A/N: Okay, so this is a really short chapter! Sorry about that! Just needed to get them out of the woods. But, we are coming up on the final confrontation! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King
~ShamanKing~
Chapter 52: Talk
"Do you want to talk about it?" Anna asked Ayamae as the two girls prepared for bed. Both were exhausted after their trek through the woods, and grateful for the rooms they had gotten at the nearest motel once out of them. At least they could sleep in a real bed at long last. Or as real a bed as a motel bed could be.
"Not really," Ayamae replied, brushing out her wet hair before pulling it into a braid over her shoulder.
Anna frowned at her friend, but she wasn't going to push her. After all, when she didn't want to talk about something she usually hated people when they kept pestering her about it.
Ayamae sighed, tying off her braid before dropping her hands to her lap. "Sorry, Anna-chan, that was rude."
"No it wasn't," Anna said. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Ayamae smiled. "Thanks for that, really. But I suppose I should."
Anna pressed her lips together and nodded, waiting.
"It was, well, awful. I mean, it literally felt like all my will had been ripped from me and I was merely a puppet. At first, it was his voice in my head, directing my thoughts, telling me what to do. And I had to obey. I couldn't help it. Couldn't stop it. Gosh, Anna, I felt so powerless. So helpless.
"And then, I started enjoying it," Ayamae shuddered at this. "Not having to think, to feel. Not having to worry about upsetting someone or hurting someone or destroying the balance of nature. It was exhilarating. And his voice slowly left my head, replaced by my own. But they were still his actions. Still his directions. But I liked it. I liked what I was doing."
Ayamae spit that last part out, tears in her eyes. She could never forgive herself for what she had done, what she had been too weak to fight against.
"Aya-chan," Anna said, sitting down next to her friend and placing an arm around her shoulders. "It's not your fault."
"But don't you see?" Ayamae asked, shaking off her friend's arm and standing up agitatedly. "It is. I wasn't strong enough to fight it. I didn't want to fight it." She let out a sigh, shoulders drooping.
"But you did," Anna pointed out. "You fought it, and you won."
Ayamae shuddered. "That's because after a while, it felt like I was split in two. The part of me that liked it, and the half that abhorred what I was doing. It was a constant battle within myself; one I lost several times. I think that's when my dark half was born, the half that Hao and the others faced. And I don't think I could have defeated her if they hadn't shown up. I don't think I would have been strong enough."
"But you were," Anna said. "And you did."
"I almost didn't," Ayamae said quietly. She could still see that black sai flying towards her, whistling through the air, inches from her face. And then that screech as her own projectile found its mark. If she had thrown her sai just a second later, it would be dark Ayamae here, not her.
"But you did," Anna stressed. "And you're back with us. Where you belong."
"But do I?" Ayamae asked. "Do I still belong with you?"
"Of course you do," Ren said, not bothering to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping anymore as he burst into the room, followed by the rest of their group until they were all so crowded in the tiny motel room they couldn't move without brushing up against someone.
"You're our friend, after all," Horohoro pointed out.
"But after all I did," Ayamae said.
"They are good at forgiveness," Opacho said. "Opacho know this."
"Yeah, trust me on that one," Hao said, wrapping an arm around her.
"Thank you," Ayamae whispered.
"What are friends for?" Yoh asked, eyes sparkling.
The boys' stomachs picked that moment to speak up, causing everyone to laugh.
"I think we should find some food," Faust said.
"Yeah, before you die of hunger," Chocolove laughed.
"Yours growled just as loud," Lyserg pointed out.
Jun smiled. "There's a restaurant not far from here that looked good."
"Let's go!" Manta said, jumping up.
Anna caught Ayamae's eye and smiled at her as Yoh pulled her to her feet, keeping her hand in his. Hao dropped his arm from around Ayamae's shoulder and gripped her hand instead as the group made their way out of the cramped room and down the stairs, chatting and laughing.
You see, Ayamae told her darker half. This is true friendship. They can forgive me for what I've done, and together, we can do anything.
Do you really believe that? Do you really think friendship will save you, in the end?
