Quora; Aphrodite gets roasted.

Ahh. Back to me.

After Hephaestus summoned Xeris to Olympus, he laid her on a couch.

She looks too beautiful for me, Hephaestus thought. She was Aphrodite, he was, well, him; a depressed blacksmith with serious hair growth issues.

Ever since she kissed him the last time, Hephaestus couldn't go a whole five minutes without thinking about Xeris. She understood him, she looked past his appearance and told him what he could do. She gave Aphrodite a taste of her own medicine without thinking of the consequences, and just to defend him.

Seriously, Aphrodite's consequences can be HARSH. We all know about that one time with Psyche. Then there was Myrrah, who suffered the for her mother's boasting and got a serious case of Electra complex. Then there's Hippomenes and Hippolytus. And a few others.

Speaking of consequences; Dionysus was the one who sent Hephaestus to get Xeris so she could escape Annabeth's wrath.

I'm sure you're like, "Coward. Can't he just get her by himself?" But for one, Dionysus was very angry, and that meant bad things. He didn't want Xeris to see him as a bad person just because he killed her prospective suitor.

Secondly; He was also very, very drunk. Since the party he took at least three bottles of wine for every guy Xeris hung out with. He finally accumulated thirty bottles in less than two days. He couldn't just go to Xeris looking, smelling and acting over intoxicated.

Hephaestus said he would do that. What he didn't say is that he might do something else.

Big yikes. And I don't even mean what all you dirty minded people are thinking.

He wanted to marry her. And that's waay worse.

"Marry her? How would you want to marry her when your married a Chiquita like moi?" Aphrodite said, flaunting herself.

Hephaestus frowned. "We technically divorced after that incident with the golden net."

"They just returned your gifts to you. There was no legal contract, no signed papers, and other boring stuff like that," Aphrodite said.

"Oh, so now you want to prove we're married? Then I say we're not!"

"Never! I'm the most beautiful goddess of all, you can't just leave me for this newly improved wannabe!"

"Why? You said you would gladly leave me for Ares as soon as he learns how to make jewelry."

"Because—" Aphrodite started. Why didn't she want him to leave her? He was blocking her from marrying her macho man. And she was embarrassed by him because, duh? Limping, ugly blacksmith.

Aphrodite decided to say what she knew Hephaestus has always wanted to hear. "Because I love you, and I don't see a reason we should be apart,"

Hephaestus doubled over laughing. "Oh, say that again, this time less lying." He said and still laughed.

"I mean what I said alright!" Aphrodite said.

She didn't even know if she was lying. She thought she only liked him for the jewelry and other things he made her. But she also appreciated that he helped her when she needed it, like that weaving contest with Athena.

"I'm going to marry her, and that's it. You can do whatever you want after that." Hephaestus said.

"I'm the goddess of marriage, I forbid it! And you should know that Dionysus would never allow it." Aphrodite said.

"He somehow owes me for that incident that led to Priapus." Hephaestus pointed out.

Priapus is some god of gardens and whatever. He's so ugly you can't believe he's a child of Dionysus and Aphrodite. I'm sure Aphrodite Hephaestused that guys butt the minute she saw him.

"Oh really? I thought you said you forgave him for that incident." Dionysus said after appearing out of nowhere.

"What do you plan to do with my queen?I just got up two minutes ago." Dionysus said calmly.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" Aphrodite snickered.

Xeris picked that moment to wake up.

"Wh—what's g—going on here?" Xeris said weakly.

"My jewel, how are you?" Hephaestus asked.

Dionysus stared at him coldly.

"Lord Hephaestus, as you can see I am suffering from minor cephalalgia and an afterglow. I do not have the appropriate reasoning or the stamina to retort to such petty sobriquets," Xeris said. She can become quite a professor when she's angry.

"As I can recall, before I was transported here by deity travel I was inebriated and having an interlocution with Perseus where he asked me a frivolous question that I shall not repeat. It seems that I quealed from fatigue, excessive alcohol and astonishment. Now I was roused by your squabbling and I demand an elucidation." Xeris said seriously.

Dionysus and Hephaestus laughed.

"You are so weird," Dionysus said.

"What do you suggest is abnormal about my behavior, Lord Dionysus?" Xeris asked.

"Can I say something here? I was just about explaining what's going on until this wannabe woke up." Aphrodite said

"Then proceed with your attempt to clarify this set-up," Xeris said.

"Hephaestus wants to marry you, Xeris." Aphrodite said calmly.

Dionysus was abou close to driving Hephaestus insane.

"Hold up Wine dude. I'll talk to him," Xeris said and stood up.

"Dragon father, speak up." Xeris said.

Hephaestus wasn't afraid. He didn't really care if Dionysus drove him crazy or decided to turn him into a dolphin. (though really, I would.) He just wanted Xeris.

"I know this is sudden and strange, but will you be my wife, Cryxeris Tribecca Sanchez, Princess of Xeris?" Hephaestus asked.

"Oh, I pity anybody you have to propose to in the future." Xeris said.

"Why? That was blunt and straight forward, wasn't it?" Hephaestus said.

"But that's me, not some girly girl who wants her proposal to be "dreamy" and "unforgettably romantic". " Xeris said.

"So what should I say? I'm not all that good with—"

"Organic lifeforms? That's obvious. Hera really made you in her image didn't she. Now, you be, let's say Aphrodite? And I be you." Xeris suggested.

Hephaestus glared at Aphrodite for three whole seconds.

Then he spoke in a high pitched stereotypical teenager's voice; "Um my gods I'm Aphrodite, you know, goddess of beauty and love and whtevar! I'm, like, the most beautiful person in forever! And, like who are you? Grr-rooss! You're not like, worthy of me. I mean, how can that get married to this?"

"No fair! I say like, like, three times in like one sentence!" Xeris mocked and they burst out laughing.

Dionysus was obviously jealous. He didn't want to be a third wheel. So he does what every jealous boyfriend does when they're at their weakest hour.

"Ooh, I'm the goddess of love and beauty and whatever who loses brain cells every time I don't wear make up."

"I'm still here, by the way!" Aphrodite said.

"Yeah. Back to business." Xeris said.

"What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in and you kicking me out?

You've got my head spinning,

No kidding.

I can't, Pin you down.

What's going on in that beautiful mind?

I'm on your magical mystery ride.

And I'm soo dizzy,

Don't know what hit me,

I won't, be alright.

Until you accept my token and be my wife."

"you're crazy!" Hephaestus said

"And I'm out of my mind.

"Cause all of me,

Loves all of you.

Love your curves and all your edges.

All your perfectly perfect perfections.

Give your all to me,

I'll give my all to you.

You're my end and my beginning.

Even when I lose I'm winning." Xeris said and offered her hand to Hephaestus. Boys being boys, he took it.

And they danced.

"Cause I give you all, all, all, of me.

I'll also make, you, a lot, of jewelry." Xeris sang.

"Did you say jewelry?!" Hephaestus said.

"Marry me, Aphrodite, and you shall have the finest jewelry in the pantheon. I shall make what you wish, if you promise—"

"To love me forever." They both said.

That's it, Dionysus thought.

"What a wonderful performance!" He said loudly.

"Yeah, performance, right," Hephaestus muttered.

"And I should know. I'm the patron of theatre. I think you should go back to camp, Xeris." Dionysus said.

"Yeah. Chiron's gonna kill me." Xeris said.

"I'll talk to him. Anything else you want to say?" Dionysus asked.

"Yep. See you around, Dragon father." Xeris said and teleported back to camp and off to sleep.