Shawn stood outside in the hallway of Maya and Katie's apartment. He had spent the entire walk from the bakery to there working up the nerve to address their current situation but now that he was standing there he felt like a teenage boy helplessly giggling at the contents of a purse again. If he opened his mouth to say hi he feared it would come out I want to have your children instead. Was he really going to take relationship advice from a thirteen year old girl who was currently embroiled in the most cliché teenage melodrama known to man?
It appeared that he was. He didn't know how Katie felt about him at the moment. She might not even care that he was leaving, but he had seen the look on Maya's face when he had told her. There was a devastating mixture of fear and sadness in those piercing blue eyes she'd inherited from her mother. If there was any chance that Katie would feel the same way about his departure then he had been right to come: to silence those fears and temper that sadness.
"Alright Hunter, you can do this. Just knock on the door and say what you came here to say."
There was just one problem with that plan. He'd been so busy pumping himself up for the conversation that he hadn't given any thought to what he was going to say. He didn't want to go into this discussion stumbling all over himself, but he didn't want to stand out there too long for fear he might talk himself into leaving with everything still unsaid, and if he stood there too long without saying anything he might come off as a stalker.
He took a shaky breath and rapped his knuckles against the door.
Katie glanced through the peephole before opening the door. She glanced down and smiled to herself when she realized who was standing her hallway. She hadn't seen Shawn Hunter in a month but she had relived that kiss almost every single night as she was lying in bed. Had he been thinking about her too, she wondered.
She opened the door and greeted him with bright eyes and a big smile.
"Shawn, hi."
Standing there he realized he could have prepared an entire speech and it wouldn't have made a difference. The second he saw her all the words would have fled from his mind, just as they were doing now.
"Hi," he smiled back nervously.
Why was he here?
"Uh, Maya's not here right now," she said, as a strand of bangs fell into her eyes when she tilted her head.
"Yeah, no, I know. I just saw her at the bakery." He said pointing behind him.
She nodded in understanding. "Okay...so then what are you doing here Shawn?"
Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he had misread the situation. Now that he was standing here he was having second thoughts. It had been a really long time since he had come to a woman with his heart in his hands and it hadn't worked out for him so well the last time.
He thought again to the contents in the time capsule and the way he had felt when he saw them again. The end had been heartbreaking but the relationship itself had been beautiful. Loving someone that actually loved you back was the greatest feeling a person could aspire to. He wanted that again. He didn't know if he and Katie could have that or not, but if there was even a chance, he had to take it.
"Actually...I came to see you." He said.
"Oh."
Katie didn't know what else to say. The last thing she had expected was for him to show up here, wanting to talk to her. She couldn't blame him for not coming around or messaging after what happened at Christmas. By that point she had already done everything in her power to push him away. Yet here he was standing in her doorway, here to see her.
"Yeah, I'm going out of town," there was that look again; the same one Maya had when he told her, "and I didn't want to go without telling you first."
Katie's stomach turned over when he had said that he was leaving. Kermit hadn't even bothered to give her that much. He'd simply gone on the world's longest milk run known to man. Even though she knew he was nothing like her ex-husband, every time she heard those words she couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever see that person again, and if she was being honest she wanted to see him again.
"W-why would you want to tell me that you're going?" She asked a bit flustered.
"Cards on the table?" He asked as he exhaled slowly, needing a moment to gather his courage. This was going to be the most difficult confession he'd made in years.
"I see the look Maya gets every time I tell her I'm leaving, like she's afraid I'm not going to come back. That's from her father...and how he hurt her. But he hurt you too. I want you to know when I go because I want you to believe me when I say I'm coming back...because I don't ever want to hurt her or you the way he did."
Katie's heart skipped a beat at his words. It had been so long since anyone had taken her feelings into consideration, even longer since someone had seen through her defenses. She pretended to be over what happened, as if she had walked away without a scratch, but Shawn knew better.
"Look I know that you've said that you think we should just be friends, and the last thing I want is to push you into something you don't want or disrespect your wishes, so if that's really what you want just tell me and we can pretend this conversation never happened."
When Katie said nothing he continued to speak.
"But here's the thing, something happened. After Angela left me, I gave up on relationships. I didn't date. I didn't invest. I just bounced around doing my job and kept to myself because I didn't want to get hurt again. And then one day, Christmas actually, I came for a visit and this amazing young girl called me out for mistreating her friend...which made me want to be a better friend. And I found myself investing in her because she made me care about things that I hadn't in a long time. And then I met that girl's mom; a woman who is devoted to her daughter in every way and a little on the sassy side, and so much more beautiful than she realizes. And knowing her made me want to be a better man. That girl and her mother; they changed my life, and somewhere between meeting them and standing at this door I realized that I don't want to give up. I wanna try, Katie. I want us to try."
Katie wanted to say yes, but she couldn't find the word. In fact, she couldn't find any words. He had rendered her completely speechless. She knew exactly how he felt. She had resigned herself to the realization that it would always be just her and Maya long ago. But here was this man who cared about Maya, who cared about her, who wanted to try. If any man on the planet was worth the risk she had come to the conclusion it was Shawn Hunter.
Finally she found her voice.
"Shawn-" she began but he cut her off before she could say anything more.
"You don't have to answer right now. I know that there are no guarantees and I understand why you're so cautious. I thought I did before, but I didn't then. I really get it now. I just...I just want you to think about it...about what I said...and about how it felt when we kissed. Because if there's a chance you felt how I did in that moment, then I think we could really be something together."
If she hadn't been certain before she definitely was now. Where did men like him come from? She had never met someone so considerate of other people's feelings, so respectful of their hopes, dreams or concerns. He was leaving the ball entirely in her court and offering her time to decide.
She opened the door wider with a smile, "would you like to come in," she invited.
"I would, but I should probably go."
"Because you don't want to pressure me?" She asked coyly.
He nodded with a smile, "that and the fact I still need to pack."
They both chuckled; either at his response or out of sheer nerves.
"Did Maya put you up to this," she asked suspiciously.
"She may have mentioned something, but I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to. I just...didn't want to leave without letting you know I feel...and now you know."
She smiled brightly at his response.
"Now I know. You know, Maya really wants this to happen, between us," she replied.
He chuckled again. The young girl had obviously been pushing both of them toward this conversation. There was nothing that girl couldn't do when she put her mind to it.
"Oh believe me I know, but I don't want it to, unless it's what all three of us wants."
She pursed her lips sideways, as if contemplating his words.
"So when do you head out," she asked.
"Tomorrow. The sooner I go, the sooner I get back." For the first time he was really looking forward to his return.
Before he had a moment to comprehend what was happening she stepped out of her apartment and pulled him for a gentle kiss, her hand grasping his jacket to pull him closer. As she pulled back she smiled devilishly.
"Uh, wow! What was that for?"
She shrugged casually.
"Just something for you to think about while you're gone."
She hadn't planned on kissing him, but she didn't regret it either. They said their goodbyes and parted ways. She leaned back against the closed door, still feeling their kiss linger on her lips.
Shawn turned to exit the building, a large grin on his face.
"Looks like you still got it Hunter."
He couldn't wait to get back home and hopefully repeat that experience.
