you can even hear Mumford and Sons do a version of it on Youtube! For those of you on tumblr, my name on there is creativereadingfanfiction and I've posted a link to that Youtube clip on my blog.
