Chapter Fifty-Three: Happiness
When the world stills again, I'm standing in the courtyard at Skyhold, still holding Varric's hand. His warm light brown eyes settle on me, and my shoulders relax a little.
"Welcome home," I tell him.
"For now, anyway," he adds.
"Maybe we can spend the afternoon together," I respond. Looking around the courtyard, I don't see any of the others. "Declan probably headed straight to the War Room."
"Yeah, I think that boy's forgotten how to take a break."
"Then we need to go remind him." I grin. I look up as we walk toward the stairs that will take us to the main keep. Clear skies here at Skyhold. It's a little warmer than usual too. I catch sight of a raven gliding into the rookery.
"If you trip on the stairs because you're daydreaming, Firefly, I'm just going to watch and laugh."
I chuckle. "I would expect no less coming from you."
"Just so we're clear."
I pay closer attention to where I'm walking, taking the steps more carefully. We get a few looks from the noble guests milling around in the main hall, but we head straight for the door to the War Room. When we reach the final empty hallway, I stop him. He looks at me with a crooked eyebrow and shrugs a question.
"I never got to say hello properly…" I say quietly, feeling a bit shy.
"Ohh, I don't think they'll wait that long, Sweetness."
I giggle. "Just kiss me, dwarf."
His lips meet mine in a soft, but brief kiss, an unspoken promise. "I missed you, Firefly. You know, even after all that ugliness in that shithole, I see you again for five minutes and it already seems better."
I flash him a wide smile. "Then let's go get this "saving the world" business out of the way, shall we?"
"Save the world? But I had other plans for this afternoon…" he jokingly grumbles, and we're both laughing as I open the door to the War Room. Walking in, I see that everyone else has gathered, which makes it quite crowded around the large table. Leliana catches my eye and smiles, seeing Varric and I still holding hands.
"Did you get lost on the way here?" Tenebris asks with a chuckle.
"I thought you would go to the courtyard first," I explain, "but we're here now. What's the word, Declan?"
"I was just getting to that. Some of you haven't met our newest guest yet. This is Etiam, Ferox's middle brother. He's already been very helpful in giving us a better idea of what we can expect at Adamant with the demons."
I see my brother give a small nod of his head in acknowledgement.
Declan continues. "Etiam, these are my advisors: Cullen, Commander of the Inquisition's soldiers, Leliana, my spymaster, and Josephine, our ambassador."
"A pleasure," he says. Never a wasted movement or word. Efficiency at its best, I think. There was a time when I delighted in trying to mess with my brother's perfectly ordered systems, moving his things, or intentionally pulling pranks to throw him off his guard. Seeing him flustered brought me a sense of joy, but it, too, grew old. Now I just watch his stiff interactions with affection. That just is who Etiam is. In many ways, his personality is not that different from the spirits. I spend an amusing second imagining what my brother's purpose would be if he were a spirit. Would it be efficiency? Balance? Perfectionism? I stifle a grin at that last one. I mean, even his appearance is perfect, never a pale blonde hair out of place.
Declan looks around at the rest of us. "Now for the assignments, but I think we're already aware of what those will be. Varric, you'll be going with me to Valammar to meet your contact about this lead. Tenebris, you and Cassandra will join us. I think it would also be a good idea to have Warden Blackwall along, as we'll likely encounter darkspawn in the Deep Roads.
"Ferox, you'll lead the team bound for the Storm Coast. You, Sera, Lucis, and Alistair will go see what can be done about the 'badass' dragon. Bull wanted you to know he's quite annoyed he's going to miss it and can't believe you didn't invite him."
I grin. "He loves dragons almost as much as I do. But I've come up with a plan that I think will work."
"Good. We'll take the remainder of the day to rest and prepare. Both teams will leave together in the morning, taking the first leg of the journey together, but we'll need to hurry back after our missions are complete to prepare for the assault on Adamant."
I can almost hear a collective sigh of relief. You grow accustomed to traveling, I suppose, but there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed for a night.
Delcan asks, "Josephine, where are we on the trebuchets?"
"Lady Seryl of Jader has agreed to our request. The sappers should be delivered in about ten days."
"Then that is all, I'll see you in the morning."
Varric and I waste no time getting back to our room. He walks calmly into the bedroom, sets his things down, and proceeds to examine everything, looking at the legs of the chair and running his hands over the wall.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Looking for the damage your 'girl talk' with Bianca must have caused."
I laugh. "You finally get me alone after two weeks apart, and first thing you want to do is talk about your ex?"
"No, I just...look, I know Bianca. To be truthful, I've been a bit worried about you. Usually I get assassins when her family finds out that she's visited."
"More talking about her," I pout. "What about me?"
He grins, and before I know it he's kissing me, leaning into me, his tongue aggressive against my own. I take a step backwards, and he fills the space in front of me again, driving me until my back hits something. The door, I think. His hand slides behind my head, tangling in my braided hair, as his mouth returns, his warm lips moving against mine in a gentler, giving kiss. I respond, attempting to lean closer to capture his lips when he pulls away.
He lets go of my head and his hand moves to my shoulder, pushing me to turn around. I comply, facing the door, and his lips find a new place to explore, pulling my collar down, and kissing the back of my neck. I shiver. "Varric…" Rough hands run over my body, and I moan when I feel him press his lower body against me.
The warmth of his breath tickles my skin as his voice sounds against my ear. "Trust me, Ferox, you have my full attention." I love it when he says my name.
Some time later, I'm once again laying in our bed, wrapped in my lover's arms, feeling sated and content. He drags his fingers through my hair, now freed from its earlier braids, and I'm struck by a feeling of rightness.
"I hate that we're being separated again," I tell him.
"Yeah, not really a fan, either, but at least we have a few days together before we split up again." He inhales, a thought evidently coming to him. "Hey, do you want to go do something this evening?" he asks.
"Like what?"
I feel him shrug. "I don't know, I feel like we could use something just for fun in the midst of all this shit."
I untangle my limbs from his and sit up to look at him. "I'm game, any ideas?
"Hm, game, huh? How about a game of cards at the tavern?"
"That Wicked Grace thing you guys are always talking about? I don't even know how to play."
"Even better," he chuckles.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You'll catch on in no time. I'll invite the gang."
Turns out Varric has no real intention of teaching me to play cards, at least not tonight, although he's certainly pretending to for the sake of the others. Sitting close, our chairs pushed together, sharing a hand of cards, Varric leans in to "give me pointers", but he's really just using me as a distraction so he can cheat.
I don't mind, honestly. I doubt I'd be very good at gambling, especially the kind that involves bluffing. But keeping up conversation to keep eyes off my beloved dwarf, or responding to his flirting so he can slip a card in his sleeve or stack the deck, that I can do.
I look around at the rest of the table. Varric managed to get a few people to join, but that doesn't surprise me, really, as he's quite persuasive, and I'm sure the others could stand to blow off some steam. Tenebris is the only one from my family to show up, and he's sitting next to Declan, who is explaining the game to him.
Seeing him fitting in with the humans warms my heart. The Darkness has always been revered, but as Dorian's story mentioned, it was with a touch of fear, as well. The humans back then kept their distance, and he'd found it hard to feel like one of them; but maybe this time it can be different. I find myself wondering how things went between him and Dorian. I hadn't had a chance to ask either of them before Varric and I came back.
Josephine is the wildcard. I knew she was experienced at navigating nobles and social events, but I had no idea she'd be so good at cards. I guess it makes sense. Controlling your features and not letting on that you know what someone is really up to is what the Game is about, after all. I'm pretty sure she's realized that Varric and I aren't playing fair, but she hasn't said anything.
Cullen is a terrible card player. I'm pretty sure he's going home with empty pockets tonight. Or maybe no pockets at all, with the way Josephine is trading jabs with him. Sera and Blackwall round out the rest of the table. Sera seems more interested in the drinks than the game, but her antics just get funnier the more drinks she's had. And, for Varric's strategy, the more things pulling eyes away from us, the better.
Case in point, he trails a single finger down the side of my neck, causing me to laugh and look at him. I feel his other hand on my leg and know the card he'd stored there earlier is now back in his hand or already up his sleeve. "That tickles," I protest, smiling.
"Sorry, I'll quit distracting you," he replied, no hint of the lie in his eyes. He's good at this. I wonder about Varric's life in Kirkwall. I know he'd run a spy network. I envision Leliana's cold expression when we'd first met. I have a hard time reconciling the Varric I know with that image, but I suppose even my sweet partner has had moments of ruthlessness. Not that I'm better, of course. I'd been vengeful when I was younger, letting my emotions run free without care to who got hurt in the process. I hadn't lied, Varric does help. I feel a pang thinking about what life will be like without him when he's gone, but it quickly passes. I'm too happy. Today, this moment, the completeness that is us, that's all that matters.
Finally, the game breaks up. Josephine was the clear winner, the stack of coins in front of her threatening to topple over any minute. Varric and I made out okay, not enough to rouse too much of a suspicion, but we came out a little ahead. Poor Cullen, brash in his wagers, has indeed lost everything. And I do mean everything, down to his smallclothes. I hide my giggle behind my hand, but Cullen shoots me a glare, which just makes me laugh harder.
"Sorry, Cullen, I shouldn't…" another peal of laughter finds its way out, and I'm joined by a few other chuckles around the table.
Declan stands, and turns his back. The rest of us follow his example, giving the Commander a bit of privacy. I hear his footfalls speed out of the bar to the sound of more chortles of amusement at his expense. I should probably apologize tomorrow if I get a chance. Our evening's revelry complete, the group starts to disband. I catch my brother's eye and point to him, letting him know I want to talk to him.
"I need to have a minute with Tenebris, I won't be long."
"He and Sparkler are fine."
I turn and look at him. "You knew?"
"They tried to hide it, Firefly, but I did just spend another two weeks with the two of them after you left. All the signs were there."
"I hope you're right."
He smiles and steps back, turning toward the door. I take that as my cue that he's giving the privacy with Tenebris that I had asked for. My eyes seek my brother out, and I find him standing by the door.
"Walk with me?" I ask, and he nods.
We walk together out into the cool night air, which feels good on my ale-heated cheeks. The night sky is full of stars, and I see the pleasant weather as another reminder of my current feelings. I hope my brother has found the same. Neither of us says anything until we're away from the others, out by the training dummies, now standing like odd statues in the dark.
"I know what you're going to ask, Sister." His expression is unreadable.
I exhale. "Alright then, so…"
A small smile appears. "Yes, Sister, you were right. Dorian is...I can't even describe it. After he found out about who we are, and what I can do, I expected disgust, hatred, maybe even fear. That's what always happens, right?" he asks with a bitter shrug of his shoulders. "But, no, he still wanted to be with me. I never thought I'd find someone who could really know me, and still want me. But Dorian does."
"You love him, don't you?"
"You know, I know it's new, but I think might," he admits with a sentimental smile. I've never seen that expression on his face before. "I've never had anything but casual relationships before, but with him, I find myself wanting...more."
"I couldn't be happier for you," I say, moving to embrace my brother's tall frame. "You deserve a little happiness." Backing away, I tell him, "Seeing you tonight, the way you were talking with Declan and Josephine...I feel like this is a new start for all of us. Another chance to get it right with the mortals."
"I want to believe that." Tenebris puts a hand on my shoulder, and our eyes meet. "I was wrong to tell you to stay away from your dwarf. He's good to you."
"Maybe there's a chance we can both be happy." I sigh, remembering. "For as long as it lasts, anyway."
"He turned you down?" he asks, and his expression turns to concern.
I nod. "It's alright, Brother. He was afraid of the idea of living forever alone if something happened to me. I think I can understand that. If I hadn't had the three of you, this would have been so much harder. I'll respect his wishes."
"I'm sorry, Sister. I promise I'll be there for you, as you will for me."
"You haven't asked him? It's not as though magic scares Dorian, and I get the impression that the increased power might even appeal to him. It would certainly help strengthen his position in Minrathous and his efforts to change the Magisterium."
"Yeah, but it's still new...and I think I might be the one who is afraid."
"That's the good thing about not getting older: we have the luxury of time. But if it's what you want, don't wait too long. Dorian doesn't have our kind of time."
He nods, contemplative. "I know."
"I love you, Brother. I'm glad you have someone to share your life with. If he says yes, I'll help you convince Etiam and Lucis."
He smiles, a sincere vulnerability I never expected to see from him. Dorian is good for him, too. "Thanks," he says. "You'd better get back."
"Goodnight, Brother."
