Two chapters left, dear readers…
Bella fell into my arms like she was surrendering from war. It was not the first time it happened. Actually, it had always been like this between us. I chased and she ran away from me. It was painful and frustrating but I liked it too. I knew things wouldn't be easy between us and I was glad I had to fight for her. Fighting for someone wasn't something people like to do in that day and age and I regretted that. Everything was too easy, people wanted fun and superficial, I just wanted her.
My entire body was covered in goose bumps when I felt her kisses on my jaw, getting tentatively closer to my mouth. I knew her, I knew what she wanted and yet was still hesitating to take. That's why I pulled away, making her moan in protest.
"He, he, wait..." I whispered, trying hard to catch my breath. "We need to talk about this."
"I don't want to talk, I just want you." She panted, her eyes burning and filled with a strange longing.
I almost caved then but it was now or never. Our future together was at stake at that very moment.
"Really? You were more than ready to fly away from me, weren't you? Why Bella?" I heard myself shouting the last question, tears of rage filling my eyes. I wiped them hastily, watching her crumble in front of me.
Her face was pale and her lips trembling, her hands in fists on each side of her body. I had to physically restrain myself from taking her in my arms.
"It's the only way Edward, and you know it. The only way to get out of that nightmare."
"That nightmare? Is that how you see our relationship?" Punched in the gut, that's how I felt.
"No! No! Never!" She cried in alarm, her eyes imploring.
"Can you explain then? Because I don't get it..."
"Your mother needs you."
"So? She needs me and then you leave? How is that relevant?"
"You don't understand..." She sighed.
"Oh I get it perfectly. You're scared of what could happen to your quiet little life if you stayed with me." A little provocation couldn't hurt, right?
"That's not…I'm lost, alright?" She whispered, collapsing on the couch, her face in her hands.
"You're lost?" I sat next to her, careful not to touch her. I knew I'd melt on the spot if I did.
"For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I've lost all control of myself so yes, I'm lost. That terrifies me."
"Is that so bad that you have no control?" I braced myself for the answer.
"I have no idea…"She finally admitted, her shining eyes on mine. "This, what we have, is the most freeing and scary thing that ever happened to me. You're the most unexpected and wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I've always lived by the rules, this is so new to me." My heart pounded even harder than before. It was like she told me she loved me for the first time again.
"This is new for me too, baby…" I whispered, finally allowing myself to wrap her in my arms. "We can't be apart, don't you know that?"
"Edward, if I stay, your mother will see that as a provocation and she will sue me, I know it. We can't risk that…It would be for a few months, a year maximum and then, we could be free."
"Bella, I'm going to be eighteen in a month. If we keep a low profile, we'd be free much sooner." I saw her jaw clinch and I knew she was fighting tears. "That's not the reason you're leaving, isn't it?"
"No, it's not." She simply said, shaking her head.
"Oh, you really think I'm going to accept your answer?"
"Alright, you want the truth?" She exploded, making me jump with surprise. "I'm leaving because I don't want you to ruin your life with me, I'm leaving because your mother needs you so much right now and I don't want to be the cause of more heartbreak for your family. And mostly...I'm leaving because I need to think about who I am."
"I see..." I mumbled, feeling powerless to stop the disaster I knew her departure would cause.
"No, you don't." She smiled sadly. "I love you so much Edward and I don't want to leave, really baby. All I want to do is curl on this couch with you until the end of time or take me to my bed, feel your body on mine and never be apart from you. I just have to do this, for both our sakes."
"So, my mother is suffering, but I'm not? I need you right now."
"See? That's another thing that scares me. I'm afraid our relationship is that intense because it helps you through the pain of losing your father. Being apart for a little while could help us see things clearly."
"Things are clear to me, Bella. I understand that you want to take some distance to clear your head and see if you really love me like you said or if that was just a rebound fling for you but don't blame it on me being confused because I'm not." I suddenly got up and started to walk towards the door. Her alarmed cry stopped me dead in my tracks.
"No! Where are you going?"
"I don't think there's anything else to say…" I managed, hating the way my voice broke at the end. "I'd better go so you can…get ready to leave."
"Edward, no, don't go, not now, I'm not…"
"You're not what?"
"I'm not ready for you to go, please stay, please…" she begged, clinging to me with all her might.
"If I stay, I won't be capable of leaving, you know that…" I sighed, weak in front of her.
"I can't watch you leave yet..." Little kisses started making their way up my neck, devouring me as if I was her last meal.
"I want you, Bella…" I growled, surrendering.
"Yes, yes, yes…" She whispered almost deliriously and offered me her mouth.
Things got blurry and feverish after that. I remember following her to her room, silently and hungrily undressing and consuming each other with a desperate and hopeless passion, like never before. I remember her clawing at my back while I possessed her and my raw noises when she possessed me in return. The moment of peace after that.
Mostly, I remember the tears I cried and how empty I felt when she left two days after.
No, she didn't…Well, yes she did. Not a big fan of my Bella's at the moment, so let me and her have it, I know you want to ;). Also, no new chapter for a couple of weeks, I have family visiting. Thanks for reading!
