Another Day Aboard the Merry
Confronting The Queer
I couldn't sleep a bit the night before.
Nami…Vivi…Nami…Vivi…Nami…Vivi…Nami…Vivi…
-POP-
Ow, I think a brain vessel just popped.
Take it easy Screaver. No need to kill yourself now. Michael said.
Did I really sound like that?
Kinda. But I understand what you meant. Your life sucked so badly that if you could have ended it for a good cause then you would have. But that isn't the same now your here.
You do know me well Michael-san.
I am in your head after all. He replied.
-BAM-
The entire ship shook. I looked out and saw that a huge bird had fallen onto the ship. And I mean HUGE! Like the size of an elephant huge.
Luffy and the others were making so much noise that I shouted, "HEY! I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE!"
They all looked at me. Luffy shouted, "HEY SCREAVER! I GOT SOME MEAT FOR US!"
I shrugged and gave a long moan. "That's great Luffy." I said in a depressed manner and hopped down.
I walked over to them and looked at the bird as they were all talking.
Sanji noticed me and asked, "Say Screaver, you feeling ok? You look like hell."
I shrugged. "Really, cause I feel like crap."
Luffy laughed at that. Chopper walked over and asked, "Do you feel sick?"
I smiled at him and patted him on the head. "It's not a medical problem Chopper, but I appreciate the concern."
Usopp looked me and asked, "What kind of problem is it then?"
I just smiled at all of them and said, "It's nothing, really. Nothing to worry about right now."
I tried to give them a hopeful look and they seemed to drop it.
Nami walked up the steps and announced, "Listen guys. We'll be landing in Arabasta soon and this is no time to be acting like a pack of hyenas!"
We came forwards to the deck as Vivi was informing Chopper on what was happening in Arabasta.
I kept quiet in the conversation as they listed the agents and their numbers.
All I could really say that I remember from the whole conversation was the fact that I killed Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine.
Yeah…good times.
Everyone went about there normal business as I was still deep in though. I tried to get my mind off of the subject but…I CAN'T! IT'S MY FUTURE!
"Um…Screaver." Vivi asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts.
When I saw her, for a moment she looked just like she did in the future, and then changed back into regular Vivi. I rubbed my eyes and asked, "Do you need something?"
She was looking guilty. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have done what I did. It clearly upset you."
I jumped up and said quickly, "NO NO! It's alright! Really! I just had a REALLY bad dream and…I have a lot on my mind."
She looked concerned. "What is it? No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you about something so personal."
I smiled at her, how she was acting so cute and not even realizing it. "It's fine Vivi, if your concerned, it's ok if you ask. It just that, well, that dream I had has given me a lot to think about."
"Like what?" She asked again.
"Well, about the future. What I need to do and choices I need to make."
She looked confused.
I shrugged. "It's very complicated."
She crossed her arms and asked, "Maybe I could help! What was the dream about?"
"NO! I can't say that!" I said quickly. She seemed shocked.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just need some time." I said.
She seemed to understand and said, "I'll leave you alone then. And for the record, whatever choices you make, I'm sure you'll make the right choice."
She smiled at me and went into the ship.
I groaned in agony.
Seriously, why did you tell me my future ahead of time?
Because in my experience, whenever you don't know any better, you always choose the wrong decision! Michael said.
Because I'm a screw up?
Why else? He said.
"What's with you lately?" Nami asked, freaking me out as she appeared out of nowhere.
Or maybe she walked up to me and I just didn't notice her.
"Oh, hi Nami." I said timidly.
"You seem really out of it. Is something wrong?" She asked me.
I gave her a timid smile and said, "Nothing really, just a bad dream."
"Oh." She said unimpressed. But here tone changed as she asked, "Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm always here."
I nodded. "Say Nami. Can I ask you something?"
She looked at me curiously and said, "I guess so."
"Do you…you know what, never mind." I said, quickly trying to leave.
She blocked my path and said, "You can ask me Screaver."
"Well…" I tried to ask, "Do you…um…do…you…"
"Do I love you?" She finished my sentence.
I was shocked that she picked up on what I was trying to say. I nodded.
She took a long look at me and said, "I don't really know. I do like you, that's for sure but…I don't know if I love you just yet."
I looked down and sadly said, "Oh. I see."
She shook her head and quickly said, "But that doesn't mean I won't! I mean, I could love you, if you keep up what you're doing right. You need to, impress me."
I gave her a funny look. "I carried you up a huge, motherfucking mountain so you could get medical treatment! If that can't impress you I don't know what will!"
She looked upset. "You said you wouldn't use that against me!"
"Oh right, sorry. But still!" I remarked.
She sighed. "Well, first you need to finally pay me back all the berri you owe me, then we'll talk."
"Still? Not even a discount?" I tried to say.
She glared at me. "Fine fine, 200,000 berri coming up." I told her.
She smiled at that response, and was about to turn away before I said, "One more thing."
She turned to me and was looking impatient. "Anything else?"
"If you're going to decide about this, please do it soon." I said.
She shrugged. "Pay me back and we'll talk." She repeated, and went inside.
"I might not be here by then." I said quietly.
Sanji was confronting Luffy about eating all the food we had left.
Luffy was trying to not look guilty, but was looking so guilty in the process!
Seriously, he couldn't lie if his life depended on it.
"Don't lie to me Luffy! Tell me what you know right now." Sanji said angrily.
Luffy was looking away and was sweating a lot. Sanji got close to his face and pulled his head to face him.
"Don't look away from me! I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth!" Sanji said, getting even angrier.
Luffy's face slipped out from Sanji's hand and said in the most guilt full manner, "Noooo idea what you mean Sanji. I don't know anything?"
"Then let me ask you." Sanji continued, "How did enough food for nine people, which I carefully divided up so that it would last until we reached Arabasta, suddenly go missing in the middle of the night?"
Luffy was looking back and forth, sticking his lips out I guess, and was sweating even more than usual.
Sanji was about to give up, when I shouted, "Hey Luffy, what's that on your lips? It looks like chicken!"
Luffy freaked out and shouted, "OH NO! I FORGOT ABOUT THE CRUMBS!"
Sanji immediately turned around with a expression of pure anger and kicked Luffy across the ship, shouting, "I KNEW IT WAS YOU!"
-BAM-
Luffy's face collided with the side of the ship.
He turned to Nami and said daintily, "Hey Nami, we need to do something. We need a better way of keeping the food safe from Luffy."
He was smiling at her and, for some reason, making smoke hearts form out of the end of his cigarette as he pleaded, "Can we please buy a refrigerator that locks?"
She had a cautious look on her face as she said, "Well, maybe. Might be a good idea. Since it could be a matter of life and death."
Sanji bowed to her and turned to the other three fishin on the side of the ship, Usopp, Chopper, and Carue. They had just swallowed their last bites of food as Sanji walked slowly over to them.
Usopp announced, "Well, we really do need to catch something for Sanji!"
The others grunted in agreement.
"So," Sanji said trying to contain his rage, "how's the fishing going?"
They all smiled at him with scared looks on their faces. They were sweating more than Luffy.
Usopp was speaking for all of them as he said, "Well it's a…a…heheh…"
They all turned back to the ocean scared shitless as Sanji put one hand on Usopp's head and the other on Carue's head.
He chuckled slightly as he…
-BANG-
…slammed all their head's together, smashing Usopp's and Carue's head into Chopper's head.
They all fell to the ground.
Maybe they'll learn not to eat all the food next time.
I was up in the crows nest, looking through all my stuff. My guitar was completely nonfunctional, the water damage from being covered in snow for several days was too much for it. I frowned as I sat it to the side.
I was also desperately trying to put that vision from my mind, so I tried to think of anything not related to Vivi or Nami.
It didn't go well as you could imagine.
We hadn't eaten in a day or two. Since Luffy ate all the food in that one day, there had been no breakfast, lunch, or dinner! My hypoglycemia wasn't helping the situation as well.
I tried to sleep it off, but before I could…
-WHOOSH-
A huge amount of hot steam engulfed me and the ship. I could hear everybody complaining and coughing at the steam.
What…-cough-…the hell…-cough-…is going on?" I shouted.
"We…-cough-are passing…-cough-…through…-cough-…a hot spot!" Usopp shouted at me.
The steam soon cleared and we continued on. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard…
"AAAAAHH!"
Luffy and Usopp shouting in terror. Then I heard a splash, a girl sounding voice cry out for help, and then some more splashing.
I looked over and saw…
Oh Jesus no!
I saw…A QUEEEEEEEER!
It was a guy, I think. But it was wearing a pink coat, blue puffy pants, ballet slippers and it's hairy legs were showing!
It was HOOOOOOORRIBLE!
Now don't go all judging me. Just because I'm from Texas doesn't mean I'm a gay-hater. In fact, that stereotype is pretty stupid. But this guy…no…this THING scared the ever-loving shit out of me.
I know he was meant to be funny looking in the anime, but in real life it was like...BUUUUGH!
Worst of all it wore make up! MAKE UP! On what's suppose to be a guy!
"I thought I was going to die for a minute." The queer said. It was all soaked in water, breathing heavily. It sounded like a wussy man.
He got up and gave a freakishly huge smile and said, "HEEY! You saved my life! I never imagine my life to be saved by a group of complete strangers. Thanks again! I'll never forget your kindness!"
I was looking down at the guy talking with everyone. At least he was polite.
I know this guy from somewhere. But where?
He looked up at Vivi and grew a strange smile as he said in a seductive manner, "Oh hey! You're an absolute cutey aren't you? Oh yeah! SEXY!"
The instant he blew her a kiss is when I pulled out my new bazooka.
"Keep it up and your gay ass goes back in the ocean!" I shouted.
He raised his eyebrow at me and said, "OOH! You're a feisty little one aren't you?"
I shuttered. "Great, now I need to take a bath."
"So…" Luffy interrupted, "you really can't swim huh?"
He looked at Luffy and shrugged. "That's right, you see I ate a devil fruit. So I can't even swim a little bit."
"What kind of fruit?" Usopp asked.
The queer got to his feet and said, "Let's see. Well since I can't go anywhere until my ship picks me up there's no harm in a little fun! For saving my life, I'LL SO YOU!"
Luffy grined wildly as the ballerina put up his fists and shouted, "Now, get ready. THIS IS MY POWEEEEER!"
-BAM-
He hit Luffy in the head, sending him flying into the wall.
Zoro drew his swords, Usopp yelped in fear, I aimed my bazooka at him.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold on a second!" I heard Luffy's voice shout. "This is all for a little fun remember?"
It was Luffy, but he was wearing the same clothes that ballerina was wearing. And That same ballerina…wait…HOLY SHIT HE TURNED INTO LUFFY?
How could I forget? This guy with the power to change into others by touching there faces?
The gay/Luffy guy was twirling around as the regular Luffy got back up and stared in awe. We all did.
"FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN! HEEHEHEEHEHAAHAHAA!" The gay/Luffy cheered. "And if I touch my face with my left hand…"
-POLOOP-
He immediately changed back to his normal look, if you could call it normal, like the scene made a jump cut.
"I'm back to normal!" He said in his regular voice. "Now that is the power of the Clone Clone Fruit you see!"
We were all shocked. Usopp said in disbelief, "The body and the voice matched perfectly!"
As we all looked, he touched Nami's, Usopp's, Chopper's, and Zoro's faces. Sanji wasn't here and I was still up in the crows nest.
"There! But honestly I didn't really have to slap you around like that."
He grew a big smile as he lifted his right hand. "Kay? Now watch…"
-POLOOP-
He shifted to Usopp. "All I have to do…"
-POLOOP-
He changed into Zoro. "…is touch my right hand to you!"
-POLOOP-
He shrunk to Chopper's form. "As you can see I can mimic anyone…"
-POLOOP-
I gulped as he turned into Nami. "That's not all! I can change…"
She/he opened his/her shirt. "…bodies too!"
I fell out of the crows nest in front of him/her.
-THUD-
I looked up and saw…Nami's…beautiful beautiful beautiful breasts!
Wait! They aren't Nami's!
They pretty much are the same thing!
I continued to stare for a few seconds as…
-BAM- -BAM-
…The real Nami hit him and me over the head, forcing him to return to normal.
"STOP THAT!"
"Sorry." I quietly moaned.
My back hurt, my head hurt, I was about to fall unconscious as Luffy tried to shake me back awake.
"HEY SCREAVER! WAKE UP!"
I made some mumbling and gurgling sounds.
"He'll be fine." Nami said.
"Screaver! Say something!" Vivi insisted.
How could you have problems choosing between them? Michael asked me.
How about you mind your own damn business!
I woke up again with my head resting on something soft and warm.
"Ugh…Who is…"
I looked up and saw Vivi wiping my forehead with a cloth.
I jumped up and freaked out. "WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW THE HELLINGTON POST!"
I looked at Vivi who seemed shocked by my outburst of stupidity and looked around. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper were dancing with the gay guy and Nami was looking at me with her arms crossed. Her face showed that she was upset and she looked away quickly.
"Ima goona keel that fuckface!" I said as I was about to go over there and…keel that gay guy!
Before I could, his ship pulled up next to ours.
Why do I know it's his ship.
Because it was as gay as he was! A swan head, pink sails, and just oozing with gayness!
GAYNESS!
He hopped up to our railing, gave us a teary good bye, and hopped onto his ship just as his men shouted, "YES SIR MR. 2, MR. BON CLAY SIR!"
Then his ship sped off into the horizon.
"WHAT? THAT WAS MR. 2?"
I knew of course. I guess...
