I don't own Negima, To Love Ru, Lyrical Nanoha, Sailor Moon, My Little Pony, Batman, Game of Thrones, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Oh My Goddess, Tenchi Muyo, School Days, The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, Haganai, My Little Sister Can't be that Cute, Sailor Moon, Ranma One Half, The World God Only Knows, the Disney Animated Canon, Aika, Uncle Grandpa, Steven Universe, Harry Potter, Neon Genesis Evangelion, The Dresden Files, Fate Stay Night, Judge Dredd, Kill La Kill, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Bible Black, The Terminator, Fairy Tail or any other well known work of fiction, or else this would be canon. Thank God for the small miracles.

I make no money from this.

This chapter will certainly make no sense if you haven't read The Keys of the Kingdom yet, and probably even if you have.

Extra Notice: This chapter was written during a major bout of depression, self-doubt, and doubt about everything and everyone in existence. The autor apologizes about any major OOC-Ness you can perceive as a result.

Editor's Note: The Specials appear to be of doubtful canonicity, kinda like everything that happened in DC before the latest NUE FEEFTY TOO thing, and really, what's with making pre-established heroes black, not that I have anything against people of African descent, having superheroes of their own ethnicity, but are the writers so creatively backrupt they can't think of anything better to do than make black, female and/or asian retcons of established formerly white characters, becuase dude that's just sad, why are you even a writer? As such, unless it's mentioned in a non-special chapter, it might not actually have happened. Or maybe it did, but only in some doujin Haruna drew as a writing exercise. I don't know it's been a while since I've had any regular URAE to edit. Not that I should be talking, I haven't updated any of my fics in ages..

Disclaimer: The views of the editor are not neccessarily endorsed or espoused by the writer. Send your bitching about it to him, not me, he has his own account at this site, go PM him if you're really offended and leave me out of this. —-

(Actually, SCM wrote this disclaimer as well when he sent me the Editor' Note. Heh?)


Unequally Rational and Emotional Special 5.


Dr. Strangelove.

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stripping Sneeze.


It was clear to everybody but Negi and Chisame that Negi and Chisame liked each other. Ever since Unequally Rational and Emotional had started, the other girls had seen the signs. At first, most of them had passed them off as mere signs of Chisame being motherly possessive and controlling, and of Negi being too nice to do anything but playing along. The discomfort amongst the ranks of Negi's admirers had grown slow and steadily ever since, as the young couple grew closer. Saotome Haruna had been faintly amused by it all, but soon enough she realized her amusement was outweighed by her discomfort at seeing Nodoka lagging behind so much. Still, Haruna couldn't help being Genre Savvy, and she couldn't pretend she wasn't seeing the signs.

"It's a typical Alpha Female trait, that of sticking to the male lead since Chapter One and exploiting both her early start and her proximity to him to eventually win the race," she had told Nodoka and Ayase Yue, one late afternoon at Library Island, while Kero shook his head in groaning dismay. "True, exceptions do exist, and Nodoka-chan is lucky the soft spoken Yamato Nadeshiko is one of the types with the bigger chances to subvert the trope. However, it's an uphill battle for a lesser haremette, and let's be honest here, Nodoka-chan; you ARE a second rank haremette here compared to what you were in canon… and we know how THAT turned out, don't we?"

"Nodoka's not even a Yamato Nadeshiko, what the heck are you—" Kero began arguing, right before biting his plush tongue as soon as he realized he was implying Nodoka's chances were even smaller than Haruna was giving them credit for. Nodoka's bangs had gone back to completely obscuring her face now, which only could mean she was undergoing a character regression. "Wah! Nodoka!" the Guardian of the Clow cried. "Hang on there! I didn't mean-!"

Kagurazaka Asuna claimed she was okay with it, and for the most part, she seemed to sound completely sincere. It was hard to tell, since her special condition might have meant she was in greater touch with her canon self's awareness than the rest of the cast, but overall, the other girls treated her at face value and didn't worry too much about it. They had much bigger concerns at immediate hand anyway. Anyway, Asuna *was* very good at masking her pain and her real emotions, much better than what most gave the Baka Red any credit for. However, Ayaka had said Asuna meant it, and for once, all the other girls felt inclined to believe the Iinchou's words to a fault. After all, no one knew Asuna better than Ayaka.

The bottom-line fact was, if anyone wanted to get close to Negi, Chisame would always be, in this continuity, their greatest obstacle, THE hurdle to get past. Which was bad, since not only Chisame was much less friendly and less of a graceful loser than Asuna, but she was far less willing to share. Then there was the added problem of Tsunetsuki Matoi, who, at first sight, should have been a valuable ally for anyone out to sink the Negi-Chisame ship. If she wanted Chisame for herself, it made sense she would want to pry her apart from Negi, right? However, Matoi was annoyingly fiercely protective of Chisame's proximity to Negi, which only made sense if she was a victim of an extreme case of I Want My Beloved to be Happy, or out to score an eventual threesome. Since Matoi was Class 3-F, no one in Class 3-A would bet for the former, not even Konoka. Or Sayo, had anyone asked her.

"Why do you still wear a copy of Despair-sensei's hakama if you're now lusting after Chisame?" Misa asked the sempai directly one day. "Why aren't you honest and admit you still hold a flame for him? Just go back to him already and stay out of our way!"

It had come to that; by now the Ala Alba suitors had recognized Matoi as part of the problem rather than the solution. She wouldn't stop helping Chisame to cockblock everybody else, and she technically didn't even help the team during tight spots, only Negi and Chisame themselves; so she had to go. The thing was, Matoi just wouldn't go, as Chisame herself was well aware of.

Matoi just smiled gracefully at Misa's question, taking a faint grip of her hakama pants and twirling around in a coquettish pirouette. "What's the matter with it, Slut-san? It's very feminine and fitting a traditional housewife for a modern working class type liker Chisame-sama. A copy of Itoshiki-sensei's? Maybe at first, but you'll realize the ones I wear now are far more colorful and ladylike. And besides, Ai-chan is my friend, and I'm not going to steal her man from her."

Misa fumed, disgusted at that abomination against the natural order. Long ago, it had been established the Akamatsus and the Kumetas were bitter enemies, and seeing them coming closer like that offended Misa's Akamatsu Sensibilities. Then she remembered what Akamatsu had done to her character and she would feel more lenient on the subject, but still, it was the principle of the thing!

She was supposed to be Despair-sensei's stalker, dammit!

Not that Despair-sensei seemed to mind too much. The lesser focus on him in this stage of his existence meant there was less pressure on him, and his students wouldn't get that many chances to show their eccentricities off, so he had grown more relaxed over time, and even his 'I'M IN DESPAIR!' outbursts after long tirades on the social state of the country seemed mostly contractually obliged after a few months. Annoyingly, he seemed to tacitly approve of Chisame's close relationship with Negi as well, even if only because he considered her the most level headed of Negi's companions, and the one he could trust the most with the care of Nagi and Lady Arika's son.

"You know," Sakurako had told Misa one day, after yet another training session at Evangeline's resort, seeing her normally peppy and upbeat friend sulking yet again and taking pity on her, "you should realize you can't take Chisame away from Negi-kun by now, Misa-chan. And let's be honest, it'd hurt Negi-kun more than it'd hurt Chisame!"

"That's the idea! I can't heal his wounded heart and endear him to me if he isn't hurt in the first place!" Misa had protested.

Sakurako wagged a finger. "For shame, Misa-chan! For shame! That's in such bad form! If Negi-kun could hear you now, he'd never forgive you!"

"Of course he would. He's Negi!"

"Right, but that isn't the point. What I'm trying to say is, if you can't beat the enemy, why not to join them?"

"You mean a threesome with him and Chisame?" Misa sneered. "Thanks, but Chisame's not my type, and even if she were, Stalker-sempai would still be in the middle."

"Right, right…" Sakurako scratched her own head. "How about pushing for a harem solution, then? Satomi-chan and I could help you with that!" she beamed her friend a big beautiful smile.

"That's what you were aiming for since you started this conversation, isn't it?" Misa dryly asked.

"Of course not, Misa-chan! What do you take me for?" Sakurako then paused and added, "An improviser? I have been aiming for it since LONG before kickstarting this conversation!"

Misa had groaned at the lame joke and just kept on talking back home.

Often, it was better to take Sakurako's lame jokes as just that. Of course, the bad part was, she often would actually meant them. And Misa had the nagging feeling at the back of her mind that was one of such cases.


Despite that, Sakurako and her crazy ideas stayed low over the next few days.

It seemed they had hit a lull in the storyline, which in Misa's opinion was a good thing. Big, decisive stories that altered the plot in a meaningful way often meant huge setbacks or outright defeats for the secondary members of a harem, and Misa had never been invited to partake in them anyway. Often, while passing by Chao Linghsen's seat, Misa would hear Chao complaining under her breath what was taking the Mahorafest so long, but Misa couldn't care any less. As long as she still had enough time to scheme a game altering comeback, Misa was okay with the storyline coming to a halt. And it meant more time being young and beautiful, as well. How many people in the world beyond could tell they had spent nearly a decade before hitting their sweet sixteen?

The downside was, of course, the final chapter had aged her to a single panel adulthood all of a sudden, and then UQ Holder had carelessly killed her off panel. But that was in the past now.

"Now I have an actual part in the story," she had been telling Sakurako that afternoon, as the two of them sat in their bedroom watching High School Musical sequels, "I actually stand a fighting chance! All I need is figuring out how to surf the wave. I'm not a frontline fighter like Asuna, so I can't fight side by side with Negi, and I don't live with him like Chisame either, but surely there's a way…"

"Haven't you been thinking about what I told you?" Sakurako asked.

"No, I haven't!" Misa frowned.

"Eeeehhhh, if you stall it too long, Satomi-chan and I are moving on, it's fair warning you," Sakurako stuck the tip of her tongue out. "We've been holding back on it because of respect for you and Chisame, but…!"

"Have you actually considered a threesome with Negi?!" Misa gasped.

"Sure, why not?" Sakurako shrugged. "I mean, who wouldn't hit that? It's far better than landing, say, a creepy old guy or an emotionally distant ice king."

Characters never were supposed to fully acknowledge their futures unless they were certified Fourth Wall Breakers with actual licenses for it, like that demented merc Iinchou and her family sometimes hired. Doing otherwise would break the plot and get everyone stuck in limbo. So they tried not to think about it too much; it they didn't, well, that way madness lied. But dropping occasional hints for gags was okay. Then, of course, there were those who were just plain Genre Blind and couldn't do that, like Negi-kun himself, or Madoka…

As expected, mentioning Kugimiya Madoka, even if only in internal narrative, summoned the short haired third cheerleader into the room. "'Evening," Madoka waved, sighing as she took her jacket off.

"Hey!" Sakurako waved. "How did your date with Kyon-sempai go, Madoka-chan?"

"It wasn't a date, it was just…" Navigating through an alternate dimension where everything was a hollow vacuum and we only could see everyone as passing ghostly shadows, Kugimiya thought with a shudder. "… standard SOS Brigade paperwork," the cheerleader sat on the bottom bunk along her friends. "Killer paperwork, tho'."

"We left a frozen dinner for you," Misa said.

"Thanks, but I ate on my way here," Madoka answered. "How about your day?"

It was a part of their everyday routine, to have that wall built between them, to talk to each other with nice fabricated lies about their respective new separate worlds. It was sort of pathetic, but what could any of them do about it? None was supposed to invite the others into their new ventures, not without the consent of those others who now stood with them. It was tiresome, repetitive, and by now all three the others were lying out their teeth to them even if plot progression wouldn't let them know or guess exactly what it was. But there was no way any of them could break that vicious circle on their own.

At least there was something Sakurako could be honest about, though. "We were talking about how Misa could win the race for Negi-kun!"

"Again?" Madoka groaned.

"Yes, again! Because it's not over until it's done!" Misa snapped. Now Madoka would go on again about how Negi-kun was still only a child, and Misa would counter about how he wouldn't stay a kid forever, and how once he grew up, he'd be a far better man than that boring, unremarkable Kyon-sempai. Just like every other day. That was what defined them as characters in their everyday interaction. But then, the unthinkable happened.

"I was telling Misa-chan we should aim for Negi-kun to have a harem," Sakurako said before Madoka could give her habitual retort, catching the other two completely unaware. The next sentence bowled them over even worse, though. "Would you like to join in, Madoka-chan?"

Misa and Madoka both recoiled in horror. They never had read Lovecraft or even knew who or what he was (Sakurako did, but only after a sneaky background retcon inspired by Darkenning about her days as a Haruna-lovestruck member of the Library Club), but their reaction was still remarkably similar to that of Lovecraftian protagonists being confronted by unspeakable terrors mankind was not supposed to ever acknowledge.

"What?" Madoka, who had dealt with the SOS Brigade and was thus far better prepared to deal with such cosmic horrors, was the first who could gargle a token question out.

Sakurako looked at her own fingernails. "Just an idea I had. I think it's a very good idea. A small harem, of course. Something manageable. Not like thirty nine girls at once, or anything like that! You, me, Misa-chan, Satomi-chan, Chisame and maybe Tsunetsuki-sempai. That should be enough!"

"Is she serious?" Madoka asked Misa, in faint dismay.

Misa shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? It's Sakurako! Be thankful she didn't include Haruna!"

"I'm long over that!" Sakurako protested. "Besides, bringing Paru-chan in also means bringing on Rito-sempai, Honya-chan, Yue-chan, and that weird Sempai with the alien cosplay. Who do you think we are, Suzumiya-sempai? Too many people! It wouldn't work!"

"So basically," Madoka evenly said, "you're telling me I should quit trying to pursuit Kyon-sempai so I can join your crazy, guaranteed to fail, venture at being just one of Negi-kun's illegal sexual partners, aren't you?"

"It wouldn't be doomed to fail, because I'd be in!" Sakurako said. "Born lucky, remember?"

"There's a thing called 'pushing past one's luck', and I think that's pushing even yours, Sakurako!" Madoka protested.

"Poo," Shiina pouted. "What's the point of being gifted with extraordinary luck if you don't test it? Tell me, Madoka-chan, do you truly think you have a shot with Kyon-sempai? Especially since Suzumiya-sempai is around? She's like ten times a worse hurdle than Chisame!"

Madoka had to admit Sakurako was right there. Even leaving the thorny matter of Kyon-sempai's true… nature aside, which made it sorta difficult for anyone to ever settle into a normal life with him, Suzumiya-sempai, despite all of her denials, would always be on him like a hawk. Not to mention Nagato-sempai. And Asahina-sempai. And, geh, Itsuki-sempai, too…

Madoka drooped in sorrowful discomfort.

"H-Hey, I wasn't telling you that so you'd feel bad!" Sakurako gasped. "All I'm saying is, Negi-kun's got such a big heart, a single piece of it is worth more and gives more warmth than any other single person's full heart!"

Misa wondered what was Sakurako's plan here. Even if she was for real, and she sounded scarily like she was, there was no way they could rope Madoka in without telling her about Negi's true nature, which was a big no-no. His secret already was enough of a joke as it was! Did Sakurako actually want him turned into an ermine by his superiors, or what?

Madoka's gaze remained low for a few moments, and then she asked Sakurako, "Okay, let's humor you for a while. Exactly what did you want me to do?"

Misa's jaw hit the mattress. Definitely, bad companies had ruined Madoka-chan! How couldn't she see it before?


Another bothersome part of being a character is you often have to perform in several stories at once, even stories from the same author, and if you aren't careful, you can lose track of what your persona is doing in one story and in another at the same time. And then you get your plotlines all tangled up, and you start behaving like you should be acting elsewhere, and if you're lucky you'll get a proper rewrite, if not the audience will complain about how OOC you are acting.

For someone with a very low degree of Fourth Wall awareness like Negi, this was even more of a problem, although OverMaster writes Negi as a hapless sad sack pretty much everywhere, which means Unequally Negi had it relatively easy. Darkenning's Negi was technically a different person in Decadent than in Conquests, for instance. His own half-brother!

Even so, at the moment of this writing, Negi was supposed to be in Ancient Greece with Hercules and Philoctetes over in The Keys of the Kingdom, which meant he felt reasonably out of place while working at his Mahora office, going over lists of suggestions from his class for the Mahorafest that never seemed to come already.

Someone knocked on his door, and Negi lifted his gaze from his desk to look at the living personification of his current continuity problem, Sakurame Kirie from the sidestory, standing at his doorstep. Ba-dump! his heart went, since, while Chisame was his primary partner and First Girl in that continuity, Kirie still resembled her enough as to quickly climb positions in his inner ranks (ranks he would feverishly deny existing even to himself) without even trying it. So you can't honestly say OverMaster never gives chances to anyone from UQ Holder.

"Sakurame-san!" Negi's face lit up, honestly for once. "What can I help you with?"

While Keys of the Kingdom advanced, Negi's character memories in the backstage subtly shifted along as the spinoff narrative went, dragging its weight around at the speed of a lame tortoise lacking two legs. For the moment, Negi remembered briefly going to another world, meeting Kirie and learning Sailor Mercury's secret identity while there, then visiting Lewis Carroll's Wonderland and making a Pactio with Alice-chan shortly before things worked themselves out back to normal… somehow. Negi remembered beating up on some evil bad guy named Xenahort was part of it.

Kirie's own memories, as a matter of fact, were barely less garbled, and it didn't help canon hadn't even revealed her full backstory yet. So she tried avoiding the subject as much as the narrative did. What mattered was she was now stuck in Negi's time period, and attending a junior class along Alice. She walked in and sat down before Negi's desk. "Sensei," she said, "can we place a privacy spell around the office while talking? This topic involves, well, the English Research Society."

"Oh," Negi said, nodding and discreetly pulling out his childhood practice wand. Whispering under his breath, he cast the subtle spell that would keep any passerbys short of the Headmaster unaware of what was being discussed inside, and again smiled at Kirie. "There, it's done. Now please feel free to ask anything you want."

"Thanks," she reluctantly said, tucking her side braid behind her back with a gesture that Negi found very cute. "Negi-sensei, it has come to my attention the storyline isn't advancing at all."

Negi shifted around on his seat, uncomfortable all of a sudden. His low Fourth Wall awareness also meant he wouldn't react well when confronted with the issue, and mostly he'd get stuck trying to understand it, much less provide any answers on the subject. Kirie, who had grown listening to legends of how great Negi Springfield was at everything, was ignorant of that, and his reaction surprised her. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. Yes, I am," Negi nodded stiffly. "Sorry. It seems I misheard what you were saying, could you please repeat it?"

"Well, it's been a few weeks since I arrived," Kirie said, "and ever since I'm hearing the Mahorafest is at the turn of the corner. So it's obvious we're running into place in filler hell. Since you're the protagonist, I figure it's because of something you haven't done yet."

Negi's mind chose to interpret that in a way that made enough sense as to not drive him insane. "Ah… I see. Being from the future, you might be wondering why events aren't proceeding the way your history books said, but I was under the impression you were fully aware yours was an alternate reality…"

"I know!" Kirie said. "But still, nothing is happening beyond the elemental repetition of routinely events! Mahorafest is an important key turn in the lives of Negi Springfields everywhere, and it's also something I want to witness firsthand!"

"Things will happen whenever they need to happen, you just need to be patient," Negi shrugged.

"There, you'll learn relevant clues about your father's whereabouts!" Kirie played her desperate card.

Negi tensed up. "Indeed?! Ah, I mean, I'm sure it's just an impression you're getting from your perspective, that is, that of time transpiring slower than it should! Mahorafest is just two weeks ahead of us, and I know we've been saying the same thing for two weeks, but there have been slight delays…"

"Have you already gone to the South Pacific island?"

"Do you mean Ayaka-san's? There was some talk about it, but—"

"I can't believe it! Such incompetence! Haven't you even fought the demon count yet?!"

"W-Which demon count? Sounds like something I should be worried about…"

"Nyaaaaarrghhhh!" Kirie screeched, tugging down on her hat until it covered her eyes and glasses. "No wonder you're still such a wimp! You haven't even teamed up with—"

Often, you don't even have to mention another character at the right moment to summon them. Just hinting at their name and existence will frequently suffice to provide a narratively appropriate entry point, and so, that was the moment Konoe Konoemon chose to knock on Negi's door. Without waiting for a single word of reply from Negi, the old man in the Chinese tunics, still covered by a few ice shards from his latest real-world-time appearance, entered bringing along a cockily smiling black haired boy. As Negi gasped aloud, Konoemon shook the remaining ice off himself in a casual way, then politely said, "Good afternoon, Negi-kun, Sakurame-kun. We hope we aren't interrupting anything, but Shizuna-kun told me you'd be here, and there's someone I want you to welcome to Mahora. No doubt you remember Inugami Kotaro-kun from Kyoto, Negi-kun…"

"Yo," Kotaro chuckled, flipping Negi a just as casual greeting gesture.

"Headmaster-sensei!" Negi said. "Shouldn't that boy be still under Eishun-sama's custody?! He helped in your granddaughter's kidnapping!"

"I'm not senile yet, Negi-kun, I'm well aware of that," Konoe said. "However, Inugami-kun has recently performed several heroic deeds for the Kansai Association that have merited him a pardon from his criminal charges. As part of his communitarian services, he is to spend a few months of probation in Mahora, under our surveillance."

"You mean my surveillance!" a livid Negi said.

"How noble of you to offer it!" Konoemon chuckled jovially. Negi cringed; he had walked directly into that trap. Kirie kept on looking back and forth between the pale boy and the smirking one, wondering how off tracks history had gone. They weren't supposed to meet again like that! At least it meant they weren't in the Neo continuity either…


"I hardly can believe it!" Negi fumed the next subjective day, while dodging Evangeline's shadow arrows during their latest training session in the resort. "To bring such a dangerous person in, after all he's done! What was the Headmaster thinking?"

"Far from me to defend the old goat," Evangeline sneered while carpeting the area from above, forcing Negi to move even faster, "But don't you remember the alternate version of that simp being along Magus Erebus' partners, along the male counterpart of that ice using doll?"

"I know, I know! But I doubt that other Inugami Kotaro was ever as bad as this one! He seemed rather well behaved, while this mercenary is… simply is…!"

"A brat?" Eva chuckled, descending to his level and easily batting him aside with a casual backhand. "If you ask me, Boya, I'd say you are in some bad need of male companionship your own age. Look around yourself; you are surrounded by nothing but women, animals, and two simpletons who are far too old to relate to you…"

Several groans were heard from the sidelines, where the rest of Ala Alba had come together to watch Negi train after their own sessions were over. Negi's training always lasted longer than anyone else's, because of Evangeline's edict.

"The most irking part is knowing she's right," Itoshiki Nozomu-sensei said.

"I can't relate to him because he's too young or I'm too old, I can't relate because he's got no interest at all on motors," Morisato Keiichi mumbled.

Negi got up, rubbing his aching, swollen cheek where Eva had just hit him. "But, I don't need a 'pal' or 'best buddy' in the traditional sense of the term," he said. "From the portraits I saw at Kyoto, my father was much younger than everybody in his team, except maybe for Asakura Ryoko-san. And going from what little we know of her, she might have been as… ah…"

"Long lived," Eva coldly supplied.

He nodded. "As long lived as you, Master. So, if he didn't need friends in his age and gender range, why would I?"

Because you aren't supposed to be Nagi! Everyone collectively thought. Because look at where being Nagi took Nagi!

"Because you aren't your dad, and because look at where being your dad took your dad!" Makie said. Everyone, Negi included, looked at her for a moment then, most of them feeling torn between frustration at her being so stupidly direct and envy over not being able to be as direct as her.

Negi, torn himself between the implied insult at his father's life decision taking and is utmost respect for his students, hewed in discomfort. "Since we don't know exactly what happened to my father yet, I don't think we can stake claims on his disappearance having anything to do with the kind of great man he was, Makie-san. But we're digressing! Just because another Inugami Kotaro could become a good friend of Erebus-san, it doesn't mean I have to trust or like this one!"

Evangeline gave Chisame an annoyed glance. "What have you done to this boya? The one raised by Kagurazaka was far less cynical. You have contaminated him!"

"Give me a break!" Chisame said. "I've been living with him for like half a year! Don't you think he may have been leaning that way since long before he was given to me?"

"Geez, Negi-kun, I hadn't pegged you as the unforgiving type," Yuuna said. "I mean, you're right now training under the Public Enemy Number One of the magical community. Don't you think it's a double standard to be so harsh on that boy, then?"

Evangeline nodded. "Quite. I am, after all, the Ultimate Evil, the Most Perverse Woman in Any World, the Empress of Darkness, the Sinister Queen of Vice!" she cackled. "To adopt my ways means you have embraced darkness yourself! Then, why are you that hypocritically critical of a lowly merc who never could match my villainy?!"

No one had the courage to tell her by now they all thought of her as too cartoony as to be truly evil.

"It's because she's a pretty girl and he isn't, right?" Haruna asked.

"Of course not!" a scandalized Ayaka said before Negi could finish opening his mouth. "Negi-sensei would never be that shallow! And I agree with him, I don't trust that ruffian either!"

"Well, that's a surprise," Asuna dryly said.

"Look at it this way," Yuuna told Baka Red, "it's a progress for her to speak against a shota…"

"I'm not a child-lusting pervert!" Ayaka cried.

Then Setsuna spoke, with great quiet dignity. "I feel inclined to agree with Negi-sensei to a degree, as well. Far from me to distrust the better judgment of the Headmaster and Eishun-sama, but perhaps their hearts are too generous and trusting for their own good…"

"Well, *I* was the kidnapped one, and I still think everybody deserves a second chance!" Konoka pouted.

"—then again, at least Inugami-san seemed far more reasonable than most of Amagasaki's cronies," Setsuna quickly amended. "Now, if they were bringing my sister in…"

"Your sister?" Alice Liddell-chan said.

"Let's just say," Haruna told her, "there are women out there with an even bigger fetish for violence and beheading than your Queen of Hearts."

Alice cringed in disgust.

"Well, there's nothing you can do about it anyway," Asuna told Negi, "so why to let it bother you so much?"

"Because I'll have to keep a close eye on him whenever I'm not here or at classes," Negi sighed. "I only hope we don't have to room with him…"

"Geh, perish the thought!" Chisame asked. "And I'm sure the Dean would have told you if that was the case!"

"It's strange, however. If not with us, then with whom else?" Hakase Satomi wondered aloud. "Takahata-sensei, probably?"

"But then the Headmaster would have outright said Death Glasses-sensei would be the one who'd look after him, right?" Kasuga Misora asked, while the tiny Cocone Fatima Rosa nodded in silence.

"Let us apply logical deductive reasoning!" Satomi snapped her fingers. "Consider the following: Negi-sensei is supposed to maintain a close watch on him, so we know he couldn't be kept far apart from us. Also, he would have to share living arrangements with someone already familiar with him and what he's able to do, and who despite that would have a fair share of good will towards him, to guarantee a peaceful coexistence. Who do you think that leaves us with…?"

Haruna's ahoge had stood up in point, while Negi's face blanched. Evangeline began chuckling uncontrollably, while Asuna grimaced, Konoka took a hand to her cheek, Ayaka frowned in confusion, Setsuna frowned, and Alice kept looking back and forth between her seniors, trying to guess what had thrown them in that state of varied emotional disarray.

Not too far away, Minamoto Shizuna sweetly smiled at the impressed Miyazaki Nodoka and Ayase Yue. "And so, as Negi-sensei's students and next door neighbors, I am confident you can help Inugami-san and him to get along better in the future…"

"Fat chance," Kotaro muttered under his breath, folding his arms behind his neck, awkwardly standing next to the busty blond woman. He would consciously try to avoid eye contact with Nodoka and Yue the whole time, not that it was a difficult thing in Nodoka's case. Her bangs seemed to have thickened in some way, all the best to hide as much of her blushing face as possible, save for her chin and her slightly open little mouth…


One of the advantages of being a character in a story is you can skip past uncomfortable, even painful, events that you don't want to experience personally, that is, as long as the narrative allows for it. The memories of the event will still exist, but you can be taken to the aftermath and just deal with the consequences, or even only part of them, instead of the full brunt of the situation. Those who live this side of the Wall, we aren't that fortunate. We have to live through every bitter moment that comes our way; we cannot simply flashforward, or do some Gilligan Cut. We have to suffer through every bit of misfortune that happens in our lives, even those that are unbearable, even those that break us. As someone who is currently constantly dreading being just about to hit one of such moments, the author would humbly like to request a mere bit of sympathy for him here, and, if you do believe in a God, please pray to Him for this foolhardy person's physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing.

Negi was, naturally, unaware of how good he had it in that regard. While he remembered the awkwardness of coming back home to be confronted by a smugly smiling Kotaro standing at Nodoka and Yue's doorstep, arms folded and patiently waiting for him just to tell him they'd be neighbors now, at the very least, plot had decided showing that scene was unnecessary, and just cutting back to Negi sulking in his room could suffice. So Negi was now sulking in his room, so ignorant of how lucky he actually was.

"No, really, why are you so emo about it? Cut it out already!" the pajama clad Chisame told him as she climbed up onto her bunk, again showing why she was the author's favorite. "Didn't you have to deal with unlikable brats before, like in your school of magics?"

Negi sighed, putting down the pen he had been using to grade homework while sulking. He was after all a grade A multitasker. "Those who made it that far into our studies did it because they were mature and disciplined, Chisame. This boy, on the other hand, is, is… I know he's supposed to be disciplined at what he does, but that sure doesn't make him a gentleman!"

"He doesn't have to be a gentleman, he's a little boy," Chamo said from his underwear bed. "And as a matter of fact, I think you could learn a few things from him there, Bro."

"Are you taking his side now?!" a livid Negi asked.

Chamo frowned. "Bro, be honest with me here. You aren't jealous about that kid being here, are you?"

"What?!" Negi asked.

Satomi, squinting at him from the lower bunk now she didn't have her glasses on, looked accusingly at Negi. "It's a natural emotional development, I suspect. You have been the Alpha Male of our social group since your arrival, your commanding presence unmatched by your scarce male associates, all of whom are used to be Beta Males since long before ever meeting you. However, now you feel your leadership amongst our age and gender group is threatened by the arrival of someone who is accustomed to function as an Alpha dog in his own right. The fact he has claimed Miyazaki and Ayase's quarters as his territory, right next to your doorstep, simply underlines your sensations of having your male adequacy, already suffering from long standing comparison to that of your father, challenged."

Negi stared blankly at her.

"It's just an idea I had," Satomi shrugged before turning around on her bed, facing away from him. "Good night!"

It was Chisame's turn to sigh. "Never mind Hakase's social technobabble. Look at it this way, Sensei; if Inugami tries anything weird ever again, you'll be right at his side to stop him before he goes far, won't you? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, so in any event you'll want him close to you."

Negi pouted. "That may be right, but going by that logic, they also should send us everybody else who—"

"Then let's hope they never catch Tsukuyomi in the first place," Chisame groaned, pulling her bedsheets up and making room for him. "Now catch some Zs already and stop brooding like you're Batman."

There was something to be said here about the different approaches Asuna and Chisame would take to raising Negi. Asuna would tolerate Negi's presence in her bed and at most use it as an emotional reward. Chisame, much like parents who will buy presents for their children to keep them in line, used that permission as a shortcut to get Negi to do what she wanted at the time, mainly to get him to shut up. That had the unintended—at least in a conscious level- side effect of getting Negi more habituated to Chisame's physical proximity than most of his counterparts were to Asuna's.

In a way, you could say Chisame had grown into a domineering mother more than into the big sister figure Asuna would be. For the boy currently tucking in at her side, who had grown with a cousin that doubled as both his mother and sister, it would seem at first that made no huge difference either way. But Chisame's style of upbringing probably was more conductive to create links of emotional dependence and trigger Oedipal reactions from a boy in accelerated growth.

Or maybe I'm just making this up more than I'm realizing. I'm no Psychiatry doctor; I wanted to be one, so much, long ago, but life wouldn't let me take that path.


Tsunetsuki Matoi was, of course, well aware of all that. She was dedicated even for stalker standards, and had made the study of Hasegawa Chisame's emotional makeup an art that could have filled its own encyclopedia. Not that she would have been one to judge the young couple even if she hadn't been infatuated with both of them, Negi to a much smaller but still meaningful degree.

Matoi had been called a deviant, an obsessed freak, a dangerous and unhinged individual. It was true the same things had been said about every other student of Mahora's high school class 3-F but Hitou Nami, who was normal, but perhaps, other than Kitsu Chiri, the critics had more of a point with Matoi than with anyone else. And yet, it wasn't like Matoi had an evil heart. Her intentions, most of the time, were good, and unlike the case with Chiri, you never had anything to fear from her as long as you weren't threatening her romantic liaison at the time.

I suppose I should remind you all now that, in real life, stalking is NOT a form of Deep True Love, but this is an universe where ermines can talk and there's a man who can benchpress mountains and hear you from across the planet.

So, for the purposes of our story, Matoi was a nice, fundamentally kind young lady whose love happened to be too enthusiastic and driven, rather than an unbalanced compulsive menace in dire need of serious psychiatric treatment. Or at least, more of the former than the latter. In any particular, Matoi was sympathetic enough to those who would be called perverts or degenerates by society as to judge them, unless they went out of their way to harm others. So she couldn't blame her Chisame-sama for loving a little boy far more than even Matoi did. As it's been said, 3-F had their manias and 3-A had their own, and while both classes overall regarded each other as enemies, they at least shared enough common grounds as to avoid throwing mutual accusations of criminal insanity.

It should also be noted that bugging others' bedrooms is, as well, a criminal act that cannot be justified by any romantic attachment.

Still, perhaps we should be thankful for Matoi's bugging of Chisame's bedroom, since it allows this story to keep moving on. That was the reason why, the next day, Matoi was aware enough of the latest developments of Negi's domestic drama as to be reasonably prepared by the time she approached Chisame in the resort's baths.

Chisame had been bathing alone… as alone as she ever could be with Matoi around… after finishing her assignments for the day early, and slipping away before Eva could realize it and give her more assignments. She sat in the low warm waters, massaging her own strained neck back and forth, until she felt Matoi's skilled hands on hers, gently guiding them around for a better effect. It would have been more relaxing if not for that tense JIIIIIIIIIIII sound that accompanied Tsunetsuki everywhere, though.

"Still concerned about Negi-sama?" Matoi softly asked.

"As if," Chisame snorted, which was her euphemism for 'very'. "Hakase's right, he's just having a bout of macho pride. It'll go away soon enough."

Matoi hummed. "I'm sorry to say, Chisame-sama, but macho pride only gets worse with age. And the bigger it gets, the frailer as well. Negi-sama already has enough problems thinking of himself as a failure; having that twerp around is going to be a constant reminder of his inability to take him one on one."

"Well, then they should settle it like men do, by stupidly challenging each other!" Chisame growled. "That brat hasn't studied under Evangeline, so Negi should have surpassed him by now!"

"That would work, except because we know Negi-sama is also a strict follower of the rules, and he won't make the first actual move against the twerp as long as he's the Headmaster's guest. So Negi-sama's got no release valve for his frustrations right now."

"Let him release through sparring with Eva, that's—" Chisame began, and was interrupted by Negi's howl of pain after Evangeline no doubt threw him through several palm trees. "Alright, I suppose that only adds more frustration for him and release for Eva, but…"

"We should," Matoi's massaging hands moved down to Chisame's shoulders now, "boost Negi-sama's confidence by reminding him of how much he means for us."

Chisame snorted. "Why does he need us for that? Sasaki, Kakizaki, Iinchou and Suzushiro are always telling him of how strong and cool and cute and—"

"But their words of praise," Matoi cooed, softly tilting Chisame's chin around with a finger so the hacker could stare into her round dark eyes now, "aren't as valuable as yours. Because Negi-sama knows Chisame-sama's praise, being far scarcer, means a lot more whenever it comes. When was the last time you praised Negi-sama's achievements, Chisame-sama?"

"Eh? What's that supposed to—Gee, I dunno. When he passed that idiotic test against Chachamaru? Why should I praise him after that, he does nothing but stumbling around, kissing girls and lucking into solutions like…"

"But he tries his best," Matoi reminded her, "and never gives up. Even when it's clear he'd like to. Why can't you tell him of how much that means for you? Girls aren't the only ones who like being told."

Chisame frowned, pondering Matoi's words in a hostile silence. "Do you believe that, if I do that, he'll stop sulking around so much?"

Matoi shrugged. "As much as he can lighten up, at least."

Chisame sighed. "Okay. I guess I can do that much. But I want you to do something for me in return!"

"Anything you'd want, Chisame-sama!" Tsunetsuki gushed.

"Take your damn hands offa my breasts already!"

"Oh! That'll be difficult, but I imagine I can manage…"

"NOT BY MOVING THEM *ANY* LOWER!"

"Geh, Chisame-sama sure can be demanding…"


Hasegawa Chisame woke up around the stroke of midnight, with a terrible certainty in her mind: It's going to end in sex, isn't it?

"No no no no!" she cried, pushing Negi aside without even realizing it. Of course, she'd have pushed him harder if she had. The boy gave a half hearted gurgle of confusion before quickly fallen back into sleep, clutching his pillow, and Satomi kept on dreaming peacefully under them. Chamo smacked his furry lips together as he looked up from his drawer, turning badly focused eyes on Chisame through the darkness, and his incoming question was blocked by a sock thrown at his mouth.

The brown haired girl jumped down her bunk, ran to the bathroom, and locked herself inside.

"Ah," the ermine told himself. "Red wave accident." And he went back to sleep.

Sitting on the toilet with her fists clenched after a quick peeing, her pajama trousers at her ankles, Chisame thought frantically of the standard routine for that type of stories. It used to be that, whenever the characters were in a lull in the story where most of the cast were around with no huge threats looming in the horizon, events would unfold that would draw the main characters, and probably a few secondaries, into a stock lemon plot, the same kind always found in those abominable doujinshi Haruna loved to read (not to read AND draw, however. Those were yaoi). It often started with the main girl (that had to be her, due to her proximity with The Hero) undergoing an emotional turmoil, one that would be solved when the harem lead male would give her the dick through a chain of forced instances tied together with a 'comical' conclusion or a stabbing.

What Matoi had suggested her, the whole 'let's throw an appreciation private party for Negi' idea, was the perfect setup for that! Before Chisame knew it, she'd end up pregnant and leading an also pregnant harem of unruly girls all competing for Negi's affections, and…

Well, there was only one thing to do, then.

Eerily, Chisame pulled her pants up and marched over to the kitchen. She opened the knife drawer. In a macabre silence, she pulled the largest, sharpest knife out, calmly measured the edge between her fingers, and closed the drawer back. On quiet bare feet, she walked back to the bedroom, walked past the snoring ermine and angelically sleeping Hakase, and climbed back up to her upper bunk. For a second, she stopped there, considering if she shouldn't first step by the underwear drawer and stab the animal to a red pulp. It would save everybody else a lot of headaches. Then Chisame realized she didn't care that much about others' headaches and knelt over Negi, one knee at each side of his body, holding the knife high…

"What are you doing, Chisame-chan?" Chiu asked her, appearing on her shoulder as a pink haired Chibi with a fox tail and fluffy ears. She was barely different enough from the Caster of Fate EXTRA as to avoid a lawsuit. "Actually, before you snark at me, I know you're about to stab Negi-kun, but why are you doing it?"

"Don't you see?" Chisame said, tears rolling down her face. "If we're going the Darkenning route, it's better if we end it here! Better to die an oneshot than living as another truncated series, or reaching thirty nine books of debauchery! It's for Negi's own good, too!"

"Well, I think it'd be nice from you if first you asked Negi-kun his opinion on the matter, don't you think?" Chiu asked.

"He wouldn't understand!" Chisame sobbed. "And then I'd have to explain him! And he wouldn't understand anyway! And my frustration, and a desire to explain him with practice, would lead us to have sex, exactly what I'm trying to prevent here!"

"Oh my my my…!" Chiu tapped with her stubby fingers on her own rosy cheek. "And why don't you want to have sex with him?"

"Are you crazy?!"

"No, you are crazy; I'm only a figment of your imagination," Chiu wagged a finger. "Why don't you want to be a lemon harem main girl? That's awesome! It's far better than ending up a soured hikikomori! You get to boss every other girl around! You get to tap every ass Negi-kun taps! And don't give me denials now, we both know we masturbate to memories of when Hakase and Kagurazaka kissed you!"

"Shut up, you idiot, Hakase's sleeping right under us!" Chisame hissed. She lowered the knife harmlessly to one side. "Anyway, I'm not that type of character. You're asking me to be completely OOC for the sake of cheap thrills! I'm not Haruna, you know!"

"Oh, so it's more IC for you to stab Negi to death in his sleep?" Chiu asked.

"Of course it is! It might have started as a theme for a doujin, but Akamatsu later made several allusions to it in the main series!" Chisame protested, with the universal clarity nocturnal vigil brings. "I know that makes me despicable and creepy, but at least not the kind of despicable and creepy that screws little boys!"

Chiu shook her head in faint dismay. "Chi-chan, Chi-chan, I'm so disappointed on you! No doubt you think you have to do this because you have no other choice. But you're wrong. You can actually do the right thing, discard Matoi's idea, just give Negi a chaste hug and a reassurance of how much you value his efforts, and you still can continue from there. But, is that what you really want to do? Or, now you finally have the chance, do you want to be your own star? The mistress of all those knuckleheads who call themselves your friends? The ascended ugly duckling who became the most coveted of swans?"

Chisame paused, considering Chiu's words for the next few moments, before making her mind up. She held Negi up so he was sitting upright against her chest, and then hugged him tightly. "I'm proud of you, Negi Springfield," she told him.

The half-asleep boy blinked through a haze. "Um, ah? Eh, thanks a lot, Chisame. I'm proud of you, as well, but… what does that knife on the mattress mean…?"

She only hugged him harder.


"I had been waiting for you," Chao Linghsen said, standing with her arms folded before herself and her back to Sakurame Kirie. That greatly concerned Kirie, since it meant, not only she couldn't see Chao's face, but neither could she see if the Chinese-Martian genius was holding anything; a weapon, an escape device, a family tree booklet! Just to be on the safe side, Kirie had established a save point before coming there to confront Linghsen, and even then, she wasn't sure if Chao didn't have one way or another to nullify the principles of Kirie's immortality. The books of Kirie's age had little info on Lingshen, just that she was deceivingly devious, always a step ahead of everyone, and distantly related to Negi Springfield. However, given the only other Chao UQ Holder had any records on was a psychotic mercenary deviant, it was hard for Kirie to invest much faith on the other commonly assumed trait of Linghsen; that she was an actually very well intentioned individual.

"You should, since you called me," Kirie said, keeping her voice low. "Then again, if anything, I was wondering what had taken you that long to do so."

"I wanted to make sure about a few things-ne," Chao playfully said. "Chief amongst them, if you really were who you claimed to be. I have spent the last few days keeping tabs on you; picking your DNA from your discarded disposable glasses, then submitting them to tests, you know, that kind of things. By now I feel fairly confident you are indeed Sakurame Kirie. And that's why I want to ask you something."

"What is it?" Kirie asked, wand in hand, both girls standing on the prairie around the World Tree, close enough for the venerable giant's shadow to gently fall on them, under the dusk sun. There was no one else in sight anywhere, not even the habitual lovebirds coming to declare mutual eternal love under the thick branches. Odds were everybody was too preoccupied with the preparations for the School Festival. Or Chao had somehow arranged for them to be kept away, otherwise. Or perhaps a combination of both factors above.

Chao tilted her head back, just enough as to show Kirie one side of her face; a face that sported a small, sad smile. "How many children did your Negi Springfield have?"

"None," Kirie said, feeling, after the initial surprise over the unexpected question, mostly annoyed at having to repeat her answer, after all the times Ala Alba had insisted on knowing if she actually had meant it. Then again, on a second thought, it made more sense for Chao to ask than for anyone else. Her very existence relied on Negi being able to sire heirs. In Kirie's world, Chao was a paradox, a chronological impossibility that perhaps remained in the annals only because she proceeded from another timeline; the expert opinions on it were as conflicted as varied. Who was to say how the timestream worked in this other alternate universe?

Chao nodded, against Kirie's expectations, as if approving the answer rather than growing alarmed by it. "And how many Pactios?" she asked then.

"Thirty," the answer came again without any hesitation. Kirie failed to see how answering honestly could further Lingshen's evil goals, if she had any; the information from a diverging timeline should be mostly useless in another, right? So it was better to humor the madwoman lest she would notice the signs in her voice and face. Kirie wouldn't admit it, but she was aware she was an awful liar.

"Thirty nine, then," Chao said.

"I beg your pardon?" Kirie replied.

"Don't. No one has to beg for my pardon-yo. If anything I'm the one who should be begging for everybody's forgiveness. But it's okay now. Because now I know we need thirty nine, and we need them to sire heirs."

"I don't understand," Kirie confessed, for she prided herself on her sanity, and sanity cannot understand the capricious turns of madness.

"I have seen every combination of events, I have experienced and experimented with every chain of factors and events," Chao said. "Every time, we fell too short, or reached too long. But now, I know what needs to be done. Before graduation, we need Negi to establish permanent contracts with thirty nine partners and to ensure descendants with every last one of them, in the same order he contracted with them."

"How… How do you know that?" Kirie warily asked. The books said the reason for Linghsen's well intentioned extremism were to prevent a bleak future from razing the Old and Magical worlds. Apparently, that hinged on changing the course of Negi Springfield's life. Could it be the demented time traveler held the secret to prevent the disasters that had shaped Kirie's world and her own? Or was she simply manipulating her? Did Martians never lie? Kirie knew that was a lie unto itself. She had met many a Mars inhabitant with false words of trickery. And yet, Lingshen sounded strangely… sincere. Was it naught but the skill of a supreme puppeteer?

"I cheated, and finally gambled on going straight to the source," Chao answered, her smile growing sharper but no less pained. "Did you know the apparent cycle we are into is in actuality a closed space, Sakurame-san? There are branches and extensions, but ultimately, it all comes down to the same core. We can't change our futures because they don't exist anymore, and arguably never existed in the first place. But we can change this future. The only downside is, well, the story will end there. The upside is, it will end with a happy end for us. But only if we play all our cards correctly."

Kirie paled. "You… You have engaged into forbidden knowledge, far worse than mere alteration of the timestream! You have looked past the walls!"

Chao nodded. "You can't imagine what happened—or not—to me while the Heartless destroyed this world. As an anomaly, I was shuffled into the void beyond either continuity, stuck in transit, and then, I was given—or at least, it comes to happen as I retroactively say it—knowledge of what this story needs to end. Chisame, Misora, Satomi, Misa, Asuna, Sakurako, Haruka, Haruna, Ayaka, Yuuna, Sora, Konoka, Setsuna, Alice, and twenty five more. One of them could be you. Or me. We can't know yet. We are still to write that part of the old tale."

Kirie gasped. "What you are proposing… that's an abomination! I can't abide to it!"

"But you have to, Sakurame-san," Chao said. "Otherwise, the outcome will fall into limbo instead. And all our efforts will have been in vain. Do you want that?"

Kirie drew in a deep, terrified breath.


To be Continued?


Why?- by OM and SCM.

"Why?" Kitsu Chiri icily asked, standing on his path, spade in hand. Her question as short and precise as possible; while Kitsu-san was always obsessive about things being as clear and concise as possible, she had developed an inhuman ability to convey herself with as little words (and as much violence as school regulations would let her get away with) as she could use. So Itoshiki Nozomu understood, perfectly well, what she meant, just from that single word. Especially since all of his other students (except for Kaga-san and Tsunetsuki-san, of course) standing behind Kitsu-san only made her point even more obvious, He still had to ask, however, even if only to stall for time.

"Why... what exactly?" he asked, while Ai-chan slowly moved behind him, hiding her face behind a sleeve and carefully rehashing her long mental list of apologies.

The slim girl at the head of the group that had just appeared on their way to Evangeline's answered immediately, her grip on the spade tightening. "Why would you prefer spending your time with Class 3-A rather than us? Why do you betray us like so?"

Itoshiki thought frantically. "Kafuka-san!" he called out. "Surely you can interpret this situation into something good?"

Everyone paused a moment, various donated organs making them acknowledge supremacy as the current Kafuka– who seemed shorter than usual and was holding a second-hand cellphone– tilted her head thoughtfully. She smiled widely. "Sorry, I've got nothin'!" she said cheerfully, and perhaps with just a hair of malice.

"See!" Chiri declared. "This betrayal is so bad even Kafuka-san can't spin it into something good!"

Of course, sooner than later, it had to come to that. If anything, it had taken too long for things to reach that point; Nozomu suspected it had been entirely because his class couldn't agree on a way to approach the situation until now.

"Don't you think you are neglecting us too much, Sensei?" Hitou Nami asked now, in a far more reasonable tone. "After all, 3-A already have their own teacher. You are never there for us when we need you. For support. For guidance. For all we are supposed to receive from our homeroom teacher."

"W-Well," the man stammered, "that is a logical and normal thing to expect from an educator, naturally, but—"

"DON'T SAY 'NORMAL'!" Nami cried.

"I always thought you never cared about my presence, support or guidance," Nozomu said, which was actually part of the whole truth. "And when have many of you belonged to a single club that encapsulated as many students as the English Research Society does for 3-A?"

"Well, if that's the problem, we can create one!" Kiri huffed. "We have our own yaoi mangaka, our own crazy and shameless blond foreigner, our own ugly computer-obsessed classmate, our own Daddy's Little Girl, and even our own semi-cute animal mascot!" she added, holding up a baby Emperor Penguin which waved its flippers around.

"What are you talking about?" a confused Kimura Kaere asked, moments before the wind flipped her skirt and only hers up. "Maria-san is crazy and shameless, yeah, but not a blonde...!"

Itoshiki sighed sadly. So it came to this. Forced into a crossroads where he would have to choose between loyalty to the son of the man he admired and the woman he loved, or loyalty to the students his Headmaster, whom he admired almost as much as Nagi, had imposed upon them. He could see no escape, no exit, none that wouldn't disappoint the trust placed on him by someone. Story of his tragic, despairing life, actually. No matter what he would say now, he was doomed. He couldn't possibly invite his class to partake into Ala Alba's secrets, but they wouldn't relent until they had his full attention, so would he have to quit Ala Alba? Right when, despite the fact he'd never admit it, he had started feeling a certain measure of happiness and belonging from their company...?

"I'M IN DESPAIR!" he threw his hands up. "BEING FORCED TO CHOOSE LIKE THIS HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

And then Harumi spoke. "Chiri-chan?"

"What?!" Chiri curtly asked her.

"We can't create new clubs anymore, this late into the school term," the mangaka calmly said. "And we can't break the even numbers of a previously existing club, can we? The English Research Society has Negi-sensei, Itoshiki-sensei, Haruna-chan, Ai-chan, Matoi-chan, Computer-chan, Akashi-san, Mad Scientist-chan, Green Hair-chan, Evangeline-san, Vice President Suzushiro, Yukihiro-san, Cheerleader-san, Other Cheerleader-san, Glasses and Freckles-sempai, Short Guy-sempai, Konoe-san, Swords-chan, Redhaired Brute-chan, Goddess Complex-chan, Gymnastics-chan, Nun-chan and Loli Nun-chan. PLUS the mascot. That makes for twenty four members. By taking our teacher and classmates back, you are leaving their numbers uneven. And even if we only take Sensei away, we still would be leaving them with uneven numbers. And our course, we can't just pull Sensei and one of our classmates away, since we all are just as important as the others. Are you sure you want to do something like that?"

Chiri's face went blank, featureless.

"Um," Nami said, "I'm not sure the mascot counts. That's not even a human being!"

Chiri, a single long hair leaping up from her perfectly combed hairstyle, slammed her spade into the ground in grim defeat, then walked away, crestfallen. After several moments of staring after her, helpless, the rest of 3-F began to follow her.

As Harumi was the last one to retreat, Itoshiki felt confident enough they were out of hearing range enough as to ask her before she was gone, "Fujiyoshi-sempai, why?"

She gave him— no, them— a small sad smile. "It wouldn't be the first time I've ever had to let go of someone I loved who belongs to that team, Itoshiki-sensei."

"What—"

"Give Haruna-chan my regards, will you?" Harumi waved it off before follwoing her classmates into the Mahora distance, under the afternoon sun. "See you tomorrow, Sensei. For a short while at least!"

Itoshiki kept on looking after her, and didn't snap back to his full attention until he felt Ai reluctantly tugging on his sleeve.


To be Continued.