I'm getting there...slowly :)
/ / / Repercussions \ \ \
Steve didn't know what to make of this Danny. This Danny who was physically violent with a suspect. This Danny who wasn't yelling at Steve to follow police interrogation procedures. This Danny who was not his usual short-fused ranting self but a short-fused angry and violent faded photocopy of himself.
This Danny wasn't acting in ways that Steve knew and understood. He ordered the other man out of the interrogation room feeling his stomach twist while his heart beat too fast.
Danny didn't kick suspects so hard the chair, that was bolted to the floor, flipped over. Danny didn't threaten to beat people bloody. Danny used police procedure like a shield between himself and his own volatile nature. That was the Danny that Steve knew how to understand. Steve didn't know what to do with this Danny.
If they were going to do something using the Governor's immunity and means then Steve had to be the one doing it – he was the one that had secured the promise from Governor Jamison. Danny was a police officer and he was held to another set of rules to the ones that Steve had to live by even if they had immunity and means. Steve wasn't actively in the Navy anymore, he wasn't a cop, and so long as he was stayed within the scope of his role he could go back to the Navy if he needed to. If Danny broke the law, if he went too far outside of what he was allowed to do as a police officer then his career was over and Steve couldn't let him do that.
Steve had to be the one that took the risk; he was the one who had to make decisions in grey areas. He was their commanding officer and it had to be his head that anything fell on; not his team and certainly not Danny. Not to mention the fact that Danny wouldn't be able to face himself if he truly broke the standards that he lived by as a police officer.
Steve would back him up regardless though. They were partners no matter what Danny had done, or would do.
As soon as he was done interrogating Lloyd Grimes Steve left him with Chin and tracked Danny down…not that it was hard. Danny had been at Grace's school.
"What are you doing here?" Steve asked, sliding onto the seat next to Danny.
"The question is what are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you. How's Grace?"
"Well hugged."
"Do you feel better?"
"I am going to do whatever I have to, to try and get that girl back to her parents."
Steve looked over at Grace running through her cheerleading routine. "Just let me do the beating people bloody part."
"Why?" Danny asked, frowning at him.
"Because I don't have a firm grasp on police procedures."
Steve remembered that conversation even as he took a deep breath and held out his hand. "Give me your badge."
He wanted to do it himself. He wanted to get the truth out of the scum that was in front of him but Steve thought on it even as he repeated himself, hand out to half stop Danny lunging at the guy again and half waiting for the press of Danny's badge into his palm. If Steve did it, it would be fine. He'd explain means and immunity. If Steve did it, Danny wouldn't. If Steve did it, the festering pain that he hadn't realised was sitting in Danny's chest might never go away. He couldn't go back in time and beat the man who took Grace. He couldn't change the fact that his ex-partner had betrayed him and then stolen Danny's ability to control what happened. Danny couldn't do that but he could do this. He could do this and Steve could pick up the pieces.
Steve heard the rip of Velcro and then Danny's badge, still warm from his pocket, landed on his palm. He didn't look at Danny – he didn't want to see what was on the other man's face right now because then he might not walk away. If he saw that pain and hatred, Steve would stay and help. He couldn't do that. So he turned and walked out of the house knowing what Danny was going to do and he never looked back, never second guessed himself even as he heard the grunts of pain and the slam of fist into flesh.
This wasn't Danny. This had never been Danny. Steve knew that. And later, when Ella was safe and they were home and Danny had talked to Grace again he was going to fall apart. Steve knew it and he kept walking away until he couldn't hear what Danny was doing anymore.
-)(-)(-
Steve personally thought the sight of Ella's parents embracing her was worth everything Danny did.
Danny didn't wait though, didn't see the rescue through – going back to supervise the forensics team. Steve offered to go with him but the other man had simply shaken his head as soon as Ella was safe with the paramedics. Steve followed Danny to the Beckett's house only to find Danny already gone. Steve ended up chasing Danny around the island. Finally he found him at Five-0 Headquarters.
Steve watched Danny through the window while the other man worked at his computer.
"What are you doing out here?" Chin asked, coming to stand next to Steve.
"Watching Danny." Steve explained, without looking away from Danny.
"Why?"
"I'm worried about him."
"I need more information, brah."
"The less people who know the better."
"Is this about what happened to Beckett?" Kono asked, coming to stand on Steve's other side.
"You know?" Steve asked, turning to look at them.
Kono made a face at him. "Of course we do."
"I'm not sure what to do," Steve admitted.
"Good," Chin said, pushing Steve towards Danny's office. "Go and talk to him then."
Steve paused in Danny's office doorway.
"Steve?" Danny asked.
"What are you doing?" Steve asked, coming to sit in one of the chairs in front of Danny's desk.
"Working on my resume."
Steve's stomach twisted in knots. "What?"
"I'm writing up my case report, Steve."
"What are you saying?"
"Everything."
"Everything?"
"Yeah, everything," Danny dropped his hands into the desk and looked at Steve, "you know, like most of our case reports."
"But," Steve said, sliding forward on his chair. "Everything?"
Danny nodded. "Yes, Steve, I'm putting in the part when I Guantanamo'd the suspect. Okay."
"Why?"
"Because that's what happened."
"But, you don't need to put that in the report."
"Didn't you learn anything from Star Trek?"
Steve sat back in the chair and stared at Danny. This was not what he had been expecting – he'd thought Danny was going to…he'd had no idea what Danny was going to be doing but he was not expecting him to be calmly filling out his case report.
"I was thinking we need to organise the food for the wedding. We've talked about it but we still haven't made a decision beyond the cake." Danny said, smiling softly.
Steve opened his mouth and then closed it.
"We'll talk about it over dinner – let's have baked chicken."
"Sure, sounds good." Steve said slowly; discombobulated
"You can make one of those insane salads you like so much," Danny continued like Steve wasn't staring at him with confusion.
"Okay."
"We've got enough time to finish the reports tonight," Danny said, turning back to the computer screen. "Why don't you get yours done too."
"Yeah," Steve said, standing up. "I'll just go and write my report then."
Steve walked out of the room and straight into his office. He turned his computer on and stowed his gun and badge in the top drawer. Moments later his office door opened and Steve looked up expecting to see Danny standing in the doorway. It was Chin and Kono staring at him instead.
"We're writing our reports," Steve told them.
Kono looked at Chin and then back at Steve.
"Okay," she said.
"Then he's going to make us baked chicken for dinner," Steve continued.
Chin nodded. "Right, I'll email my report through when I've written it."
"Chin," Kono grabbed his arm. "Danny, Danny, beat a guy for information and now he's writing a report. I think we should be worried."
"When he needs to talk we'll be here," Chin said calmly. "May as well follow his lead until then."
Kono looked at Steve and then followed Chin out of the room.
An hour and a half later, Steve was skimming through Danny's report to see what the other man had written. Danny had already submitted it and left to pick up what he'd need for dinner before Steve had accessed the document.
Steve sat back and sighed before he submitted his own report. He'd been waiting, wanting to see what Danny had actually written, before he had submitted his own unedited report. Not that Danny had to lie, or hide what happened – they had been given immunity and means to catch criminals and protect the people of Hawaii. Steve was going to do whatever he needed to, to make sure that everything was okay. Finally, he shut down the computer and locked up. Chin and Kono had followed Danny out and Steve was the last person out of the building.
Steve thought longingly of the ocean at the end of their property while he was driving home. He knew he couldn't go though. He wasn't sure about leaving Danny. Steve knew Danny seemed fine. He just didn't trust Danny's calm. He was on alert, waiting for Danny to lose it over what he had done. Steve walked in, not sure what to expect. Even with how calm Danny had been Steve wasn't expecting to walk into the kitchen to find Danny pounding chicken breast with a mallet.
"Hey, Babe," Danny said with a smile, as he slammed the mallet down onto the chicken. Steve's eyes caught on the reddened skin covering Danny's knuckles.
"Hi."
"You took a while."
"I was finishing my report," Steve said, before he went upstairs and stashed his gun and badge. When he came back downstairs Danny looked at him with confusion.
"You're not swimming?"
Steve looked down at his work clothes and shook his head.
"Right," Danny said, smiling, "wedding food."
"Yeah," Steve agreed readily – happy for the excuse.
"Grab the goat's cheese and sun dried tomatoes from the fridge then. You can help me while we talk."
Steve nodded and went to collect the bits from the fridge, cutting spring onion, sun dried tomatoes, garlic, and capsicum for the stuffed chicken while Danny continued to beat the chicken and cut herbs.
"Grace has been asking if we can plant a herb garden," Danny said, as he mixed what Steve had cut with goat's cheese.
"Sounds good."
"I thought we could put it in that little section of garden beyond the patio; near the laundry door."
"I'll dig it up next time she's home," Steve offered.
"She'd like to help."
Steve washed off the cutting board and then folded his arms over his chest and stared at Danny until the shorter man had put the chicken into the oven.
Danny turned to him and smiled. "I'm thinking-"
"We need to talk about what happened today," Steve said seriously.
"Well that's your most worrying expression. Am I going to have to scale up a mountain for you or something?"
"Danny."
Danny sighed and checked the oven before he sat down at the table. "Steve, we do not need to talk about today."
"Yes, we do."
"Nope," Danny shook his head. "You need to make your salad and then we need to have a serious conversation about what we are going to eat for dinner at our wedding. It's less than two months away and we really should organise it."
"It's just a meal," Steve shrugged. "Why do we need to organise it now?"
Danny laughed. "Babe, if we were having a more traditional wedding – you know, in a church and at a reception centre, we would have had to have this stuff planned two years ago."
Steve rolled his eyes. "Hyperbole is really your favourite language device, isn't it?"
Danny laughed. "I know, know, that you looked that word up just for me, babe. I know it."
Steve smiled and flushed. "Yeah."
Danny threw his head back and he laughed. When he had regained his composure he grabbed Steve's hand. "On Monday I want you to ask Chin, I want you to ask Kono, hell – call Rachel, and ask her about planning a wedding. Or I can see if Netflix has one of those obnoxious reality wedding shows available"
"Why would anyone spend two years planning a wedding?"
Danny shrugged. "I don't know – personally, I am rather happy to be having one in the backyard. I think I've scrubbed most of the time we spent planning my first wedding from my memory."
"Luckily there are photos," Steve told him.
"What?"
"Lily showed me your wedding photos when we were in Jersey – you looked very young."
Danny groaned. "I was younger."
"And you had shorter hair."
"I know."
Steve tilted his head.
"No," Danny said, holding his hand up. "No, no, no, don't even think about it. My hair is going to be exactly the same as you see here on the day of our wedding. Your hair on the other hand."
Steve scrunched up his lips – he knew Danny would need to talk about today but he was just going to have to wait for Danny to be ready. If there was anything Steve knew about Danny, and he prided himself on knowing a lot about his partner, it was the fact that Danny was too stubborn to be forced into talking about something important before he was ready. Talking was something Danny never seemed to stop doing but important things made him clam up faster than he would open his mouth about everything else.
"Change can be a good thing," Steve said.
"Yeah, it can be, okay, it can be great or it can seem like the end of the world."
"But then you met me and we're getting married and have more time with Gracie."
Danny rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about Hawaii every time I mention bad change."
"Oh yeah? I don't think I believe that."
"I had a life before that."
"I know, I've seen the music video."
"Right," Danny said, his face going strangely blank for a moment before it cleared, "so what is your favourite food?"
Steve smiled. "Your pizza."
Danny smiled. "Suck up."
Steve rolled his eyes and walked over to the fridge to start pulling out what he would need for the salad. The smell of the baking chicken was filling the kitchen and they would be eating before long.
"I need a serious answer, Steven. What do you want to eat at our wedding?"
"Your lasagne."
"I am not cooking on our wedding day."
"Then we'll just put some meat on the barbecue then."
Danny sighed in that way that told Steve he was about to get lectured – he turned his back on the blonde and started putting the salad together anyway.
"You want to throw meat on the barbecue at our wedding? That is your serious suggestion, and I am actually looking for serious suggestions, Steven."
"What's wrong with a barbecue?"
"We have a barbecue every time Five-0 comes over."
"I like steak."
"I know."
"You like steak."
"I know, but it's just not…okay, fine, fine, some people might be very happy with a barbecue for their wedding dinner. I know that, and I'm happy for them, okay? But it isn't good enough for us. You've been full of opinions about everything else to do with the wedding but with this you don't care? Honestly, I don't believe it, I don't believe you, so what do you want to have?"
"We'll put a pig on a spit."
"I said serious, Steven."
Steve shrugged. "That was serious."
Danny squinted at him. "An entire pig on a spit?"
Steve nodded. "Yeah, I can get one of Kamekona's cousins to set it up for us. Then we will just need to get some salads and things to go along with it."
Danny stood up and checked the chicken silently; pulling it out and turning each fillet over before he looked at Steve again.
"A pig on the spit?" Danny asked again.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Okay? That's it, okay?"
Danny nodded. "I like pork. It's a workable option and Kamekona's cousins will crash the wedding regardless."
"We invited them," Steve pointed out.
"We invited Kamekona…well, he invited himself."
"That's the same as inviting them," Steve shrugged.
"I'll get Kono to make that potato salad of hers since she's not allowed to give anyone the recipe. Ma and Nana will happily make enough coleslaw, pasta salad, and their famous potato bake for the island. We've got the cake Nana is making, we can have pineapple, and cocoa puffs. That seems like enough for everyone."
Steve nodded. "I'm happy with that."
"Good, make your salad so we can eat."
Steve nodded and turned around to put together the salad.
They ate in silence, Steve didn't know what to say and Danny seemed happy to eat without talking. As soon as they were done Danny stood up and packed the dishwasher.
"Danny?"
"I'm going to do some painting, okay, babe."
Steve nodded. He couldn't work out what to make of Danny tonight. Steve wanted to walk into Danny's studio and say something. He stood up and started walking towards the back room. Steve and Danny's entire relationship was based on both of them pushing when it was needed. Danny wouldn't be sitting back if Steve was the one shutting down – he never did; which annoyed Steve most of the time honestly. It really annoyed Steve. Honestly, the blonde never left anything alone when Steve didn't want to talk. Steve turned and went to sit on the couch. He turned the TV on and threw his feet up on the coffee table and flicked through the channels. He finally found a UK crime series and stopped to watch an episode. Danny hated cop shows – he couldn't just let reality go for long enough to enjoy the story. Like he couldn't let anything go. Steve let his head drop back onto the couch behind him. Danny did push but so did Steve. And Steve couldn't lie to himself, he always felt better when Danny had forced him to talk. Steve stood up again and started walking towards the studio to find Danny sitting perched on the very edge of his chair with earphones in while he aggressively painted the background of a picture on a large canvas.
Steve leaned his hip into the door jamb and watched Danny paint. He looked at the tense line of Danny's shoulders. Steve knew that Danny was tense because he was shutting down and he wasn't talking. But the way that Danny's shoulders were tense instead of the loose slope to them that he normally had when he was painting made Steve pause. Danny painting was a complete body language overhaul. Danny's limbs would be long and soft and graceful in a way they only normally seemed to be when they were in bed. He was relaxed and his entire body would lose the tension that normally infused his every cell. Even when he was talking with a paint brush in his hand he spoke more softly and slowly. Steve loved to sit and watch the changes in Danny's body while he was painting. Steve quite loved watching Danny paint for the painting too though.
Looking at Danny now made Steve take a step back and decide to just leave Danny to it again. He would wait until Danny was ready to talk even if the idea made Steve's skin itch. He forced himself to go back to the crime show though he couldn't focus on it long enough to even work out who any of the characters were.
Steve could hear Danny moving around in the studio just after the news started. Steve tensed and watched the doorway waiting for Danny to come through. Danny smiled at him, looked at the TV and then came over to stand next to Steve.
Steve looked up at him not sure what to expect, or what he was hoping for, but Danny was looking at the TV.
"Danny?"
"I'm going to have a shower since I'm covered in paint. Then I'm going to go to bed."
"This will be finished soon," Steve offered.
"No rush," Danny said, even though the blonde really liked to go to bed together most nights. It was one of the little things about the other man that made Steve feel instinctively, unconsciously wanted.
"Okay," Steve said slowly.
"Night, babe," Danny said, kissing Steve and leaving the SEAL to finish watching the news while he went up to bed.
/ / /
