AN: everyone - "Olivia's decision"... I'm glad that readers are supportive of Liv's decision :-). everyone - re: "what needs to change"... Will be revealed in this chapter :-). trace619 - re: "I was halfway expecting them to go a little further once they were home after their date, but the way it went was just as nice"... I wanted it to be a sweet and romantic evening, so that's why it ended with just snuggling. However, that 'little further' is in this chapter. Maybe even the next step Liv hinted at in ch49 ;-) "I laughed when he said he liked Amanda, not because he does but because he kinda sounded like a kid. 'I like Amanda.' It was actually kinda cute"... I imagined Nick saying it the first time a bit bashfully, the 2nd time with a little more conviction. Mariskafan2364 - re: "I loved the conversation they had before they came home from thier date"... I loved it too :-). It was also a way for Olivia to find out if she'd regret the decision she was to make about her job. LBM - re: "Those gifts from Lexie were adorable and very sweet"... I thought so too :-) Bkwrmchar - re: "Laughed at Alex's comment to Olivia re. the M&M peanut candies"... You have no idea how long I've been waiting to write that tiny scene! :-D. But after the constant teasing of Nessa and Alan of the 'just friends' comments and Liv's constant denial that she's craving, it just seemed like the perfect thing for Alex to say ;-)
AN2: This chapter should have been posted earlier, but I do have a valid excuse. The football sporting team I've followed since I was a very young child won the grand final/premiership (ie: Super Bowl equivalent) for the 2nd year in a row (GO HAWKS!) so much celebrating needed to happen ;-). See if you can spot the very slightly altered 'Internal Affairs' quote ;-). As always, thankyou to everyone for reading, commenting, faving, following etc :-)
"Hello?"
"Good morning, Mel! FYI: you're on speaker," Liv placed her cell phone on the dining table while she and Alex ate breakfast.
"Good morning, New York ladies! What's with this unscheduled Tuesday morning call? Do you miss me already? Or has something happened? Oh no, Liv, have you gone into premature labour?!"
"Yes, we miss you already. But no, nothing like that has happened, so stop panicking!" Alex placated the Winthrop Sheriff.
"Oh, thank god!" Mel replied, the relief audible over the phone.
"We just thought we'd let you know that we narrowed down baby names last night, so we're down to the final 2 options."
"Ah, so you've both finally told each other that your choices were Chloe and Zoƫ? About time."
Olivia and Alex looked at each other simultaneously, "You told Mel?!"
"Now ladies, no getting upset at each other. Neither of you could keep your choices under wraps and were bursting to tell someone. That someone just happened to be moi!"
Alex asked, "Dare we ask if you've 'accidentally' told Kelly yet?"
"As I promised both of you, I kept the names you each chose to myself... although I was quite tempted to tell Kel around an hour ago when she called me. But now you've both officially told me, I'll let her know when she contacts me again... screw it, I'll text her and let her know ASAP."
"You do that with our blessing," the ADA said before sipping her coffee.
Olivia added, "You can also let Kelly know that I'll be returning to SVU for another year after maternity leave before I become a rape crisis counsellor."
"Thought you were putting in your papers, Benson?"
"I was, but I did a lot of thinking last night... and the decision I've made is the right one for me."
"That's great news to hear! I'll be sure to let Kelly know that as well."
"It all hinges on a certain proviso though," Liv commented.
"Oh? Which is?"
Liv explained the condition to Melanie, which she had already told Alex last night.
Melanie replied, "Olivia, if I were your superior officer at SVU, or if you were with the Sheriff's Department up here in Winthrop, I would agree to that term. No hesitation."
"Let's just hope my Captain thinks the same as you and Alex do," said Olivia.
"For the short time I spent with Don up here after you were found, he seemed a fair and reasonable man. And what you're asking as a condition to return, it's not an unreasonable request."
"I guess I'll find out after this morning's therapy session," Liv mused.
"Those are my terms for returning to SVU and sitting the Sergeants exam, Captain." Olivia stated as she sat opposite Don Cragen inside his office on the 6th floor. Even though the squad room was currently empty, the blinds in his office were tilted for privacy. She added after a pause, "While it's not an unreasonable request, it's not negotiable either."
Don sat back on his chair, "And if I can't grant that... specific request?"
The brunette opened the Sergeants exam folder, removing the resignation letter. She then took a pen from the desk set and signed it with determination before sliding the letter across the desk.
Olivia spoke as Don picked up the letter, "Then I stand by what I wrote in that resignation letter the day you gave me this Sergeants exam folder. It might be dated that I'll resign December 2, but you and I both know it will be effective immediately."
Cragen read the letter thoroughly, "You're serious?"
"I have never been more serious in my career than I am right now. If you can't or won't grant me this one request, I'll have no hesitation to clear out my desk the moment I set foot outside this office. I can't return to SVU any other way, Cap."
Rereading the letter, Don pondered his options before placing the letter in the paper shredding machine beside his desk. Both Olivia and Don showed no emotions as the machine quickly destroyed the piece of paper into dozens of enlongated strands that fell into the catcher. Cragen opened the desk drawer and placed the newly reissued detective's shield on top of the desk, "You'll need this as identification to sit the Sergeants exam on December 2... Welcome back to SVU."
Liv made no effort to take the gold shield, "I also have to officially remind you once again that I'm in a relationship with ADA Cabot... and she is informing Bureau Chief Cutter and the DA's Office of her relationship status some time today. I don't want any chances of anyone coming back with calls of bias or impropriety of anything I investigate, when I return permanently of course, that goes to court and Alex is the prosecuting ADA."
"As I said previously, your relationship won't 'officially' be registered with the NYPD until December 2, as per your official return date. But thankyou for the reminder."
"I also have therapy twice a week, and ultrasounds needed every other week, but I'll try my best to schedule those after work hours. I'll take my maternity leave as at January 3 2014, just in case I deliver early. That'll give me 4 weeks work... excluding the Sergeants exam."
"You'll also take Christmas Day and New Year's Eve off, that's an order. Is there anything else?"
Olivia shook her head in the negative, pocketing the gold shield into her leather jacket inner breast pocket.
Cragen was waiting in the squad room as the SVU team exited the elevator simultaneously. Tutuola and Rollins had returned from court, whereas Munch, Amaro and Dumas had just arrived back from Washington Heights, "Listen up people. We have an additional detective joining SVU on December 3... we will continue rotating partners until further notice however."
A heavy silence descended over the 4 detectives and the seasoned sergeant, each member thinking the same thing.
"Team, it's ok. Nothing changes... except what has to," Don said simply. He knew that they were all thinking that the true heart of SVU wasn't returning, and some upstart 'wet behind the ears' detective was joining them. "For the record: Fin, you'll be partnered with Rollins... Munch and Amaro will now be teamed up... and Dumas, your new partner..."
Cragen tapped on the glass of his office door and waited. There were audible gasps from the SVU members as they saw who exited.
"Hey Doom," Olivia gave a small wave.
"Benson! Alright! C'mere partner!" Doom crossed the squad room and gave Olivia his usual warm bear hug.
Don called out as he returned to his office to answer the ringing telephone, "Amaro, Dumas... swap desks by the end of your shifts."
Olivia could see Nick hanging back as John, Amanda and Fin each welcomed her back with open arms after ending her embrace with Doom. She expected this reaction from Amaro. Sullen, sulky and petulant... almost a carbon copy of Elliott Stabler sometimes.
"Fin, are you wanting a study partner for the next 2 weeks?" Liv asked ending their hug.
"As long as our bet still stands!" Fin raised his fist.
Olivia bumped her fist against his, "You better believe it! Come over tonight if you can, or let me know your current hours and we'll work something out."
"Cabot's apartment, right?"
"Our apartment," Olivia corrected.
"FIN! ROLLINS! Get down to Tribeca," Don handed over a piece of paper with more details of a new case. "An elderly woman has been found in Albert Capsouto Park... unconscious and naked from the waist down."
Amanda took the note from Cragen, "An SVU Detective's work is never ending. See what you'd have missed, Liv."
"Like a hole in the head," Olivia retorted with a laugh.
As Fin and Amanda departed, Nick approached. "Can we talk?"
He didn't wait for a reply from Olivia as he headed for the Juvenile Interview Room. She hoped his reaction to this news wouldn't reflect the room's official title.
"I thought you said we were cool last night?" Nick paced back and forth as Olivia closed the door, the hurt in his voice audible.
Liv confirmed, "We are cool."
"I find that a little hard to believe now. We are partners, Liv! You and me."
"We were. I made it clear to Cragen that the one condition for me to return to SVU was that you and I weren't partners any longer."
Amaro folded his arms across his chest, "So what we said last night to each other was just bullshit? You don't forgive me at all, do you?"
"Nick, I do forgive you. But we can't be assigned work partners... not in the forseeable future anyway. Last night, we both admitted we lost trust in each other... me holding a gun to the back of your head was the catalyst, and you accusing me of cheating and not able to trust me to tell Alex what happened with Mel compounded it. We both know that once that trust is lost in a working partnership, it takes a long time to regain it... if ever. Don't get me wrong, you are a great detective and a hell of a partner, but this was not negotiable for me. I don't want to find myself in a situation again where I don't see Detective Nick Amaro but instead I see a tallish, dark haired, well built man... and I pull the trigger. If I'm partnered with someone else, I doubt very much I'll have that moment where I'm questioning my judgement, or Alex isn't there to talk me down... or if something happens and IAB's called in and you're questioning or doubting if what I've told you is the truth or not. Fin and Amanda are great partners, and I know you and Munch have a fantastic rapport. You saved my life up at Hammond Island Wildlife Reserve and you'd only been at SVU just on 6 months. Nick, I feel so privileged and honoured to have had you as my partner these last couple of years, and maybe one day before I retire I'll get to have that honour again... but for the time being, Doom will be my partner at SVU."
"So, you're not asking for a new partner because of what I did?" Nick clarified quietly.
"No, I've requested a new partner because of what I did. It's not in retaliation, but for me personally, it's the right thing to do. Think of it as... a non-romantic 'it's not you, it's me' parting of ways. We'll still be co-workers, just not assigned work partners. Anyway, I'm not jumping back into work right off the bat. I'm only back at SVU for a month before I take maternity leave, and during that time I'll be on desk duty."
Nick gave a half laugh, "You? Grunt work?"
"Yes, the boring grunt work we all despise doing."
"I got a pile of DD5's sitting on my desk," Nick hitched his thumb over his shoulder, a broad grin suddenly appearing.
"I'm not back at work until December 3, the day after the Sergeants exam, so do your own damn 5's... or save them up for me. Also I'll only be doing soft interviews. I can't carry my gun until I'm recertified and I won't be taking the test until after maternity leave. Now, I'll ask you what you asked me: are we cool?"
Nick held out his hand for Olivia to shake, "We're cool."
Olivia ignored the outstretched hand, instead she hugged Nick. Ending the embrace, Liv asked, "You want to update me on the latest conspiracy Munch has going?"
Amaro snorted as they both headed for the door, "He's got this idea that there could be something going on between Dumas and Barba. I told John he's crazy!"
Doom had already placed his box of meagre possessions on Amaro's old desk as Nick and Olivia reentered the bullpen, "I didn't touch any of your stuff, Amaro... but Munch took the liberty of packing the contents of your desk drawers. Well, more like upending the drawers into the boxes."
"John!" Nick scowled, seeing the mess inside the boxes.
Munch shrugged, "Just thought I'd save you some time... partner."
As Nick began placing the items from on top of his desk in the box, Liv whispered to John, "Want to hear a new romantic conspiracy that been brewing for some time?"
John curiosity was piqued, "Do tell."
"Nick and Amanda."
"That's not new, per se. That rumour's been circulating for a while. Now Barba and Doom-"
Olivia cut the Sergeant off, "But that's the thing, John. Not a rumour any longer. Nick told me last night that he likes Amanda."
"Really?!"
"Yes, really... so leave Doom and Barba alone. Got it?" Olivia gave the Sergeant a pointed look.
"Got it," John gave a quick nod in understanding. He then rubbed his hands together and grinned broadly, "Which portmanteau is better? Amarollins? or Rollaro?"
Olivia patted Munch on the back, "That, my friend, is up to you."
"I'm really going enjoy having Amaro as my partner now... Just as much as we love having you back on the team. Welcome back, Olivia."
Taking a break from quizzing each other with multiple choice questions, Olivia placed a fresh cup of coffee down in front of Fin, "How's Ken and Alejandro?"
"Still engaged, but it looks like they're going to get married some time in the new year. They're even talking about maybe having kids in the future. Ken seems to be leaning towards a surrogate, whereas Alejandro is more towards adoption."
Liv laughed, "I can see it now: Grandpa Fin. Maybe Poppy Fin... No, wait... G-Dawg Fin."
"Oh don't you start. I already feel old seeing Ken'll be 30 in February. Even though we've had our ups and downs over the years and have had a strained relationship for most of it, I can't believe I'll have been a father for 30 years."
"I'm still coming to terms that I'll be a Mom some time in the next few months."
"I think Mama Benson suits you, Liv."
"Mommy," Liv corrected. "Alex is Mama."
"So you and Cabot are serious?"
"Oh yeah, very serious... Ken and Alejandro serious."
Fin was surprised, "You're engaged?!"
"Not yet, but before the end of the year I'll be asking Alex to marry me. She already knows I'll be proposing, I just have to work out when exactly."
"I always wondered not if, but when you and her would get together. I thought you and Alex were getting closer a couple of years ago... you and her both arrived on scene at that rape of the actress during her theatre performance very quickly. When I asked Alex about being there so early in the game, she just said that she was, and I quote 'in the neigbourhood'."
"She told the truth. She was in the neighbourhood... we were in the neighbourhood. We had gone out to dinner, then went ice skating at Rockerfeller Centre. We were going to go for coffee when I got the call."
"You went on an ice skating date?"
"Yes, but at the time we were calling them nothing more than innocent but friendly 'dinner dates'. Sometimes we'd go to dinner, then the theatre; other times it was dinner, then an art exhibition. That time just happened to be dinner, then ice skating because it was close to the holidays."
December 15, 2011... to be exact.
An idea began to form in Olivia's mind. Even though she would be 7 months pregnant at the time, perhaps revisiting that particular 'dinner date' would be the ideal time to propose? Sure, she wouldn't be able to ice skate being 7 months pregnant, but she could watch Alex from the sides if the ADA wanted to skate for a while. Christmas Day had been her initial plan to propose, but maybe this particular date would be more special? They hadn't arranged their next monthly romantic evening seeing the last one had only occurred the night before, and it would be another hour before Alex would get home from her weekly meeting at the DA's office for dinner.
"Earth to Liv!"
"Huh?" Olivia was pulled from her thoughts as she unconsciously toyed with the rubber band bracelet.
Fin laughed, "You spaced out for a moment."
"Did I? Sorry about that. You just gave me a little food for thought, that's all."
"I did?"
"Thanks Fin."
"Glad I could help?" Fin offered, still a little confused about what he had actually helped with.
Alex smiled as Olivia's eyes fluttered opened, "It's nice you hear you mumble and murmur my name again in your sleep."
"I was dreaming a wonderful dream... reliving a wonderful time between us," Olivia yawned, taking in her surrounding. She was sitting in the nursing chair in the spare bedroom, the Sergeants exam paperwork scattered on the bed, floor and her lap, and Alex was on the edge of the spare bed. "How long have you been home?"
"Unfortunately, the meeting took a lot longer than anticipated, so only about half an hour. I'm sorry I couldn't get home in time for dinner, but I'm glad you kept it warm for me. How was studying with Fin?"
"It was good. He's worried that he's going to do poorly, or maybe even fail, but I told him I feel the same way seeing I've been out of action for the last 6 months... so to speak. How did Cutter react when you told him about us this morning?"
"He congratulated me. I have a feeling because Mike knew what happened to you and how much your kidnapping affected me helped him accept it more easily, rather than drop an unsuspecting bombshell on him."
"Anyone say anything at the meeting?"
"No. Thankfully the DA's office has become more accepting of same sex relationships since same sex marriage laws were introduced in New York in 2011. It's not like it was when Serena came out to Arthur Branch back in 2005. However, give it a few days and the snide sexuality comments should start filtering out into the open from those close minded people, but I don't care. The people that matter most... our close friends and co-workers at SVU... accept us, and that's all I care about. How did Nick take the news that you aren't going to be his partner any longer?"
"Once I explained my reason why, he understood."
"Did you talk to Doctor MacKenzie about your decision too?"
"I did. He said that what I decided to do regarding my job was a sensible decision too... not rash or hasty like it was initially. He described it as a kind of... middle ground. He thinks I may have regretted my decision to quit like I was going to, but this way I can ease myself out on my terms, then start the next phase the same way."
Alex stood up, closed the distance between the bed and the nursing chair before leaning down to kiss Olivia as the brunette began shuffling the papers that had remained in her lap.
"What was that for?"
"I have to have a reason to kiss you?"
"Definitely not," Liv shook her head. She began to protest when Alex took the exam papers from her grasp.
"No more studying tonight. I'd like to catch up on some 'you and me time' seeing I got home late. Maybe snuggle like we did last night after our date?"
Olivia got to her feet while the blonde placed the papers back in the folder, "I like the sound of some you and me time. Speaking of our romantic evening last night... seeing as though you arranged the dinner, I'd like to arrange the next one."
Alex slipped her hand in Olivia's as she switched the light off and headed for the master bedroom, "That's fair enough. When?"
"How about the middle of December? I think I'd like to relive a dinner date we had a few years back."
"That sounds very specific," Alex switched on the master bedroom light.
"You'll just have to wait to find out closer to the date, won't you?" Olivia replied as she excused herself to use the bathroom. Upon her return, she sat down on Alex's side of the bed beside the blonde, "Now, about this you and me time. I certainly liked snuggling last night."
"I did too. It was the perfect way to end the evening. Just holding each other in bed... do you want to do that again?"
"Maybe later, but not right now."
"So what is it you want to do right now?"
"Make out... take another step."
"We can do that."
Liv's voice became quieter, "I know we've been making out braless lately, and I really, really like that we do... but I want to do these steps right. Can we have shirts off, pants off, but bras and panties still on? I-I mean, maybe after a while we take our bras off? But just for the beginning, we leave them on?"
"However you want to take these steps, Olivia." Alex's smile was coy, "Besides, I think making out in just bras and panties is a wonderful idea seeing I'm wearing a new matching set."
"You are?"
"You'll find out soon enough," Alex lightly caressed Liv's cheek while brushing her thumb over the brunette's lips. "Now, your safe words?"
"My safe words are wait, yellow, amber... stop, red and cease."
"And?"
"And we always want to end each session on a positive," Olivia said before shifting her head to press a kiss to Alex's thumb resting by the corner of her mouth.
The brunette asked that Alex straddle her thighs like last time they had made out, as that position was more comfortable for her with her feet starting to swell. She unbutton the maternity belt extender, slid her jeans off and positioned herself in the middle of the bed like last time with her button down shirt still on. Her legs had suffered cuts and cigarette burns, but nowhere near as bad as her upper body, and was thankful they were still smooth from shaving them before their date last night. She watched as Alex made a show of facing away to remove her suit pants before bending over to pick them up off the floor and hang them over the bed end. A hint of ultramarine blue satin boy shorts with black lace edging peeked out from the hem of her dark blouse.
"Tease!"
"I was wondering if you'd chastise me for presenting my ass!" Alex crawled onto the bed, carefully straddling Olivia's thighs but keeping her weight on her own knees.
In this position, the jagged self inflicted scars on Alex's thighs were pale yet prominent than ever to Olivia. She noticed they were the same shade in colour as the puckered bullet scar that marred her currently covered shoulder as she rested her hands on Alex's outer thighs.
"You can touch them," Alex encouraged gently, dispelling any concern the brunette may have of doing so. Olivia couldn't help but tear up a little while her right thumb brushing back and forth along a somewhat horizontal, thin scar.
"Liv?" Alex could see the emotions flitting over Olivia's features.
"Sweetie, you've been so good to me... been here for me, and I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
"Oh, baby. You would have been there for me had you known, wouldn't you?"
"Absolutely," Olivia almost whimpered.
Alex brushed a lock of hair back behind Liv's ear, "That's all either of us need to know. Neither of us can change what happened in our pasts, but we both know we'll be there for each other now... every step of the way."
Olivia gave a smile as she nodded, "Every step of the way."
"Don't ever forget that," the ADA reminded Liv as her lips against the brunette's.
Mouths and tongues slowly became reacquainted as each woman began to unbutton the other's shirt, each parting the material open before removing their own shirt. True to her word, Alex was wearing a matching ultramarine blue satin bra with black lace edging. Olivia, on the other hand, was clad in pink cotton boy shorts and a beige bandeau bra that was beginning to show signs that it was struggling to contain her growing breasts. Proper maternity bras would be needed in the not to distant future. Hands and fingertips caressed and traversed curves and skin, but purposely avoided what was covered by underwear. Alex's hands paused below Liv's scapula scars until Olivia let her know that she was ready to let them be touched.
"What?" Alex asked as Liv smiled into the current kiss.
Resting her left hand on Alex's right hip, Olivia used the pad of her thumb to draw a light circle over the top of the material, "Your tattoo is right... there."
"One of them, yes."
Alex grinned as she watched Olivia attempt to comprehend what she had just said. The brunette's mouth opened and closed a number of times as if to ask something but never doing so.
"Liv, are you alright?"
"Did... did you say... one of them?" Liv questioned.
"Uh-huh."
"Y-you... have... another tattoo?"
"Uh-huh."
"Where?" Liv croaked. She didn't know why, but there was something very alluring to her about tattoos on Alex.
"On the other side... right here," Alex guided Olivia's right thumb to brush low on her left hip.
"When?"
"I got it after I came back from my ICC tenure. Apart from myself and the tattoo artist, noone else has ever seen it. You will be the only other person that ever sees it."
Olivia shifted both thumbs back up to Alex's hips, "W-what is it?"
Alex just smirked as she shrugged her shoulders.
The brunette's eyes lingered on the area before taking a guess, "Is... is it another peace sign?"
"No, but it goes hand in hand with peace."
"Is it a dove with an olive branch?"
"I thought about that, but decided against it. Though, in a way, I can see both of my tattoos as representing you and me."
"Not my badge number?"
"No. I had considered that too, but it would have been a little presumptuous of me seeing we weren't together when I got the tattoo. I guess in a way I had that little speck of hope that one day we might... but this way if we hadn't, it still made sense to me, because both of these tattoos can also represent 2 quotes that mean a lot to me. Now, if a police officer might be deemed to be the keeper of peace..." Alex lowered the waistband of the right side of her underwear just enough to reveal the peace sign before covering it again, then moving to the left side, "... a lawyer might be deemed the keeper of?"
"Justice?" Liv offered.
Alex lowered the waistband on the left side to reveal a simple Scales of Justice tattoo low on her left hip. Perfectly balanced, not leaning to one side or the other, and no bigger than the peace sign on her right hip.
"What are the quotes?" Olivia asked as Alex covered the tattoo back over.
"The first quote is one my father and Uncle Bill both had engraved on plaques on their desks when I was a young girl. President Eisenhower said during the Suez Crisis: 'Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin'. The other quote I read during high school was said by Jane Addams, the first American woman to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. She said, 'True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice'. Those quotes are kind of what lead me to follow in Uncle Bill's footsteps and become a lawyer. I had been contemplating getting the other tattoo before WPP, but that went out the window once I was in the program. At one point early on, the Marshals even suggested that Emily Richards get the peace tattoo lasered off. I told them what they could do with that suggestion."
Olivia couldn't help but bark out a small laugh at the mental imagery.
"After I came back from the ICC, I finally decided to get the other tattoo." Alex added after a brief pause, "What do you think?"
"I think... as much as I want to lick that tattoo right now... both tattoos right now, I'll wait until we move towards being intimate like that. Until then..."
Without breaking eye contact, Olivia kissed the pad of her right thumb before slipping it beneath Alex's waistband and brushing it over the newly discovered body art, causing Alex to moan with desire.
End Note: Final baby name voting continues. Please take the time and pick the name you'd like baby Brianna to have :-)
End Note 2: Next chapter - I finally get to tidy up a loose thread of the story that goes all the way back to a mid 20's chapter. The AN will also include a couple of surprise shoutouts to some readers that somewhat unknowingly helped make the chapter possible ;-)
