A/N: When I began this fic, I warned the readers that I planned to take Harm and Mac to the ninth gate of Hell before it was over. This chapter will begin their descent. I knew going into this that I'd take heat for it, so all I can do is assure the readers that I and my partner have thought out every aspect of this fic, know exactly where it is going and how it will end. Reviewers have made guesses as to the outcome, and they were very good, but that is not where we are going. In fact, I can assure you, and this is the only assurance I can make, if you stick with us on this ride, hold on tight, and hold your breath, you'll be in for the shock of your life.

I ask you all once again, please stick with us on this journey, you may be surprised, you may even get angry, but you will not be disappointed.

Once again thanks to all who have shared their opinions and have either praised or constructively criticized this work, it is appreciated. And once again, big hugs to Snugglebug for working with me and being a wonderful friend.

"How're you holding up?" Harm asked Annie as he sat beside her, the procedure having been completed some short while ago.

"Not sure," she replied.

"Still hurting?" he asked, his concern for Annie, or at least for the baby, growing softer as time went on.

She nodded, "It's not much better, not at all." A lot of times she'd have played on Harm's sensitive side, but this time she was not playing and he knew that, he knew her, at least minimally.

"They said it'd hurt for a few hours afterwards," he reminded her.

"I'm not sure if they meant like this," Annie said softly taking deep breaths.

A concerned look grew upon his face. "Like how?"

"Like a knife...stabbing pain to my back," Annie replied. "Here."

"Yeah, that...I'm gonna go get the nurse," he said. "I'll be back."

He did as he promised and quickly went to get a nurse. They had to tend to Annie's cramping and do another ultrasound. Harm stayed with her, keeping her calm and losing track of the time. Until...two hours after Mac had come out of surgery and 45 minutes after she was due, Dr Bradley appeared.

"Harm, there you are!" Dr. Bradley said. "We've been looking for you and paging you."

As soon as he heard those words, two others came into his mind: oh, shit! "Doctor, I'm sorry, I've been down here with..." he looked down at Annie and left it at that. "Is Sarah out of surgery? She is, isn't she? Is she okay?"

"She's fine, medically," Dr. Bradley replied. "She's asking for you, has been."

"How…Did it work?" Harm asked anxious to know if his wife's condition would be improved by a second procedure. It was hard on all of them for her to be in such pain all the time and he hoped this would be the end of it.

"Given the amount of work I did in there and how much cleaner she is now than at any other time, I'd say she should except of course for some lingering dysmenorrhoea and some dyspareunia due to the scarring, but overall she should be 99 better," the doctor explained.

"And what about having a new baby? Can she…Will we be able to conceive?" Harm asked fidgeting with his ring.

"Conception was never as much of an issue for Sarah as it is for other patients, except for the dyspareunia. My major concern is still the high risk of the pregnancy itself as her uterus, which has been weakened as you know by the disease expands…"He said this as his beeper went off. "Finish here and get upstairs."

"On my way, doctor," said Harm as he grabbed his jacket and turned to tell Annie goodbye. "I'll check with you tomorrow. You okay?"

Annie nodded and reached for his hand, "Thank you so much for being here. It made it easier."

"Welcome," he muttered as he took hold of her hand for a brief moment before departing for Mac's room.

The door to Mac's room opened and her eyes opened, "Harm?"

"No, sweetie pie, it's just me," said the nurse apologetically. "Did the Demerol help much?"

Mac nodded slightly, "Where's Harm? Where's my husband?"

"He's coming," answered the nurse. "Dr. Bradley said he's been down in the ER with a friend who's expecting, but he should be up here any minute."

"Expect...We have no..." Then it clicked. It all clicked. The only pregnant "friend" they had was Annie and she was no friend. Mac simply nodded and drifted to sleep.

Harm arrived at Mac's room almost ten minutes after he'd parted ways with the doctor. He felt horrible for not being there when Mac awakened, like he'd sworn he'd be, but he didn't think it would have been right of him to leave Annie alone and frightened in the ER. When he walked into Mac's room and saw she was asleep, he tossed his jacket over the back of the chair and pulled it alongside the bed. He sat and waited in silence for her to wake up, mulling over the "Annie situation" and all that went with it.

Mac stirred and hour later and opened her eyes slowly, "Harm?"

"Hey there beautiful," he said, leaning in to take a hold of her hand.

She smiled softly, "Where were you?"

"I, uh..." He didn't want to tell her flat-out; he didn't think it'd be smart after all she'd just been through. "I was outside for awhile; lost track of time."

"Yeah," Mac sighed and rolled onto her back. "Walking around huh?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just needed some fresh air. Dr. Bradley told me you'd be under for awhile, so I went outside." That was true, all of it.

"You're doing it again," Mac sighed the strength returning to her voice as she fought the anger and pain.

"What am I doing?" he asked, fear instantly welling up inside.

Tears started to spill out of her eyes as she managed, "You're lying to me."

"I'm, no...I'm..." He didn't know what he should say.

Mac nodded and sniffled, "You are. You are, you are lying to me."

At that moment, he realized that he had to come clean; that she was in no position to get this upset. With a deep breath, he began to speak. "I did go outside, and I did need some fresh air. I...while I was out there, Annie came in in an ambulance, and..."

"And you stayed with her and left me here alone, to wake up, in pain alone," Mac finished for him in tears. "Get out."

"Mac, please," he said, his eyes pleading with her. "I didn't mean to be gone so long, but she was having complications and..."

"And you had to stay with her. She was..." Mac's voice choked. "You lied to me again. You said you wouldn't do that."

"I didn't lie as such," he insisted. "Okay, I guess I did lie in a sense, but I didn't think you needed to get this worked up. This is exactly what I was trying to save you from, baby!"

"You could have told me the truth," Mac sighed. "You had to stay with Annie once she came here because you were worried about the baby. That's okay."

"Speaking of that..." he began. "I, uh...they did an amnio on her today. We'll know in two weeks if...you know..."

"Fine," Mac said firmly. "I'm glad you'll finally be able to have that off your mind."

"Well yeah," he agreed, equally firm. "Unless it's mine."

"You all ready know its yours," Mac sighed.

"And exactly how do I 'know'?" he asked, sensing things were headed downhill fast.

"If you didn't think it was your baby you'd never have stayed with her. You are connected to your children Harm," Mac said moving in bed to relieve the soreness.

"I am," he agreed. "But that's not...I didn't stay because of that. Well, okay, maybe some because of that, but you want to know what made me stay? What went through my mind?"

"It doesn't matter," Mac sighed. "It doesn't even matter you stayed. What matters..."

"I stayed," he continued. "Because I thought about how if that was you who'd fallen down the stairs and was at the hospital all alone, how I'd want someone to stay with you. That is why I stayed."

She shook her head, "That's fine but...Harm, you lied to me. Again and your broke a promise again. Two promises. I...I thought we were going to be honest with each other."

"We were," he said. "But you weren't honest with me about the pain you were always in."

"I was trying to protect you," Mac shot. "You were trying to protect yourself."

"No, no, no..." he said, his voice calm yet firm. "I was thinking about you, Mac. I didn't want you upset over this right now. I was going to tell you tomorrow, when you were feeling better."

"That's what you thought about Mexico! I'll just tell her tomorrow, then you lied and lied to me for months," Mac sighed. "And...Harm, I can't do this. I can't."

"Precisely why I wasn't going to tell you today," he said.

"That I could have handled," Mac sighed. "I can't handle the lies Harm. I can't handle them and I can't forgive them. None of them. God knows I tried."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, trembling inside.

Her face fell and tears began again, "It means I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Not now. I'm tired and I hurt and I really would like for you to go."

"You don't mean that," he said. "You can't mean that, Mac."

"I do mean that," she said softly. "I'd like for you to leave. Get out."

"No, I'm not going to leave" he said, rising from his chair and moving to sit on the edge of her bed. "I won't leave you alone like this. I know you're upset, but I'm not leaving."

She said it again, louder this time. "Get out Harm."

He sat in place and uttered not a sound.

Mac covered her face with her hands, "Please. Please. Please. Please."

She didn't say this to him, she said it to anyone else who'd hear her tiny whisper.

"Mac," he said, his voice cracking as the sight of her in so much pain. "Please. I wanna stay. I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to stay," Mac replied. "I don't...Get out."

"But...I..." He couldn't fight her any longer; he knew she wasn't up for it. "Okay. I'll go, but I'll be back tonight so we can talk."

"No," Mac told him. "No. I need time, please don't come back."

"Mac, we have to talk," he said. "We've come too far to let this ruin everything. Please, let's talk later. You don't feel well right now, but later..."

"Goodbye, Harm," Mac said and turned her face to the wall.

Harm did go back that night, to find that he was not allowed into his wife's room. She'd asked the doctor to please ban all visitors including her husband. She was sick, tired, and depressed. She didn't want to see anyone. For three days, from noon until ten pm Harm would sit outside her room and pray, hope, wish that she'd allow him inside so he could apologize. He'd sent her cards, flowers, wrote her a letter, but still nothing he could say or do would soften her heart.

Mac finally relented on the last day and let Harm take her home from the hospital, yet she kept her distance. He tried to make her let her guard down, to talk to him, they even returned to Commander McCool for help, but nothing seemed to work. The stress wore on both of them, he reverted voluntarily to the "lighthouse room" and she put up walls to protect her heart until finally six weeks after Mac's operation it all came to a head.

Mac walked in a little after nine that night. She knew Harm would be home, and that was confirmed by his SUV in the driveway. She took off her shoes and called, "I'm home."

He was lying on the couch, the only light in the room coming from the streetlamp outside. "You've been gone awhile," he said plainly.

"I had a meeting run late," Mac replied. "Kids in bed?"

"Mm-hmm," he answered as he laid with his hands over his eyes. "They missed you, you know they hate going to bed when you're not home."

"I know," Mac replied. "It's not like I do it all the time. What's wrong with you?"

"Head hurts a bit," he replied. "Been coughing again, probably more bronchitis."

"Chest sore?" Mac asked matter of factly, not lovingly as she unloaded her briefcase.

"Getting there," he sighed. "I'll be okay; I've got my cough syrup."

"Did you take it or just leave it on the counter for DJ to spill?" Mac asked unbuttoning her uniform top.

"I took it," he said, clearly annoyed at her demeanor. "We gonna have another one of those nights, Mac?"

"What kind of night would that be?" Mac asked.

"The kind where we snipe at each other over stupid stuff," he said, removing his hands from his eyes and rolling over to look at her. "And then huff off to bed mad."

Before Mac could answer there was a hard knock on their front door.

"Harm, can you get that? I want to go and kiss the kids quick," Mac said all ready heading for DJ's room.

"Yeah," he sighed, rising slowly from the couch and padding towards the door. He opened it without looking through the peephole, and got an unpleasant surprise as a result.

"Good evening, Mate," Mic greeted. "Sarah left the policy updates in the car." He handed her the folders.

"Why would she have done that?" he asked Mic.

"I drove her back to her car after dinner," Mic replied. "Must have slipped between the seats. She'll need it to prepare for the morning's meeting."

"I didn't realize she had a dinner meeting tonight," said Harm before a cough snuck up on him.

"It wasn't a dinner meeting," Mic replied. "We just decided to grab dinner while we read over these statements."

"Oh," answered Harm, very unhappy at the news. "I'll make sure she gets these. Thanks."

"No, problem," Mic smiled. "Night Mate."

"Who was that?" Mac asked as she came out of Lucy's room.

Harm didn't say anything; he simply held the folders out to her.

"Oh, how did you get those?" Mac asked. She had no idea they weren't in her case.

"Brumby dropped them off," replied Harm, his voice low and sad. "You left them in his car after dinner."

"Oh, I didn't even notice," Mac sighed. "Can you put them on the table? Want some orange juice?"

"No, what I want is some answers," Harm replied.

"Answers to what?" Mac asked.

"To why you neglected to tell me where you were tonight" he said. "I don't care that you went to dinner, but it would've been nice to know that's where you were all this time."

"I just didn't think about it," Mac replied honestly. "I assumed you'd know that I had eaten since I got home this late."

He nodded. "Makes sense, I guess. I just...never mind."

"What?" Mac pressed. "What's that look on your face?"

"I just have to worry why you chose not to tell me you went out to dinner with him," said Harm. "I don't care that you went, but you weren't planning to tell me, were you?"

"I didn't think about it," Mac said. "I suppose not, it wasn't a big deal."

"Okay," he said calmly. "Now you know how I felt about the thing with Annie at the hospital."

"Two different things Harm," Mac said all ready getting her defensive stance.

"Yes, they're different," he said. "But not in the sense that I didn't feel it was anything I had to tell you the second you woke up. You say you don't care that I was with her, and I don't care that you had dinner with him tonight, but I don't see why it's okay for you to do that but I'm not supposed to."

"Because I didn't cheat on you," Mac snapped. "I didn't lie to you!"

"Not this time," he replied. "But you've lied to me in the past, Mac! More than once!"

"I..." she began."I was only trying to protect you those times. I was scared to death about telling you about my illness..."

"Why? I'm supposed to be the one you come to with those things!" he said. "Not the one you run from."

"If I could...Harm, I don't want to do this tonight. I don't want to get into it," Mac sighed and started for her room.

"No, we're gonna talk about this," he said, his tone rising just a hair. "I'm tired of going to sleep mad, I'm tired of it."

"Well, who's fault is it that that has to happen, huh?" Mac asked putting her hands on her hips. "Who's fault is it?"

"Ours!" he replied firmly.

"Ours?" Mac echoed. "Yours! You are the one who cheated, who lied, and who damaged this marriage and this family!" Mac shot. "Or did you forget all about that?"

"How can I forget it?" he asked. "When you throw it in my face at every turn?"

"I do no such thing," Mac argued back. "I tried to forgive you, to make this marriage work, but you're impossible."

"Impossible? I don't think so!" he countered. "I'm just tried of all this senseless bitching!"

"Bitching!" Mac hissed. "I think I'm entitled to a little bitching after what you put me through. You lied to me, not once, but twice, and you've barely shown any remorse."

"How can you say that?" he asked. "After I sat in therapy with you and fessed up to owning everything that's ever been wrong between us, how can you say I'm not remorseful?"

"Guilty oh yes," Mac said. "That's guilt. You want me off your back, you just want the open barn door, come in for a lay! You never were truly sorry, if you were you'd never have done what you did this last time."

"Oh, I was sorry," he said. "And I'm...I...damn it." Without another word, he closed the distance between them and grabbed her by the shoulders. He pulled her close with considerable force, and as he captured her mouth with his own in a violent kiss, he backed her up against the bed.

Mac put her hands up and pushed hard against Harm's chest, "What are you doing? You have no right to touch me, not after what you've done!" she shouted, hands balled into fists.

"I'm not the only one who's done wrong in this marriage, Mac, and somehow we're gonna talk this out," he said firmly, his hands still on her shoulders. "And since words aren't working..." He moved one hand from her shoulder and pulled her uniform top open, sending buttons flying.

"I don't want your hands on me!" Mac snapped. "Stop it!"

"Come on, Mac" he said, his eyes wide and his tone intense. "It's all there is and you know it."

Mac stayed still for a moment, brown eyes locked with hard steel blue ones. Finally she reached for his shirt and started to yank it out of his pants. "Damn you Harm. Damn you to Hell!"

"I'm probably headed there anyway," he said, reaching around to her back and undoing the fastener and zipper in her skirt.

"Damned right you are!" she hissed through clenched teeth. "That is where they send adulterers and liars!" As she said this she raked her nails down his back pulling skin as she did so.

"What about wives who keep secrets from their husbands?" he asked, cringing as he felt her nails digging into his body. He picked her up around the waist and dropped her onto the bed, not nearly hard enough to hurt her, but enough to let her know he was mad.

"Ooh, getting violent are we?" Mac asked. "Going to show me what a big man you are? Is this how you did Annie? Did you do her hard? Did you make her scream? Did you..."

"You know I don't remember anything about that," he said as he towered over her.

"And you know I still don't believe that," Mac replied. "No matter what you say."

"This much is for sure," he snickered as he unbuckled his belt and whipped it from the loops of his jeans in a single motion, tossing it off in the corner and jumping onto the bed and staring directly into her eyes, "We'll both remember tonight."

Mac's hard gaze softened then and once again she put her hands up to block further assault, "We can't. We can't do this. Not again. Not like this."

"Will you talk to me?" he asked, his tone also noticeably softer. "This...this isn't right; it's not healthy to go back to this, but we...we have so much to say, I just don't know if we have the words."

"I have nothing to say," Mac said, tone filled with despair. "Except..."

"What?" he whispered. "Except what?"

Two tears leaked out as she lay there, his superior weigh still upon her body, "That I can't do this. I can't stay with you anymore. I can't."

He couldn't pull his eyes away from her face as the teardrops rolled down her cheeks and landed on her pillow. "You don't mean that" he whispered. "We can work it out."

"We can't. We can't Harm. I tried, I really did, but I can't even...I can't even stand to look at you. I can't be near you without...I can't do it anymore."

Realizing that words were only causing them both more heartache, he climbed on top of her, pinned her shoulders to the mattress and once more held her mouth hostage with his own. "You may not be able to stand to look at me," he said, his breathing hard and heavy. "But I still love looking at you." He released her shoulders and gently her bra straps down. "Always will."

"Liar!" she accused. "Lying son of a bitch!"

"Get rid of this thing!" he spat, pulling her bra as hard as he could. "It's in the way!"

"I thought you wanted to talk?" Mac asked, her tone hardening again. "Or have you changed you mind since you don't like what I have to say."

"I suppose I have," he said as he continued pulling at her bra. "It's...we're gonna get through this, Mac, but not if those are the kind of words we're throwing around."

"Damn it Harm," Mac sighed. "We are not going to get through it. Are you hearing me? Are you even listening at all?"

"I am," he insisted. "Just not that we're not going to make it. I wanna keep working on us; I wanna learn how to keep every fight from ending up between the sheets. Get this damn thing out of the way!"

"I want to stop fighting!" Mac declared as she pushed her bra out of the way to free her breasts.

He placed gentle kisses on each breast before looking back up at her. "I want that, too, but we're a long way away right now." He noted to himself that despite the completely self-destructive pattern they were reverting back to, they were actually...talking through it.

"We aren't...Harm, I really...I really want..." She couldn't form a coherent sentence with his mouth near her chest like that.

He kissed her breasts some more, then went to work on them with his hands, doing everything he knew she enjoyed. "What do you want?" he whispered against her skin, feeling her goosebumps as he did so.

"Ooh," she moaned now as he manipulated her breasts. She wanted to do this, that was for sure now, but she wanted so much more for herself, for her future and that future now did not include Harm. If only she could make him see that.

"Come on, baby," he said softly, his hands busily massaging her breasts. "Tell me. You have to talk to me, you can't keep things inside. Let me in, let me know what's in your heart."

"I'm not sure you want to see what's there," Mac sighed reaching up to rub his back as he worked on her breasts. "It can only hurt you."

"You're keeping it from me because it'll hurt?" he asked, the feel of her hands on his back causing his heart to race. "That's how this all began. You have to get past that. Talk to me, Mac."

"I...No, I don't want to," Mac protested, her body freezing going tense. She knew what she wanted but she couldn't say it, not to his face.

"You know what this means?" he asked, his voice hushed and still.

She shook her head and waited for him to give her the answers, like she'd done so many times.

"This," he answered as he melded his lips powerfully against hers.

Mac let him kiss her, use his tongue to taste and tease her when he finally lifted his lips she managed to whisper the same words that had nearly driven them apart three months ago, "I hate you Harm. I really...Damn you for what you've done to us!"

"Damn the both of us," he countered. "For what we've both done. You shut me out when all I wanted was to help you."

"And you lied when you could have told me the truth," Mac countered. "I can't forgive you for that. I won't."

"You're so angry at me," he said plainly as he slid his hands down to her stomach.

"Not angry," Mac replied, his hands on her stomach always drove her wild, now was no different.

"What then?" he queried as he began a slow, sensual massage.

"Bitter," she replied. "And hurt. So hurt. How could you hurt me like that? You were supposed to be the one who..."

"Who protects you, I know," he said, continuing his massage, running his hands lightly across her stomach, feeling her breathing come and go. "I'll never, ever get over what happened in Mexico. Commander McCool can tell me to 'forgive myself' until the cows come home, but it...it'll never happen. I'm the one who acted stupid then, but you're the one who pushed me away. I'm to blame, but so are you in that sense."

Mac tensed up. She was too blame, she did push him away, but she had her reasons. "I didn't lie. I never lied to you, I never betrayed you, never. You can call my omissions betrayals all you want but that is not what they were. I hid those things, pushed you away because I loved you. You slept with Annie...I still can't justify that."

"Neither can I," he said. "I was wrong, plain and simple, but...I know you meant well, but baby, you hurt me."

"You hurt yourself," she countered. "It's the way you are. It because of the way you are that I didn't tell you."

"I don't understand," he replied, his hands returning to her breasts.

"You are so self righteous, so damned heroic...I knew what it would do to you, I knew letting you in would drive you away and it did! Don't you dare deny it!"

She spit the last line at him with so much venom it burned.

"It did not," he spat. "Because you didn't ever really let me in! You've always held something back, ever since you got sick, and I just can't figure that out!" He slid up a little and ambushed her lips, kissing her passionately, the wrong kind of 'passionately'.

"I did not," Mac gasped when his lips left hers again. "I told you everything you needed to know. I did," she insisted. "And it sent you to Annie's arms. What did you want me to do, lie here in agony and let you screw me anyway?"

It was that line that broke Harm's resolve and Mac's as well, "You know better than that," he hissed as he pushed his hips against her. In spite of her anger and her hatred for him at that moment, Mac lifted her own hips to encourage him. Sensing that, he pushed himself into her in one hard, swift motion.

"Hurt?" he asked as he pulled back.

"Yes," she hissed, yet slammed her hips up to his.

"Figured it did," he said, forcing himself back into her.

"Then why don't you stop?" she asked him as her body urged him to continue his hard, rough attentions.

He was silent, staring into her eyes as he slowed his pushes to almost nothing. "I know it hurts because I rushed it," he said, a hint of guilt in his voice. "But...you're right, how do I ever really know if it's hurting you. God, I wish you'd tell me, baby..."

"And I wish you'd let me alone," Mac replied as she continued to encourage him. "Just let me go Harm. That's what I want."

"Your lips are saying that," he said, his rhythm increasing again. "But your body doesn't want this to ever end. Admit it; it's okay."

"You bastard," she cried as she once again lifted her body and felt his pound into her. She was getting close; beside the anger she felt she was getting so close.

He knew she was getting close and somehow the desire to hurt her crept back up within him. He moved himself within her, faster and harder than ever before, and then he stopped. No steady, gentle deceleration, no spoken word; remaining inside her, he just stopped.

Mac was on the edge, and he seemed to have...froze. He was lying against her body and not moving, not speaking...With the tiniest bit of shock and worry Mac said, "Harm?"

"What?" he asked, all his defenses suddenly up, which was shocking even to him.

"You...I thought..." Mac stopped talking and ground her hips again.

"Thought what? That I didn't want to do this anymore?" he asked.

"No," Mac replied. "Forget it just get on with it."

"'Get on with it', huh?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows for just a moment. "Why? How close are you? Almost there, I bet."

"You know I am, that's why...Oh!" she shrieked. "You son of a bitch!"

"You know," he said cynically. "If you're really that angry with me, I could just leave you right where you are." As he spoke, he began moving oh-so slightly again.

"Do what you want," she replied. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Hmm...no, I can't do that," he said, the look on his face and the hurt in his voice a perfect match. "I won't do that...I love you too much."

That was it for them...she remained silent and he, slowing his pace gave her what she needed. His movements alternating between hard and soft brought her to climax just as he rode the wave of his own. When it was over he rolled off of her and she turned on her side reverting to the "safe position" she'd used so many times before.

"Hey," he whispered, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

She pulled her body away from him, "Go away."

"I'm sorry," he said. "For the mean things I just did to you; it was...I don't know why I...I'm sorry."

"I do," Mac replied. "Because we can't stand each other any more. I'm just as bad to you as you are to me and...I...I just don't see a light anymore."

"It's not that we can't stand each other," he said. "It's...we've done some awful things to one another, both of us. I thought we were making some headway, honestly, but...maybe not."

"Definitely not," Mac replied. "Harm...I think in the morning we should sit down with the kids and..."

"You...you don't think we should...No, Mac," he said. "We can't make that big a decision tonight, not after we once again broke the biggest rule of our therapy. We're too emotional right now, and divorce is such a-"

"I didn't say a divorce," Mac sighed. "I just think we should sit down with them and tell then that you're moving out for a while. I think a little time and space will do all of us a lot of good," Mac replied. "Maybe it'll even help Lucy."

He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "Do you think that would keep us from continuing down the path we're on?" he asked.

"I don't really know," Mac replied. "All I know is being near you right now...I can't look at you without hating the sight of you. I'm sorry if that hurts..."

"'If' it hurts? Of course it hurts," he said. "How horribly mixed-up are we when one minute we can be screwing each others brains out, and the very next we're talking about separating and how you can't stand looking at me?"

"I tried to tell you that before but...Please, I really think this is for the best," Mac told him trying to be civil.

"If I do move out for awhile," he asked. "Will we stay in therapy like we're supposed to?"

"I suppose we can try it for awhile," Mac said. "I think a break might help, might give us a chance to miss each other, to want to see each other..."

He sighed. "They say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', maybe we should try it. Things can't really get much worse, I guess."

"They really can't," Mac agreed. "How's your chest feeling?" she asked remembering he'd said it was getting sore.

"Still hurts some," he said. "But I took my medicine so it's not too bad. How're you feeling? Did I hurt you too badly with that selfish no-brainer earlier?"

"No," Mac replied. "It's okay. I'm tired though."

"I know you are. I am, too" he said. "I'll go to the - hey, just a sec..."

"Harm..." She sighed, a bit exasperated with him.

"No, no, listen to me," he said compassionately as he rolled over to look at her. "You said you're not hurting, even after being as rough as I was, you said you're okay. Think about that, Mac."

"That means the operations worked, I know," Mac replied. "I told you I hadn't had any back pain or cramps since then. I'm sore, like a workout but I didn't expect it to be bad."

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't," he said, feeling great relief as he realized, for the first time, that the operations had been successful, just like the doctor had said. "I'm...I'll go now. We'll talk to the kids tomorrow. I hope you sleep well."

"You too," Mac replied, knowing neither of them would sleep.