AN: Here we are, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Carol sat perched on the sink while Andrea sat on the side of the tub and stared at the plastic bag on the floor like it contained an assortment of poisonous snakes instead of an assortment of everything that the Liberty Drug Company had to offer in the way of at-home pregnancy testing.
Merle didn't know what the differences between pregnancy tests were. He didn't fully understand how they worked or what might make one more desirable than another. To him, they were simply sticks that needed to be peed on before they issued a decree on whether or not there would be a baby. When he'd stood facing the almost full row of shelves stocked with tests, bleary-eyed because he'd made his purchases just before the store closed and he'd been tired from a full day of work and, perhaps, a beer or two, he'd become overwhelmed at the possibilities. There must be something dramatically different about the tests or there wouldn't be a necessity for so many choices. Because he hadn't wanted to make the wrong choice, Merle had erred on the side of caution.
With a desire to find something that offered accuracy, ease-of-use, and some level of comfort to Andrea—different things that different tests boasted to offer the would-be-mother-to-be, Merle had had apparently done the only thing that a caring, level-headed man could do in such a situation—he'd bought one of every single kind of test that was available for purchase.
He'd also bought a coloring book and crayons for Sophia to buy them a little time without her requiring their attention, and he'd purchased some assorted snacks in case things took a while and they discovered that they required something to keep their strength up while they were busy trying to uncover Dixon babies.
Carol was starting to think that the snacks weren't a terrible idea. They'd foregone breakfast. They'd served Sophia cereal to go with her cartoons, and they'd decided that they could simply eat something later. The concern for Carol was starting to be how much later that later would be. It was a free Saturday morning for all of them with nowhere to be and nothing pressing to do, but Carol still didn't relish the idea of spending her entire day sitting in tense silence in the bathroom with Andrea.
"Merle is at least bound to be the kind of father who gets an A for effort," Carol said. "I mean they aren't necessary, but it looks like he bought every pregnancy test in Liberty just to make sure that you got exactly what you wanted."
She wasn't sure what to say, but she felt compelled to say something just to try to get Andrea talking and, hopefully, to at least get things moving a little. It hadn't quite worked, yet, so Carol hopped down off her perch and picked up the bag to start sorting through the tests. There was every kind there from the most simple to the most advanced. She laughed to herself.
"It's really very sweet," she offered. "It's—maybe it's not the most romantic gesture, but I get a feeling that Merle's just getting started. I mean—it shows he cares. I would gladly have a dozen children with a man that cared this much about it. You know if he cares this much at this stage of the game, he's going to only get better with a little help. Ed never cared...and it only got worse. But with Merle? He might not know what to do, but I'm sure he'll be willing to learn. He'll probably be a good father."
"Merle would be a wonderful father," Andrea offered quietly. It was the first thing she'd said since she sat on the edge of the bathtub and, frankly, it surprised Carol a bit. Carol assumed that Andrea's reluctance to take the test was stemming from some kind of doubt she was having about having a baby with Merle Dixon. Her assertion that he would be a wonderful father, then, came as a bit of a surprise to Carol.
"Then what are you so upset about?" Carol asked. "You want a baby. Merle wants a baby. He's trying to show you that he'll make an effort—and I'm sure he'd make whatever effort you wanted him to make if you guided him a little. It's perfect."
Andrea nodded her head, her eyes now glued to the rug since Carol had moved the bag of tests.
"But if I'm not..." Andrea said. "I want a baby. And Merle—didn't know that he did. But now he does. Merle wants what Merle wants...and if I'm not..."
Carol's stomach tightened. The full impact of every thought—rational or irrational—that was pin balling through Andrea's mind at the moment struck her.
"Then you'll keep trying," Carol said. "I was married to Ed for years—and we never used birth control—before I ended up pregnant. I thought I couldn't have a baby. When I got pregnant, I asked my doctor how it was even possible and he told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. There was nothing stopping me from having a baby—at least not permanently. But every human body takes its time. Maybe yours just needs a little more time. You haven't been trying very long."
"And if I can't? Ever?" Andrea asked. Carol could feel that it was really somewhat rhetorical. Still, she felt like she needed to answer it. "He can have children the rest of his life. It's not the same for me." Andrea added before Carol could arrive at the answer she wanted to give.
"There are always other solutions," Carol said. "Fostering. Adoption. But I don't think that you need to worry about that right now. You just started trying. You don't even know that you're not pregnant right now."
"Merle wants a baby now and I'm not sure that he's going to be happy with the fact that he can't have one," Andrea said.
Carol laughed to herself.
"If that were the case, I'm sure he wouldn't be happy," Carol said. "Neither would you. But—you'd get through it. You've been together twenty years, Andrea. There aren't too many people who can say their relationship makes it twenty years. I don't think Merle's desire to have a baby is so much his want to just have a baby as it is to—well, as it is to have a baby with you. I think you're trying to discredit what an integral part you play to this whole equation. I haven't known him very long, but in some ways I feel like I've known him forever—like I've known all of you forever. Believe me, Andrea, Merle loves you and there's nobody that can't see that."
"Merle was the first man I ever loved," Andrea said.
"You mean—romantically?" Carol ventured.
"I mean ever," Andrea said.
"You didn't have a great relationship with your father?" Carol asked.
Andrea laughed to herself. She shook her head.
"That's one way to put it," Andrea said. "We'll leave it at that. You know I was sixteen when Merle first noticed me? I used to make excuses to hang around at the shop. I made it up to the Chambers when I could. I did everything I could to get him to notice me. He finally did."
Carol got comfortable on her perch. At least Andrea was talking. This meant they were making some progress. Outside the bathroom, Carol could hear Sophia. She was watching television still and talking to it. She sang along with some commercials that came on. She interacted with her favorite characters. She was fine, at least for a little while longer. She'd been promised a trip to the Greene farm later that day with Daryl to ride the pony—she'd be good just to make sure that the pony ride wasn't at risk of being cancelled.
"And it looks like you both made a good choice," Carol said.
"He was the first man I ever loved, and he's the only man I've ever loved romantically. I don't know if I could ever love another man like I love—like I love Merle," Andrea said. "I never wanted to find out."
"It's been twenty years," Carol said. "And he's still here. And from what I hear from Daryl—the club isn't crazy about infidelity."
"For women," Andrea said. "There's a running joke about—what happens when the club's out and about stays with the club. Some of the men aren't that tied to the idea of being faithful. They just believe that a pussy that's theirs is theirs."
"Charming," Carol offered. "I always enjoy whenever someone reduces me to a part of my anatomy." She raised her eyebrows at Andrea. Andrea usually carried herself with more confidence than any woman that Carol had ever known. Carol almost longed to have the same level of self-assurance that Andrea seemed to exude. Right now, though, it was clear to Carol that all of that might be an elaborate act and Andrea was too tired to keep it up at the moment. Carol might not have the same strengths as Andrea, but she had a little strength to offer her friend when she clearly needed it. "Do you believe that Merle has been unfaithful?"
"I want to believe he hasn't," Andrea said.
"But you don't believe it," Carol said.
"With a man like Merle, you don't always know what's talk and what's reality."
Carol hummed to herself.
"That may be true," Carol said. "But—I've been taught that words don't mean much. What they say means nothing next to what they do. I'm sorry and I'll never do it again doesn't feel too comforting when you're—when you're putting stitches in your own eyebrow with a needle and thread in the bathroom mirror."
"I'm sorry," Andrea said.
"I'm not," Carol said. "I've gotten used to the scar. And—maybe I've learned some things now. One thing I know I've learned is that—you have to listen to what they do more than what they say. And Merle Dixon showed up here at just after five on a Saturday morning to drop off all this that he bought last night. Just to ask me if I could help him find out whether or not you two were going to be parents." Carol slid down off the sink. She crossed the bathroom and sat down on the side of the tub next to Andrea. She put her arm around the woman's shoulder and Andrea leaned over and rested her head against her. Carol kissed Andrea's head in the same way she might have done for Sophia if her daughter had rested her head on her shoulder that way. "Merle wants to have a baby—yes. But, more than that, I think Merle wants to have a baby with Andrea."
"And when Andrea disappoints him..." Andrea said.
"If there's disappointment it won't be Andrea's fault. And if there's disappointment, then they'll be disappointed together," Carol said. "I've heard a couple of stories floating around that have made it pretty clear that the two of you have seen a rough patch of road here or there. Why would this suddenly be the one that you can't get through?"
Andrea fell quiet long enough that Carol simply raised her hand and started stroking the other woman's hair to try to soothe her as she dealt with her feelings.
"I don't know," Andrea said finally. She practically breathed out the words. "I guess—I'm just scared because I want it, too."
"You should be positive," Carol said. "If you're pregnant, being positive is good for the baby. If you're not, it's good for your body. It helps it prepare for pregnancy. It makes it more likely that you'll get pregnant."
Andrea sat up and stared at Carol. She wiped a couple of drops of clear liquid from her face that Carol pretended she didn't see escaping from her eyes.
"Is that true?" Andrea asked.
"I don't know," Carol said, laughing to herself. "But—it's good advice anyway. Come on. We're heading up to the farm later and you want an answer for Merle, don't you?"
"Were you this scared when you—thought you might be pregnant with Sophia?" Andrea asked.
Carol's stomach clenched. She swallowed back the feeling that bubbled up inside her. She forced a smile that would be reassuring and she held Andrea's eyes with her own. She stroked her hair again.
"I was terrified," Carol assured her, though she didn't elaborate on the fact that her fear was entirely different. "Come on." She stood up and walked back to the sink. She dumped the contents of the bag into the sink and picked through them before she offered a box to Andrea. "Here. These are foolproof. They're digital. Pee on both of them so you can't say you're not sure."
Andrea took the box and stared at it. She wiped at her eyes again. Carol could see her hands shaking. She picked through the boxes in the sink and chose some of the most old-fashioned tests out of the lot as well. Those were less reliable and certainly not the best for serious inquiries. They were little more than plastic and cotton and hardly worth the money. Merle wouldn't have known that, though, and he'd done his best.
"Come on," Carol urged. "You pee on those and I'll pee on these. We'll set a timer. We can both be jumpy together while we start some breakfast and find out if Daryl and Merle want to take a picnic lunch."
