"Oh, no."
"What?" Lourdes comes over.
"All the flights to Texas have been cancelled," I set my phone down on the table, "All flights are cancelled everywhere."
"Things are getting serious." She murmurs, walking off.
It makes me touch my pregnancy. I pick up my phone again and hit the call button. It rings until it goes to voicemail.
"Hi, Eugene," I start, "It's me. I just got a call from the airline saying that Jolyon's flight got cancelled and they aren't saying when they'll open flights again, so I guess he can't come out."
I can hear the news in from the living room where Lourdes went to listen in.
I sigh. "I'm really sorry, Eugene. I know you were looking forward to this and Jol's gonna be disappointed. Call me back when you have the chance. Hope you're doing well. Bye."
I hang up the phone and get up from the kitchen table. The baby kicks pretty fiercely. It's a little painful, so I stop by the archway. This is definitely Negan's child. Jol never kicked this much.
"You alright, mama?"
"Yes," I nod, breathing, "Is it bad for me to sort of hope that baby number two doesn't turn out like his dad?"
"Considering dad is Negan, I don't think it is at all a bad thing to want," She chuckles, "Let's hope for another sweet boy like Jolly."
"Yeah," I sit down beside her, "Though I would like to have some reminder of Negan in him."
"Fingers crossed it isn't the womanizing asshole trait."
"Yeah, unfortunately it was the womanizing asshole trait that made this little dude possible," I look at the television, "I can't believe this is real."
"I know," She shakes her head, "How the hell can the sick die and then come back to life? Maybe it's one of those things where the heart rate slows down, so it seems like they died."
I scoff, "This isn't some bad ninja movie."
"Well, explain it, then."
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, I'm not a doctor. People die and come back all the time. Like, code blue or something."
"Yeah, but that's because they get code blued, dummy," Lourdes exhales, petting Cleo's head that's resting in her lap, "And they don't try to eat bite and eat people afterwards."
I wince at the news coverage. The reporter's standing in front of a Wyoming hospital that has been entirely quarantined because of the sickness that's reached the Rocky Mountain region of the country and is spreading down towards Oklahoma. Officials are concerned that it'll trickle westward or into the South, where it could then reach us. Right now, the reporter is saying something about the hospital's strict orders not to provide any information about the ongoings inside.
"Turn it off."
"Pip, we need to stay informed."
"I know, but it's sad," I tell her, "I heard earlier this morning that they had kids in there."
Lourdes turns her head my way and then turns the T.V. off. "We'll be okay."
I put my hand on my tummy, before moving to get off the couch. "I have to go tell Jol he can't go to Houston."
...September...
There's a meeting today at the school. Despite all the crazy shit that's been going on, the board has decided to have school start the twenty-fourth of September anyway. A lot of people are up in arms about it, saying that it's irresponsible considering the rest of the country's going through an epidemic.
I'm not outraged or anything, but I agree on pushing it back until things are in the clear, whenever that will be. Schools spread colds and the flu like wildfire, I don't want Jolyon at Happy Hands and from the sounds of this nameless illness, it'd be dangerous for him and I to get sick. It goes after more vulnerable immune systems. They've asked pregnant women and small children to stay away from areas that produce crowds.
Which is why I gave Lourdes a note to give to Avery explaining why I didn't come to the meeting. I'm sure he'd understand. As worried as I am, I'm a little relieved. I don't want to see Negan yet, I'm not ready to face him.
When I talked to Lucille weeks ago, I came to understand that while she isn't my friend, at least not since she found out about the affair, she wants him and I to work on things after she's gone. Whether that means a relationship, if that's even possible at that point, or a friendship shaped around our son, she just wants me to look after him.
Still, even knowing I have Lucille's stamp of approval, I feel strange about the whole thing. Mostly because my head keeps conjuring up all these scenarios of what happens in the aftermath of her eventual death. In all of them, Negan's changed for the worst. Either we form a relationship and I'm unhappy with the person he's become, or we meet up again when enough time has passed and we're both happy, but he's still somehow different. There's still this kick to it that I can't quite describe because I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just the whole fucked up situation that's got me overthinking like an idiot.
Jol and I haven't really left the house much in the past few weeks. We've gone to my parent's house but aside from that, we've been a pair of shut-ins. Lourdes sort of falls into whatever we do now, but she'll leave the house now and then for groceries or whatnot.
The doorbell rings around one. It's most likely the book I ordered from the library. It's one that Eugene told Jolyon about and the library does summer book deliveries.
I open the door. "Hel...lo."
Ravinder stares back at me, just as surprised to see me. Doubly when she sees that I'm pregnant.
"Uh, hi, Rav."
"...Hi, Ms. Barnes."
"I see you ended up getting that summer job at the county library."
"Yeah," She hands me the book, "Here you go."
"Thank you," I take it from her, "And you got your license."
"Yeah, in July," Ravinder's eyes travel, "Are you pregnant?"
"Yes, I am."
"Oh," She nods her head, "Okay. Well, I should get going. Nanda will tell my parents if I don't get home on time from work."
"Oh, she didn't go off to college?"
"No, her university shut down the campus until health clearance."
"Oh, and your parents aren't home?"
"No, our oldest sister goes to school in Ann Arbor and since all airlines have stopped flights, they're driving there to get her."
I nod my head. "Well, if you two need anything, let me know."
She nods. "Okay. See ya when school starts."
I watch her step down from my porch. "Rav, wait."
She turns.
"I'm really sorry," I tell her, "I know you know about Coach Negan and I and…I'm sorry."
Ravinder's brows let up.
"The two of us should have never saw each other around our students."
"He's married."
"I…" I sigh, "I know."
She looks me over. "I guess it's none of my business."
"I'll see you later."
"Yeah," She smiles small and plain and waves, "Bye, Ms. Barnes."
"Bye."
Jolyon's standing in the hall when I shut the door. "Who was that?"
"The library," I extend the book his way, "Here's that book you wanted."
"The Phantom Tollbooth?" He takes the book. "Cool."
I smile. "Want me to read it to you?"
"Yeah," He nods, "Maybe the baby will hear it, too."
"Maybe."
"I got a good name," Jolyon says, walking to the living room, "I thought about it for a long time."
"Okay, shoot."
"Max."
"Max?" I arch my brow. "I think you're picking dog names, dude."
"Max is a people name."
"Yeah, but with the names you've been giving me, I can't help but think of it like a dog's name."
"So, no?"
"No, I don't like that name."
We sit on the couch. "You're just gonna name him Grandma's name."
"No, I'm not gonna name him Sarah."
Jolyon rolls his eyes at my joke. "The name she picked out."
"I didn't say that."
"But you haven't pick any and you keep saying no to mine and Lourdes'."
"Well, you and Lourdes have terrible taste in names."
"No."
"Yes."
The baby starts to kick again.
"Oh, see the baby is kicking to let me know he agrees with me."
"No, he doesn't, he's telling you he likes my names."
I chuckle, feeling. "You want to feel him kick?"
Jolyon nods. "Sure."
"Right there."
Jolyon puts his hand over the movement. His eyes widen, taken back. "Whoa."
"Cool, huh?"
"That's the baby?"
"What else would it be?"
"Gas."
I laugh. "It is not gas."
"Are you sure? You fart a lot now."
"I do not!"
"Yes, you do, and you don't even say excuse me."
"If it doesn't make a sound, then I don't have to."
"Yeah, you do!" Jolyon laughs, laying against me. "It stinks."
"Sorry," I put my arm around him, "Alright, let's read this thing."
"Hey, Mom?"
"Yeah, Jol?" I open the front cover.
"Are we gonna get sick?"
I furrow my brows a little, looking down at him. "What?"
"Like the people on TV?" He glances up. "Lourdes said people are getting sick in frozen cow land and getting other people sick too. Are we gonna get sick?"
"No, of course not," I tell him, "We're gonna be fine. They'll find a cure soon."
"Really, because Lourdes said-"
"Don't listen to Lourdes and don't watch the news with her anymore."
He looks at me. "Sorry."
I exhale, kissing his head. "I didn't mean to snap, punk."
"Are you scared?"
"No," I shake my head, bringing him close, "I'm not scared."
"Why not?"
"Because come what will, we'll be alright."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," I lean my cheek on his head, "We will."
"Okay."
…
Lourdes comes back from the meeting with a huff and a slam of the door.
"Hey."
"Hey," She groans, "That was three hours I won't be getting back."
"That bad huh?"
"Boring as fuck." She says from the kitchen.
I bite my lip. "Was Negan there?"
"No, he skipped because of Lucille."
I nod my head. "Okay."
"Bummed?" She comes into the living room. "I would've thought you'd be relieved."
"Why? I didn't go."
"Because you used not leaving the house as an excuse not to go, so you wouldn't have to see him."
"Oh, well, I was curious to know how he's doing," I yawn, "How Lucille's doing."
"You know how she's doing, because she told you." Lourdes retorts. "You were wanting to see if she kept her word and didn't tell him."
I twist my mouth. "I think if she told him, he would have called by now."
"Maybe..."
I'm saddened by the thought of him knowing and not reaching out. I know I've said all that I've said about the issue, but him knowing and choosing to ignore it is the worst thing imaginable. Even if it was something that I wanted at one time.
"Have you been telling Jolyon about the shit on the news?"
"...He walked in while I was watching yesterday when you were napping."
"Thanks Lour."
She scoffs. "It wasn't on purpose."
"You didn't have to tell him people we're getting sick."
"He asked, was I supposed to lie to him?"
"Yes."
"Well, we shouldn't. Things are getting pretty scary, Pip. It might come our way."
"Yeah, well, let's not start digging a bunker until the neighbors start trying to eat us."
"Shit, those crackpot bunker people might have the last laugh."
I roll my eyes. "Let's drop it."
"What if-"
"Lourdes!" I snap, turn my head her way, meeting her eyes. "Stop."
She stares at me. "I'm going to my room."
"Fine." I huff.
Jolyon stirs on the couch beside me, waking up from his nap. "Mom?"
"Hey."
"Is Lourdes home?" He rasps.
"Yeah, she went to her room for a while." I stroke his hair back.
"I'm hungry."
"Yeah?" I look at the clock on the wall. "I'll make dinner."
…October…
The phone rings. When I see its Eugene, I pick it up.
"Hey."
"Hello," Eugene greets back, "Are you well?"
"Yeah," I confirm, "We're okay over here."
"Is Jolyon at a satisfactory level of wellness?"
I smile a little. "Yeah, he's at a satisfactory level of wellness."
"Good to hear…" He clears his throat, "And the state of your unborn, projected bundle of joy?"
"He's good, thanks for asking."
"I trust your boyfriend is in good health."
I breathe through my nose. "There is no boyfriend. You know me, I fly solo."
"That is accurate."
I smile again. "How are you?"
"I am currently as good as apple pie in July."
I nod my head. "I'm glad."
"But after watching the 6AM news, I am a little apprehensive, understandably."
"Yeah, I know," I sigh through my nose, "I can't believe they're evacuating those neighborhoods."
"They're trying to keep the disease contained to prevent it from spreading."
"Any more than it already has?" I wryly reply.
"Correct."
I stare up at my whirling ceiling fan. "Are you afraid of it coming to Texas? Last I heard, it made its way into Oklahoma."
"I would be playing you false if I said I wasn't petrified of this medically horrific phenomenon."
I feel an odd feeling in my stomach. "Maybe you should try to come this way. It hasn't reached Virginia yet."
"Would that if I could, but the lone star state is on lock down at the all borders to keep out the sick."
"Yeah…" I touch my bump. "If I had known it was going to get worse, I would have told you to come then."
"I believe that," Eugene says, "Which must really mean we are heading for the thick of it."
I bite my lip. "Yeah...I'm sorry, Eugene. I've been such a bitch to you and you've never deserved it."
"Apology accepted."
" I mean it."
"I'm not in disbelief of that."
I smile. "Jolyon's around, do you want to talk to him?"
"That would be grand."
"Okay, good talking to you," I look towards the hall, "Jol!"
...November…
Lourdes is talking on the phone with her mother in the garage. She sounds worried and angry, but I don't blame her. Lourdes' mother, along with her cousin and a large number of Southcastle's population have been relocated to the high school for shelter. It looks completely different on the news with barbed wire around the fences and armed guards and vehicles all over like ants.
The epidemic reached Virginia in earlier this month and it hit hard. We never went back to work in September, because of the government's orders for individuals to remain sequestered in their own homes as much as possible to avoid the sickness from either catching or spreading. That was back in September, now that it's officially everywhere, even in other countries it seems, D.C. has sent the military out.
Lourdes was relieved at first, thinking it would be safer, but something about it made me nervous from the get go. It means things are really, really bad, as if that wasn't obvious enough. Lourdes wanted to go find her mother to bring her here, but she can't get into the town, because Camden has shut off the borders.
...December...
My parents have chosen to stay in their home, where they've spent all their lives since they were first married, instead of coming here. They want us to come over and I think we might.
It's not safe here anymore. Yesterday, I was out collecting snow for water, in the event that the city shuts off our water. My neighbor was out as well, but I knew something was wrong the moment I saw him not five yards from my house.
He was staggering lethargically as he came my way. I called his name, but it didn't seem to matter to him. He was a dead one, I could tell from the incoherent growling and the sickly hue of his skin. When he got close enough to grab at me, I was a scared, so I hit him with the metal pitcher in my hand. He grabbed my ankle, so I had to kick at him, losing my balance.
I fell hard on the ground, but continued to kick until I got his grip to loosen. I then used the pitcher to defend myself. I had to do it; that's what I keep reminding myself as the image of his blood and brain matter in the white snow appears, as well as seeing the blood on my face from the window. I wiped it off before I went back inside.
My sister and her family are still in Richmond. She said they'll come as soon as they can have clearance to leave.
I pick up my phone and listen to it ring for about five or six times before it goes to his voicemail. I hang up and look down at the paper in front of me on the table. I write what I have to and then fold it in half. I write his name on top. When we do leave this house, I'll leave it for him to read, so he'll know that we're okay.
...January…
"Oh my god!"
I wake up to the loud cry. It's coming from downstairs. I carefully slide out of bed, trying not to wake Jolyon, and leave my childhood bedroom. I hear Lourdes wailing and even though it makes me uneasy, I go down the stairs to the living room.
I find her there with her hand over her mouth, staring at the television in what can only be described as horror. The baby kicks and it's a little painful, but I ignore it. The look on her face is making me feel pale.
I don't ask her what's wrong, I simply walk into the living room and see for myself. I wish I didn't. All I see is the ground, chainlink, and the track/football field behind it. There's gunfire and screaming and crying. The feet I can make out are military boots and civilian sneakers, both running and shuffling, limping.
"They opened fire on those people!" Lourdes croaks.
I go back upstairs to my bedroom. I grab my phone and call Negan. I soothe my pregnant tummy to try and calm myself as I wait.
"Come on."
The other end picks up. "Pippa?"
"Negan?"
"Yeah, it's me." He says with a gruff voice like he's been sleeping.
"Where are you?"
"At the hospital with Lucille."
I breathe. "Good."
"Why?"
I check over my shoulder. "That base they formed at the school? They just opened fire on the civilians. I don't know if they were sick, or what, but Lourdes' mother is there."
"Jesus," He curses quietly, "She can't get out of Camden?"
"No, they've got stations at every road out," I tell him, "We're stuck."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, we're fine…but I think we might have to leave soon."
"Leave where? You can't leave the town."
I glance down at my belly. "We can go through the woods. I...I think things are falling apart, Negan."
"What?"
My throat tightens. "Everything's collapsing. Whatever this is, it's killing everybody or else everyone's getting eaten by the dead...I don't think things can be fixed, it's too late."
"Stay where you are, Pippa," Negan commands, "If you want, I'll come get you and Jol."
"You can't leave Lucille."
"The hospital's being abandoned," He says, "I can bring you here. We'll close off the wing."
"No, stay with her, Negan. Don't leave her there alone," I wipe a tear from my face, "Besides, you can't get out of Soutchcastle."
"Like you said, it's going to hell out there. I can find a way."
"...Stay with Lucille. We'll be alright. I promise."
"Pippa, I-"
"I love you, Negan."
"Pippa, let me come get you."
I hear Jolyon move in the bed. "I just called to make sure you were okay."
I hang up the phone and look over at him. I smile.
"Mom?"
"Morning."
"I'm hungry."
"Okay, how about some powdered eggs?"
"Yeah, okay." He rubs his eyes.
I lean over and kiss him. "I love you."
"I love you, too," He stretches, "Who were you talking to?"
"Nobody." I lie.
"I heard you talking."
"Must have been you waking up from a dream."
"It seemed real."
I smile softly. "Go see if Gran and Pop are up."
…February…
We're moving on today. It's time. We can't stay; the whole neighborhood has left, except those who didn't make it and are either wandering in the street, husks of who they once were, or were devoured by those who wander.
We had to stay behind for as long as we did, but now it's time to go. We've got supplies loaded up in my car and my dad's. We don't have much, hence why we have to leave, but it'll hopefully be enough to last us two weeks.
I sit in my bedroom and look out at the backyard from my light green velvet armchair. It still looks normal, unlike the desolate front.
I was right; it all fell apart. The disease spread so fast and killed so many of the country's population, which then resulted in three-fourths of the population becoming those things. With no cure and no clue as to how to contain the crisis, society collapsed.
Everyone's left to their own device now. There's no help coming and seeing other survivors puts you on edge. You can't tell with people nowadays.
My phone died last night and there's no longer any power, so I can't charge it. It died in the middle of Jolyon talking to Eugene. He was upset, but he said he wasn't. We're one in the same, because I was worried by it, because now we'll have no contact with Eugene, who I am genuinely concerned about, but I remained with a brave face.
I haven't heard from Negan since we last spoke, but if I'm being entirely honest, I'm more concerned about Audrey and her family. The last we heard, she was still in Richmond, trying to get out.
"Pippa."
I look over by the door where my Dad's standing. "Time to go?"
"Yeah." He nods soberly.
I nod back, peering down at the nursing baby in my arms. "Okay, I'll be down in a minute."
"Alright, I'll take your bags." He picks up my bag and the baby's.
"Thanks."
"Sure."
"Love you."
"Love you, too, Pipsqueak."
After he exits the room, I spend two more minutes or so feeding Abel.
I don't know if Negan ever left the hospital or if he's still there, but some part of me knows that he's still alive. If anyone can push through, it would be Negan. Maybe we'll find each other…
I burp the baby and pack him up. I went into labor around five in the morning three days after my due date. That's why we haven't moved until now. I needed some time to rest and recover. I ended up naming him what my mother wanted. She didn't make it.
Lourdes gets in the driver's seat of my Jeep. In the back is Jolyon's booster seat and Abel's car seat. I'll sit back there with them and let either Ravinder or Nanda sit in the front, while the other sits in the space available in the trunk. They don't want to not be together, so riding in separate cars is not an option. My dad is driving alone, but I don't think he minds. He's got the dog with him. We looked for Pip when we left my house, but he got out and while Lourdes went back to look, he couldn't be found. I'd like to think he's alright.
I buckle Abel into the car seat where he sleeps. I look over at Jolyon, who's staring at his book. He's mad at me, because I lied when I said no one would get sick.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"I'm not a baby, Mom." Jolyon grumbles.
Lourdes glances back. "Don't speak to your mother with that tone."
I sigh, climbing into the car. "Are you okay, Jolyon?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay."
He looks at his brother in the car seat. "He sleeps a lot."
I smile, "Yeah."
Jolyon pulls Abel's blanket up a bit because of the cold.
Lourdes fires up the engine and Dad starts his car behind us. I peer out the window at the house I grew up in and where my second child was born as we pull away.
The world outside is cold and dull. Extinguished. I don't know where we'll end up or if the world will ever spark any new flames of hope. I've got two boys to look after, which is it's own fire under my ass to keep going. I don't know what the world will be like in a year or two from now. But we'll be alright.
Thanks for reading! This is not the last chapter of FYIWAF. I will be putting out 2-3 epilogue chapters that will be set three years after the collapse, as well as a seperate one-shot with an alternative ending. I will let you know when the last chapter is coming.
Also, I know a lot of you want a sequel like I have done with SY, however with my school load getting a little more heavier in about two weeks and work, balancing two fics on top is sort of unmanageable. FYIWAF was actually supposed to be long, but I was having too much fun with it and decided to extend it this far. Thank you for the support.
Savioursgirl: I know, I was tearing up writing that scene. I don't know too many people who would be as tough as Lucille about all that.
Kara315: Yeah, I've always thought of Lucille as being a really strong character, despite the little we see of her, so I wanted her to be grounded and have more emotional strength than Negan.
CLTex: I think Lucille is at that point where she knows she's dying and with Negan being a mess, she has to be the strong one. She's sort of shifted into getting her affairs in order and Negan's her biggest concern.
Happycamper11: Unfortunately, school never happened, but he's gonna find out :) I know this latest chapter was really sober and a vague report, but they'll cross paths again.
