After Brody walked them over to the couch Carrie curled up against him. Rubbing her back, he didn't realize right away he was crying along with her. When their tears finally subsided they just sat holding each other in silence, until he finally broke it.
"Does...anyone else know?"
"No. Well, Quinn does but-"
"Quinn?", Brody questioned. He was relieved she'd told someone, keeping something like that a secret couldn't have been easy but...
"Peter Quinn?"
"What? Do you think I told him because it could've been his?!", Carrie accused.
"No..Carrie! Fuck..I meant, I wasn't..look don't put words in my mouth okay!"
Guiltily she sat up, wiped her eyes as Brody sighed, trying to keep his own grief in check.
"I just didn't expect this. I'm trying to get up to speed, come to grips. I mean fuck..the thought of you...being pregnant, with my..our baby? It's just.."
When he trailed off disbelievingly Carrie nodded in understanding.
"Yeah. That was basically my reaction too."
"Did you just have a check-up one day and they.."
"No, no I figured it out for myself. I was stunned. I mean, I never even had a fucking scare! Not even in college, but-"
"Yeah. It's like you said though things aren't always effective. Things just happen."
"Or they don't.", she sighed sadly as he looked on, regretting his words.
"No, don't look at me like that. Here I am having had time to deal with this and you're, still.."
"Don't apologize. Shit. I mean I was the one waving that fucking doll around, demanding answers."
"Answers you deserved.", Carrie reminded.
"Brody, I swore that if we ever saw each other again."
"Hey..if?"
"When, we saw each other again.", she corrected. "I was going to tell you everything. I give you my word I was."
"What if..if you hadn't had the.."
"It's okay. You can say it."
"If you hadn't, miscarried. Would you have, gone ahead and.."
Biting her lip fresh tears filled her eyes.
"I don't know. Brody, I don't. Back then after everything with the bombing, with you..I was staying at Maggie's because I didn't trust myself going home to an empty house. There was just so much going on! I mean..."
Kissing her on the side of her head Brody held her tighter.
"Yeah, I know.."
"After I took the test and I knew for sure, I just felt numb. Like I was walking around in this daze. I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I didn't want to.", she wearily admitted.
"How come you didn't tell your sister, or Saul even?"
Letting out a hollow laugh, Carrie snorted.
"Saul? Back then he was barely holding himself together. If I gave him any more reason to worry about me I could've put him in the fucking hospital. And with Maggie, she's told me she isn't after a niece or a nephew. Not at my expense."
"You mean because of your-"
"Yeah. It would be hard. It would require, a lot."
"Yeah I figured as much.", Brody nodded.
He remained solemn, strong, stoic in spite of everything he'd heard and still was hearing, and for the first time in a long time was grateful he was a soldier. He was trained to deal with pain and grief. He knew how to move past it enough to keep moving, and had put that knowledge to good use the past two or so days.
But he'd be a better liar than the polygraph proved him if he said he was moving past this conversation easily.
If he wasn't as devastated over this as Carrie was. Maybe more so.
He hadn't known this gut wrenching kind of pain since Issa. He'd had just enough time to fall in love with the boy before he was gone, and this felt like the most horrible kind of deja'vu.
In addition though to losing yet another boy, maybe girl if the outfit had been any indication, Brody came to the realization at Carrie's words he'd lost a dream, a dream with her, that he didn't even know until then he'd had.
The realization was a selfish one though and he forced himself to bury it along with any lingering grief. Looking in Carrie's eyes he knew that was the last thing she should see in his.
"You know after it happened I went to work, made it seem like everything was fine. But then I wound up walking on my lunch hour to this baby boutique on Elm and I bought.." Nodding to the outfit she shook her head, wiped at her eyes.
"I don't even know why!"
"You were grieving, Carrie. Everyone does differently."
"After I took some time off, I told Saul I had to go to Iraq."
"Wait, you went back?", Brody asked.
"I'd gotten a lead, Brody. A chance to clear your name. There was no fucking way I was about to pass that up."
"Even if it meant going back to where you'd-"
Nodding, Carrie shrugged.
"What else was I supposed to do. Send someone in my place? Besides, if I hadn't gone I never would've met-"
"Farrah.", Brody finished, getting a tearful nod.
"Fuck, Brody. If I lose her too, I.."
When her voice broke and trailed off Brody pulled her into a fierce hug.
"You won't, I swear. You won't love.", he said gently but firmly, hoping with everything in him he was right.
...
After parking the surveillance van on a side street, Virgil turned to the group in the back.
"Alright this is the last Catholic church in a ten mile radius. If Farrah's not here I'll personally call in the National Guard.", he sighed as Quinn rolled his eyes.
"Why exactly are we pinning all our hopes on Samir bringing her to a church?"
"Maybe we should ask Brody. He seems to be our resident pro at finding sanctuary.", Danny scoffed.
"Hey, knock it off!" Max piped up getting surprised looks.
"You feeling protective of a certain ginger, Max?", Quinn smirked.
"You bet.", Virgil scoffed.
"Ever since that day at Langley when Carrie reamed him out, she has him scared shitless. He won't say a word against her. So since Carrie loves Brody, Max loves him too."
At this even Saul couldn't help snickering.
"Seriously though guys, if Farrah's not here where the fuck do we look?"
"Everywhere til we fucking find her.", Saul said simply, sliding open the van door before he proceeded to jump out.
Meanwhile the rest of the group turned to look at Quinn, who shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt.
"What? You heard the man. Let's go!"
