Notes:

The stories of Arlathan are all based on codex's found in the game, but the interpretation of events are all mine for the purpose of this story. I hope you'll enjoy what I did with it.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text

Arlathan

I sneer as the magical restraints hold me in place - tied to a tree on my knees. In my anger and desire to confront Andruil about her use of Devotion, I walked right into her trap. I thought her too wary of Mythal to go anywhere near the Titans' domain, but it appears I was wrong. Bound and trapped in the forest, the chasm below is vast and treacherous. It is insanity that I am actually hoping for a Titan to take notice. While we are at peace, the truce is an uneasy one at best. Andruil smiles at me with a savage lust that has my insides turning. I do not fight against the restraints. I will not give her the pleasure of seeing my distress.

"What is it you hope to achieve by this?" I ask managing to keep my voice even.

"Well, your-" she licks her lips tasting the word, "- devotion of course." She cackles with satisfaction knowing I understand her meaning. She crouches in front of me and forces her lips against mine. I turn my head away and spit on the ground, but her expression remains amused.

"What did you do to it?"

"Now now, little wolf. I warned you not to hunt halla, did I not? But don't worry. She is not far and she faring quite well."

"I'll believe it when I see it," I scoff.

"Very well."

She rises to her feet, and behind Andruil I see a golden halla appear. Where I used to see a spirit of Devotion it has now manifested itself physically. In my aim to save Devotion, my pride may have pushed her into the arms of Andruil.

"Devotion…" I look up at her, my heart wrenching in my chest as the name spills from my lips.

"So beautiful, and mine ," Andruil cooes as she strokes the halla's face lovingly.

"She is not yours! The people are not for you to own!"

"You're right. She is not a slave, but an equal. Which is why I have uplifted her. Ghilan'nain, come here, ma sa lath ."

My insides cringe at the name. The destruction of the countless creatures had been her own doing all along. Do I truly love her so much that it has blinded me from all reason?

" Vhenan , did she harm you?" Even now I can't control my worry as I look at her.

Ghilan'nain steps forward and changes before my eyes. Where once stood a golden halla there is now an elven woman with ashen hair far beyond her waist, dark deerlike eyes, and golden antlers of a halla. Her face void of the vallaslin, and she is dressed in robes of white and gold. No, she is not Andruil's slave. She is one of the Evanuris.

"No, she offered me everything. You know how I love the creatures of this world. Now I can protect them, and create new ones." She walks over to me and kneels. "Solas, think of the world the three of us can create. We can shape it into a paradise, as we always hoped it would be. We can create perfect creatures."

"And dispose of those who do not live up to your expectations of perfection? What of the people who already suffer in this world? You have seen this firsthand." I struggle for breath as I look up at her. Devotion… Ghilan'nain is truly one of the most beautiful creations ever made. Everything about her is created to ensnare me. The dark tones of her skin, the depth in her eyes, long smooth hair, and petite figure.

"People are vicious and cruel. They're not worth saving." She releases a deep sigh as she gets to her feet.

Andruil laughs and crouches down to look at me.

"Oh, see the fear in his eyes. A fearful little wolf. Calm yourself Fen'Harel ." She ensnares the invented title along her tongue with pleasure. "But don't despair. As recompense you may serve me in my bed."

The lust in her eyes fills my heart with disgust, but it is nothing compared to the indifference in Ghilan'nain's. My eyes do not waver from Ghilan'nain.

"Why? Why would you do this? I loved you!"

"Because I love you!" Ghilan'nain cries out at me. "We were happy, but you chose Mythal over me. Then you turned from me further by devoting yourself to the People rather than the creatures. You used to be a spirit of pure Purpose and Wisdom. Now you have been corrupted into Pride." Tears stream from her eyes as she falls to her knees before me and caresses my face. " Ma sa lath , come back to me."

I recoil from her in anger and disgust.

"I am not the only one twisted against their purpose, Obsession ."

Her eyes darken with rage as she gets to her feet.

"Too much pride," she hisses and Anduril cackles.

"He will be ours yet," Anduril comforts Ghilan'nain before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

Energy can be felt from the ground as stone and lyrium arise from it. The Profane stomps towards us, its eyes intent on Anduril.

"No! He's mine!" The profane controlled by Anaris hisses. "You think Mythal can slaughter one of my people and get away with it? I will have her feel the sorrow of losing one of her own!" It points to me without looking. "For ages I have waited for an opportunity to get vengeance for our dead. His head is mine!" Anaris turns to me as energy crackles around him in rage. "Your silver tongue will not save you this time, wolf!"

"Are you prepared to fight us for him? That will end poorly for you." Anduril smirks. "What do you say, Ghilan'nain?"

"Do with him as you like. I care not for the People, only my creatures." Her voice is detached even as she turns to me. "I loved my proud wolf, but he has become perverted and impure."

My heart hardens as I watch Ghilan'nain vanish into the forest. Anaris and Andruil are still arguing. In a moment they will engage in combat - both of them are too filled with hatred and vengeance for it to end any other way. But they are mistaken if they think they can take me alive.

Present

It was Ghilan'nain who taught me not to trust. She who showed me that sacrifices are necessary and staying detached is the only way to truly achieve an end. It is only fitting that I take the woman who helped me unlearn this lesson to a place where Ghilan'nain was once worshipped. I look up at the statues of Ghilan'nain as we walk into the grove. Mona tenses and seems more uneasy than I had expected.

I look at Mona as I remember Ghilan'nain, and she is so different. Her physical appearance alone - the curve of her figure, the tone of her skin, her eyes and her hair - that she is human is the least of it. Her personality as well has nuances Ghilan'nain never did. There is still that devotion, tenacity and love of animals, but it is tempered by thoughtfulness, kindness, and forgiveness. A paranoid part of me wonders if she was indeed created to ensnare me the way Ghilan'nain was, but Mona is not so naive nor single minded - and never as callous.

"The veil is thin here. Can you feel is on your skin, tingling?"

"Yes…" she leans into my touch, but I can sense the sadness in her. It is a sudden realisation as to why that might be, and I could kick myself for not coming to the conclusion earlier.

"I took you here before, didn't I?"

A small, breathless, but sad chuckle escapes her.

"Yes, but we are different people this time. At least I hope so."

"As do I. I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me."

She takes my hand and places it in the middle of her chest.

"You don't have to, Solas. You're my heart."

"And you, mine... I had never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the fade, and make my burdens seem lesser. You have become important to me. More important than I could have imagined."

"Well, I did have some inkling." Despite the heavy sadness in her eyes there is mirth too. Hope that this time will be different. I know her well enough to know that whatever occurred here before hurt her deeply - I hurt her. This time I must do it differently. I chuckle as I caress her cheek fondly.

"Now, that does not surprise me… So, what I must tell you… the truth..."

I pause as I look down into her eyes and I see her chest heaving. Fear and hurt lingering in her expression held back by that small amount of hope that this time I am different.

"My vallaslin… it was Mythal's, but I was not her slave."

The sorrow I have seen in her eyes all night turns into confusion, and I feel some hope myself. If this surprises her then this conversation has already changed and the outcome she fears may not come to pass.

"Alright… I believe there is more to it than that?" There is patience, but also some concern in her expression as she asks.

"Yes. Remember the story of Anduril having me in chains and fighting with Anaris over me?"

At that she gives a rueful smile.

"Merrill retold it not an hour ago, and I'm an expert on the Dread Wolf." She leans in and gives me a soft kiss with that irresistible mirth on her lips. "The foremost expert, don't you agree?"

I chuckle unbidden at her teasing and lean in for another kiss. I must tell her everything. With a sigh I lean my brow against hers and let my hands run down her shoulders and arms.

"Even an expert can acquire new knowledge," I tease and she grins. To my relief that sorrow and grief has almost vanished. This time history need not repeat itself.

"Then enlighten me, hahren ." There is some good natured mocking to the title which makes me smile.

"Mythal had me take physical form during the war with the Titans. Then later sent me to broker a treaty with them to end the war. After Andruil went into the void, and broke the treaty eons later, I was supposed to keep Andruil in line - direct her purpose - but instead I became her slave. For a long while I was hers to do with as she pleased, and Mythal tolerated it as long as I could win back the trust of the Titans. When I broke free I removed my vallaslin and fled to join Mythal."

"I don't know where to start… Why didn't you tell me?"

I lower my head in shame, but she turns her head so that her eyes meet mine.

"You're afraid of Andruil."

"Yes, but not for myself. You must understand, I made enemies of all the Evanuris, but none hate me as much as she. For her, the motive for revenge is also fuelled by passion. Regardless of the defeat of Corypheus, I must deal with the Evanuris. Things were set in motion long ago that I cannot stop now. I concealed my past to protect you, thinking that the less you knew of me the safer you would be if something went awry." I reach for her cheek, and to my relief she leans into it as patiently and lovingly as ever. "She used my heart against me once before. The thought of her hurting you to get to me was too much. I assumed if you didn't know of my dealings with her, you would be safe, that she would be convinced that I couldn't possibly love a mortal human."

I pull her to me and rest her brow against mine.

"But I was wrong to keep you in the dark. So wrong. Forgive me, my heart."

"I understand…"

Forgiveness and acceptance are all that I see in her eyes. Had the Evanuris had but a fraction for her decency, none of this would ever have come to pass.

"There is something else I must tell you. A prophecy of sorts was revealed to me. One about a wolf and a scorpion." I begin trying to find the right words, but Mona interrupts her eyes widening.

"The scorpion asks the wolf for passage across a river, persuading the wolf that stinging it would be suicide. Halfway across it does so regardless, because it could not fight against its nature?"

"Yes, how do you-"

"It's a very old tale from my world… Who told you?"

"Imshael."

"And how did he know it?"

"From one of Anduril's guardians, I believe."

"The Evanuris are already starting to influence things here?"

"It would seem so, but that is hardly surprising with the actions of Corypheus. We closed the breech quickly, but it might have been enough time for some of the Evanuris to reach out."

She begins to pace back and forth, but I reach for her shoulders.

"This changes nothing," I attempt to reassure her. "My feelings for you are unchanged and I trust you."

"Solas, this changes everything… So we must make sure it changes nothing." She murmurs to herself.

"When I retrieve the orb I will tear down the veil immediately and deal with this threat. Tell me how to save it and I can..." I trail off as I hear my words.

I cannot ask her to carry the burden of all this death. I pull back and look down into her eyes. This was the last thing I wanted. I brought her here to show her what she means to me. What an important part of my life she has become.

She takes a step back and I see the fear and worry in her eyes. But this is my heart and I know her. The concern is not for herself - its for me. "Nothing has changed… and I don't know how to save it... I can't believe I'm doing this." She gives pained chuckle. "You were right. This was too impulsive."

In her eyes I find no uncertainty. She knew this was coming long before I did. I'm realising now, what she already knows, I have to pull away or I will have betrayed myself - my people. They need me even more than I need her. My heart aches and I look down briefly at her lips. I could kiss her and forget everything. It would be so easy to just turn my back on my people and be happy with her. And yet, that is the only thing I can't do.

"Even in this you surprise me. I'm sorry. I should have ended this long before. I never meant to hurt you." I hope she hears the sincerity in my words.

"So should I." She gives a trembling sigh as she brushes my face lovingly. "How can I make this easier for you?"

I nearly let a pained chuckle slip. Anything would have been easier to bear than her looking at me with such compassion and affection. Though she remains composed and is controlling her feelings with a remarkable grace, I can see it in her eyes. The heartbreak I'm causing her - causing myself. To know not only the extent of the pain I'm inflicting, but to know she has been expecting it - possibly for some time now… it nearly undoes my resolve. My every muscle cries out it agony wanting to pull her close. But her offer would suggest she knows this as well.

"You can't," I confess keeping my voice steady. "There is no way for this to end that will not rend my heart open."

"Then let me do this, so I can spare you this burden." She kisses me tenderly before she steps back. "A spirit denied its original purpose becomes a demon…"

She takes a deep trembled breath, and then looks up at me again. "Our goals are at odds and once Corypheus has been defeated I want you gone from the Inquisition. Thank you for pledging your aid to the Inquisition. Your help has been invaluable, Master Solas."

"I... I shall speak no more of it. Still, know that whatever happens, you are a rare spirit in this world."

"I will see you at Skyhold before the final battle. Goodbye," she gives a polite nod and walks away.

I watch as she walks out of the grove with a strength that conceals her emotions. I know her too well to assume she is immune to this. I sit down into the grass leaning my back against a boulder. My hand reaches into my pocket and clutches at the handkerchief kept there as I turn my head towards the sky looking at the moon. I close my eyes to calm my heart, but I see only her eyes. In the distance I hear wolves howling as a single tear falls.

Arlathan

Tricking Anaris and Andruil should have brought me more joy, but the memory of Ghilan'nain's betrayal haunts me. Thankfully it has not reawoken the war with the Titans, as Anaris acted on his own, but it is no longer the Titans the Evanuris should fear. It is their people. My purpose is to protect the People and their world. I should remain faithful to my purpose and not be swayed from my path. I look at my reflection in the pool of water before me - studying my vallaslin. Disgusted I turn from it and look up. Mythal walks up next to me as I look out over the mountains.

" Ir abelas, lethallin . It was never my intention for you to be harmed."

"I know… The Evanuris have lost their minds. Nothing but greed and pride governs them now."

"You are right… Something must be done. Ghilan'nain I fear is proving just as formidable as the rest despite her youth. What will you do?"

"The People… They need me. No one else cares for them."

I feel her hand resting on my shoulder.

"You are already as powerful as any of the Evanuris. You're the pride and purpose of the elven people. Give them back their dignity."

She walks away leaving me to my thoughts. I look down at my hands as they glow with power, then brush them across my face. I hiss as I feel a burn on my brow as blood drips down my nose and chin. I look into the pool of water before me and I see my face without the vallaslin. A drop of blood falls into the water sending ripples through the pond as a wolf howls in the distance.

Present - Skyhold

I stand on the barracks looking out over the mountains. It has been a day since we returned from Crestwood and I have hardly spoken with Mona since. What words we have exchanged have been civil, and as a result of our previous discretion I doubt most have even noticed a change in our relationship. I try to dull the pain in my chest with resolve, but it is much more difficult than I remember it being before. I miss her, I love her, and every moment feels like drowning. I hear footsteps behind me and turn my head briefly to see the Herald approaching. His expression is severe - even bears a bit of anger.

"Solas, this is likely the first and last time I will call you this, but you're an idiot! Why would you leave her?"

"I had no choice." I close my eyes and lower my head.

"If this is another elf thing, I'm going to punch you," he threatens, though I know it is an empty one. "She loves you. And you are irretrievably, hopelessly, all consumingly in love with her! "

"Those words carry a lot of weight." I try to push his words aside.

"But it's true. And if I was clever enough to come up with a larger word it would also be true."

He sighs and sits down on the ledge before grabbing my coat making me sit as well.

"I'm not going to pry. If you don't want to talk about it, then it's none of my business. But know that whatever you have to do or deal with, I will keep her safe for you." The look he gives me is a serious one and I can't help but feeling grateful. "And burn the living crap out of anyone trying to court her - to borrow a phrase from Bull." He grins making me laugh.

I rub my face as I release a sigh.

"That is kind, but-"

"Shut it. I don't want to hear it." He pushes the flask into my hand. "So, now that I'm done scolding you, how are you?"

"You needn't worry for me, Herald."

"Solas, the truth . I may not be clever, but I'm not stupid. "

I hesitate for a moment before I murmur; "It feels as if a part of me has been made tranquil."

He puts his arm across my back and pats the shoulder furthest away from him. We sit in silence for awhile until one of Cullen's men informs the Herald he is wanted in the war room. The Herald gives me an apologetic look before following the soldier.

I stand as I reach into my pocket for the handkerchief hidden there. I hold it tight in my hand and nearly throw it over the wall and now the slope of the mountain. I stop at the last moment. I can't let go. I lean against the wall and open the handkerchief. Inside, I look at the two golden rings engraved in elven. The sky flares and in the distance a green light fills the sky. Corypheus has chosen his last stand.

Notes:

I know! I'm sorry! There is a point to events going down like this, and hopefully it wont seem so meaningless down the line.
I hope you enjoyed the lore stuff though. It is completely my own interpretation, since we know so little. I hope it made sense and the hints I laid throughout the story regarding Solas' first love and Ghilan'nain made sense. If anything is unclear, please let me know.

Thank you so much for all your comments and support. It keeps me motivated to keep writing :)

Thanks to EmberLeo for Beta reading.