Chapter Forty-Five: The Miracle Of Hot Chocolate
Hannah
Erre was cooking dinner for us in giant kitchen of his cave/house hybrid home. Deidara, Konan, Itachi, Zetsu, Kisame, and I were sitting around the fireplace, sipping delicious Hot Chocolate.
I sat next to Itachi, enjoying my delicious Hot Chocolate. Have I ever told you how fantastic Erre's Hot Chocolate recipe is? It's a miracle Hot Chocolate! My Hot Chocolate pales in comparison to his. Yes, he taught me his secret recipe, but I cannot replicate it very well. His Hot Chocolate is warm and filling, It seeps through you – not sickly sweet like so many Hot Chocolates nowadays, but with a more bitter, substantial flavor. I could drink that Hot Chocolate every single day and never grow tired of it.
But that's besides the point.
I sat never to Itachi. I was drinking Hot Chocolate. Itachi wasn't drinking (Hot Chocolate didn't 'fit his image', according to Kisame). The two of us had scattered snippets of conversation, but for the most part, we stared at the roaring fire. Konan, Deidara, Kisame, and Zetsu, however, would not stop talking and plotting.
"We could give him Hannah," said Kisame. "He seems to like Hannah."
"We just got her back, uhn," said Deidara. "We're not giving her away again."
"But she's already dead. She can stay with Erre until we find away to bring her back to life."
"We're not leaving her," said Zetsu firmly. "If you suggest that again, we'll eat your head off." (I have such loyal pets).
Kisame groaned. "Fine. No giving up Hannah… What if you gave him Konan instead?"
"He already has me," said Konan. "Why would he agree to take me in exchange for your freedom?"
"I meant give you to him in, um, a different sense."
Konan whacked Kisame over the back of the head. "I will make you a noose of paper and give your mangled body as a sacrifice to Erre – how does that sound?"
"I like that plan, uhn."
I sipped my Hot Chocolate and watched the flames dance.
"We could riot amongst ourselves," said Kisame. "And when Erre was distracted one of us could sneak away and find Aram and get the rest of the Akatsuki to help us escape."
"That might work," said Konan thoughtfully.
"We could dig a hole out, uhn," said Deidara.
"The only one of us who could actually dig a hole that fast without Erre noticing is Zetsu," said Konan.
"We can't," said Zetsu. "Erre's home is a perfect prison. We can't escape through the ceiling, the walls, or the floor."
"Damn him," said Kisame.
"We could just blow him up, uhn," said Deidara.
"We could eat him," added Zetsu.
"I don't think either of those ideas are great…" said Konan slowly (I agreed wholeheartedly).
"We could just beat the shit out of him and flee," said Kisame.
I took another sip of my Hot Chocolate and muttered, under my breath, to Itachi, "All these ideas are stupid."
"Hn." Itachi nodded. (At least that was some kind of response).
"I don't see what the rush to leave is."
"Hn."
I drank some more of my Hot Chocolate and found, suddenly, that I had finished it. I got to my feet and left the fireside to locate Erre in the kitchen. Erre was humming loudly as he made a nice meal of mashed potatoes and pork roast.
"Hannah!" cried Erre when he caught sight of me.
I stared up at the abominable snowman for a moment and then lifted up the empty mug for him to see.
"Do you want some more, Honey?" asked Erre as he took the mug from me.
"Of course," I said.
Erre started mixing up another drink, while I watched with interest.
"Is the fire nice, Honey?" asked Erre.
I nodded. "It's warm. The other are enjoying it. They haven't left the fireside since we arrived."
"Goodie," said Erre. "There's really no need to leave!"
"Did Deronde bring you other friends?" I asked.
Erre nodded enthusiastically. "They were great friends – even if they tried to leave. We had lots of good times together."
"Leave?"
His smile faded a little and he looked down at the Hot Chocolate. "They didn't always like being here. I don't know why. So they'd try to leave. But I didn't want them too – we were having so much fun. So we fight and, in the end, they don't leave. But they aren't much fun either."
"Oh…" My voice failed me.
"Your Hot Chocolate is done," said Erre, handing me the steaming mug.
I took it from him happily and returned to my place by the fire. Konan, Kisame, Zetsu, and Deidara were still talking excitedly about escape plans. I was just enjoying my Hot Chocolate. I don't remember how long we were sitting there – chattering and sipping and talking and gazing and whispering and staring. It's all sort of a blur. The only thing I really remember happening next was Erre walking into the room with plates of food and the Akatsuki attacking him (well, the Akatsuki excluding Itachi and me).
Deidara tried to blow a hole in Erre's head, but the abominable snowman batted away the clay bird and the bomb ended up destroying our dinner (damn you, Deidara!). Konan created a tornado of paper, but Erre's fur was too thick for the paper to damage him – the tornado was more a nuisance than anything else. Zetsu took a bite of Erre's foot; however, the snowman was too hairy and Zetsu spent the next half hour coughing up hairballs.
"That wasn't very nice!" wailed Erre. "Now you've gone and spoiled dinner!"
"We want to leave!" cried Konan.
Erre shook his head wildly. "You can't leave! You can't leave! We're having so much fun! It's not fair if you leave!"
"We need to leave!"
"No!" Erre grabbed Konan by the neck and lifted her into the air. Konan gasped for breath and struggled frantically against his grip – but to no avail. Erre shook his head back and forth wildly. "No! No! No! No leaving! No leaving! Stay! Stay! We're having fun! Stay!"
Konan was turning bright red.
"You should probably put her down," I said, sipping my Hot Chocolate.
Erre glanced at me, the wildness fading from his white eyes. He dropped Konan and she landed on the ground, gasping and coughing.
"I need to make dinner again," said Erre. He spun around and stormed back to the kitchen, while the rest of us remained around the fire.
Kisame helped Konan to a comfortable seat. Then, Kisame sat next to her and turned to address us. "This isn't good," said Kisame. "He's too strong."
Deidara nodded. "He won't go bang, uhn."
"He tastes bad," said Zetsu, sticking out his tongue, which still had a few white hairs stuck to it.
"That's disgusting," said Kisame.
"What should we do?" asked Konan.
Kisame frowned. "We could try to distract him while one of us escapes…"
"How would we distract him, uhn?" asked Deidara.
"We could try attacking him again," said Kisame (they never learn, do they).
"Nah," said Konan.
"We could try to eat you," said Zetsu thoughtfully. "Then Erre might try and stop us." He smiled crookedly. "Either we eat you or one of us escapes – either way, we win."
"Let's not do that," said Kisame.
"We could argue," said Konan. "I don't think Erre would like to see his friends argue."
"What would we argue about, uhn?" asked Deidara.
Konan slapped him. "Don't say such bullshit!"
"Ow!" cried Deidara, rubbing his cheek. "That fucking hurt!"
"Konan!" cried Kisame. "You shouldn't hit Deidara! Even if he's being a shit, you shouldn't hit him!"
"I wasn't being a shit!" snapped Deidara. "Konan's just PMSing."
"I'm not PMSing!"
Kisame leaned over and whispered loudly to Deidara, "She's totally PMSing."
Konan summoned her mass paper and prepared to strike Kisame. Kisame grinned tauntingly. "I'd like to see you tr – AH! Zetsu! Don't bite me!"
"We're hungry!" growled Zetsu, his white teeth embedded in Kisame's blue arm.
"You stupid plant!" cried Kisame. "I'm going to pot you so badly your roots won't be able to grow!"
Zetsu gasped and drew back from Kisame, his eyes wide in horror. "You wouldn't!"
"Watch me!"
Deidara snickered. "Zetsu's afraid of a little pot."
"Shut up, Blondie!" snapped Konan, stabbing Deidara in the side of the head with a paper airplane.
"Ow!" cried Deidara. "What was that for?"
"Existing!"
"I have a spade ready!"
"One day the plants will rise up against you and teach you the true meaning of potted!"
"Paper cut! Paper cut! Paper cut! Paper cut! Paper cut! Paper cut! Paper cut!"
"Stop it, Konan! You crazy bitch, uhn!"
They will grow beyond their measly confinement, draw their strength from the brightly burning sun, and devour your flesh with their green leaves!"
"Fear the paper!"
"There won't be a fucking plant zombie apocalypse!"
"I'm less afraid of the paper than I am of the plant zombie apocalypse, uhn!"
"There's going to be a zombie paper plant?"
I rolled my eyes and took another sip of Hot Chocolate. How exactly the Akatsuki became a high class criminal organization, I will never know. Ninety percent of our group is completely insane and the other ten percent is unmotivated to do anything half the time.
"What's going on here!?"
Erre stormed into the middle of the fight, glowering at the four Akatsuki members. I continued to peacefully drink my Hot Chocolate. Erre placed his hands on his hips and scowled at them.
"You shouldn't fight!" cried Erre. "We're all friends! Friends don't fight!"
"You're right," said Konan, nodding her head. "Fighting is bad. Thanks for your words of wisdom, Erre."
Erre beamed. "We all learn valuable lessons. And just in time for dinner! I made mashed potatoes and roast pork! Five minute warning!" Excitedly, the abominable snowman waltzed across the house back to the kitchen where he started bringing plates of food to the table.
Konan turned back to face Kisame, Zetsu, and Deidara. At first, she looked excited. Then, she groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. "Why didn't one of you leave while the rest of us were arguing?"
Kisame looked around the group and then frowned. "I thought you were going to leave."
"I thought Deidara or Zetsu was going to leave," said Konan.
"Why would I leave, uhn?"
"We want to stay with Hannah," said Zetsu.
Konan groaned. "So we got into a giant fight so one of us can escape the abominable snowman and get help – and we forget to leave."
Kisame grinned sheepishly. "Oops."
(Yep, they're all idiots).
"Dinner's ready!" called Erre in a singsong voice.
We all sluggishly got to our feet and headed to the giant dinner table. I sat in the unnaturally large chair next to Erre and sipped my Hot Chocolate while he dished up spoonful upon spoonful of mashed potatoes onto my plate. Zetsu and Deidara argued over who should sit next to me (Zetsu won when he coughed up a white fur ball in Deidara's face). Deidara sat across the table and Konan sat next to him with Kisame to her right.
"Let's dig in," said Kisame eagerly.
Erre frowned. "Where's Itachi?"
Konan blinked, a confused look crossing her face. She looked around the table. "I don't know. Where'd he disappear to?"
"He decided to leave," I said, taking another sip of the Hot Chocolate.
"What!?"
"That's not a friendly thing to do!" cried Erre. "He can't leave! He can't!" Erre leapt from his seat and sprinted towards the cave exit. "I'll rip his head off! I'll kill him! I'll kill him! I'll kill him!"
The rest of us remained seated at the table, Kisame enjoying his pork roast immensely and Konan looking puzzled.
"When did Itachi leave?" she asked.
"While you guys were arguing about how to escape," I said. "He stood up and walked out the front door."
Konan stared. "And you didn't tell us?"
"I didn't think it was important."
A/N: Hannah really likes Hot Chocolate. She's so mellow when she has it.
Okay, to clear up some confusion about my next project. I plan to finish this 95 chapter book. This will be the last book in the series. I will tie up all the loose ends and leave it at that. THEN, I want to write some original series that I hope you all will read. I plan to publish this story on a different site (haven't established the site yet, but I might do a blog... I'm not sure). The story will be a humor/adventure/fantasy/romance story about two mercenary girls who crossdress as men to hide their identities, a righteous lieutenant who hunts them to the ends of the world, a whimsical hottie who is in "love" with his polar opposite, and a self-absorbed narrator who cons people out of their valuables in his spare time.
REVIEW or Hannah will tell pregnant Kate that you threatened her baby. And we all know how THAT will turn out.
