Freddy had been awake for about an hour, ever since Songbird first rolled over and threw her leg over his and wrapped her arms around him. He'd waited for her to move back, but she hadn't. He'd glanced down at her, wondering if she was thinking about Daryl. He tried not to be angry about that, but it wasn't easy. He forced his thoughts away.
Not everyone in the group had known that they would be leaving apparently, because he'd noticed yesterday that the garden had been pretty well tended. There would be plenty of food. Too much for just the two of them, actually. Lucky had planted more than usual for the large group. She'd never get to see them enjoy it now. He wrapped his arm around Songbird, taking comfort from her closeness, even if she was laying there dreaming about the guy who'd abandoned her.
He hadn't gone to his fathers "funeral." He was determined to do better by his sister. There wasn't anything of her to bury, but they could do something. Someone had made crosses for James and Rooster; he could make one for Lucky and put it beside their fathers memorials.
Songbird woke up feeling warm and comfortable. She snuggled under the covers and the warmth next to her. She smiled as she remembered her dream. She and Daryl and Lucky had been fishing at the catfish pond on the edge of the property.
She opened her mouth to ask if they really could do that today, and then she realized exactly who she was snuggled against. Not Daryl. Freddy. She pulled back, pushing against Michelangelo who made an annoyed 'whuff' in his sleep.
"It's okay," Freddy said into the quiet. "I was awake."
"Oh. Well, I'm sorry anyway…I guess I'm a clingy sleeper. Daryl always said I was…" she cut herself off and got up. "I'm going to go get dressed."
"Wait," Freddy sat up and said, "I wanted to talk to you. I'd like to have a memorial service for Lucky today. I know that it's just the two of us…but I…it would mean a lot to me."
"Sure, I think that's a good idea. We should…"
"I want you to sing," he said. "And I'm going to make a cross."
"Okay. Let me know when you're done then," she walked into her bedroom and changed out of her pajamas and into jeans and a tee-shirt. What could she sing for Lucky?
She saw the photo album Lucky had made for her on the lower bunk and she leafed through it. For a brief while, everyone had been so happy. She looked at Dale and Andrea, at T-dog and Carol, at the kids, the next picture hit her like a punch. She'd forgotten it was there. Daryl tugging her braid and smiling down at her, she was smiling up at him as well. She remembered that it was when she was getting Christmas ready. She was surprised when a tear splashed onto the plastic covering the photograph. She hadn't even realized she was crying again.
How had it all gone so wrong? Why did he leave? She wanted to stop asking herself that question but she couldn't. There had to be a reason that he'd walked off without her. Without even a note, some kind of explanation of where he'd gone…of why he'd been so sure she was dead.
And why was she sitting here thinking about him when Lucky was dead? She stood up and went into Lucky's theater room, looking through her music for inspiration. She closed her eyes and lay back across the stage, trying to get a sense of what kind of song Lucky would have wanted.
When she met up with Freddy that evening, she saw several new cuts on his hands from shaping the cross. How somebody could be that precise and yet so still so clumsy was beyond her. She helped him dig a hole and put the cross in it, packing the dirt back tightly so that it stood upright.
She dusted her hands off on the seat of her jeans and cleared her throat.
"If I die young, bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a bed of roses,
Sink me in the river at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song"
As she sang she thought about her friend and the way she'd changed the lives of every member of the group of survivors. She thought about Rick, picturing the way his eyes had followed Lucky even before the two of them had gotten together. He had loved her so much.
"There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who woulda thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life?"
When the song was done, Freddy bowed his head and Songbird did the same. Neither of them prayed aloud, but Freddy saw Songbird's hand move as she crossed herself.
"Thanks for singing," he said after a moment.
"It's not a problem," she lied.
It had been hell. For the first time in her life she hadn't wanted to do it. She didn't want to sing for a dead friend.
About a week passed, dragging into monotony. Freddy noticed that Songbird had stopped singing and her dark eyes never sparkled anymore. She just did what needed to be done and went to bed at night, usually reading until she couldn't stay awake any longer. Freddy would take the book from her hands and pull her into his arms. It didn't wake her up to be held, in fact she slept better…and hell, didn't he deserve to be a little selfish?
Songbird was going crazy wondering what she could do. There was simply no way to know where Daryl had gone. She seethed with frustration as she thought about it; the question simply wouldn't leave her mind. Where would they have gone?
"Songbird?" Freddy asked one night about a week later as they ate.
"Yeah?"
"What now?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"I don't know. I just have a feeling you're planning something," he shrugged as he spoke.
"I want to leave."
The words spilled over the kitchen table and into the space between them. Freddy noticed that Songbird seemed shocked to have even spoken them. He wasn't shocked, but he was conflicted.
"You're sure? Carol said…"
"Do you really think they're going to listen to Carol? Anyway, they probably all believed we were dead. Nobody in that group ever saw me as more than a child and they thought you…" she broke off, embarrassed.
"You can say it. Everybody always thinks I'm an idiot. But you don't even have any idea what direction they went in. You don't want to chase after him blindly. That would be suicide. And what about the farm? What about the animals and the crops and…"
"Freddy, what are you getting at?" she asked in frustration.
"I'm getting at the fact that I don't want you to go by yourself and we can't leave the farm like this. The animals would die and it's just silly to let such a good safe zone go to waste," he took the last bite of his egg and pointed at her with his fork. "You're not leaving without me. And I can't go yet."
"But…" Songbird didn't know what to say. "But this is your house."
"And you're my…you're my…I don't know what you are. But I kind of think of you as my…my whatever," Freddy dropped his face into his palm. "I care about you. That's what I'm trying to explain. I'm not going to let you walk away from me."
She blinked at him.
"So…you aren't trying to stop me?"
"No. I'm just asking you to give me time. We've got communication with those two bases. If we could get them here, show them how to run the farm…" he hated the thought of other people fucking up what Rooster and James had worked so hard for, but there wasn't another option.
"I'd rather have the people from Area 2," Songbird said. "But I don't know how they'd get here."
"I do," Freddy said. "There's abandoned cars everywhere. We could take a trip. There's a back way in, it was just too long to walk. We'd still be on the road if we'd tried it. But it has the advantage of not including the ravine."
"Let's get started then!" excitement flowed through Songbird, but Freddy held up his hand.
"We'll try to raise them on the radio before we go running over there. Anything could have happened between here and there."
She knew better than to argue. Freddy was right and she should let him handle this. She was surprised he was offering to help her at all. She was also determined to bury every hint of her childish personality. That was probably why Daryl had never believed she could handle herself.
Freddy stood and walked into the command center, picking up the radio and trying to raise Area 2.
"Area 2? This is Freddy Mackensie. I delivered the baby about a month ago…is anybody there?"
"Yes!" a voice came on several minutes later. "This is Jeremy at Area 2. You made it back?"
"We made it," Freddy confirmed. "But our situation has changed. There's room at the compound if you have people you'd like to transport."
"Really?" the man sounded close to tears. "We've lost some…we're starving…when? When can you be here?"
"We could leave as soon as we find a vehicle," Freddy replied, distracted by Songbird who was mouthing something. "Oh. How's the baby? And the mother? Are they…"
"Hanging on. But just barely. We have a van on this side. It's just out of gas."
"Well that makes it easier," Freddy injected a note of confidence into his voice. "We'll leave in the morning and we should be there by nightfall. We'll bring enough food to feed everyone and gas for the van. Hold on all right?"
"All right!" the man's voice warmed with hope and Songbird felt tears sting her eyes. "We'll look for you tomorrow then. We'll be ready…and thank you. Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome and we'll see you then."
Freddy shut the radio off and looked at Songbird.
"That's step one," he said.
She nodded and turned to go to bed. Freddy wondered if the light would ever come back into her eyes. He'd seen it briefly when he'd promised to try to raise Area 2, but she'd extinguished it just as quickly as it had sparked. If it didn't and they managed to find Daryl he vowed to personally stomp that guy's ass.
Freddy knew it was hypocritical of him to be mad at Daryl for losing hope when he'd tried to kill himself after losing James and Rooster. But it didn't change the way he felt. He wanted Songbird to be back to her old self. He wanted her to give him that cute smile and make him feel better. He wanted her to tease him and drive him crazy and understand him the way she used to. He wanted to be less furious at the thought that the only thing that would bring the light back to her eyes was another man. He sighed and turned off the light, then headed to get in bed with her so she could sleep, pretending he was Daryl.
