"You've only been here a short time and I-…. I've always been here!"
I shook away Matsuri's words as I sped up towards the same village I had been to before with Gaara. I was going back and forth with the whole love dilemma, and trying to solve my mother's mystery. They both needed to be solved and be put out of the way. The only problem was that they just couldn't be solved at the same time to make it easier on me. My body was tired, but I continued to push myself. Night had fallen once again, and I had already been traveling two full days with only stopping twice. My heart had been racing, unsure of what I might find, my only mind set, I would not return to the sand if my mystery was unsolved. For it would forever be my turmoil. And maybe I was even prepared to search for months, however long it took, maybe even for the rest of my life. Gaara would understand. Besides he only wished to help me, and he did, his job is done. So there's no use for him now.
"Matsuri can have him…." I muttered and felt tears form at the corner of my eyes. They were swept away as I sped up even more. Why did it hurt so badly? To lose something I never even had…
~::.::.::.::.:: A few days later::.::.::.::.::~
"That's why you're only supposed to carry what you can manage!" A man shouted towards a worker of his. I looked around the busy village for some sort of clue, maybe even hopelessly wishing my mother had nowhere else to go and was around here somewhere despite knowing I'd come back. I unzipped my backpack and pulled out a picture with my mother in it, stopping to observe it myself before asking a random person if they had seen her.
"No dear, I'm sorry no," The frail woman kindly replied then walked off. The same answer was given from nearly everyone I had asked. I couldn't be at the wrong village, could I? My mother was working here; she must have been here for awhile at least. Could it be she was just unnoticed? Invisible to the world? Nothing more than a simple worker? The longer I continued the more determined I got, but discouraged as well. Every heartbreaking answer was just fuel to the fire that I'd find someone with a yes. It seemed hours had gone by and I was only just beginning. The village was a lot bigger than I had remembered. Finally taking a break, I sat down to rest before continuing on again. Several days had past it seemed. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention to the time. I was so anxious and tired to even count how many sunsets had gone by. But it seemed I was gone from the sand for almost two weeks now. With absolutely no luck whatsoever. I decided not to spend my money at some Inn so found a place under a tree not too far away. Once again the night had fallen and I was exhausted, I sat alone and pulled my knees under my chin, watching as the breeze played with the grass and I began to think.
"I'll try and be back tomorrow…"
"She's been drinking as usual…"
"I'm sorry I was a bad mother… I promise I'll be back."
"Promise?"
My mother was a drunk, so cruel, yet so lost as I was. I thought back to the times she pushed me, rejected my cooking, and couldn't even look at me at times. I couldn't help but think if she had been in the right state of mind than she would have never acted like that. Before that fateful day with somber news she had always been so held together even after my sister's death. Then suddenly she had changed. I closed my eyes and tried to remember when it all went down hill.
…...
"Mom, I can't find my…" I looked around the room not comprehending what was going on. "Why are there Shinobi in our home?" I weakly asked. One of them turned to face me and attempted a smile, placing their hand on my shoulder telling me not to be scared and that I have to be strong now. I could only stare past him at my mother who was crying in her hands on the couch. What had happened? Moments later they had left telling her if we needed anything to let them know. Once they left my mother had changed forever. She rose and began to throw things, frightening me, she hadn't even seen me. I watched from the corner of the room as the tears fell down from her face, then suddenly she stared out the window, making a fist and griping it so tight that I thought I saw a drop of blood fall from her palm.
"Mom?" I began to walk towards her, suddenly wanting to cry myself. "What's going on?"
She turned to face me with a weak smile as she told me the same thing the sand Shinobi did. "You have to be strong."
Moments later she had told me my father would not return. I was young, but I knew exactly what that meant. The days took forever to pass after that, she'd spend a lot of time looking out the window as if she was waiting for him, or looking for something. Maybe wondering how she would continue on. Soon after that, was when she began drinking.
...…
I quickly stood when I had realized something, "The tavern!" Perhaps my mother's ways never changed and she still drank. I began to run towards the village, hoping she'd be around or maybe recently seen. Anything to lead me towards the right direction. Once inside I tired to maintain calm and natural so as not to bring unnecessary attention to myself. The last thing I needed right now is to find her without even knowing, and then scaring her off. She had to be here somewhere! The feeling I had that she was near, would not go away and I knew I just had to follow my gut feeling this time. It had to mean something right? It just had to. Minutes past, my heart sank even more when I had realized she wasn't in there. At the moments weakness I began to wonder if I should give up. After all, she didn't want to see me, but I had to see for myself just one more time… I shook away the doubts and took a seat at a table and placed my head down on my crossed arms.
"Ugh! Come on already…" I sighed and was startled when a hand slammed right next to me. I looked up to see a dark skin colored man with scars on his face looking down at me angrily.
"You're in my seat!" He spat, obviously intoxicated. For some reason he reminded me of Hidan. It was the way he looked at me and the way he spoke that suddenly brought back memories I had with him. The main thing in common was the lack of manners.
"It doesn't have you're name on it," I replied calmly. No intention to fight. Only if absolutely necessary. He became more aggravated and knocked over a cup. I slowly rose to walk out when he placed his hand on my shoulder to look at him.
"Hm? Weren't you here yesterday?" He stuttered.
"What!" I gasped and then he fell to the floor unconscious, dragging me by the arm. I knelt next to him trying to wake him up, but it was no good. What if by some odd coincidence the person he was referring to was really my mother? This could only mean she WAS around somewhere! Someone tapped me on the back, bringing me to my senses. I quickly stood up and turned to face a man with light tanned skin, short brown hair, and deep blue eyes, perhaps my mother's age or a bit younger. Assuming that my mother was now in her late thirties early forties.
"Can I help you?" He questioned. I assumed he was the owner and was trying to figure out what the ruckus was about. There was something about the way he looked at me like he suddenly seemed like he knew me. Or maybe I was just over thinking again. I explained to him that I was just here looking for someone and wasn't trying to cause any trouble. He chuckled saying that everything was fine and that man always came in here rambling to strangers. My heart sank even more as I realized what he had said was meaningless. I pulled out the picture I was showing everyone, incase of a slight chance he'd know something. When he saw it, he took it for a moment and stared at it then at me like he was making comparisons.
"Do you know her? Can you help me find her?" I asked nervously. "Please tell me you do…"I thought to myself. He handed it back silently and cleared his throat.
"Come with me," He suggested. After that he wouldn't answer any of my questions. When I realized this, I tried my best to remain silent. I followed him out of the tavern and to his house not too far off. He was telling me how nice it was to live here, like he was purposely trying to make me wait even longer for his answer, his explanation. Maybe trying to get to know me first, to make sure I wasn't some sort of intruder with an evil intention. He had to know her… he just had too. Once we arrived he made me a cup of tea and I sat at his table looking at the pictures he had around on the walls. One of him with a pretty blonde haired woman, but no kids.
"Ah, her name was Akiyo," He said out of the blue. I hadn't even noticed he saw me staring at it.
"Was?" I thought to myself. He spoke monotonically; briefly describing she was his wife and was killed in action not long ago. They were planning to have kids soon, but never got the chance. I apologized not meaning to bring up such a depressing subject and watched as his eyes suddenly became distant. Obviously he was still grieving over it. He then told me his name was Benjirou Etsuo, but to call him Benji and he's been living here in the village for several years now. I asked him where he was from originally and he simply said he was a rogue ninja. I didn't seem to pick any odd vibes from him. He seemed like a nice decent man, simply widowed and trying to move on with life.
"You're name?" He finally asked.
"Nayumei," Was all I said as he poured me more tea. "So do you know anything about this woman? It's kind of urgent." I was beginning to get impatient. Here we were making small talk when I had only simply asked him a question at the beginning. I showed him the solo portrait of my mother again and he took his time to look at it again. Was he up to something? I began to wonder if he had put something in my drink, but as the minutes passed nothing unusual happened. Should I trust this man? How could I trust a stranger? But then again… how many strangers have trusted me?
"Where did you say you were from?"
"From the sand," I began to get irritated at his constant questions. But somehow I felt that he did know something. "Look," I began and was interrupted when he asked me if I liked living in the sand. I sighed and told him I hadn't been living there long and was also a rogue ninja. He seemed unsurprised and made another pot of tea. What was he waiting for? It was obvious he was stalling now. Maybe he was lonely and hadn't had company in a while, so he was bored with his life.
"So then what brings you here? And why are you looking for her?" He finally sounded serious. I was a bit glad to finally get to the important subject, but wondered if he'd go off from it again.
"Do you know where she is or not!" I snapped. It had caught him off guard, could he really not realize how irritated I had become? It was starting to seem like he was playing with my head. What was it with people and toying with others emotions? He grinned like he was amused with my urgency.
"Tell you what, I'll play you for the answer," He then took out a stack of playing cards and placed them on the table smiling. "You look like you could use some fun." I stood from my chair facing down and began to head for the door when he suddenly appeared in front of me with his arm blocking the door.
"Alright… I was just trying to lighten up the mood." Benji then told me to take a seat and so I did. I realized that he'd tell me if he knew who I really was so then took out another picture I had of my mother, father, sister and I. When I slid it across the table it seemed to have hit a nerve. He stared at me suspiciously almost as if he was trying to figure out what to say.
"I'm looking for my mother. She left long ago, and I've been looking for her for awhile now. So if you do know where she is…. Than please don't make me wait any longer. I've traveled enough, I've endured enough, if you really don't know then quit wasting my time."
"Mother?" He thought to himself. He got up and turned his back to me remaining silent.
"You do know don't you! Please…. I've waited long enough! Just tell me where she is and I'll go! "I tried to hold back the tears that were trying to come out. Oh but the pain I was in on the inside was only increasing more with every minute that passed. He looked around cautiously as if there was a slight chance that he was being watched.
"I know her alright. And I know where she is, but…" He said blankly.
"But what!" I exclaimed, letting the bit of excitement within, get the best of me.
"It's just that she never mentioned a daughter. And I think it might actually be the wrong person…"
"Let me see her and I'll see that for myself. Please…" I whispered.
"Alright… Follow me," He said sternly. And so I followed him out.
~::.::.::.::.:: A while later::.::.::.::.::~
Behind the tavern was a cave, reminding me of the ones the Akatsuki used. Once inside Benji opened a trap door hidden behind a boulder and then we began to walk down some stairs. My heart was racing so fast that I felt as if at any moment it could stop altogether, He grabbed a torch from the wall and we proceeded down a long dark hallway. Almost like the one I'd see in my dreams. There were multiple doors on each side and one at the very end. Benji wore a blank expression as we neared the very end of the long hall. He paused for a moment and looked back at me with an unsure look, and I suddenly felt a sort of fear swipe through me. A sort of fear I had only gotten from Orochimaru. Was I scared to come all this way and for it to really be the wrong person? Or perhaps that this was somehow some sort of trap…
"Hana?" Benji spoke quietly as he opened the door, revealing a shadowy figure sitting in a chair. It had to be my mother! That was her name. The door now fully opened as Benji walked in slowly. The figure looked back, almost seemed like in slow motion, as it turned to face us. A light illuminated their face and revealed them from the shadows. I suddenly became paralyzed, unable to move as I tried to form a sentence, but nothing would come out.
"It's you…."
