Part II: The Dark Side of the Moon
Chapter 52 Stubborn Pride
Maria's pov
The practice-labour pains I have been experiencing have intensified. So much so that they have long since surpassed from 'uncomfortable' and 'bothersome' as described by Mrs. Abbott, my midwife, to right painful. They are brought on oft times by even the slightest exertion. And the fragility of my condition makes me feel weak.
The stairs.
My, there are many stairs in this castle. And with each step I take, I feel the muscles in my heavy womb protest. A tightening begins in my back and wraps around my front toward my navel. Hardening and squeezing down into my pelvis, the weight of the child within me crushing against my bladder. I can feel as the joints in my hips loosen, opening at the force of the baby being pressed down by the contraction. And just when I feel as if he or she may fall through, crossing my legs as I stand still-breathing rhythmically and braced against the wall, it vanishes.
It happens after we make love. But I haven't told Robin. Although it has become increasingly harder to conceal. I am too afraid that he will become too afraid to touch me. View me as too fragile yet I am in a fragile state. Too afraid that if he were unable to touch me, he would replace me, even if, just until I am able.
The girls.
Perhaps it's only in my hormonal state that I have become jealous. I have no reason to doubt Robin's love and affection for me. But the girls in the clan have begun to set me on unease. Their flirtatious looks and high-pitched giggles. The seductive sway of their hips as they pass him by. He pays them no mind. Accustomed to girls throwing themselves at him, no doubt. But I have come to find it particularly disrespectful to me.
And a nagging part of me so wonders, who? Which one? How many of them? Which of these girls has Robin been intimate with before me? And I watch them, trying to decipher from any interaction they have with Robin. Trying to see who holds his gaze longer than the rest. Trying to see a flicker of knowing in Robin's eyes. A blush upon their cheeks. A hint of a smirk at the corner of their mouths.
Who used to satiate my young husband's lust before I?
This is what darkness lurks in my mind during the numerous celebrations of sorts that so occur here at the castle. And the De Noirs use any excuse for a celebration. As the girls and women dance and flirt as the drinks are ever filled, never left empty for but a moment as the music thrums on. A sea of black and red and silver. Dancing, laughing, dining, drinking. Unhindered. Boundary less. Formalities forgotten.
I couldn't blame Robin. Being raised in this way. Giving in to drink and violence and desires of the flesh. Even I find this lifestyle intriguing even though it is a stark contrast to my snobbish and prudish upbringing.
But I know I am being foolish. A lapse in judgment fueled by jealousy. For each time my eyes fall to Robin from amongst the crowd, whether at my side or across the room, I see that he only has eyes for me.
Stop being foolish, Maria! I scold the ridiculousness of my thoughts internally. If anything it is better this way. Just as Remy had told me at our wedding reception. Perhaps Robin's unabashed freedoms have allowed him to taste of what the world could offer and just as soon he has found what he truly wants.
And I know that is me.
I decided it best I remain sat at the bench. Using the table as a shield for my growing shape. My long black cloak did a fair job of disguising me but I know the clans people all too well now, and I wanted to avoid being swept off and made to join in the entrancing dance that jerked and flowed precariously to the deep base of the drums. Visions of witches dancing around a fire under the light of the moon, a portrayal of wickedness gleaned from illustrated tales in books, always played in my mind at the sight of the way the De Noir clan danced.
I smiled.
If they could only attend a formal ball as I so previously enjoyed during my time in London. The formalities of such. The aristocracy of it. No. I much preferred my new life here. Even though I hadn't yet summoned the courage to join in, I could admit that the De Noirs truly knew how to have a good time. I relaxed and enjoyed watching the rhythmic and darkly captivating flow of bodies that moved to the music.
"Maria...you all right?"
Robin had asked me, hand wrapped around my frail arm just below my shoulder and lips against my ear as he had escorted me down the last of the stone steps before we had reached the main level of the castle before this evening's celebration had begun. I had slumped against the cold rough wall, wincing a breath through clenched teeth as another pain racked through my midsection. I could feel the pressure of our wee one's head press down into my pelvis and the looseness of my joints made my hips feel wobbly and uncooperative.
Robin had summoned Mrs. Abbott, the midwife, before she had purposed to return after her first visit, against my wishes only days before. She examined me again. And yet again came to the same conclusion, "Practice labour, my dear. All woman experience it. Some more than others-that being you." She gave me a look and I knew she felt I was too young and shouldn't have gotten myself in this way. As if the gods were punishing me for having had a sexual relationship outside of marriage.
"Lady Maria, I have assisted in over one-hundred births in my time and have birthed six wee one's of me own. I have seen this many times over. I am pleased to see that you have yet to have had a cervical change and have still not had any bleeding. I have listened to the wee one's heart through auscultation and feel we should not be burdened by concern. Now since you are uncomfortable I suggest that you rest more often than not." Mrs. Abbott paused and turned toward Corrine, "Have a pot of chamomile tea brought up for her Ladyship and see to it that she lightens her activities."
I sighed. Both out of frustration and relief. The thought of having to remain on rest more often than not didn't sit with me well. It wasn't as if I were ill. And the weather had just begun to become more tolerable. It was still winter but much less in the way of unbearably cold and dark days. Spring was nigh.
I was comforted to be told by Mrs. Abbott that my ailment was nothing yet to be of concern. I trusted her. I had not one bit of experience in this area of womanhood. I knew not what to expect, what was normal and what was cause for alarm. I trusted her.
At least I thought I did.
Until today. As I was stood on the step breathing slowly through the pain, I began to doubt Mrs. Abbott. Something was wrong. This couldn't be as she described; 'as nothing of concern.'
I glanced up at Robin, his face read of his doubts as well. And the depth of the concern I saw in his eyes filled me with worry.
"Perhaps it best if you should not attend this evening..." Robin spoke softly to me, reaching out to sweep a lock of hair from my brow.
"I'll be fine, Robin." I said a bit too harshly, straightening up and proceeding forward. I didn't want to feel as a special exception. Too poorly and weak to do my job as a woman properly. Besides I wasn't to leave my husband without a date at a De Noir function full of beautiful girls and other temptations. Not that I didn't hold an utmost trust in him. No, it was the other's I didn't trust with him.
So in my stubbornness, my quest to become a strong woman like those in the clan, I force myself to bare through it. There was no pattern to the pains, as Mrs. Abbott had explained for us to look for. And they only occurred sporadically and mostly upon exertion.
Although with this night being the exception.
After having mingled a bit being sure to keep up appearances and not leave room for gossip. And after having shared in a lovely meal with mostly those who held the highest titles of the clan and Robin and his family, I sidled up against Robin as he conversed with his friends. I stifled a yawn but Robin chuckled at my poor attempt to conceal my exhaustion. He snaked a hand into my cloak and smoothed it over my round belly as he turned into me and pressed his lips against my temple.
"Ready to go up, love?"
I nodded, smiling up at him dreamily and with heavy lids. Warmed by his embrace. I felt him hesitate. I knew he was enjoying himself immensely and wasn't ready to retire for the evening. "Yes, but I don't mind if you should so wish to stay..."
"You sure? It is not my intention to stay all night nor return to my Lady too filled with drink to due my duty as a man." Robin chuckled seductively in my ear.
"Robin De Noir...that mind of yours-"
Robin swooped down and caught my mouth in a kiss before I could reprimand him any further. Then he turned and with a nod to one of the footman who was busily minding a table of drinks the footman appeared at his side.
"Sir?"
"Kindly fetch Lady Maria's maid, Corrine and have her escort Lady Maria to her chambers at my instruction, please Thomas."
"Straight away, sir." The footman, Thomas replied, dipping his head slightly.
"I shall be up 'fore too long." Robin spoke against my lips with a parting kiss as Corrine approached. I turned once more before we weaved through the crowd and caught him still staring after me, hands in his pockets and crooked grin played across his mouth. My, how I adored him. Loved him.
Later that night, the moon high and full, casting a silvery glow through the part in the drapes, I stirred as I felt the bed dip and the duvet shift. I turned to my side to face Robin after he settled in beside me. He placed a sweaty palm to my cheek and kissed my brow before flopping down upon his back and falling asleep almost instantly. I smiled to myself at his tenderness he held only for me but also at his exhaustion. I never imagined him to be quite the socialite.
I fell back to sleep soon after, soothed by the soft rhythmic breathing of Robin, and comforted by the joys the evening had brought. Seeing Robin enjoying himself and so utterly and happily in his element, amongst a people he loved brought me much happiness. Being accepted so greatly and inducted into said people brought me much happiness as well.
What I only so wished I had known was that my happiness was soon to be brutally ripped from me.
