Looseleaf

XXXXV. Willow

I remember.

I remember the large willow tree outside, in the playground, the ones where the others cowered from, because they knew that you practically owned it. I remember the day when I just moved in the orphanage, and I was completely uneducated about the invisible rules that everyone followed.

I remember sitting underneath the shady willow, leaning against the wide trunk and propping my game on my pulled-up knees. I was smashing away at the buttons when you suddenly jumped from the tree branches above onto the space next to me. I didn't look up, but I could picture your snooty smile, as if you were glad that, finally, someone had enough guts to cross your territory, even if I was there just by accident.

That day, you took my gameboy away from me, the one thing I had left of my mother. I cried for days afterwards, refusing to leave my room. Apparently, my reputation fired up because of this and I became the emo kid. Rumors flew around...I was suicidal, I cut, I was planning to kill myself like another orphan named A had done.

I remember the quiet creaking of my door as you tried to sneak in, but I saw your reflection on the window I was looking out of. You sheepishly handed me my game and just stood there awkwardly. I received it with trembling hands, and I remember tackling you in a bear hug and thanking you over and over again.

I remember the nice, heartwarming memories that we created together under that willow tree. We used it for picnics, as our hiding places after a prank, and most of the time, just a place to be in a comfortable solitude.

We had our first kiss there, on the night we set a stink bomb off in Near's room. In the darkness, my lips accidentally found yours, and in less than three seconds of realization of what just happened, you scrambled down the tree and ran. The next day, you came back to the tree and I was still there, because, as much as I hate to admit it even today, I hadn't known how to climb down. You had to get Roger with a ladder to rescue me.

That willow tree was special. Underneath its shady leaves, I confessed my love to you, and you smiled and happily told me the feeling was mutual. The limbs of the tree seemed to reach down to us as we embraced.

The willow tree also held sad memories.

I remember our last night, under the comforting branches, looking up at the starless night sky. You were gripping my hand tightly, head resting on my shoulder. A few yards to your left was your black bag, filled with your belongings.

One last kiss, one last hug, one last goodbye, and you were gone, whisked away by the wind by sunrise.

I stayed under that tree, numb and unfeeling.

But I'd have to move eventually, right?

So move, I did. I left Wammy's when I was old enough, took my trust fund with me as I officially became an adult. I went to Japan first, instincts telling me I'd somehow find you there. I was lost for the first few weeks there, blindly hacking into systems, trying to get a lead on where to find you.

Finally, I did. In burning ruins, some random place I just happened to be driving by. I saw you dragging yourself out from the flames, and I jumped out of my car to help you, though at that time I didn't know that it was you that I'd found.

Within a week, you were back on your feet again, and by then I had finally noticed that I'd found you. You didn't seem the least bit affected, and just smirked, as if you knew I'd find you. I couldn't find, in those cold, blue eyes, the boy that I had fallen in love with more than three years ago, and instead found a very changed man. You seemed like you had forgotten our past, that promise you made to me("I'll find you again. And then after that, we'll be M together and we'll get a real nice house, and it'll be just you and me.") and you didn't display any care if you saw how that affected me.

Now here I sit on our couch, tapping away at my gameboy, watching you watch me with a disdainful look from the corner of my eyes. My facial expression is neutral, but behind my goggled eyes, I'm crying, and it's taking me every ounce of self-control not to reach up, yank off the bloody thing, and just show you how much I was hurting.

Of course, I don't. I continue to tap tap tap away until the tears were gone and you had left the room. I quickly wipe my goggles dry and snap them back on, resuming my gaming.

Days later, I find myself putting my life on the line, and for you, of all people. The boy who loved me once upon a time, and later on showed me that he might not have really cared. Not that it matters, though. It's too late now, as I step out of my car.

"Listen, I'm connected to Takada's kidnapper."

Literally, my life flashes before me. I remember that willow tree, and as I faced death in the face, I could only hope you remembered, too.

This comes from the bottom of my heart, Mello, even if you were the one who broke it. I haven't told you this since we met back up again, but I right now, just before I go, I want to tell you that I lov--


Horribly depressing, eh? Plus, I wrote this in First Person, which isn't supposed to happen in Looseleaf, but I guess it's all right.

Sorry for the emo-ness, I needed to get this out of my system...back to happy fics!

.A