Chapter 53 – Saying Goodbye

Rogue rubbed the back of her neck as she did her best to stretch as much as her pregnant body would allow. The remnants of the uncomfortable airplane ride had set a series of aches between her vertebrae, leaving her muscles equally sore and tense. The spring breeze in the air ruffled through her long cardigan as she finally turned and reached for the carry bag on the back seat of the car. Her fingers had barely wrapped around the leather straps when a grim-faced Henri gently pulled it out of her reach. At her befuddled look, he attempted a smile and ran a reassuring hand over her shoulder. Rogue nearly flinched at the sight, as the action clearly pained him. There was so little to smile about today, she couldn't blame him. She could only offer a thankful smile of her own and squeeze his hand as he proceeded to carry her bag to the door, where Tante Mattie, Mercy and the girls waited on the veranda. Fresh tears swelled on cue at the sight of them, but she held them back. Instead, she turned around to spot Remy as he came around from the front passenger seat.

As soon as he reached the pavement, his gaze met the façade of the house and his family picketed before it. His body and soul seemed to cave in on itself a little. His shoulders slumped, his gait slowed and all the breath left in him seemed to stream out of him like the last seconds of a silently deflating balloon. Gently, Rogue reached for his hand and squeezed it tight between hers as she rest her head against his chest, tucking her head under his tightly clenched jawline. She felt him squeeze back, but it wasn't his usual reassuring grip. Ever since they had left New York, her hand had found its way into his to reassure them both when it got too hard to handle what was before them. But every now and again, she would see how his mind turned to the sadness that had been threatening to overwhelm. She would squeeze his hand and if he returned the squeeze, she knew he was coming back from it. Knowing Remy, she tried her best to help him keep it at bay, at least until they arrived at the house. However the closer to home they got, the less pressure she felt in his grip and the more his jaw tightened with suppressed grief. It won't be long now, she murmured silently to herself. But they were home, in a place he could grieve openly without prying eyes.

Rogue tightened her grasp on his hand before they began the walk to the house. Every step dragged them closer to what they both dreaded yet keenly anticipated.

As soon as they reached the veranda, Tante Mattie approached them. Her gaze was watery but her head held high as she wrapped them both in individual hugs before ushering everyone inside with a milder version of her usual bluster of command. The usual warmth and liveliness of the LeBeau house had been reduced to a grim silence. It was almost deafening to hear a foot step in the corridor. All the same, Henri lead them to Remy's bedroom without delay.

Much like the rest of the house, Remy's room felt more sombre than a museum though it hadn't changed much since Thanksgiving. Someone had supplied a spare fold-out bed that stood a little shorter beside his the childhood single bed. A few towels were set on the end of each bed. Tante Mattie, no doubt, had made sure to make them as comfortable as they could be. With Aveline so close to the end, the vast family of LeBeaus would be arriving from far and wide. Several aunts and uncles would be set up in the spare rooms, while the multitude of cousins would be assigned to whichever couch or food space that was viable to sleep upon.

"When did they say they would be home?"

Remy's words were hoarse from disuse. He hadn't done much talking since leaving New York. Rogue had been lucky to get more than a few words out between the flying hours.

Henri set their suitcases on the floor near Remy's old closet before replying.

"Pere said de ambulance will drop dem off here around five. Y' deux have some time t' get some rest."

Remy gave a single nod and set himself to the task of unpacking. Henri eyed him wearily before locking eyes with Rogue. She endeared a weak reassuring smile and a gentle pat on the arm before seeing him out. Before the door closed though, Henri took her hand in his and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Take care of him?"

Rogue squeeze his hand back and whispered.

"Always. You go do what you need to do darlin'."

The first truly happy smile curled in Henri's mouth before disappearing again as he too disappeared down the hall. When the door closed after him, Rogue leant back against the door and surveyed her charge. Remy had unpacked most of their clothes, and was fussing over a shirt that had somehow got a loose button. He gave a frustrated sigh as he ripped the button clean off with a firm tug. As he was about to fling both the button and shirt in the nearby bin, Rogue stilled his hand in hers. At her touch, he seemed to realise he wasn't alone in the room again. The agitation deflated and he released the shirt into her care. Rogue rolled the shirt into a ball before slipping it back into his empty suitcase; a meaningless task for another day.

Gently, she took his hand and pulled him towards his bed. Once he was laid back, she eased herself into the crammed space until they were comfortably tangled in the single bed. With her head resting against his chest, and their arms wrapped securely around each other, Rogue closed her eyes for a moment and murmured against his throat.

"That's better."

A sob broke through Remy's chest, then another as his body began to shake with the tremors of grief she knew he was holding back since the minute he walked into their living room to give her the news. Biting back her own sobs, Rogue lifted herself up until she could cup his face between her hands and press her lips against his forehead. Tears streamed down Remy's face, while her own fell and mixed with his. She stroked his face, murmuring comforting words that poured from her like trickling water. His grief pained her more than anything she thought possible to hurt. Eventually, Remy managed to calm down as the last purge of grief shuddered through him. His arms didn't leave hers but the discomfort in her aching back made it necessary for him to spoon against her back, with his hands resting gently against her pregnant belly. Rogue felt him kiss the back of her neck as they both settled into an exhausted sleep.

"Love you," she murmured softly.

"Love y' chére."

There wasn't anything else to say.

X

Remy hesitated before his parents' bedroom door. His fingers twitched at his sides as he stopped to listen through the small gap between the door and frame. The gentle beeps and clicks of the heart monitor inside the room tangled with the gentle rasping words of his father, and the frail voice of his mother. His heart hammered in his throat before he managed to push the door open and let himself through.

The sight of them was a shock he knew was coming, but made him feel no better for being prepared. He had never seen his father so dishevelled. His hair had turned more peppered with grey in the weeks since his last visit, his face gaunt with weariness that had struck him in these last months. His hair trailed long over his shoulder as he leant forward to be within closer reach of his wife. They sat side by side in their bed, his hand wrapped around hers as they whispered back and forth in gentle tones. They seemed oblivious to the fact that they were fenced in by a variety of monitors or the nurse who stood vigil near the window seat. Remy couldn't help the resentment he felt build like bile in his throat at the sight of the stranger in his parents room, but it was quickly forgotten when his mother set her gaze on him. A genuine, frail smile spread across her lips as she reached out her free hand for him. He tried not to flinch at the sight of the tubes sticking from her arm as he approached and took her hand.

"Maman…" (mother)

The word hung on his lips like a prayer as he set himself in the space beside her bed. He knelt until he was level with her gaze and gently reached forward to press a careful kiss against her cheek. When he drew back, Jean-Luc gently made his leave and promised to be back in a few minutes, along with the nurse whom did not appear pleased to leave at all. When they were alone, Aveline smiled up at him and spoke softly.

"I'm so glad y' here Remy. How is Rogue et de bebes?"

Remy tried to keep his voice calm as he replied.

"She's still asleep. De flight wasn't comfortable f' her. She'll be here later. Et de bebes are…"

He struggled to push out the words as she stroked the back of his hand with her frail hands. It had struck him as a constant anxiety over the past few months that his mother might not live to meet his children. He pushed the thought aside not three months ago, when he wasn't fully aware of the state she was really in. He thought it again when his father called him and explained what had happened after the first collapse six weeks ago. And he thought of it now as she held his hand, holding on just a little bit longer for them to say their goodbyes. Remy tried to clear his throat to allow the words he knew he needed to say.

"De bebes are doing beautifully. Dey start kicking up somet'ing fierce whenever Rogue tries t' cook somet'ing back home. Dey know it's in their best interest not t' let their Maman cook, oui?"

A small chuckle escaped her as she continued to absently stroke his knuckles with her feather-soft fingers.

"Our Rogue was never de culinary master. Mais she is going t' be a fine mother. Et thankfully, Tante Mattie taught y' t' cook f' an army. Dey will not go hungry wit' y' around."

The teasing glint in her eyes wasn't diminished, even if she looked frail enough to break with the effort. She reached up to stroke his face. At her touch, Remy grasped the same hand in his and held it in place a little longer. A shaky laugh escaped him as he nodded, but it soon turned to a sob as his head bowed until it settled against her side in another round of heartache. Aveline clicked her tongue and gently ran her fingers through his hair in a soothing motion, much like she used to when one of her boys would come into the house with new scrapes or bruises in need of soothing. Finally, she managed to cup his face in one hand and urge him to face her again.

"Oh mon cher. Y' will be alright. Y' are already a wonderful father. I've always known it would happen f' y'. Et if dese beautiful babies are anyt'ing like y' et Rogue, y' will have y' hands full. Et I wish y' all de luck in de world dat dey don't drive y' et Rogue too crazy."

A laugh lodged in his throat as he grasped her hand again and pressed a gentle kiss against her palm.

"Y' put up wit' a lot of trouble wit' moi et Herni, Maman."

She smiled.

"I loved every minute wit' y' deux. Et I'm only sorry dat I cannot have more wit' y'…"

He swallowed the pain burning in his throat as he nodded.

"Moi too."

X

Two days later, as the dawn light passed through the windows, Aveline LeBeau closed her eyes for the final time and settled into the last slumber. After spending every last moment, both in waking and sleeping, amongst her family and closest friends, Aveline passed painlessly in her sleep. Her husband had grasped her lifeless hand between his and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand before murmuring a prayer of thanks for the end to have been so peaceful. What felt like an age later in the family's consciousness, the funeral proceeded as Aveline had requested. Small and tasteful, with roses from her garden set against her polished wood coffin as it was marched from the church, followed by her family and friends and a procession of people who had loved and respected her as a part of their community. Jean-Luc had felt such a swell of pride in knowing how beloved his wife was to such a vast gathering of people.

Later, when the last guest had left the house and the official wake service had drawn to the final stages, Rogue found herself wandering down a familiar path towards the tree that had acted as a bookend to many chapters of their lives. There, she found Remy sitting at the base of the great tree. He pressed a cigarette between his lips and took a solitary drag before he caught her in the corn of his gaze. As soon as he took her in his sight, he put the cigarette out and blew that final puff so that it carried away from her. When he finished, he opened his mouth to speak, only for Rogue to hold up a hand to silence him.

"We won't talk about that," she uttered gently. "Not today."

With a relieved look, Remy pulled himself to his feet and took her by the hands to pull her closer. He pressed his lips against her forehead and sighed as his arms wrapped around her.

"I didn't t'ink it would happen dis year. Not for many years yet..."

Rogue slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer so that her head rest against his chest. With a shaky sigh, she nodded into the lapel of his suit.

"Ah know. Ah did too."

There seemed little else to say but what was felt so keenly by them both. Gently, Rogue pulled back far enough to meet his gaze.

"Ah promise ya, after these babies are born, we're going to talk about your momma every chance we get. They're going to play in her garden, and know how much she loved tending the roses. When, they get older, they're gonna see all the photos of ya and Henri growin' up, and they're going to point out their Grandmother and know how important she is to us…an-and-"

By then, the tears were rolling down her cheeks and blurring her vision. Remy cupped her face and drew her in gently for a kiss, tasting the bitterness of her tears. When the sobs began to tremble through her, he pressed his forehead to hers and tucked her windswept hair behind her ears as she clung to him.

Finally, when her tears dried up, Rogue raised her head and spoke, though there was still a tremble in her voice.

"Just because she's not here anymore, doesn't mean we can't include her our lives. Ah know it'll hurt for a while, but your momma deserves to be talked about with our kids. Okay?"

Remy managed a watery smile as he cupped her face.

"I know, amour (love). Et dat's exactly what I want t' do."

She mirrored his watery smile and murmured 'I-love-you' against his lips in a long kiss that lasted until there were no more tears left to shed.

X

I've been going through some rough emotional times and this chapter was strangely therapeutic to write. Hope you enjoyed the update, even if it was quite sad.

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-Gams