A/N Hello friends! How have you been? I've been swamped with work and I literally have no free time at the moment. Not even for Christmas *sigh*
Anyway! I have some very exciting news! TiacheRaggs has actually started translating this collection into Russian! I'm honestly so honored and touched!
I'm using this as an incentive to thank all of you for sticking with me for so long and enjoying these little drabbles I write just when sudden inspiration sparks!
So thank you! :) Hope you're all well.
Title: Insecurities
Rating: M
Warning: suggestive stuff, nakedness
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Ed was excited. The blood pumping through her veins was boiling. Adrenaline was shooting through her body and making her heart pound loud enough to drown out any other sound.
Roy's hands were on her. His mouth was on hers. Passionately, furiously, letting her know just how much he, too, wanted this. It was more than what they'd done previously. A sweet kiss, slow and almost unsure – as if they needed to get used to it.
This was not like that.
They'd entered Roy's house in such a rush, she didn't really remember when exactly it'd happened. The only things registering was her need, the exhilarating feeling of Roy's hands stroking down her body.
They moved towards the wall, until Edeline's back made contact with it. They were just next to the front door when Roy had devoured her lips, and she'd responded with equal eagerness.
How had he made her yearn for him so much? When had she fallen in his trap?
The questions that were usually on her mind were now wiped away by their bodies' proximity. He smelt so good, tasted so good, felt so good. Her hands roamed all over his back, pulled at his hair, and it still wasn't enough.
Despite the cold outside, they were burning hot. Her clothes felt stifling.
Her hands worked on their own as they unbuttoned his dress shirt, pulling it immediately down his shoulders. Her palms rested on his chest, and the skin to skin contact made her breath hitch. She pulled away for oxygen, and Roy attacked her throat, his hands tugging impatiently at her top.
"Upstairs," she managed to gasp, and, in a flash, Roy had hauled her over his shoulder. She squawked in surprise, but her breathing was too irregular – her head too full of lust for her to care.
Perhaps she shouldn't be here with her commanding officer. Perhaps she should've never let her feelings get the better of her. These thoughts popped in her mind whenever she was with him out of office hours – the times they should never be together.
She wondered, for a second, if he had any such thoughts.
As soon as they got to the bedroom, he practically threw her on the bed, climbing on top of her like a starved animal.
And perhaps, he kind of was. After two months of secretly seeing each other, being unsure of what they should and should not do. They'd crossed the line many times, but each time it had felt exhilarating – it had felt right.
And she'd seen it in his eyes – he'd felt it too.
And, now, even though she'd never been in this situation before, this felt right as well.
Roy grunted as he sucked on her neck. With one hand he lifted her top, exposing her stomach, before running his fingers down the exposed flesh. It made her shiver, at the same time both wanting and not wanting him to remove anymore of her clothes – her armour.
Ed's heart was going faster than it ever had, goosebumps rising on her arms. Thoughts she'd never had before started crossing her mind, making her gulp.
It was like being doused with freezing cold water.
She was far from perfect – if the automail wasn't bad enough, her ugly scars were enough to turn anyone off. Roy had never seen her naked before.
He knew about the automail, of course, but he'd never seen the scars – did he even know how many she had? How hard and bumpy the skin around them was? She was far from soft – what if Roy didn't like that?
The insecurities kicked in, for a moment removing her from her uncontrollable need.
She'd never done this before – did Roy even know that? What was he expecting of her?
"Roy," she breathed, gripping his shoulder with her gloved automail hand. Her voice came out too faint for Roy to hear, so she repeated, louder this time.
Roy turned his dark eyes to hers, his pupils dilated and dark.
She opened her mouth to explain, yet found out she didn't know exactly what to say without sounding like a little ball of insecurity who ruined all the fun.
She must've stayed silent for longer than she thought, her cheeks red from both arousal and embarrassment.
"What's wrong?" Roy mumbled, pushing a few strands of hair away from her forehead.
He looked so caring at that moment, so unsure again of all this. If they crossed this line, there was no going back.
Ed stared in his eyes, his conflicting emotions bared for her to see. She decided to do the same.
"Are you...okay with the automail?" Immediately after the words left her lips, her body flared in shame, her head turning to avoid eye contact.
Roy was silent for a moment. From the corner of her eye, she could faintly see him staring down at her, yet she couldn't distinguish the emotion on his face.
His hand cupped her chin, his fingers gently turning her head back to him. He stared in her eyes, the light faint enough for her to see the small smile on his lips.
"You think I would be here with you right now if I wasn't okay with it?"
His voice was gentle, almost teasing as though to fondly ridicule her question. For him the answer was obvious, yet her mind had been too clouded by insecurity to see it.
"What about the scars?" she mumbled, letting her hands slide down his shoulders, towards his chest.
Roy's lips touched hers in a tender peck, similar to those they'd been tentatively giving each other all this time. Yet now, it wasn't hesitant – it was reassuring.
"I know, Ed," he breathed against her lips. The hand under her top caressed her stomach, grazing the huge scar on her left side. "I have a couple too."
Her eyes widened. "I-I know that."
Roy smirked, his eyes sparkling with humour. "Are you okay with them?"
"Of course I am, idiot."
Her cheeks warmed again. His question – and her immediate answer – made her realise just how insignificant the question really had been. They were two military officers – they'd been through hell and back. Their scars were just proof of the challenges they'd faced.
If Ed truly thought about it, she could even say they'd attracted him to her. Roy's scars – even the faint ones, like a little ones on his fingers from practising fire alchemy all his life – were what made him him.
Roy wasn't some ignorant boy who would be revolted by the sight of such a flawed person, like Ed was. Roy had shown her, time and time again, that he valued other things much more than physical appearance.
And if the lust in his eyes right now didn't confirm it, then Ed didn't know what did.
He must've seen the understanding on her face, because his playful smirk was back. He leaned in to her chest, making her heart skyrocket again. His hands teased her top up her torso, slowly, until she was trembling with anticipation.
In one fluid movement, her top was over her head and thrown on the floor, and Edeline had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable before.
Yet at the same time she felt safe – Roy always made her feel that way.
Even when she'd bared everything to him, it never felt as wrong as the law said it was.
If Ed was honest, it felt like the best thing she'd ever done.
A/N This idea has been in my notebook for over a year. I don't know why I hadn't written it for so long, since it makes so much sense! Ed being insecure about her body is something I can very much see happening, especially when she's with a person she really cares about and wants to please them (aka Roy wink wink)
Also, I want to wish you all a very belated happy new years! Hope 2017 is kind to you! xx
Until next time folks! xxxx
