I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.
Author's Note: Edward's brain won't shut off in the first part of this post. A lot of questions might be answered. Or maybe not. Anyway, the poor man is exhausted, so I finally let him fall asleep. He's still traumatized by the last post in Harder They Fall. He mumbled something about needing therapy. Men. Go figure. :p
Chapter 52: The Birthday Girl
That night, as I tossed and turned in my bed, I thought about Jake's question. The "B" word. Bella had brought all sorts of wonderful luggage and awkward questions into my life.
A baby. Honestly, I hadn't ever really considered it in more than abstract form. I guess, when I had been younger, I had had vague day dreams about finding the right woman, settling down and producing two mini-mes. Or mini-hers. I wasn't picky.
Then I had gotten older…and older still. And it hadn't happened. I was okay with that, or at least I thought I was. I had kind of figured that I wasn't that kind of guy; I wasn't father or husband material. Then Bella and four boys had come into my life and I had started to think differently. I wanted to be that kind of man to them.
But a baby?
I couldn't say that I wanted one. Of course, I couldn't say that I didn't want one either. Bella and I would have four kids to raise. Four was a lot. Five was…well, it was even more. I could count.
Bella and I weren't in our twenties. I was staring forty right in the eyeballs and Bella wasn't that far behind me. Besides, she'd been there, done that and she had four tee-shirts to show for it. One of them had Darth Vader on it.
When Jake asked the million dollar "B" question, Bella hadn't said anything one way or the other. I was getting used to that with her. She had to think about the big stuff, mull it over and consider it from every angle before she was willing to say what she thought about it all.
So would Bella want us to have a baby? I wasn't sure. I thought about it some more, thinking about showing up at the kid's high school graduation with grey hair and a stoop. We'd be the age of some of the grandparents there. Could my ego handle it when someone asked me how old my grandson was and I was holding my own kid?
Of course, I thought about my parents and they were still going strong. They actually were grandparents, but that hadn't slowed them down. There wasn't a stoop between them, though they did have some grey hair. Still, I wouldn't consider them old. Just older. Bella and I would be younger than that when a kid of ours graduated, because obviously the window of opportunity, even if we decided we wanted one, was slim and closing fast. Biology was working against us at this point.
But that still didn't answer the question. Did I want a baby? More importantly, did Bella?
While I wouldn't mind having a baby, I certainly didn't need one to make me happy. Bella and the boys, they made me happy. I definitely didn't want a baby if it compromised Bella's health or happiness. Who knew? Maybe even conceiving would be difficult. All of this worry could be a moot point. We might not have the choice to make. I didn't want to chase down some fuzzy, unformed dream and, in the process, compromise the already very good thing we shared. Jake's safe arrival had been a miracle. What if we didn't get another miracle? It didn't always turn out perfect, with a healthy mother and baby. The last thing I wanted was to bring more sorrow into Bella's life. I only wanted to bring good things to her. I didn't want to risk that, any of what we had. Much better to appreciate the blessings we had than to greedily chase after more.
We'd already have our hands full; there would be nothing missing from our lives if we didn't have a baby.
All I really wanted – or needed – was Bella…and the boys. They were my life. I didn't need anything else to complete it. I decided that perhaps it would be best to let Bella have the final say. After all, she would be the one carrying the baby. It would be her body that would go through the stress of a pregnancy. I would be content either way. Yes, I had had hazy, vague thoughts when I saw her pregnant in some of the home movies. Not a longing so much as a curiosity. I had already been given so much more than I ever thought possible. So whatever she wanted was fine.
I set aside the baby issue with a sigh of relief.
I was just about to close my eyes when I realized something else. When I had been talking to Bella in the kitchen, I had talked about us being together forever. I had told her that I wanted her in my life, my home, my future. But I hadn't been specific, too wrapped up in my post-orgasmic bliss to form coherent words for the most part. She might have thought I just intended for us to live together. And while that might be fine for some couples, I didn't feel it was right for us. Yes, it might be old-fashioned and antiquated, but I thought any couple who had children in the house should actually be married. It might be just a piece of paper to some people, but I felt it was…important.
For me, it was the "M" word. That's what I wanted. I had been thinking that, but I hadn't said that. And how many times had she reminded me that she wasn't a mind reader? I had to make sure she knew. I had to make sure that she knew I was talking the ring, the preacher, the piece of paper, the flowers, the whole traditional thing. Well, at least the paper. If she wanted to go to the courthouse I was fine with that too. The trimmings didn't matter much to me. As soon as I could, I would tell her, plain and outright.
Our weekend would be the perfect time to spell it out. I finally fell asleep, thinking about rings and preachers…and Bella in white…walking toward me…the four boys in line behind her.
~TBTA~
Honestly, you would think I had never thrown a birthday party before. Okay, I hadn't. But that was beside the point. By the time I left work, I had no fewer than six messages asking me if I had it all under control. One was from Emmett. He borrowed a friend's cell phone again. He also let me know that all of this would be much more convenient if he had his own cell phone. That was a thought for another day. One was from Sam. Apparently he called while his mom was in the shower. Then Jake called – twice. Once to remind me of his favorite flavor of ice cream and once to tell me not to forget to pick up the cake. Apparently Seth was the only one who trusted me to not screw it up. Alice called and left a long rambling message that I ended up deleting before I listened to the whole thing. Then I spent two hours worrying that I had deleted something important. Oh well, too late. Even my mother got in on the act, leaving a message with last minute suggestions and telling me she was sure I would do a "lovely job" of things but had I considered…?
I put my phone on silent and decided to ignore it.
I was able to leave work by six, a miracle in itself. Unfortunately, I couldn't sneak over to Bella's house for a little closet grope. Instead, I had to run around getting things ready for her party. Bella had suggested having it at her house, but honestly how much could she relax and enjoy it if she was worried about getting the house ready for company or cleaning up afterward, even if she had help. No, I thought she'd relax a lot more when all she had to do was show up. I had expressly forbidden her to do anything else. And then I begged and pleaded with her not to do anything else and she gave in. I was proving that I was trainable at least.
The cake turned out great. I had been tempted to put the picture of my sullen little Bella ballerina on it, but good sense prevailed (I valued my balls after all) and just got some flowers put on it. It was big. I had seen those boys eat. Jake would be in sugar heaven – and then in a sugar coma. I picked up balloons and some flowers to put around the house. Alice had said she'd drop in and help, at least I thought that's what she had said. Really, at some point I had started tuning her out. I could only follow so many changes in topic before my brain scrambled.
Then I went to the grocery store and spent enough to feed a small country. I was going to throw some steaks and wings on the grill, heat up some bread sticks, make a homemade macaroni and some corn on the cob along with a tossed salad and some beans, both spicy and non-spicy varieties. It was all simple, easy to prepare ahead of time, and I had purchased vast quantities, so hopefully all would go well. I made sure to pick up four different flavors of ice cream, as each boy had given me a hint. Jake's was chocolate, of course. But I went one step further and got something with chunks of brownie in it. I was still not above bribery. Seth picked Bella's favorite, which was vanilla bean. Sam wanted strawberry and Emmett wanted pecan walnut. There was something for everyone in any case.
When I finally got home just after nine I put away the groceries, texted Bella to let her know I was home, and then collapsed into bed. I didn't remember anything until I woke up to the sound of the phone. I looked at the time. Seven o'clock. I picked up my cell phone, already smiling.
"Hello, Jake," I said.
He was whispering. "Didya get everything?"
"Yes, Jacob," I said, already getting out of bed and heading downstairs to get coffee. I would be on the move for the rest of the day.
"Everything?"
"Absolutely everything, including four kinds of ice cream."
There was a moment of awed silence on the other end. "Okay," Jake said. "That's good."
"I'll be over in about 45 minutes, okay?"
"Okay," he said quietly. "Mom is still sleeping. Emmett is gonna make her coffee and we're letting her sleep in."
"That's very considerate."
Jake sighed, clearly ready to wake his mother up – now. "Yeah, that's what Seth said." He didn't sound convinced.
"Well it is," I assured him. "Your mother will be very happy to get the extra sleep."
"I still don't see why someone would want to sleep," Jake muttered.
"You'll understand when you're older," I said.
"No I won't," Jake replied with certainty. Maybe he was right. That sweet tooth wasn't going anywhere. Wait until the kid discovered energy drinks. I shuddered to think of it.
"Whatever you say," I replied with a grin. "Okay, let me get ready and I'll be right over."
"Hurry," Jake urged.
I pulled up in their driveway 42 minutes later. Jake flung open the door and ran toward me. He pulled me inside. It was now part of our routine. He would just tug at my hand and put me where he wanted me to be. It was an efficient system.
"Is your mom awake yet?" I asked.
Jake shook his head.
"How about we make her breakfast for a change?" I offered.
Jake looked up at me doubtfully. "Can you make breakfast like she does?"
"Well, close anyway."
He shrugged, clearly skeptical but willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. So he helped me find all of the ingredients to make French toast. It wasn't going to be as good as Bella's but she wouldn't have to lift a finger to make it, so that had to count for something. After making a mountain of French toast I was starting the clean up when I heard Bella's voice behind me.
"Now that's what I like to see," she murmured. "My men, working hard in the kitchen."
Jake whooped and ran to her, hugging her fiercely. "Happy Birthday, Mom!"
By then the other boys had gathered around too. Emmett offered her the coffee mug with a proud flourish, admitting shyly to having made it by himself. I had already had a cup and it was surprisingly good. Sam directed her to sit down at the breakfast bar while Seth got out the syrup and plates and cups and milk while Jake gathered the silverware. Even though she hadn't had her second cup of coffee yet, Bella talked quietly with them, letting them know she appreciated their efforts. Then she leaned over and gave me a quick coffee flavored kiss. "This is perfect," she whispered. "Thank you."
~TBTA~
A while later, we were at my house and the boys were in the pool. Pool season was almost over so they wanted to make the most of it. The guests were due to arrive any moment. We had had sandwiches for lunch since the evening meal would be kind of heavy. I had all of the DVDs in a big box. I had wrapped it all by myself. I hadn't even used duct tape, though I still thought that would have been a better bet. Seth convinced me not to, which was probably a good call, thinking on it a little bit.
Of course, the closer we got to Bella opening her gifts, the more nervous I got. What if all I accomplished with this was to make her sad? Then I would have ruined her birthday, the first birthday we would spend together. I think Sam noticed me fidgeting because he stopped and gave me a little reassuring pat on my shoulder when he got out of the pool. Great, even the boys knew I was a wreck.
Then Alice and Jasper and their crew arrived. I knew we wouldn't see much of Emmett until food was involved. He and Rosalie went onto the front porch for a little privacy. I had to stop Jake from following them. He sulked for a bit and then jumped back in the pool. He and Adam began splashing Adam's sisters, which earned them both a warning from their mothers. They went right back to it when Bella and Alice went inside.
I was headed into the kitchen to get some more beer for the cooler when I realized I could hear what they were saying. It was wrong. It was unethical. It was sneaky. I did it anyway. I listened.
"So…how was it?" Alice asked. "I didn't get a chance to get all the dirty details from you."
How was what?
Bella giggled. Shit. Board shorts did not hide boners.
"It was…amazing," Bella whispered. "Thank you for keeping an eye on the boys. I know I was rushed when I got home and the boys were there, so…" Another giggle from Bella.
Alice giggled too. My dick didn't notice.
"I knew you looked more relaxed," Alice murmured. "And I knew it had to be some really awesome sex that put that glow on your face, Miss Bella."
Sex? They were talking about sex? Unethical or not, I wasn't budging.
"It was…everything I thought it would be," Bella said. "Even though I thought the stupid rain ruined it all."
Alice sighed. "Don't you hate it when Mother Nature doesn't cooperate?"
"But Edward didn't even seem to notice that my hair was a wreck or that my mascara was running," Bella told Alice.
Oh I had noticed. I just didn't care.
Alice laughed. "Oh Bella, men don't care about that kind of stuff if they think they're going to have sex. Nothing else matters at that point. You could have painted yourself blue and the only thing he'd be worried about was if the paint was edible or not."
I shrugged. Alice had a point. And then I got distracted by the thought of licking edible paint off of Bella.
"So…it was good?" Alice asked.
Bella gave a little squeal. My dick joined in as much as possible. He volunteered to take one for the team.
"I can't wait to do it again," Bella confessed.
My dick seconded the motion.
~TBTA~
We had eaten. We had had a few beers. The kids had guzzled gallons of lemonade and some sodas. There had been cake and ice cream, vast quantities of it. We went through it all like a Viking raiding party. But now we were to the gift portion of the evening and I felt my heart pounding behind my ribs. Earlier, I had consulted with Alice about the other portion of my gift to Bella. And Jasper. He had a role to play too. All of that was in place. No, what was really ramping up my anxiety were the DVDs, or, more specifically, Bella's reaction to the DVDs.
Even the boys hadn't seen the finished product. There just hadn't been time or privacy to give them a screening. But I already had Thor making each boy their own set. I was putting them aside for gifts later. I had taken their music recommendations and added just a few of my own, having gotten some input from both Will and Charlie via emails. We obviously wouldn't sit down and watch them all tonight, but I had picked out one that I thought we could sample. If nothing else, it could play in the background while we sat around and chatted. I had even purchased one of those projection machines that would put the image on a blank wall of the house in the back, so that we could still sit around outside. I also figured the darkness would give Bella some cover if she cried and didn't want anyone to notice.
"Okay, Mom," Emmett said. "Now it's time for presents."
I wasn't ready, but Emmett was right. We had to do this. Each of the boys had purchased or made something for her. I had gotten the message from my time with them that it wasn't the size of the gift or its cost that mattered, it was the thought behind it. Bella and Mac had raised their boys that way, and Bella carried it on.
Emmett had given his mom a framed picture of her four boys. It read "World's Best Mom" on the silver frame. She declared it perfect and gave him a big kiss for it.
Seth gave her a CD of some of her favorite music that he had burned. He had also added some of his favorites, mostly The Beatles and Bob Dylan, with a tune by Buddy Holly thrown in. The kid had been born decades too late for his musical tastes.
Sam went a more traditional route and gave her a basket filled with all of the girly things that women adore. He leaned in and whispered to me, "Rosalie helped me." Leave it to Sam to consult an expert. He usually had more money than the other boys. If I didn't know better I would have said he invested his allowance and played the stock market. It was a mystery.
That left Jake. It was no surprise to anyone that Jake went his own direction. He gave his mother a Star Wars watch so she could "tell when it was time for the bell to ring." Bella put it on right then and there.
Alice and Jasper gave her some more frou-frou stuff, with Alice going on and on about some "body scrub" or something which just sounded painful to me. But Bella oohed and ahhed over all of it.
Then it was my turn.
I nodded to Emmett, who got the box with the DVDs. I cleared my throat as I took it and turned to Bella. "The first thing you should know is that this is from all of us," I said, pointing to the boys. They all gave her a wide grin and Bella looked pleased but confused. "Even Charlie and your mother and Will and Josh helped me out." I swallowed hard. "So really it wouldn't have been possible without them."
I handed her the box. I whispered in her ear when she reached for it. "I hope it's okay that I did this."
She shot me a curious look and then unwrapped the box. Thor had done right by me and even made inserts to use as covers for each DVD case. Each insert featured a photo from that particular DVD. He had pretty much done them in chronological order, though the DVD I thought I'd put on was actually a compilation of all the stuff I'd given him, bits and pieces of Bella's life, from her baby pictures to the picture of Mac's last Christmas. It was sort of like a highlights reel.
When the paper was removed, Bella opened the box and gasped. She looked at me. "You did this…for me?" She knew exactly what the DVDs were. I couldn't tell from her voice or her face what she was thinking.
I nodded, and then I shrugged. "Well, not just for you." I looked at the boys, who were eyeing their mother anxiously. "For them too." My throat felt too thick.
She blinked. And then blinked again.
Then she picked up the DVD I had put on top. It was a picture of Mac and Bella and their boys. Not that last Christmas, but Jake still looked to be at least four years old. They looked exactly like what they had been – a normal, happy family.
I noticed her hands were shaking. "All of our home movies…?'
I nodded. "And some pictures too." I grinned. "I have your parents and brother to thank for those." Her eyes shot to mine once again. I shrugged. "I might have had the boys sneak some out of your closet too." She blushed and I knew exactly where her dirty mind had headed.
She took a deep breath as she studied the contents of the box. "They sent you pictures?" She tilted her head and studied me.
"Some of you and Mac and the boys, even some of you and Will as kids, growing up, that sort of thing."
Give me a clue Bella. Have I fucked up royally or come up with the best fucking gift ever in the history of boyfriends trying to be something more?
She hesitated a moment and then took a look at the other cases, all of them featuring a picture of her life before me. Then she looked at me again. "You really do love us all," she whispered.
I blew out a relieved sigh. "Yeah, I thought I made that clear." I had to smile at the dazed look on her face. It wasn't often that I could surprise her.
"Yes," she answered. "But this…" She took a deep, shaky breath. "This is, beyond any shadow of doubt, the best and most perfect gift I have ever gotten in my entire life, Edward Cullen."
A kiss sealed it and there was a little bit of whooping and even some applause from our audience. I held out my hand. "Can I play one?" I motioned to Sam, who moved to where I had hidden the project equipment. He pulled it out and turned it on. Bella gasped as the big, illuminated square hit the wall.
She nodded wordlessly and I took the DVD from her hand. "Here, Sam," I said. "This one."
The image flickered for a moment. Thor had intentionally made the start of it to look like one of those old fashioned home movies that flickered and stalled. There was the sound of static, and then The Beatles came through the speaker. Bella clapped her hands when the first strains of "Yellow Submarine" started up.
Charlie's favorite picture of her as a baby came up, the one he had handed me during their visit. Charlie's proud smile as he held his baby daughter struck a note in me, especially considering Jake's recent query.
More images flickered up on the wall. When it came to my personal favorite, the sullen little ballerina, Bella hit my arm and tried to hide her face. The boys laughed and told her she was cute. She whispered, "I'll get back at whoever sent you that picture."
"It's my favorite," I confessed quietly, brushing back her hair. "My little sullen ballerina."
Then it came to the first shots of Mac. Their wedding day, with him in uniform and her in her simple white dress. Emmett's jaw went tight but he gave me a reassuring smile. Mac and Bella, her belly big with Emmett I would guess. Mac holding newborn Emmett. More pictures, flashing through a life that hadn't lasted a lifetime. More babies, more proud smiles, holidays, birthdays, silly pictures, goofy faces, different houses, different places, different bases. Mac got a little heavier but it looked good on him. Emmett got taller…and taller. Taller than his mom.
Thor had ended it with a picture of Mac and Bella and the boys. No sad endings, no missing fathers, no grieving faces. It was perfect and I knew I could never repay Thor no matter how much cash or beer I gave him.
Bella leaned into me, hiding her face. When I lifted her to look at her, there were tears in her eyes, but she didn't look sad. "That was…perfect," she finally said. "Absolutely perfect in every way."
Bella stood up and wiped at her cheek. "I'll be right back," she said.
No one followed her. I wanted to, but I sensed that she needed to be alone. Sam came up to me, his little face anxious. "Is she okay?"
I nodded and hugged him. "She just misses your dad right now."
Sam nodded. "I miss him too." I was reminded that even though Sam was the smartest person I would probably ever know, he was still just a kid. A kid who missed his father.
"And seeing the movies, well that made her miss him more, but it made her happy too," I explained.
"So she's not mad?"
"No," I assured him. "Sometimes, even when you really like something, it hits you deep." I touched his chest. "Right here. And it's a good thing but powerful, and it huts a little too."
Sam nodded. "So she liked it?"
I smiled. "She liked it…a lot."
Sam smiled back at me. "You did good then?"
"We did good."
