Otherwise known as: How Luna tore apart the fabric of reality so that her friends could get decently laid, and accidentally saved the world in the process.

A/N: Hello! Welcome to Chapter Fifty-Two! I started writing this and I was like "k so they trundle up in the van (while the Author hums the A Team theme - there's just something about the van) and they ask Severus to join them and Severus says yes and they all trundle off again to save the world! (cue more A Team)" but that didn't work out, idk why. So there's no exciting action over which I hummed the A Team theme in this chapter (sadly, though I guess you could hum it real slow and morose when they get back in the van?) just mild angst, Hermione being the boss-bitch she is and Lavender being the utter weirdo she is.

Enjoy!

Love Always,

Eli x

Disclaimer: I do not own the works herein, all characters from the Harry Potter Universe belong to JK Rowling, and all characters, storylines, situations, plots and the like do not belong to me. I make no money from this work.

Warnings: Rated M for situations, SO MUCH swearing, violence, sexual scenes... The whole lot, basically.


Iacta Alea Est

Chapter Fifty-Two


"We're fighting the war and we want you to join us," Hermione said when Severus returned to the room. She'd planned this, decided not to appeal to his heroic side, but for some reason these words were tripping out of her mouth instead of her carefully cultured appeals, embarrassingly blunt and entirely wrong. "Fight He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with us. Fight Dumbledore with us. Help us win a war."

"No," Severus snapped, dropping the tea-tray unceremoniously on the table and glaring over the top of it at each of them in turn.

Hermione reclined back onto the plumped up – and miraculously clean – cushions of the couch, taking a leisurely sip from her tea. She'd never have guessed it before, but Lavender had managed to set her at ease in Severus's presence. Seeing him bossed around by the blonde, then watching her strip the room of dirt with a near unholy glee while he watched helplessly, had melted some tension inside of her. Now she saw him as he was – a stressed but remarkably normal young man. And seeing him this way helped her not be cowed by his glower and bluster; she could react in the way she'd react to anybody else's refusal of her wishes.

That is to say, by pestering them until they broke.

There were many routes she could take toward convincing him. Asking straight-out was her typically Gryffindor approach, but it shouldn't be underestimated that she was still the same person who hexed the DA's sign-up sheet and gave Umbridge up to, first, Grawp, and then the tender mercies of the Centaur herd. Appealing to his other interests was next on her list, if he'd let her get there.

"Mister Snape," she began, leaning forward to place her cup delicately on its saucer. From the corner of her eye, she caught Lavender nodding approvingly at the gesture, and fought to keep from smirking. Snape had no idea what he'd started by letting her take the liberties she had with his living space. "I understand your concern -"

"You do not," he bit out, eyes blazing. Hermione closed her mouth with a click. "There is no way possible for you to comprehend the risks you are – and would be - asking me to take." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. Hermione felt a twinge of guilt at the action, but pushed it away mercilessly. They needed Snape and he needed them, whether he knew it or not. "I am not a green lad. If all you needed was an expert in Dark Magic, you have one in Regulus. You want me to be your little spy, and I see no reason to oblige."

"Severus," Regulus said quietly. He opened one eye to fix on his friend, looking half-defeated. "You need to know – if anybody has a chance at defeating the Dark Lord, it's these girls."

"If they're that good, I fail to see why I need to be involved." He took a sip of tea, not relaxing in the least, not even sitting down. His nostrils were flaring in anger.

"Because you're good, too, Severus," Lily said quietly. Severus's lips twitched into a sneer. "We can help you…"

"I don't need your help," he hissed, wincing. Hermione twitched slightly. Way to hit a nerve, Lily…

Flinching at the edge to his voice, Lily turned her back and went on searching the room. Truly, she wasn't being as helpful as had been suggested. In fact, her mere presence seemed more off-putting than appealing, and Hermione was beginning to regret the suggestion that led her to bring the girl along in the first place. Had it worked, it would have been a masterful piece of manipulation, but after some thought she realised that she didn't want that, either. To use his love for Lily in order to force him onto their 'team' would make them no better than Dumbledore, and if there was one thing she wanted aside from a favourable outcome of the war, it was to bring Dumbledore down without stooping to his immoral tactics.

She could hardly send Lily away now, however; the damage was done. If he thought any less of them for the failed attempt, it wasn't possible to tell, for he eyed them with utter contempt constantly.

"Be nice," Lavender chastised, still making moon-calf eyes at the man. Snape sneered back at her, only to receive a blinding smile. Disconcerted, he went back to ignoring the infatuated werewolf, not that it stopped her. In fact, the only thing stopping her from reaching out and stroking him was that when she'd lifted her arm to try Regulus had braved her wrath to clamp a hand around her wrist, which he had yet to release.

"I don't see what you hoped to achieve by coming here," Severus scoffed, pulling himself back together. "It should have been obvious that I would not welcome your intrusion. Regulus, at least, should know that well."

"Indeed, I do," Regulus allowed with a nod. "But, things are no longer simple enough that they can be delayed by observing the niceties. I'm being hunted by both the Order and the Dark Lord. Hermione and Lavender aren't supposed to exist. Evans is a mu – Muggleborn, which you know is risk enough in itself."

Severus arched an eyebrow at his friend's stumble, which Regulus covered up by stiffening into a perfect pureblood statue. "I thought things were too complicated to observe the niceties," he asked lowly.

Regulus sniffed haughtily. "They took me in. It would be poor form to repay their kindness by addressing them with such slurs."

"Them?"

Regulus tilted his head towards Hermione, who smiled. "Evans is not the only Muggleborn on the team."

Snape turned to face Hermione fully, which unfortunately put him within grabbing distance of Lavender, who took full advantage of this and Regulus's distraction by running the edges of his robes through her fingers as though she was examining the finest of silks. Hermione filed this behaviour away in the back of her mind for later perusal – Remus had never been this thunderstruck by her very existence, and she wondered if it was another symptom of Lavender's werewolf's general weakness, or something more.

Twitching his robes out of reach of her marauding hands, Severus examined Hermione with his eyes. "You didn't go to Hogwarts," he observed in a faintly accusatory tone.

"Oh no, I did," she said sagely. "Gryffindor and proud. A Prefect, too, for two years. Highest marks since Professor McGonagall in my NEWTs once I got over my pesky DADA troubles." She gave a vague, smug wave. "They called me the Brightest Witch of my Age."

"And so modest, too," Lavender muttered from her chair. "I'm still not entirely sure that wasn't because you were sleeping with the teacher."

Severus's brows rose even higher at this. "I don't recall you." He deftly sidestepped Lavender's arm again, shooting her a mildly irritated look. "Either of you."

"You wouldn't," Hermione demurred. "We started in 1991."

As expected, Snape froze completely, the implications flashing through his mind. "That's not possible," he coughed out.

"Quite, and yet, here we are."

Severus was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't notice he'd stopped moving, allowing Lavender to gather the hem of his coat to her face and sniff deeply. She let out a satisfied little purr, glaring at Regulus when he laughed lightly. "But -" Severus stopped, then restarted, his gaze sharpening. "You are the weapon," he realised aloud. "That which the Dark Lord believes Dumbledore will use against him."

Lily, now behind the couch on which Hermione sat, let out a little harrumph. She was roundly ignored. "I dislike the word 'weapon'," Hermione said, going to take another drink of tea, disappointed when the cup was empty. She set it down with a clatter. "But yes, our sources tell us that's how he views us. And we'd rather like him to remain ignorant of our true nature, you understand. The risks are rather monumental."

"And yet you came here, to me."

"I trust you," Hermione admitted with a minute shrug that did not betray the depths of her own troubles on this subject. "Lavender does. Our other friends – you haven't met them and doubtless you'd dislike them greatly but I can assure you they're accomplished – trust you also. It's only the doubts of those resident in this time that might have delayed us, and, as you can see, such is not the case."

His eyes shot speculatively to Lily, who hid her face behind the cover of A History of Chimera in Wizarding Wales. It tarried there for a moment before returning to Hermione with some new knowledge in its depths. "I still refuse."

"Excuse me?" Hermione was shocked, shocked, to say the least, but Severus was stood tall and a little superior, seeming to have gained back his air of intimidation in the few seconds of deliberation he had granted himself.

"I believe you heard me correctly, Miss – Granger, was it? I'm afraid I shall have to decline your kind offer. Please," he gestured to the door, "see yourself out."

"Severus!" Regulus was aghast, and their host barely twitched at the tone of his voice.

"Surely you didn't expect me to agree to this ridiculousness, Regulus," Snape chided, crossing his arms over his chest. "Perhaps you enjoy being locked up somewhere with little Miss High-and-Mighty, Potter, his sycophantic cohort and this – this -" he glared fiercely at Lavender where she was still snuggling with his coat, watching him with bright purple eyes, "- whatever you are, but certainly I couldn't do it."

"I'm a werewolf," Lavender corrected him, brow puckered. "Surely you can identify a werewolf? Smart bloke like you, and all. In fact, I'm pretty sure there was this whole lesson on it in third year, right, 'Mione?"

Horror crossed Severus's face at that and he jerked his coat back roughly, snarling. "You brought a werewolf to my home?"

"In fairness," Hermione said, a bit blearily as she was still shaken by the abrupt turn of events, "it's not like we could leave her in the car."

"Get out!"

The wards bended around them with an almost audible screech, and Hermione jumped to her feet, the very real prospect of their eviction firing her through with adrenalin. "Regulus informed us that you, as he, were looking for a way out. If that's no longer something you're interested in, just let us know and we'll get out of your hair."

Severus, face still carved with rage – and, she thought, perhaps a little fear – turned on her, careful not to put his back to Lavender, who was uncurling herself from her chair quite languidly, as though absolutely nothing was wrong. There was a flash of her wrist as she did something, but then Severus was talking and Hermione was distracted. "I'm not interested," he said clearly. "I was never interested in – in this." He turned on Regulus, then. "When I said 'an escape' I meant a well-warded cabin in the woods, not a parade of – of – creatures through my house, risking my life. What if the Dark Lord finds out about this? I'll be dead, Regulus!"

"We've taken care of the Death Eaters on watch," Regulus soothed, his hands up, palms-outwards to placate him. "Even if you refuse, they'll remember nothing. Your neighbours will remember nothing. Just an ordinary day in Spinner's End." Offended, suddenly, Regulus bristled. "Did you really think we'd risk your life like this? Me? I'm your best friend, Severus."

Snape turned his head away, facing the wall with a stony expression. "I am much obliged for your consideration," he said coldly. The wards flexed again, ominous in the sudden silence. Regulus, stricken, stumbled back a few steps.

"Really, Severus -"

"Perhaps, next time you attempt to convince someone to join your team, you might ensure that they have no quarrel with your colleagues, Miss Granger." Snape sneered again, but it was a poor covering for the genuine hurt in his eyes, and the fear that almost eclipsed it. "Really, for someone who proports to be so clever, you failed utterly in your due diligence."

Offended, Hermione scowled. Regulus came to her rescue before she could say anything rash. "Severus, think on this offer. It will remain open – just call for Kreacher if you change your mind. I'll have him listen out for your summons." He brushed off his cloak, swinging it around his shoulders. "Promise me you'll think about it, please."

His eyes barely grazing his friend, Snape stepped towards the door, pulling it open and holding it there, his face a pale mask. "Good-bye, Regulus."

Regulus tried to talk, to get through to his friend a few more times, but in the end Snape lost patience and retreated upstairs. Finally, Hermione sent her patronus to Remus and the four of them traipsed into the van, feeling defeated.

"How'd it go?" Ginny asked, leaning over the back of her seat, concerned when she caught the looks on their faces. Hermione dropped into her chair and faced the window, not even meeting Remus's eyes.

"All wrong," Lily informed them. "I told you; Severus is too stubborn. He doesn't need our help."

Lavender growled from the back seat. "If you think what we saw in there is a man who needs nobody's help, who is happy with their life choices, then there is no hope for you, Evans."

And with that surprisingly sober insight from a girl who'd spent the last hour-or-so gazing love-sick at a man she didn't even like, they fell silent for a pensive drive back to Remus's parents'.


"Don't you dare," Ginny snarled the second they stepped over the threshold. The boys were waiting in the foyer, and upon seeing the downcast expressions of everybody who had participated in the trip, had opened their mouths near as one.

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" Sirius whined, pouting. Ginny patted him on the cheek with a sympathetic moue, though perhaps the pats were a bit hard, for he winced and the sound of flesh hitting flesh had echoed in the hall.

"You were going to say 'I told you so'," Ginny informed him in a sweet voice. "And unless you want to join Dolohov singing soprano, you'll refrain."

"Dolohov?" Hermione asked, peeking up from where she had her face pressed firmly against Remus's chest, the werewolf making the most of a rare opportunity to comfort his terrifyingly capable mate. "You did what to Dolohov?"

Affecting an innocent face, Ginny twirled her wand through her fingers. "Y'know how I said I was road-testing a new hex?" she split into a mischievous grin, eyes sparkling wildly. "Well, it works."

Most of the males assembled made little whining sounds at the back of their throats, James going so far as to cup himself protectively. Sirius, on the other hand, grinned widely. "I think I love you," he said matter-of-factly, to which Ginny smirked and patted him again.

"What do we do now?" James asked, breaking away from his reunion nuzzles with Lily. "You said we needed Snape, right? But we don't have him, so…"

"He'll come around," Lavender chirped from where she leaned against the wall, absently fondling something in her pocket. Hermione narrowed her eyes, but let it be. With two werewolves, a James Potter, a Sirius Black, and a Luna Lovegood in the group, what was a little petty thievery between friends? "It's meant to be."

"Erm, that's not how Fate works, Lav," Ginny said, a trace of amusement lining her voice.

Lavender pulled a face but shrugged, pushing off from the wall. "He'll come around," she repeated, ignoring their disbelief. "In the meantime, I think I'll shower. I love him and all, but really, his hygiene standards leave a lot to be desired." Plucking at her shirt and pulling a disgusted face, she bounced up the steps, her curled, braided, be-ribboned and possibly bejewelled hair flying in her wake.

"She's changed her tune," James observed mildly, leading the rest of the group through to the war room by silent agreement.

Scoffing derisively, Lily folded herself into a chair. "She's embarrassing," she muttered, her cheeks tinted pink at the memory. Ginny raised an eyebrow at Hermione across the room, but the other witch only smiled faintly. She was coming to understand Lily better now, and she knew that her aggression towards Lavender in fact stemmed from her own mortification at what they experienced that afternoon. No doubt, despite the years that had passed, Lily had expected to be welcomed by her old friend with all the adulation and gratitude that had defined their friendship in the first place. It was a fair deduction; Lily wasn't to know how the years had changed him, how bitterness had taken root in his heart and grown from there.

Even Hermione was kicking herself for not expecting and planning for this outcome, which now, looking back, appeared inevitable. Her view was shadowed too much by her image of the heroic Snape Harry had built in everyone's minds following the war, her opinion gilded by years of hero-worship for the dark spy. Given that he hadn't been alive to dispel these thoughts with his personal brand of snark and well-placed insults, it had gotten out of hand.

Now, she knew better, and while she didn't fully trust in Lavender's prediction she also wasn't going to give up just yet. He had a history of saying things in the heat of the moment he'd later regret.

Already formulating her next plan of attack, she missed the other's words until Remus nudged her into awareness. "Huh?"

"We were wondering whether we should make a start on collecting the next horcrux," Remus repeated, smiling fondly at her. "Which one would be best, do you think?"

"Oh," Hermione blushed at the looks she was receiving from the others around the table and cleared her throat, getting back into business mode. With a flick of her wrist she summoned Luna's parchment, spreading it across the table and pulling up the Horcrux section. "I thought, maybe, the ring?" Nibbling on her bottom lip, she surveyed the information available on the other artifacts, giving a decisive nod once she had. "Yes – the ring. It'll be the easiest, I think. Fewer protections, once you discount the curse on the ring itself. That reminds me… do any of you happen to know a curse-breaker? One who can be trusted? I don't want to have to battle with unforeseen complications when it comes to destruction, so it would be wise to solve that problem now rather than later."

James grimaced, a look akin to awkwardness crossing his face. "I know one, but I don't think…" he trailed off, shooting a pleading look to Sirius, who shifted awkwardly.

"Er, yeah. There is…" He stopped too, gazing off into space. Hermione frowned, pulling back to look at Remus, who avoided her gaze.

"What is it?" she asked, irritated. When no answer was forthcoming, she snarled. "Look, you three. I just spent the morning being glared at and insulted by Severus Snape – who is a pretty formidable glarer, you know. I don't have the emotional fortitude to drag whatever this is out of you. Just – spit it out!"

"They don't want to say it," Regulus muttered. He was sat in a chair with Luna sat between his legs, twining his fingers through his hair as he watched the other boys. "They're all hoping someone else will so they don't have to blame themselves for the aftermath." He dropped his hands to Luna's shoulders and squeezed gently, his eyes softening.

"Why?" Hermione asked quietly. "What can be so bad..?"

"It's not bad," James reassured her hastily. "It's just…"

"It's my mum," Luna piped up suddenly, her eyes fixed on James's guilt-stricken face. "That's why they don't want to say it. She's a freelance curse-breaker, but they don't think we can bring her into this."

Stunned, Hermione stuttered for a moment and then smiled sadly at her friend. "Well they're right, aren't they? We can't bring her into this."

Luna frowned, her brow crinkling. "Why not? She's brilliant, and she's not a Death Eater."

"Luna…" Hermione looked around desperately for assistance. Ginny rolled her eyes, though, and shrugged.

"I agree with Luna. We should bring her in." Seeing Hermione about to argue, she held up a hand. "I know – it would be tricky with anybody else, but Pandora and Xenophilius Lovegood are not 'anybody else', are they? They're special, like Lu."

Frustrated, Hermione waved her hands. "Is this where you tell me there's some obscure pureblood rule about who will or will not create a paradox?" she snapped.

Luna let out a little snort of laughter. "No," she soothed, "there's no such thing, don't be silly. We're just saying that if any of our parents can get involved without there being adverse effects, it would be mine." She paused, then met Ginny's eyes. "Sorry, Gin."

Ginny shrugged it off, not quickly enough to hide her pain. "It's fine. I mean, if ever we need a shepherd's pie or to dissect a plug, then we'll be in big trouble, but Mum was never a curse-breaker. Too dangerous."

"And Gods forbid we ever need a filling," Hermione murmured, to the amusement of Remus, the only person in the room who understood the reference. He squeezed her hand for a quick second, and then Hermione rolled her eyes. "Okay, so Mrs. Lovegood needs to be involved. How can we manage that? And when we do it, should it be before or after we fetch the ring? Because who knows how long that might take…"

Bolstered by having something other than her failure to focus on, Hermione threw herself into plans, eventually dragging Lavender down to put in her two-knuts. The blonde looked weary from the emotional turmoil of the day, and Hermione felt a punch of guilt. Here was she, pitying herself over Snape's rejection, when certainly it would affect Lavender more profoundly. As amusing as Hermione found their mate-situation in the abstract, she couldn't imagine the pain Lavender must feel at Snape's obvious disgust at her existence. At the end of the day, Hermione had what Lavender didn't – a warm bed and a devoted mate to curl up with.

She sighed quietly to herself. Despite the certainty that getting involved would be bad, the Gryffindor in Hermione couldn't stop itself from swearing to help the other girl however she could. Even if it meant playing matchmaker between the Greasy Dungeon Bat and the World's Most Inept Werewolf. Even though she knew if it worked she'd have to start wearing earplugs full-time as her level-headed but bitchy Lavender deteriorated into Lav-Lav the Crazy Love-Monster.

Remembering the famous necklace, she stifled a snort. If she could fix this... boy, would it be entertaining to watch.