Part Forty-Nine

After

Kathy Crawford was less energetic in person. Rather than the twenty-something, easily excitable woman their conversation had led Olivia to expect, Kathy was a tall, heavyset woman in her late forties with wide green eyes and streaks of gray showing through her black hair. She greeted Olivia with a warm smile and firm handshake, thanking her repeatedly for coming in to talk to her on such short notice.

Although it had been years since she'd been in a school for any purpose besides investigational ones, Olivia felt at ease in the woman's company. She assured her it was no problem to come in. Considering her home circumstances and how Olivia felt about being dependent on anyone at all for anything, she wasn't sure which one of them was doing the bigger favor.

Kathy settled behind her desk, her paperwork, pens, and notes all as carefully arranged as the perfectly looped scarf around her neck. "Lynn was one of the driving forces behind setting up this camp program. She was a huge proponent of giving the children more options than sports camps during the summer months, especially for the academically talented kids who would probably not enroll in the sports camps and spend the summer watching TV. Then she came in last week and announced they were moving to North Carolina and now I have sixty students without an English department!"

Olivia nodded, her eyes wondering around the organized office. It was the detective in her, an instinct she knew would take a long time to overcome, taking in as much information as she could absorb in order to have as much insight into Kathy's personality as possible. Reading people had been a skill of hers long before she'd even been a cop, and so she determined that she had the upper hand in the negotiation. Kathy was the sort of person who liked to have things settled. She would want to mark down the English teacher for the summer camp in ink on the calendar and not change it. Having something up in the air would make her crazy, and so out of her desire to plan for the future, she would be more flexible than Olivia planned on being herself.

Elliot had been right – she wasn't cleared for work. And she knew better than to expect that she'd be cleared for a full day of teaching where she'd be standing on her feet six of the eight hours.

Smiling, Olivia started her end of the negotiation. "I've recently had major surgery, so I'm only able to work part-time right now and for the foreseeable future. Any position at all will need to be cleared by my doctors."

Kathy's smile faltered the slightest bit, though Olivia noticed it was at the end of her statement rather than the beginning. "Ideally we're looking for someone two or three days a week in the morning. While we want to encourage the kids to learn, we're planning to have lots of free time for play and activities. You'd teach one or two classes, with perhaps some one-on-one tutoring with summer school students who require additional instruction beyond their classes."

Olivia smiled. The doctors would probably leave the final decision up to her and she felt that what Kathy was explaining would be feasible for her. She wouldn't be on her feet and it would only be a few days each week, it sounded perfect. But there was no reason she had to let Kathy see that. "How old are the children?"

This answer could prove to be the deal breaker. If she had to spend three days a week reading "Artie the Smartie" to six-year-olds, she was pretty sure she'd go insane.

"Mostly sixth- to eighth-graders, so eleven to fourteen. Joey said you were their substitute for high school and middle school, so we'd make sure you had the older students."

Sighing in relief, Olivia nodded. "That definitely sounds doable, provided I get the go-ahead from my doctors."

Kathy was grinning, as she pulled out a file from the black plastic box labeled 'Today.' "Looks like your paperwork is all in order, your references were great, and your credentials are up-to-date. I'll have to clear it with the principal, but as far as I'm concerned, you'll be a perfect match for us."

Olivia wanted to laugh. Kathy's desperation was painfully obvious. "Great, that sounds good."

They briefly discussed pay, possible days and hours, and even the possibility that Olivia might, by the end of the summer, consider taking the full-time permanent teaching position. It was just as the interview seemed to be wrapping up that Kathy asked what Olivia had been expecting the entire time.

"You mentioned your recent surgery, may I ask how you are? If everything's ok?" Kathy's eyes were darting away and Olivia knew she had been dying to ask. Not that she could blame her, had their positions been reversed, Olivia would have been curious as well.

Olivia smiled, assuring her new friend that she wasn't offended. "I had a kidney transplant a little over two months ago. I'm doing well, getting adjusted to a new lifestyle." She censored herself, afraid to give too much away with her honest words. If she wasn't careful, she'd accidentally mention something about the very physical job she was used to which would invariably lead to Kathy discovering all of her wonderful paperwork and glowing reviews were a bunch of shit.

Whatever Kathy had been expecting, that wasn't it. She looked shocked. "A kidney transplant? My goodness, that's – well, it's incredible! Did you have to wait a long time?" Her cheeks reddened as she realized it was perhaps not something Olivia would want to discuss.

Shaking her head, Olivia smiled. "No, actually, it wasn't long at all. I-uh-" She paused to think of an explanation. "I was in an accident and was in a coma. When I woke up, my- um- uh-," she choked on the idea, trying to make the concept seem right in her head so it would sound right in her voice. It wasn't working. Her partner, not her husband, had given her the kidney. It felt somehow disloyal to say otherwise.

Her partner had selflessly saved her life; her husband was a selfish, controlling asshole.

She forced a smile, praying that Kathy would attribute her discomfort to the topic rather than her words. "My-uh-Ben gave me one of his kidneys."

Kathy's eyes widened further, amazement taking over her expression. "Ben is your husband?"

Olivia nodded, thankful that she hadn't had to force out the word that felt like the biggest lie she'd ever told. "Yes."

"Wow." Kathy shook her head slowly. "That's just wow."

Feeling self-conscious, Olivia nodded. Yes, it certainly was wow. Especially when Olivia hadn't had a say in the matter. But she knew better than to point that out, not with the way Kathy was smiling.

"He must really love you."

Olivia stared, the words somehow meaningless in her head. "What?"

Kathy smiled harder, as though she couldn't quite contain her happiness. "To do something like that for you – your husband must really love you!"

The words weren't meaningless. On the contrary, they were full of meaning. So full that they took up all available space in her brain as she tried to comprehend them.

Holy fucking mother of-

She squeezed her eyes closed, her jaw clenching as she tried to keep herself from crying in the middle of an interview. It was hard to breathe and she concentrated on pulling in one breath after another, hoping the painful grip on her chest would release.

The hand on her arm took her by surprise, and she jerked away, wondering how she hadn't noticed Kathy getting up and walking around the desk to sit next to her. She was hyperventilating, her chest heaving. Her face burned in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, Abby. I shouldn't have asked." Although Kathy had pulled her hand back, it was obvious that she still wanted to offer comfort.

Olivia shook her head, trying to brush off the concern that she knew she looked like she deserved. But, she realized, there was no way she could explain the real reason for her meltdown to Kathy. She forced a smile and tentatively met Kathy's glance. "I'm sorry myself. It's just very emotional for me."

Kathy nodded, her hand reaching for her phone. "Would you like to call your husband? Maybe you'll feel better if you talk to him?"

No, Olivia thought, talking to Elliot would just make her feel like shit. He'd risked his life to save her, put up with her wrath for having done so, and she'd fucking lied to him. Forget about asking Stafford for a divorce; Elliot was probably already working on getting one himself.

He fucking loved her.

And she was a fucking bitch.

She didn't deserve him, which was probably why he was so damn mad.

Sitting up straight, Olivia shook her head at Kathy. She had to finish the interview, to get out of there, then she could figure out how to go about apologizing to Elliot "No, no, I'm ok. Really, I don't know what came over me."

Kathy winced, then nodded. "It's a sensitive subject, I'm sorry I brought it up. You'll forgive me?"

Olivia smiled. "Yes, of course, I hope you'll give me a chance to prove I'm not normally a basketcase!"

"Let's get some coffee." Kathy stood and snagged the mug off her desk. "Coffee fixes everything."

With a slightly forced laugh, Olivia stood as well. "As long as it's better than what I made this morning, you're right."

As it turned out, Kathy was easy to talk to. The two women found a fast rapport, discussing various things over two cups of coffee. Olivia hadn't had a close female friend since she'd lost touch with Casey, and that had been several years. And even with Casey, their conversations mostly stemmed from work and personal stories that somehow tied back to work. With Kathy, however, it was different. They started out discussing the needs of the military children, which Olivia managed to fake her way through, then moved on to education in general, and finally, settled into random topics.

Olivia had a genuine smile on her face when she left. She checked her phone after she was back in the car, hoping that Elliot had called back, but he hadn't. He was good and angry and she felt terribly guilty. Having realized his motivations for all the sacrifices he'd made, she felt even worse. Lower than dirt. He'd given up so much for her; he had every right to act like an ass.

And, she figured, even ordering her around made sense in the context of how worried he must have been.

As she drove, she noticed the commissary and decided to stop. It wasn't much, but she thought making dinner, or attempting to, would be a peace offering. It would be harder for him to hold onto his anger if she was extending an olive branch. At least, she hoped so.