Chapter 49

Willow really did have an effect on him, Spike mused as he turned into the driveway to Angel's place. He hadn't intended on speaking to Angel at all, rather he had intended to avoid the poof at all costs; but Willow's sad, wistful expression came to mind when she told him she had experienced unrequited love and he had buckled. She felt sorry for Angel and Spike didn't want her fretting about the Souled Wonder.

He supposed that he didn't really have much room to call Angel by that little nick name any more now that he had half a soul; but Spike wasn't about to stop irritating Angel.

Willow hadn't told him just who it was who was fool enough not to love her back. Obviously it wasn't the soon-to-arrive wolf, and Spike couldn't help wondering. Not that he blamed her for not wanting to share those painful memories, he didn't really want to tell her about Cecily's rejection of him either.

When he entered the house Spike found Angel in the kitchen, fingers tapping on the counter as he waited for the micro wave to finish counting down. He looked up when Spike appeared in the doorway. A small jolt went through him and Angel fought to hide his excitement at Spike returning home. It said a lot, Angel thought, that he had unconsciously been thinking of him and Spike sharing a home together.

"I wasn't expecting you back."

"Weren't expectin' to be back," Spike admitted. Propping himself against the door frame he eyed Angel's battered face curiously. "What 'appened to you?"

"I was attacked at Willy's."

Spike's head bobbed once. "Slayer didn't do it 'en?"

Angel frowned. "No. Buffy wouldn't do that."

"Woman scorned an' all that rot."

The mirco wave beeped and Angel turned his back on Spike to finish preparing his meal. He hated to admit it even to himself, but he was slightly unnerved having Spike mention recent events. At the time Spike had certainly shown no interest in him at all and Angel knew Spike well enough to know he wouldn't have changed his mind so quickly; which meant Spike had another reason for being here.

Sipping his mug of blood Angel stared hard at Spike, searching for some sort of clue as to what was going through his head. "Why are you here, Spike?"

"Willow," Spike said simply. He rolled his eyes and snorted when Angel flinched. "Oh come off it, Peaches, you couldn't possibly 'ave thought I wanted to come an' see you. Willow was concerned 'bout you, she figures we should talk."

"Doesn't seem to me there's much to talk about," Angel spoke sharply. "You've made yourself quite clear, Spike."

"Yeah." Spike scuffed the toe of his boot against the kitchen floor. He was suddenly spun back a hundred years and he was human and he was William and he was standing before Cecily stammering and stuttering his way through a poem he had written just for her; to express the true depth of his love and affection. Everyone had laughed and ridiculed him. Cecily had snubbed him and informed him that he was beneath her.

It had hurt in ways William had not experienced before. The pain as fresh now a hundred years later as it was then. The wound just as raw.

Willow was balm to his injured heart in a way even Drusilla had never been. While Drusilla wouldn't necessarily put Angelus first, she wasn't quite able to resist him either and Spike's feelings wouldn't always enter into the equation.

There was a part of Spike which enjoyed rejecting Angel, letting Angel feel a fraction of the misery his soul-less counterpart had visited on Spike over the years; but at the same time there was another part of Spike which felt for him in much the same way Willow did.

"You took me by surprise," Spike said at last.

Angel smiled wanly. "Took me by surprise too. You were the last thing I was expecting to happen."

"It's not like I planned for Willow an' her soul either," Spike said.

"You plan? You see a plan through to the end? When has that ever happened? You're far too impatient."

Spike grinned. "Guess I've been known to jump in feet first."

"That's because you're passionate about everything you do. You enjoy life. I don't think I've ever been like that."

"Not true," Spike shook his head. "You were always real passionate about nuns. Nuns were your thing."

Angel frowned, a look of disgust curling his lip. "Lets not get into that."

Spike shrugged. "Just sayin' is all. When you were human you were passionate about alcohol an' shaggin'. It's just your soul that's miserable."

"Could you sound any more patronising?"

"You know what I think 'bout the broodin'. Besides, you said you weren't gonna do it any more. Crackin' a smile ain't gonna kill you."

Angel gave him a long look. "There's not much to smile about at the moment."

Rubbing the back of his neck Spike dropped his eyes to the floor unsure of what to say. He hadn't been in this position before and Willow's forlorn expression kept drifting behind his eyes and William's broken heart kept picking at his own dead heart stopping him from saying something particularly cold and cutting. He couldn't even bring himself to walk away.

"Spike, you can't seriously think that this relationship with Willow is a plausible long-term thing? At some point Buffy and the others are going to find a way to reverse the spell Willow cast and put her soul back the way it should be. Once she's human again she'll look at you and see Spike The Slayer of Slayer's. The vampire who kidnapped her. The demon she and her friends spent a year fighting against. The soulless killer who tortured his victims with rail road spikes. What she's been doing, what she's done with you will destroy her. Spike, when she looks at you she'll see everything she hates in herself. She won't want you anywhere near her. Willow, the real Willow, could never know the real you; knowing you would shatter her."

Angel made a useless gesture. "I know you, Spike. I know you inside out and back to front. I'm not broken."

Spike glared at Angel, his temper flaring hot and violent in his blood. "You know what your problem is? You're too bloody used to being centre of attention."

"What?" Angel's eyes went wide with surprise.

"You've always had women fawin' all over you; from Darla to Dru to the soddin' Slayer. You've always been wanted. You've never had someone in your life who meant the whole bloody world to you only to find out that for them, it was never gonna be you and now you 'ave you don't know how to deal with it; you think its all one big mistake an' I'll come to my senses an' just suddenly want you. Well I won't."

Spinning on his heel Spike stalked to the front door. Angel wasn't about to let him walk away. Pushing his mug onto the counter Angel hurried after Spike.

"I'm only trying to help, Spike."

"No you're not!" Spike raged, his eyes shifting to that strange mixture of blue and the yellow of his demon. "You're tryin' to come between me an' Willow. Well it ain't gonna work. She's mine an' I'm hers an' that's the way it is. Nothin' you can say is gonna change it."

"What I said was the truth, nothing more and nothing less and deep down you know that."

"Deep down inside," Spike hit himself in the chest, his face shifting from its human facade to the true face of his demon. "I know you're jealous, and I know what's goin' on in your head better than you do."

"No you don't!" Angel could feel his own temper beginning to fray. He had hoped for a chance to talk to Spike but this was not the way he had envisaged the conversation going.

"Yeah, Peaches, I do. 'Cos I'm more in tune with the demon than you are. You've spent so long tryin' not to be a demon that you don't even notice when you start playin' demonic games. You're tryin' to twist my relationship with Willow an' break me down an' en you'll be there to pick up the pieces. Well it ain't gonna 'appen." His eyes clashed with Angel's, his voice dropping to a promise. "I'll kill you first."

Angel took a step back, the quietness of Spike's voice taking him off guard. Still the demonic part of him surged to fight, to make Spike submit.

Spike suddenly gasped, his eyes going wide as he grabbed the wall to steady himself. Willow's soul was very much alive inside him. It felt as though it were straining and bucking like wild stallion.

That bloody bitch of a Slayer! She had that other witch trying to put Willow's soul back together. Spike growled. He was going to rip the bitches throat out and bathe in her blood.

An icy cold feeling swamped him, knocking Spike off balance and he staggered slightly, clutching at the wall again.

"Spike!" Angel was at his side, hands patting at Spike's arms and back. "What is it?"

"Not sure." Spike grit his teeth and tried to push the feeling away, but it only got stronger. This wasn't Willow's magic at work and Spike knew it. Somehow he knew it wasn't the Slayer's new pet witch either; it was too strong, too intense, too dark to be a teenage girl. Even when Willow had been at her darkest her magic wasn't like this.

There was something very wrong with Willow and Spike knew it. He wasn't sure what it could be, but he didn't like it. Gaining control of his balance, holding on to Angel for a fraction of a second just to make sure he was steady on his feet. "Willow. Got to get to Willow."

"Willow? Why? What's happened?" Angel demanded. "Is she in trouble?"

"Yeah." Spike was out the door and Angel followed him. "Don't ask me what's 'appened cos I don't know. But something's 'appened. Somethin' bad."

"Bad?" Angel asked worriedly. "Why does it always have to be bad?"

"What do you care?"

"I care," Angel assured him. "She gave me back my soul. I care. Nothing's going to happen to her, Spike. Whatever it is, we'll sort it."

Spike hated to admit it but he felt better having Angel at his side as he headed into the unknown to help the woman he loved. If nothing else, he had missed the sense of camaraderie he felt with Angelus.

Angel said nothing more. He didn't ask how Spike knew Willow was in trouble. He wasn't sure he wanted to know how connected they were. As they moved swiftly down the dark street Angel felt an affinity with Spike he hadn't felt in a long time; not even when he went into battle with Buffy.

He could feel the tension in Spike; his fear for Willow communicating itself easily to another vampire. Angel couldn't help the feeling of jealousy in his gut; it was hard loving someone whose heart belonged to another. Spike had been right, this wasn't a feeling he had experience before; Angel made a face, he didn't much care for it.

Angel knew he and Spike and fought before and much more fiercely than they had this night. They had gotten over their disputes and moved on from them and he knew they would move on from this at some point and they would settle back into their uneasy friendship.

Angel's chest tightened, he knew in his heart of hearts that friendship was what he should shoot for. If everything with Willow remained status quo Spike would be easy enough to get along with if he stayed in Sunnydale, but if something happened to Willow, if she left him or if she died Spike would lash out in spectacular style and the streets of Sunnydale would run red with blood.

Angel found himself praying to a deity he had forsaken that Willow would survive whatever trouble she found herself in.