A/N: This episode also has undeniable proof that House is in love with Wilson. 1. The look on House's face whenever he sees Wilson and Sam together. 2. He asks Wilson out when he and Sam break up. 3. Especially the look on his face at the very end of the episode when he's moving the milk. You know, the heartbroken look.
Recap: Wilson and Sam are getting more serious. Sam sometimes does little things that annoy Wilson, and House suggests he tell her instead of silently resenting her. Then he does little things to annoy Wilson, making him think Sam is the one responsible. Wilson follows House's advice, which Sam agrees he should do but they get into a fight and break up anyway. Wilson blames House, House asks him out but he just walks away. Then Sam comes back and gets back together with Wilson.
Open and Shut
I tried. I thought it worked. So she's either changed or she's more manipulative than I thought.
It had to happen this way. Wilson was mad at me but he certainly wasn't heartbroken. If I'd let them go on, and they'd broken up like they did the first time, then he would have been. Now he learned that it's better for him to say something she does bothers him. And she's actually okay with that. Or she's pretending to be.
I hate her. I don't know what she's doing or why she's doing it. I don't believe she's in love with him. When I see them together...I see him liking her, I see him smiling at her, looking at her that way, but I don't see it in her. She's not in love with him. She can't be. She's so cold. The way I look at him is much more...I can't find a synonym that doesn't sound gay...affectionate than the way she looks at him and she's the one who's supposed to be in love with him. I'm the one who's not supposed to let on that I'm in love with him and maybe if he'd been paying any attention to me over the last few days he'd see the way I look at them when they're together. But he hasn't. When she's in the room, she's all he can see. He doesn't even know I'm there. He doesn't look at me, he doesn't see the way I look at him, at them. He has no idea. He doesn't know how much seeing them together hurts me.
But it's not all about me. It's about Wilson. Wilson, for some unexplained reason, wants to be with her. He's re-falling in love with her. When they were temporarily broken up, he said that even if she kept putting the milk in the wrong place and et cetera he'd be happy because he'd be with her. He thinks she makes him happy. Isn't that what matters?
Wasn't he happy with me? He seemed happy with me. I know where the milk goes. We were fine. Why can't we just stay that way?
Was he really not happy with me? Was he just pretending to be happy for my sake? Maybe he really did feel alone but he wouldn't want to tell me because we're practically incapable of a serious conversation. Unless it involves yelling. Why doesn't he just give me a chance? I'm trying to change, you know. Have real relationships instead of just fake ones. But I can't do that if you run away from me.
But it's not about me. It's about him. He can't just put his life on hold while I try and fix mine. He's been letting me stay with him. Before Sam he hadn't dated anyone in awhile. Maybe I'm not what's best for him. I want to think I am because I think he's best for me, but not the other way around. He needs a woman. And I need him.
But his needs come first. I know it and he knows it. It's old news. It's Bonnie and Julie and Amber all over again. I've been through this. I will go through it again in the future. The woman is the one he really he wants, I'm just a substitute for between women. When she comes along, I slowly and surely fade into the background. Me living with him isn't going to change that no matter how much I want it to. And if he remembers I live here, unless they break up again soon he's going to want me gone.
I don't know if it's worse this time or if it's just been so long since the last one I've forgotten how much it hurts. When it was Amber I was still in denial, but I actually got pretty close to admitting it. I knew I wanted him to belong to me, even if I wouldn't admit the context. I wasn't...hurt...the way I am now. I think I was more scared. Because with Amber I thought it might last. With Sam I don't think it will last that long, but I hate that it has to happen at all.
I wasn't this upset about it with Amber. I didn't like Amber, but I approved of her for him. They were good for each other. But Sam...she's not good for him in any way.
And he doesn't realise that. That hurts. Even when it's a terrible idea, he'd rather be with her than me. How has being with me hurt him? Other than Amber getting killed which was partially my fault, how has our relationship caused him pain? Bonnie thought their divorce was partially affected by me, but if their relationship couldn't withstand me then their marriage would never have worked anyway.
But I've never hurt him like Sam has. I'm a break from the rest of his life. He gets frustrated with me sometimes but obviously he likes being with me. We sometimes fight, but never about anything too serious, and especially not since I've got off the Vicodin. We're good together.
Just not good enough for Wilson.
