Rifiuto: Non Mirena

The Western Wall,

Jerusalem,

Israel

2004

Despite the continuous drone of prayers being recited, it was surprisingly quiet. He walked along the wall, trailing his fingers gently over the ancient stone, whispering prayers in both Gaelic and Hebrew, his fingers searching for any open space of which he could slip the folded scraps of paper he'd written on. Eventually, he stopped, slipped the notes into a crack, and then rested his forehead to the stone.

"I have lived almost twenty years in this land; this is my home, my life is here. And now You are allowing me to leave- not to return to a country I barely remember, but to go to a country I have only heard of. How is that fair, that I have to leave my family, leave the girl I love... I may be back in a year, but who is to say it will not turn into two or three by the time I finally come home?"

He took a deep breath.

The rabbi had told him when he asked, that God looked on all prayers- be they Catholic or Jewish- and accepted all of them. The soft prayers fell from his lips, and he quickly crossed himself, before finally moving away. His gaze traveled the length of the wall, his mind swimming with the words that resided within the notes he'd placed between the cracks of this holiest of relics.

Protect my family, keep them safe while I'm away. Watch over Sarah and Tali, try to keep them from killing each other, and give Zivaleh the strength to put up with whomever she's partnered with while I'm in America. Keep Ima and Abba in your sights and keep them from harm. Promise me that you will keep strong watch over my sisters- especially Sarah- and the girl I love; that Ziva knows and understands that I love her and will be thinking of her every moment of every day while I'm gone. In God's name, Amen.

When he returned to the car, Ziva was the first out, rushing to him. She threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder, tears filling her eyes. She had spent the entire previous night unable to sleep, buried in his arms, crying, and Ziva hardly ever cried. But now that he was actually leaving, that he was going to be boarding a plane in two hours...

"Do not go, Tim. I do not want you to go." He shook his head, holding her close.

"Shh, hush, Zivaleh. I will be back before you know it. And I will think of you every second of every moment of every day. I promise." He held her close, lifting her off her feet. But she just shook her head, shoulders beginning to shake. "Try not to kill your new partner while I'm gone, okay?"

"You... you are my only partner, Tim... you and... no one else... no matter who Abba puts me with... you are my partner... only you..."

The drive back to the house in Tel Aviv was long and silent, filled with heartache and worry. As he moved his suitcases to the trunk of the car, Sarah joined her brother, removing the silver medallion with St. Christopher's effigy- the same one that matched her brother's and that their parents had slipped around their necks before they left Ireland sixteen years prior; she pressed it into his hand. "What's this?" He glanced at it, before meeting her gaze. "Sarah, this is yours- ye need it more than I-"

"You are the one tha's going t' be clear in 'merica. Ye'll need all th' protection ye can get."

"I can't take this, Sarah, Ma- they gave it t' ye."

"An' they gave one t' ye as well, Timmy. You are the one travelling right now." She swallowed, taking the medallion and slipping it around his neck before pulling something from her pocket and holding it out- four small, silver amulets hung on the chain. She rose onto her toes as her brother knelt down, slipping it over his head. "A Hamsa Hand to protect against and ward away evil, a Celtic knot with Brigid's cross t' remind ye o' yer faith, a Triskele amulet for balance, and a Green man-"

He pulled her into his arms, swaying gently with her as he used to when they were children. "I love it, Sarah." She held tight to him, burying her face in his chest. When he finally let go, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, stepping back to allow Tali to tell him goodbye. The youngest girl threw her arms around the young man who'd been her older brother from the moment they picked the siblings up at the airport, the young man who'd somehow made Ziva- Ziva, of all people- fall in love with him when they were still mere children, the young man who'd protected her like he protected Sarah, and loved her as much as though she were his own blood sibling.

"I am going to miss you, Tim." He held the younger girl close, kissing her forehead.

"Don't you dare let Michael go. He can be an ass sometimes, but he's a good man, and he's willing to put up with your mood swings." She swatted him lightly on the shoulder.

"I do not have mood swings-"

"Okay, fits of wild passion. Better?" She grinned, wrapping her arms around him again. "Just like your sister, only tamer." He pressed another kiss to her forehead. "Love you, Tali." When she finally pulled away, he turned to Ziva, who rushed towards him, tears slipping silently down her cheeks. "Oh Zivaleh, my love. Please, don't cry." She tightened her hold, burying her face in his shoulder. But it was when she pulled away that she slipped something around his neck. He lifted the leather string, studying the gold pendant- "The Fourth Pentacle of Venus." She smiled softly at him.

"To remember that our love is strong, and-" She took his hand, sliding a simple, silver band on his finger, within which sat a turquoise stone, the words, Bikashti et sh'ahava nafshi or 'I sought him whom my soul loveth,' engraved in Hebrew around the band. Ziva swallowed. "Consider it a... a promise. That I will be here when you return." He pulled her close, kissing her deeply, tasting her, committing everything about her to memory. As he broke the kiss, he reached into his pocket, pulling something out and slipping it into her hand.

"Remember the four things I told you. And that I love you, Zivaleh, so much." He kissed her forehead before pulling away and going to Rivka. The woman who considered herself his mother wrapped her arms tight around him, holding him close.

"Ani kol-kach ge-a, becha. So, so proud of you, ahava." She pulled away, reaching up to caress his cheek. "Ben, yafa shely." Tim pressed a kiss to her palm, before hugging her tightly again. She pressed a firm kiss to his cheek, choking back her tears. "You stay safe, you hear me? And you call as soon as you arrive. It does not matter how late it is here, we will pick up."

"I will, Ima. I promise." Eli gently squeezed Tim's shoulder.

"We had better get going, otherwise you will miss your flight, Timothy." Once in the car, Eli turned to the young man he and his wife had raised from the age of nine. Tim looked up at him.

"What? Abba, mah karah?"

Eli shook his head. "Nothing is wrong, Timothy." He gently caught the younger man's chin in his hand. "I am proud of you, of the man you have become, my son." He then leaned over, pressing a kiss to the younger man's forehead. Tim blushed, the words echoing in his head long after he'd boarded the plane for America.

My son.