Disclaimer: I own...me! But no, I don't own Lord of the Rings. It's very sad...*sniffles*
A/N ~ Okay, Archeress. Renegade gets some sense pounded into him, but...it's not by who we thought it would be! LOL For everyone else...this chapter was a both a pain to write and yet really fun, too. I hope you enjoy it!
Avarikal
Gilubac = Gold Flowers
Ketven = An animal that appears to be part squirrel, part cat and part ferret.
Jagaseio
Jagasei = Protector, Guardian
Elven (Quenya and Sindarin)
Ai, pen neth = Ah, little one
Varda = One of the Valar, the spouse of Manwë. She is named by the elves, Elentári and also called the "Queen of the Valar" and the "Queen of the Stars"
Valacirca = Sickle of the Valar, a constellation
Guruthos = Death (in this case I have made it the name of a Maia-spirit in service to Melkor/Morgoth)
Antarqualmo = Death Giver/Giver of Death
Antarcuilo = Life Giver/Giver of Life
Cuil o Gurth ~ Life from Death
Noruiel's heart pounded against her chest in an erratic pattern and her body remained still, frozen as she looked after Renegade. Her mind had stalled completely, refusing to work. She didn't know whether to call him back or curse him, to stay where she was or run after the elf and demand an explanation for his action. The only thing she did know was that she could still feel the touch of his lips on her own, the taste of his skin that still lingered. The Akira brought her fingers to her lips slowly, wonderingly and something in the action snapped her head back into focus. With that focus came a flood of jumbled thoughts and emotions. Most of them were negative.
The first was fury and it rose in her like magma searching for an opening, a release. The Akira lowered her hand, both fists clenched as she gritted her teeth against a scream, her dark brown eyes sparking with righteous anger. How DARE he kiss her! How dare he think he could, that he had the right! How dare he take something so treasured! Her first kiss! He didn't deserve it! He'd only done it to drive home his stupid, twisted point! The arrogant, selfish as-
Why had she kissed him back?
The thought slammed into her, staggering Noruiel's mental tirade and she stared at it with wide mental eyes, her physical ones mirroring the expression as she looked into the distance, not truly seeing anything. The Akira's limbs started to tremble and her legs gave out on her slowly so that she sank to the ground, to her knees, shell-shocked. Her hands stayed in her lap, now limp from their fists and blinked, completely confused.
She'd kissed him back. Why had she kissed him back? His reasons she could understand even if she thought them wrong and moronic. He'd been trying to make her hate him all over again, to see this selfishness and darkness he insisted he was made of. She understood that. But what had her reasons been for kissing him in return? Instinct? Would...she have kissed anyone like that given the chance? Did she despair so much a loveless future because of her gift that she'd clung to a meaningless kiss from a male that didn't even like her?
She'd known since she was young, after the Empaths had taken her, that she'd never marry for love. She couldn't else it drive the male mad. She would marry for influence and title, power if she married at all. Love did not come into the equation, it never had and so things like a first kiss...she'd given it childish thought, of course, but had tried not to dwell on things she'd never have in a meaningful way.
That didn't mean she hadn't wanted them, deep down and Renegade...this had meant nothing to him. He'd walked away like they'd had one of their usual arguments, nothing more and Noruiel struggled to see any good in him right now. He'd made his case and made it well. So then why did her heart hurt so much...not for herself so much as for him? Why could she not hold on to the anger?
Noruiel felt the first hot tear trail down her cheek with detachment. The second made her take a deep, shaking breath and by the time the third came she was wiping them away, her head coming back up.
No. She was not going to cry and she was not going to dwell on this. It was a stupid kiss, given for all the wrong reasons and if it meant nothing to him, she would forcefully not let it mean anything to her either. Instinct and desperation had made her kiss him back and nothing but cruelty had driven Renegade. She would not give him the satisfaction of crying, of letting this get to her. Perhaps he was not completely evil like he wanted to make her believe, but he certainly wasn't making it easy for her to see him as good.
He had walked away and not looked back. So too would she walk forward and not look back.
The Akira sniffed, wiping her face once more before she stood and with another deep, steadying breath, started back toward the camp. It felt like entering back into a strange world when she rejoined the males and Noruiel was more than grateful when Sen rose from his position by the camp supplies and came toward her, a loyal companion. The great lizard-dog regarded the female with intelligent dark green eyes and his nose twitched in an agitated way as he extended it toward her. The Sertek growled softly at what he found.
"Erlf hurrt yrou."
Noruiel shook her head, resting her hand on the creature's head and then taking his muzzle into her hands firmly as he insisted on trying to smell her further, unhappy. "Sen, Sentinel lrook art mre." The command brought the Sertek's eyes back up to her own dark blue ones and the lizard-dog pulled his scaled and furred head out of her hands, his long neck lifting so that she had to tilt her head to continue looking into the creature's eyes. She kept her voice calm and quiet, but felt slightly worried by the rebellious glimmer in Sentinel's eyes.
"Ther erlf dird nort hurrt mre. I ram frine."
There was a low snarl in response to her words and Sen lowered his head slightly, his entire body crouching a little until he was eye-level with Noruiel. The strong flare of intelligence, emotion the Akira saw in the Sertek's gaze made her still in complete surprise. It was so...human. "Ther erlf hurrt yrou insride. I dro nort lrike irt. Irt irss wrrong." The words, so simply given and yet completely true, had Noruiel staring at Sen for a long minute, unsure what to do. She then felt treacherous tears filling her eyes and closed them in an attempt to stem the tide.
The feeling of fur and roughness under her chin, against her chest let her know that the Sertek was trying to comfort her, more animal-like once more and she didn't hesitate to hug his large head, burying her face into dark brown fur and fighting back the tears and the heartache inside her for something she didn't even fully understand. She could hardly stand Renegade, fought with him all the time...so why did this hurt so much?
Renegade. Oh, stars, he could see her.
The Akira took a deep breath and straightened, scratching Sen's ears in a grateful and fond way when he looked up at her. "Thrank yrou."
Noruiel looked up and avoided looking at the gold-haired elf as she directed her attention to Mountain. "Are we nearly read to leave?"
The large man nodded, glancing between her and Renegade with a slight frown on his face. Noruiel ignored it and giving Sen one last pat, walked over to grab her pack and slip her shoes and tunic back on over her undershirt. Her eyes wanted to stray toward the elf's, but she didn't let them and merely stood again and waited by the Sertek until the other two males joined them. She took the lead as they set out and no matter how much she wanted to, did not look back.
Later that night on the plains of Gilubac, Avarikal...
There had been silence between the four travelers all day as they trekked across the plains that were far more treacherous than they appeared. Now, on the open plains and marshlands that Noruiel told them was called Gilubac, Mountain kept looking between the Akira that had led them this far and the gold-haired elf by the fire. The large man had noted that Noruiel had never even glanced at Renegade as they walked that day, almost seeming determined not to...and Renegade had been the same way.
Now, though, the gold-haired elf couldn't seem to stop looking at the sleeping female. The fire-light danced off her brown hair, showing shimmering red highlights from the sun. The shadows cast across her face only seemed to accentuate her simple beauty and the Sertek at her back, the large creature's body nearly wrapped around the Akira's gave a great testament to how powerful the slight figure was.
There was silence, even now after the female had gone to sleep and finally the large man simply asked the question...only it wasn't so much a question as a demand mixed with accusation. He kept his voice low enough that only Renegade's elven ears would pick it up and not the Akira who slept several feet away. "What did you do?"
The elf looked about as uncomfortable as Mountain had ever seen him and that startled the large man completely. He'd expected a cold look, a dismissive one or no answer at all, but for Renegade to actually look...guilty? Even faintly so? Now Mountain KNEW something had happened, something that had penetrated that thick shield of ice that surrounded his charge. And it had involved Noruiel...but it hadn't ended well...
"Elfling?"
Renegade's dark blue eyes flickered at Noruiel again and then he met Mountain's dark eyes briefly before looking away, toward the fire. The flames reflected in his brown eyes, showing a confused and tormented soul in a brief instant before the elf looked away from even the fire and down at his hands, frowning. He spoke reluctantly, but he did speak, voice quiet. "I did something I shouldn't have."
"Well, yes, that is apparent. You've done many things you shouldn't have. How is this one any different?" Mountain was not going to let the elf slip by with an answer like that and this time he did get a frustrated, cold look from Renegade. The elf was closing back up right before the large man and Mountain resisted a sigh, knowing it would only do further damage.
"It doesn't matter."
Mountain studied his charge's profile. Renegade's jaw was set, unyielding, but his working throat told another story and the large man noted that the elf's eyes were once again back on Noruiel. He spoke quietly, honestly unsure of the reaction he'd get this time from the elf, but needing to try for Renegade's sake. "I think it does, Elfling."
Renegade stood abruptly but with all the fluid grace of a powerful cat and left the campground without a word. Mountain watched him fade into the darkness of the plains and this time the Jagasei did sigh. Loudly. Stubborn elf.
Mountain's dark eyes flickered to Noruiel and he blinked in surprise to see her eyes open, almost glowing like an animal's might in the flickering fire-light. She looked at Mountain and then back toward the way Renegade had gone, staring in that direction for a long time before she turned her head away and closed her eyes again. In her expression, however, Mountain could clearly see hurt and anger...but also a strange longing as well and he had to wonder how long she'd been listening and just what exactly had happened between the Akira and the elf. The large man looked after the way his charge had gone and sighed again, resigning himself to waiting.
Renegade didn't really know where he was going - he never did - but it didn't really matter. It never did. He could see the ground before him perfectly well even without a flame to guide him and the stars were not so strange in this land that they'd changed greatly. He knew what direction he'd started from and he could find his way back. He knew he'd have to eventually, but for the moment, he didn't want to go back and he wouldn't.
The elf finally did stop, though, and he looked up at the stars overhead, wishing for a moment that they still held the same wonder for him that he'd felt as child when gazing up at their radiant light. He was an elf, the stars would always be a part of him, but...more and more he could see more darkness than he could light. He was drawn to it and it answered his call well enough. Mountain's presence was the salt in his wounds that kept him from complete infection and Renegade was unsure if he was grateful for that anymore. It might just be easier to give in.
The power inside him demanded release much too often. It was not satisfied with so few deaths to quench its thirst for blood. The energy it consumed from the dying was vital for his power now and it felt like he was starving sometimes.
Renegade shivered and looked away from the stars, closing his dark blue eyes and shaking his head as if he could shake the feelings away. He didn't want to feel this conflicted anymore. Giving in even further than he already had would change that. There would be no more fighting emotions deep inside, no more uncertainty and questions. It would be so...easy.
It would be easy if not for what he knew the power would demand. Death. Immediate death to everything nearby.
The elf knew he couldn't kill Mountain, not unless he were to kill himself, but Noruiel... He could kill her without effort...and yet, he couldn't. He couldn't kill her. It wasn't just a matter of not wanting to or not being interested in doing so. He COULDN'T kill her anymore. But he couldn't feel this way toward her either.
Somewhere deep inside, a small voice quietly asked what he DID feel and Renegade swore, wracking his hand through his gold hair and looking down at the ground, teeth gritted. Damn if he knew what he felt! He didn't want to feel anything! He'd been fine before she came, before she started to change everything just by...existing in his life! He'd been ice, cold and emotionless. It had served him well for the last few hundred years and now...now his shield was developing dangerous cracks, melting rapidly in other areas, too. He'd kept everything at bay for so long the elf didn't even understand the emotions that were starting to seep in.
So it was that he didn't understand, not really, why he'd kissed Noruiel. But it was burned into his mind like a brand of fire and it refused to leave his thoughts. Clear thought of the event made his heart pound like he'd entered a sprint from a standstill and warmth crept over his body, threatening to melt the ice completely if he let it last too long. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, though, and he hadn't been able to make himself ignore the Akira like he'd intended.
No, she'd done that well enough...and it had...hurt?
Renegade rubbed his temples with two fingers from each hand, wishing he could rub some sense back into his swimming mind. Mountain had said he'd made many mistakes he should not have. That was true, but was it also true that this one mattered more than the others had? How was this one different? The elf looked down at the ground again, hair hanging about his head as he continued to massages his throbbing temples.
Why did that kiss matter so much?
"Do you sincerely want an answer to that question?"
Renegade whirled at the unexpected voice, an answer to his thoughts, and his blade were in his hand swifter than the eye could follow. However, there was nothing to be found when the elf turned...and again nothing when he turned again in a full circle, searching for an enemy that was no where to be seen. The elf straightened from his defensive position slowly, completely confused and not liking it in the least. He sheathed his sword with a muttered curse.
"Your mother taught you better than that, Maethorion."
The elf's eyes widened as he whirled again without his sword drawn and this time came face to face with a being he'd never thought to encounter...had never seen before. The figure was taller than him by a great deal and radiated a pure light that was almost hard to look at even as it was not painful to the eyes. It was hard to distinguish a clear figure or depiction of the being. It seemed to have a body made of light even as it was human in form. Renegade could have sworn that there were wings on the figure's back, but then it was hard to tell clearly and he could not make out the person's face, though, he somehow knew the other was male.
The voice was certainly male, deep and vast, rumbling and powerful and yet somehow the elf knew that there was a power far greater that directed this being. Damn, what was the name for this creature? He knew he'd known it at some point...something his mother had told him... Or something his father had told him? No wonder he didn't remember. He tried to block out his father's voice in his mind. The other male didn't deserve his attention, not after leaving like he had.
The elf frowned at the thought and the being in front of him almost seemed to smile a little, or at least that's what it felt like to Renegade. Strange...how could one feel a smile? Ugh, his thoughts were all over the place. The elf shook his head and took a step back, trying to gain some stability and nearly laughing at the thought when he looked back up at the light-being before him. There didn't seem to be a threat present, but...he didn't even know what he was looking at. Heck, he didn't even know if he was still lucid!
"I'm dreaming."
A chuckle answered the deadpanned words. "No, you are very much awake, Maethorion." The answer was calm, peaceful and the elf raised a brow, crossing his arms, not trusting. "Am I in danger from you?" He wasn't particularly worried about it if he was. The light being only smiled again, however, and his answer made the elf narrow his eyes in confusion and further irritation for the lack of a straight answer when he was already floundering in the situation he found himself.
"You are in no way in danger of physical hurt this night. Your choices in this moment, however, might cause you great hurt should you choose the wrong path."
"Would you mind terribly saying that in a way that might make sense?" Renegade shot back, on edge and he felt the light-being in front of him almost give off a flash of righteous impatience and power, but it faded away as soon as it had come and the elf didn't think it was merely hidden. No, the emotions were just gone again, like they'd been reprimanded somehow and that thought brought a shiver to the elf's spine. He could sense the power in this person before him. It was vast, impressive on a grand scale...what could command such a being? What kind of power could overwhelm the light-being's own?
He took another step back, feeling a pulsing Presence start to surround the very air, more powerful than the light-being who seemed to be unaffected by what was happening. Renegade was, though, looking around with an expression that was a mixture of both near-panic and defensive anger. He didn't know what was happening and the power inside him was reacting violently at the power it sensed around it, wanting to strike out even as somehow it knew it couldn't. It was a chaotic mess inside the elf and he held his head, the world spinning out of focus quickly until a voice broke through the madness, calm and sure.
"Do you not know the Presence of your own Creator, Maethorion? Do you not know what I am? Who I serve?"
The elf's head snapped up and he stared at the being before him with dilated and then clouded eyes, pulled back into a memory without his consent as if the being's words had summoned it.
(flashback) The stars were bright in the sky above the forest. They shed a beautiful silver glow on the leaves of the trees and each individual blade of grass seemed to shine to Maethorion's eyes. He rolled off his side, done studying the grass and fallen leaves, the flowers of the meadow in favor of looking back up at the sky. It was suddenly blocked, however, by a his little brother's head in his vision right before the seemingly two year old fell across him.
"Penn! Ge' urff!" The words were muffled beneath the weight of the other child and Pennion giggled, his hands wrapping in his brother's gold hair as Maethorion tried to detangle the toddler from himself without hurting his younger brother. Laughter rang out softly from a few feet away and Maethorion cast a pleading look at his mother who was smiling broadly as she watched them. Her gold hair was glowing in the moonlight and to Maeth she looked beautiful, like a safe haven, warm and inviting. And right now all he could do was glare at her with a seemingly eleven year old's ire.
"Naneth! Get him off!"
Alphiel laughed again, but stood and approached, lifting Pennion off his brother and helping Maeth get the child's hands out of his hair. Pennion only giggled more as his mother sat beside her eldest son and she set the toddler on her lap. Maethorion gave his brother a look, but couldn't fight a smile when his brother smiled at him and reached out his hands. With a resigned, but in no way unhappy sigh, the older elf took the small one and placed him on his lap, much to his mother's amusement.
Maethorion purposely ignored her secretive smile and looked back up at the stars, pointing so his little brother would follow his gaze. "That's Valacirca, Pennion, the Sickle of the Valar. It was set in the sky by Varda as a warning to Morgoth and his servants. It heralded the Awakening of the Elves and was set in the Northern Sky as a sign of doom for Melkor and a sign of hope for the Elves."
The toddler on Maethorion's crossed legs didn't have an kind of understanding of what his brother spoke, but Alphiel smiled at her elder son and ruffled his hair, something he ducked at halfheartedly, but also something that brought a smile to his face. "I am glad to see you are remembering your lessons, my son." the mother praised softly and the young elf's smile widened before he looked up again. After a long moment his face grew more serious and Alphiel stayed quiet, merely waiting for Maethorion to speak, for she knew her son's habits well.
"Naneth, where is Eru?"
The female elf looked slightly startled and frowned a little, confused as to what her child was really asking. "What do you mean, Maeth?"
Dark brown eyes looked into the mother's blue ones and Alphiel once again saw her husband in her son. They shared the same wise, volatile eyes, the same sharp-angled face, the same questioning, restless mind and stubborn will. But unlike Ilfirino, Maethorion was HERE. Both her sons were here with her when her husband was not and now one of them was asking her a question she prayed for the wisdom to answer.
"It is known where the Valar, who govern us, home and where the Maia, who are their servants, home. Where is Eru's home?"
"Eru dwells in the Timeless Halls, my son."
"But WHERE is that?" Maethorion was insistent now and Alphiel sighed, reaching forward to take the now sleeping Pennion in her arms and then standing, Maethorion following her example. The female elf started to slowly walk back toward their village and with another long look at the stars, the young elf followed, waiting for an answer that his mother finally gave him...very carefully.
"I do not really know where the Timeless Halls are, Maeth." At the young elf's disappointed look she smiled and stopped, reaching down to tilt his chin up and smile into his brown eyes. "I do know, however, that Eru Himself dwells not only in the Timeless Halls, but in anyone who accepts Him."
Wide dark brown eyes blinked and Maethorion looked down at himself. "He's inside me!" It was squeaked out and Alphiel laughed, ruffling her son's hair again and shaking her own head. "Ai, pen neth, He is. His Spirit dwells in all His children should we let Him and His Voice guides us."
Maethorion looked up then after a long moment of thought and Alphiel was unsure of the feeling of shadow that crept over her heart in that moment as she looked at the light brown eyes of her very solemn son. In that moment, she wondered if he knew something she did not. She'd seen that look in her husband's eyes on a occasion. She'd seen it shortly before he'd left. It was a deep sadness, a haunted expression she should never have seen in the face of her child and Maethorion's voice echoed it.
"What happens if Eru leaves? What happens if He's not inside me?"
Alphiel stared at her son for a long moment, unsure what to say and then the words flooded her mind and she felt the darkness chased away by a flood of warmth and light that reassured her in a way she did not question, but merely accepted as truth. "If ever Eru leaves you, my son, it is because you told Him to. You have only to accept Him back, Maethorion, and He will be with you again. He is never far from us, an very present help in times of trouble."
"What if I do something bad?"
"He will forgive you should you ask Him to."
The look in Maethorion's eyes cleared quickly and he smiled in a small, but happy way as he touched his heart where he could feel a small warmth and he thought he almost heard a quiet Voice whispering words of comfort. "That's good." The young elf's smile widened up at his mother and he took her hand, leaving Alphiel a moment to ponder what had just happened before she smiled back at her son and drew him close. "Yes, it is good. Now come, it's past your bed time."
Maethorion groaned and just like that the strange spell over them was broken as the young elf started to try and buy more awake time. (end flashback)
Renegade came back to himself curled on the ground. He could feel hot tears on his face and for a moment struggled to breathe past the combined memory and the pressure in the very air around him. It felt like there was a great battled going on that he could not see but was a key player in and the elf didn't like it in the least. He shut his eyes tightly, but opened them quickly when he felt something coming toward him. It was a light-made hand and the elf recoiled away from it with a warning hiss of hate that startled even him.
Ice blue eyes stared at the winged-Maia as the light-being looked back at him, unmoving again. "The Darkness inside controls you, Maethorion. You believe you keep it contained, but evil only thrives in secret and gains strength in the darkness of your mind."
"It is not evil. It is power." Maethorion growled the words in a low, hissing way and somewhere inside he was confused at his own response. He knew that wasn't true...he'd told Noruiel just hours before that all she would find was darkness inside him. And darkness was evil...so why was he denying it now? It didn't make sense that he would deny what he knew was true. Why did it feel like he couldn't even get his mouth to try and speak these words?
The winged-Maia merely looked at the elf calmly, unmoved. "The power that resides in you is not evil. The ways you use it often are and that is how the Darkness grows, through your willful actions. Great power itself is a Gift from the Creator of All, but the ways His children use those powers determine the fates of many. You have chosen to use yours for ill, Maethorion."
Anger that startled Maethorion deep inside erupted in the elf at those words and he stood with that fury wrapping around him like a shield against the growing Presence of Light that was coming in from all sides. "You lie! My power is only to kill! What other purpose could there be for me! If I have taken an evil road it is the Creator's fault for bestowing me with an evil power!"
"Be silent, Son of Destruction!"
Maethorion flinched...or he thought he had. In reality, he discovered that no, he had not moved at all and in fact, it wasn't even him speaking anymore but something more terrible. And in that moment he realized the Maia hadn't been addressing HIM.
"I will not!" It was a inhuman shriek of defiance as the elf changed, black skin replacing a fair complexion, blood-red hair for gold and empty white eyes for ice blue ones. Another screech of rage and bloodlust came from his mouth and inside, deep inside, Maethorion watched in horror and sudden terror at what he'd become. What part of him had become.
He had not allowed this change! He didn't want it! He didn't want to kill a servant of Eru! He wasn't suicidal or that stupid! What was going on! The answer came all too swiftly as the elf felt himself being shoved back into a corner of his mind as whatever this new dark presence was took over.
Evil. This thing...it was him, but it was not him all at the same time. It was the darkest part of himself, given free reign for too long...but mixed with something more more powerful and malicious, to. He'd fed the dark part of himself and in turn had fed this 'thing' lurking inside t...nurtured it and created every excuse for its existence to others. He'd enabled it and now...now he couldn't control it. Perhaps he'd never controlled. It had just been waiting for the right moment to strike and the appearance of this being of light had triggered it. Maethorion could only watch now as Death fought the Light around it with malevolence he'd let breed inside him.
The elf watched as tendrils of dark fog started to swarm the nearby plains, disappearing into the darkness outside the light circle, killing any living thing it came in contact with, feeding. Death shrieked again from his own mouth and Maethorion snapped back to attention, seeing that his body - or what was controlling his body now - had tried to attack the winged-Maia...without success as the Light had stopped the dark being entirely with a shield that Death could not break.
Maethorion found that he almost didn't care about the attack on the winged-Maia as his attention drifted back toward the dark fog that he could feel eating away at everything, stealing the life of the plains itself, killing every blade of grass and every creature down to insects. Life was life and Death was hungry for it. And Noruiel was out there. It was a thought in the safe corner of his mind that kept ringing around the elf and he couldn't escape it. He might not care about anyone or anything else, but the Akira was out on those plains, not far from here and she was in danger now.
From him.
Try as he might, though, he could not control the awakened power, the darkness that was him and yet wasn't all at once. And Maethorion WAS trying to fight it. He kept shields up around his emotions, around himself, but deep down, he was still...him. That's what was fighting so hard now, the deepest corner of his mind unaffected by the power and the darkness, that deep part that had always remained steady, always him. That part was losing the battle against his power and it scared the elf in a way he'd not been scared in a long time.
Will you let me in, Maethorion?
The Voice seemed to come from a great distance away, but Maethorion heard it and for a precious moment in time, his entire being stilled, listening to a Voice it had not heeded in a great many years and then chaos broke loose inside as Death roared again, more inside than out this time, though. The sound was agony and the feeling of hate and rage, loathing that swept over the elf was enough to make him cry out with pain. Death did not like the Creator's presence, nor the idea that Maethorion might invite Eru back into his life.
The elf knew all this in an instant and he allowed his mental eyes to open, his body to uncurl despite the pain as defiance of his own filled his dark brown eyes. Slowly he stood, being buffeted from all sides and nearly swept off his feet more times than he could count as the darkness shrieked and whirled around him, stinging with biting pain and harsh words. It might have been enough to make the elf give in if it hadn't been for his power...for what he knew his power would do as soon as he let it go completely, stopped fighting.
Noruiel.
He wasn't going to let her get hurt...not even from himself.
I'm here! Please come back! I'm here! Maethorion screamed it through he vortex that kept him prisoner and that's when he felt it, a warmth deep in his chest, a spark of true resistance that Death could not touch. It was a Voice that shook him down to his soul, it was a Voice that whispered words into him, reminding of things he'd cast aside, painful things, but truth.
Maethorion, you have begun to forget Me.
Pain wracked through Maethorion at the words, but he knew the sensation was not brought on by the Creator, but rather the darkness inside that recoiled from the Presence and struck out at him for allowing it. The pain came from his own guilt and self-condemnation and deep inside, Maethorion sobbed, offering up no argument against the statement from Eru.
Like the elves of time past, corrupted by the Dark One, you have closed yourself off to Me. Like the orcs, you turn away from the help I would provide in your times of trouble.
The elf screamed both in agony and in an apology he could not properly voice as another wave of pain swept over him, unbearable. Maethorion wanted to die in that moment just to relieve the agony...but then it was gone completely and the elf shuddered with fear, looking around. The Light that surrounded him, blocking away the vortex of pain and darkness and Death, chased the fear inside him away and Maethorion knew even without being able to see it, that when he felt someone touch his head, it was really happening. The contact was unlike anything he'd ever felt before as it flooded his entire being with a love so overwhelming that the elf felt both like laughing and crying at the same time and he soon realized he was doing both.
The wave of love seemed to dampen down slightly, but immediately following it was forgiveness, so strong that the elf could hardly breathe and this time he only cried, humbled completely at such a gift. He didn't deserve it, but here it was, offered freely and without reservation, without condemnation.
You are loved, My Son. You are forgiven. From before the beginning of time I have pursued you and until the end of time I will continue to do so. You are Mine.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The words were a broken whisper and Maethorion felt the Creator smile gently like a father looks upon a much beloved child caught in the act of mischief, forgiving and yet stern all at once. A father welcoming back a wayward son, glad to see him home and safe. I know you are. You are forgiven, My Son.
Maethorion nodded, letting the words work into his heart, his soul, but knowing it would take a long time for him to forgive himself. He didn't have long to dwell on that knowledge, though, as he felt the unseen hands lift him easily as one lifts a child and set him on his feet. He looked around, almost confused as to what was happening, but not alarmed.
You must resist Guruthos and he will flee from you, My Son.
Guruthos? Maethorion looked past the Light, toward the chaos of his mind beyond. Death. He had called it such, but was that really its name?
It is. Guruthos is a spirit in the service of the Dark One. He came to you when you invited him in, Maethorion. He has dwelled inside you for a great time now and you fed him diligently. It is time for him to flee and join his master in the Void.
The elf felt horror wash through him at the Creator's words. Possessed! He'd been possessed by a spirit of darkness, a spirit he'd invited in. A spirit that was now taking control, using his power to it's own purposes. Maethorion looked back at the light around him at that thought and his soul was troubled, greatly so. My Lord, why did you give me such a power? How is killing anything but evil? How can such a power serve you without succumbing to darkness? He did not understand. His power took life, it was all it knew and the Creator WAS life. How could such opposites work together?
There seemed to be amusement in the Light around him and Maethorion raised a brow, but for the first time in a long time, didn't feel irritated by the lack of an immediate answer. My Son, I have given you a power according to My wisdom. It was your choice to use it for killing. That does not means killing is all your power can do. When there is darkness, there is also light. Where there is black, there is white. And where there is death, there is also life.
Maethorion's dark brown eyes widened in sudden understanding...or at least the beginning of it. There was another side to his power, a side he'd not yet tapped into, not even contemplated. Mountain was going to say 'I told you so', guaranteed. The thought brought a smile to Maethorion's face and warmth curled through him, hot and potent. Are you ready, My Son?
I am.
Maethorion felt the Light wrap around him, enter him, consume him as the vortex surrounded him once more. The Light protected him from the battering of the darkness. There was an inhuman shriek of rage from Guruthos as the spirit sensed its demise was imminent and then Maethorion's world exploded in white light.
Next morning...
Maethorion woke entirely unsure where he was as he looked around. The sky above him was blue and light, if clouded and he could feel grass prickling beneath his body. The sounds of birds, light snoring and two more people breathing besides reached his ears and the elf sat up slowly. The sight that greeted his dark brown eyes was the camp and Mountain, Noruiel and Sentinel still sleeping as the sky lightened.
The elf frowned slightly, trying to puzzle out how he'd ended up here. Flashes came back to him slowly, but they almost seemed too far-fetched to believe. Had last night been nothing but a dream? He could remember Guruthos fleeing, his power stopping quickly after that and then a freeing feeling...like he was breaking away from chains...and then the world was swimming and the winged-Maia was looking at him...the world went dark...
Maethorion looked back at where he'd wandered off to last night and wondered. Did the Maia bring him back? How had Noruiel, Sen and Mountain not heard him? How had they not been effected by his power or Guruthos' shrieks? Had the Light kept everything from sight and sound? Or...HAD it been a dream?
Did it feel like a dream?
The elf nearly jumped at the Voice, so clear in his head, but then relaxed again even as his mind flooded with astonishment. It had been REAL. All of it. Dark brown eyes closed tightly for a long moment as Maethorion took in a careful breath and then let it out slowly. It did.
Are you disappointed that it was not?
Don't you already know the answer to that question? the elf shot back with amusement and the Creator laughed, the sound rich and deep and fully pleased. It made Maethorion smile slightly even as he looked around at the camp again, pulling his legs into a crossed position beneath him as for the first time in weeks he allowed his companions to sleep. He didn't feel a need to rush. It was strange.
The winged-Maia did he bring me back?
Michael. He did.
Michael?
That is his name. He is glad to know you have been saved. He has taken a liking to you. His brother, Gabriel, is more interested in Alagos.
Maethorion blinked, unsure what to do with that information. Alagos had a winged-Maia looking after him, too? And the Maia were brothers? Interesting, but how did it pertain to him?
The Creator chuckled. The relationship between you, My Son, and Alagos will be pivotal to the future of your children. It is good that you know as much about each other as you may so far apart. Gabriel and Michael will bear messages between you as they are able.
Oh. The gold-haired male would have said he understood, but the truth was that he didn't, not really and so he said nothing, knowing that the Creator know his heart anyway and he didn't need to explain. As time passed in silence, the elf found his eyes traveling to Noruiel again as he kept watch and before he could jerk his attention away, the Voice stopped him, suddenly very commanding, stern even as it was not angry. She is My Daughter, Maethorion.
Maethorion closed his eyes, wincing behind his gold hair, thinking the words a reprimand. I know. I am sorry I-
I have given her to you.
Dark brown eyes flew open in complete shock and the elf stared at the Akira, seeing her even as he didn't. WHAT! Mine? Wait, I don't...I don't understand...
You understand, My Son. You only fear what your heart tells you. You should not for the emotions in your heart were placed there by Me. were the counter words and Maethorion could only shake his head as he watched the brown-haired half-elf breathe deeply in sleep, unknowing of what was being discussed not twenty feet from her. Eru...could not possibly mean what Maethorion thought He meant! Right? They didn't even like each other! It was...just...it would be...strange!
It is true. Do you not remember the words I spoke to you on your six hundred and fiftieth birth day?
Maethorion frowned at the reminder of something he didn't readily have an answer to, trying to think back to that day. He would have been the equivalent of a thirteen year old human and he'd gone through many more years than that since that point...but the memory was coming back to him, most likely helped along by the Presence in his mind.
(flashback) Maethorion squirmed in his bed, restless. He wasn't tired and the words of his mother and the other ladies of the village still rang in his mind like bells. They had not said anything bad...at least the young elf didn't think so. They'd just said some gross things he didn't want to think about. But he really couldn't stop! It was annoying!
A heavy sigh permeated the small bedroom and Maethorion froze after releasing the sound. If he woke his brother, his mother wouldn't be happy... But no, Pennion still slept and the young elf sighed again, this time in relief before he stared up at the ceiling again, frowning once more. "I don't want to get married to Saeliel!" he whispered fiercely and then blinked at a soft chuckle.
Maethorion knew it was only heard by him and he knew who'd made it. The knowledge brought a smile to the young elf's face and he turned on his side, snuggling into the blankets like he was facing a good friend right beside him, whispering to each other so his mother wouldn't hear. "Eru?"
'Who else, My Child? You do not desire to marry?'
Maethorion wrinkled his nose. "Not to Saeliel!"
Another chuckle, but the young elf didn't feel like he was being laughed at. It was what he liked most about Eru. He never mocked Maethorion or treat him like he didn't understand things. 'And if your wife were to not be Saeliel? Would you marry then?'
"...maybe..."
'That is good, for I already have a wife meant only for you.'
Maethorion blinked into the darkness of the room, unsure what he felt about that. At six hundred and fifty, he was only a child and the thought of marriage was a strange one, but the Creator was saying this! Surely it was something to be curious about... "Really? Who is she?"
'You can not know her name at this time.'
The young elf frowned, thinking about that. "Then how shall I know her at all? What if I marry the wrong person?"
The Creator smiled, Maethorion could feel it down to his marrow and it almost tickled, making the young elf squirm again, repressing giggles that would make his mother come in. 'You will know who I have planned for you. Her eyes are just like yours.'
Wide dark brown eyes stared at the far wall. "They change colors?"
'Yes, My Child, her eyes change colors.' (end flashback)
Maethorion groaned, placing his head in his hands. Oh, Valar...he'd forgotten all about that...every word. The elf sighed after a long period of time where he just sat quietly, letting his thoughts whirl but not trying to understand them in the least. He'd get lost in that jumbled mess of a maze, he was sure of it. Her eyes. You made them that way...for me. So I could find her. Maethorion didn't even need confirmation on that thought and the Creator did not comment. Noruiel hadn't even been born when he was that age. The Creator had known, even then, that they'd come together, that he was supposed to recognize his other half by her eyes. It was crazy...it was hard to fathom...it was ordained, designed. It was a perfect plan orchestrated by a perfect Creator.
The elf sighed out slowly and looked up again, back at Noruiel and he felt like he was viewing her in a new light...like he was viewing himself in the RIGHT light after so long in the darkness. How the Akira did not see him as a monster was beyond Maethorion and he thought her very strange for the fact. And yet...at the same time, he was not greatly surprised by it anymore. If she was supposed to be with him...then she would accept him.
Just as he needed to accept her...Empath power and all. It wasn't going to be easy...for either of them. He'd kissed her for all the wrong reasons and she would not trust him. And he...he still needed to figure out his own head much less hers. He'd repressed more than emotions when he'd closed himself off to the world, to his Creator. He'd lost most of his past, too, anything that Guruthos could not use had been buried, forgotten and remembering was going to be a challenge.
He felt like he wasn't even whole anymore and it had nothing to do with not having Noruiel at his side, though, he was aware of that ache now, too. No, he didn't know who HE was anymore and he hadn't for a long time. It was time to start figuring it out...and doing it the right way. That was going to be harder than anything. He'd been a killer so long. To just stop...to show emotion, to not close himself in would be harder than anything.
It is what I ask of you.
I know. I will try.
Protect My Daughter, Antarcuilo.
Maethorion inhaled sharply, startled by the name suddenly bestowed on him and he could only nod, unsure of what more to say. He could not argue against such a title, though, he wanted to. He didn't know the other half of his power and Eru did. If the Creator wanted to call him 'Life Giver' then how was he to object? He would have said his title was Antarqualmo, 'Death Giver', but that was not the name Eru spoke. It did not make sense to the elf, but he would accept it...sort of. And he would try to accept that task placed on him.
Protect Noruiel. That should be...fun. Marry Noruiel? Maethorion didn't want to let his mind go that far...not yet. Time...one step at a time. A lot of them...a lot of steps before that time arrived. He didn't even love her yet!
Right?
Eru chuckled.
Noruiel was really not sure what she sensed was different when she woke...but she knew something was. Very different. At first the Akira accounted it to the time of day. The sun was bright in the sky, it was late morning and that was unusual. Renegade should have had them up by now, hours into walking at this point. Why-? The half-elf raised herself up on her arms and looked around, wondering if maybe the elf had sunk into the marshes on his walk in the dark. But no, he was right there, talking to Mountain.
The large man seemed to be fine, smiling and pleased about something. Noruiel could feel pride coming off the large Jagasei and she blinked in confusion, looking from Mountain to Renegade...who was smiling.
Noruiel blinked, completely startled and then looked away quickly as her movement had attracted the attention of the two males. The Akira took a careful breath to hide her puzzlement and got up, working on wrapping her bedroll and then putting her hair up before she dug around in her pack for something to eat. They would be walking soon and she'd fallen into routine by this point. So it was that when one aspect of that routine was broken, she noticed. Noruiel had turned to give Sen a small handful of meat just as a treat to see that the Sertek was not at her side.
He was easy to find, but where she saw him had Noruiel's mind spinning with questions once more. Questions she could not answer as she watched the large lizard-dog stand before the elf and slowly lower his head into Renegade's palm. The elf spoke something to the Sertek that Noruiel did not catch, but she could hear the rumbling sound Sen gave in return...it was friendly. It was a noise of acceptance and the Akira watched it with a strange feeling bubbling up in her chest. She recognized jealousy easy enough. She'd had Sen to herself on this trip and the creature had not liked the elf. She'd enjoyed it and now Sen was accepting Renegade? Another emotion was confusion and she felt she had a right to it. What was going on!
The third emotion...she didn't want to dwell on. It was a strange kind of affection and she realized that it only came when her gaze strayed to Renegade himself. And now the elf was looking back. Their eyes met and Noruiel felt the breath inside her lungs freeze completely, her entire body did as her power zoned in on the elf, on the being that had eluded it for so long. There was only one emotion to feel, one glimmering speck where the whole of Renegade should have been...but the fact that she was feeling ANYTHING from him at all...was astounding.
Her power swarmed the emotion he was offering and it flooded her mind with the force of an ocean tsunami. Remorse. It was remorse and it was completely sincere...and it was drowning her. Noruiel's vision wavered and swam as she clutched her head and she felt her body lurch, her knees make impact with the ground. It was a distant distraction and the voice she heard in her roaring ears...she only vaguely realized it was her own...saying words...
"I forgive you! Valar, please stop! I forgive you!"
The Akira saw Renegade's face register both startled surprise and then relief and finally worry - was he actually worried? - before her sight faded out completely and her body slumped. Her mind went black as her power tried to deal with the overwhelming emotion it had been given. Escaping into unconsciousness was the safest way to get her gift under control and Noruiel's body knew it.
As she fell forward, she was caught by a pair of hands she didn't feel. Renegade lowered the Akira down carefully, turning her so she was on her back. His fingers brushed her hair back without much thought before he felt for her pulse. His sigh of relief couldn't be heard as anything but what it was and the elf looked up at Mountain as the Jagasei crouched on the opposite side of the Akira.
"What did you do?"
The elf gave the large man a cold look. "What makes you think I did something?"
Mountain only raised a brow and started to check the Akira over. Renegade had spent the last hour telling him what had transpired last night and while Mountain believed every word of it, he knew that Renegade was still...well, Renegade. Maybe a better version, but still the same for the most part. And the elf had done something, intentionally or not. Now he watched the elf hesitate for a moment, looking back down at Noruiel as Mountain finished his examination, finding nothing that he could diagnose as wrong with the female. The gold-haired male finally answered the large man's question after being told as much about the Akira by Mountain.
"I don't know what I did. I honestly don't, 'Tain." But he was worried about what ever it was. She'd seemed to be in pain...or panicked about something and unable to escape it. The elf hadn't liked it. And he knew that without meaning to, he'd caused it. He just didn't understand WHAT he'd done...but it had involved emotions...his emotions. She'd read him! But...she'd said she couldn't and she'd been truthful...had something changed? If so, in which one of them? Renegade didn't know and it was irritating.
"Fair enough. What was she forgiving you for?"
Renegade sighed, pushing his hair behind a pointed ear and Mountain was interested to note that a tinge of pink stood out on the elf's cheekbones. He hesitated to answer once more, but then just did it, knowing he wasn't going to escape having to explain eventually. "I...kissed her. It was...wrong...the reasons were wrong."
Mountain's eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head to catch his charge's eyes even as a grin threatened to run wild across his face. "The reasons...but not the kiss itself?"
Renegade stilled at that suggestion, seeming to struggle with something before a defeated look entered his brown eyes. It fascinated Mountain, this submissiveness to a power higher than Renegade himself. The elf...was truly going to try and change. Mountain could already see that.
"No. The kiss...wasn't wrong."
"How did Moon react?" Judging by their distance since the episode, the Jagasei could not think it went well. Therefore, Renegade's answer surprised him completely. The elf shook his head, looking back down at the Akira and pushing Sen's head away like they'd been interacting for forever when the Sertek tried to sniff at his mistress, worried. The gold-haired male murmured some absent reassurance in elven to the creature before speaking to Mountain, his fingers having found a place to settle on top of one of Noruiel's hands. It almost seemed to Mountain like Renegade had been released from the restraining force that had kept his emotions hidden even to himself and now he acted on those emotions without even realizing it.
"She was...shocked, perhaps angry at first. We'd been arguing." Renegade studiously ignored Mountain's mumbled reply of 'that's not surprising' and moved on with his own recount of the incident. "I kissed her to prove a point...and because I wanted to...and she kissed me back." Brown eyes looked up into dark ones and Renegade's voice was very quiet. "She kissed me back, Alejandro."
It almost seemed like it was truly sinking in for the elf and Mountain smiled gently, understanding how shell-shocked his charge truly was at the moment. Renegade didn't think himself worth anything, even now. To even be contemplating the idea that Noruiel might have kissed him because SHE wanted to...it would be a hard thought for the elf to swallow. Mountain knew he would...in time. But first, to plant the seed...
"And what does that tell you, Elfling?"
The elf didn't answer, looking away and back at Noruiel who slept still. Renegade wasn't sure what he thought that meant. It could be that she'd done it on instinct...or it could be that the same emotions he felt for her...she felt for him...just like the Creator wanted. Either was a possibility, but he'd spent most of his life assuming many things and it had gotten him in a great deal of trouble and pain. He would not assume to know Noruiel's mind at this time, not when he didn't even know his own.
"We should get moving. She said to head North-east today, to keep away from the marshes."
Mountain sighed, knowing the conversation was over and he nodded, agreeing silently as Renegade gave one last look to Noruiel, an unreadable look and then left her for Mountain to pick up. The Jagasei did so carefully, checking the female over once more. In the end he had to deduce that whatever was going on, it was in her mind and there was nothing they could do but wait. He was not a healing of the mind and neither was Renegade. They could not draw someone out of the darkness...at least not as far as Mountain knew..
After some careful planning by both males, they finally settled the unconscious Akira over Sen's back. The Sertek looked back at his mistress with loyalty and worry, and both Renegade and Mountain knew that the lizard-dog would not let her fall. It was a relief to them and the three males moved forward across the plains, a land they did not know and each one wished their guide would wake...all for different reasons.
That night on the plains of Gilubac, Avarikal...
Noruiel blinked in the darkness and it took her a minute to realize that just because she could barely see did not mean she was still asleep or that her eyes were not working. It just meant it was dark out. And as she looked around, she realized it wasn't completely dark. The clouds above hid the stars, but the fire to her left cast glows in the night and when she faced it, there was plenty of light to see by. Well, there was plenty of light when it wasn't being blocked out by a body.
The Akira watched the shape approaching and frowned, puzzled. It was Renegade. She knew that by the size of his body, but also because her gift, even battered and bruised, could not sense him again. It was strange. She would have thought she'd imagined feeling what she'd felt from him at all if not for the pounding in her skull that told her no, this had been very real.
Noruiel closed her eyes as Renegade moved out of the line of firelight and pain spiked through her temples at the abrupt adjustment her eyes had to make. When she peeked one dark blue eye open again it was to glare at the elf who was now crouching directly beside her. He looked flawless - as usual - but instead of cold indifference adorning his face and ice in his eyes, there was a look of concern. It wasn't overwhelming and it was hard to fully detect...but was there and Noruiel was not sure what to make of it.
It made her nervous and his words even more so.
"How do you feel?"
The half-elf raised a brow, sarcasm lapping at her tongue and only slightly restrained. "Like I was battered by a troll. Oh, wait, I'm not that far off am I?"
Renegade's eyes flashed with irritation that Noruiel was almost relieved to see as he glared at her. "It wasn't trying to hurt you, Akira." Why was she being so completely impossible! It wasn't like he'd even known that would happen! "Don't you have better control over your power than that?" It slipped from his mouth without thought and the elf resisted the strong urge to wince as Noruiel's eyes blazed a brown color, ire stirred in their depths.
She might have been lying down, but that didn't stop the Akira's voice, her words to be a force all their own as she fired back a retort. "My power is perfectly fine! It's YOU that has the problem! Damn, don't you know how to control your emotions at all!"
The elf glared back at the female at that jab, but instead of leaving, he sat back on his heals and then rearranged his body to sit cross-legged without either of them really realizing the action as he spoke, voice cold and hissed, but somehow lacking the serious bite it could have had. "YOU were the one who said you couldn't even read me! Or was that a lie?"
"I didn't lie! I couldn't read you! Something changed! It's not my fault you're as unpredictable as a Ketven during breeding season!"
As soon as the words left Noruiel's mouth she shut it, her face flushing badly and the elf merely stared at her, blinking in genuine surprise and for once not hiding it at all. The silence stretched on and then a snort came from somewhere behind Renegade and the awkwardness was shattered as Noruiel started giggling and then laughing. It hurt her head something fierce, but she couldn't stop it and as she heard laughter join her own the Akira knew she'd never regret saying what she had, no matter how insulting it had been.
She'd gotten a laugh out of the most complex person she'd ever met, a sincere, smiling laugh. Why did it fill her heart with a warm feeling? Noruiel didn't know and she didn't get to think too deeply on it as Renegade finally shook his head, smiling in a way the Akira had never seen him do. "Do I even want to know?" He was sure he didn't, but still, it warranted the question and when it brought another embarrassed smile to Noruiel's lips, Renegade thought the question worth it. Not that he was going to imply as much out loud...
"No one wants to know. Trust me, I wish I didn't know!"
Noruiel shook her head, resting it back on the cloth behind her as her blue eyes sought out the elven face above and beside her. She caught a glimpse of Renegade's dark eyes in the flickering firelight, but could not hold his gaze properly. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to. She'd felt his remorse - something that she was still trying to wrap her mind around. The sheer FORCE of it had been amazing - and she'd said she'd forgiven him...and she had now...but it didn't change what had happened. It couldn't and she wasn't sure where they stood anymore. They'd been enemies...then rivals...then reluctantly respectful in a way of each other...then travel companions, warriors in arms...but now...the lines had been blurred beyond recognition and she was unsure where to go from here. It seemed, much to her surprise, that Renegade did, however.
"I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt you." His voice was quiet and his eyes met and held her own, able to see her clearly in a way she could not exactly see him. Noruiel could only stare at the elf as her mind short-circuited and she tried to find the words to say. Nothing was forthcoming, nothing useful anyway and so she just blurted the first thing that made any sort of sense. Never a smart thing, but...oh well.
"Where is Renegade and what have you done with him?"
It seemed like a very good, logical, well-deserved question to Noruiel and she didn't really appreciate when the elf chuckled slightly and looked away, not answering her right away. She frowned at him - or his curtain of hair anyway - when he didn't face her while speaking. "He's still here...just...changed. I got some sense knocked into me."
Noruiel's irritation made her snappy despite what he'd just said and she spoke before letting the words really sink in and make sense to her brain. "About time someone did it."
"You could benefit from the same treatment, Akira!" Renegade snapped it like a snake, his head turning toward her so swiftly his hair flew up a little and Noruiel wanted to flinch back, but refrained with effort. So he was still in there. Good to know. But...he was...just changed? Maybe that change could use some leeway from her a small voice inside said and she was hard-pressed to push it away. Fine. Perhaps she should not have spoken to rashly, but it was too late now. She wasn't going to back down to him so soon. The Akira raised her brow in question and partly in challenge, wondering just how far his new tolerance stretched.
Renegade looked at her, watching with a careful expression on his face. He knew what she was doing. She wanted to get a rise out of him, to see if he really meant what he said and part of him wanted to lash out at the frustrating female as he'd always done. But now...now he knew he lashed out in fear...and she was now doing the same. Fear and uncertainty and he could not fault her for those emotions. He could, however, help to break the cycle of those emotions and how they reacted to them, though.
It wasn't easy and he had to remind himself of the task Eru had placed on him, but Renegade shook his head, holding the Akira's eyes steadily. "No."
Noruiel blinked, instantly confused and with that confusion the hostility in her eyes faded into vapor. She tilted her head, genuinely curious as to his response and not even realizing fully that she'd stopped bristling so much, was no longer so tense. "No? No, what?"
Renegade shook his head again and raised his hand as Sen came to lay beside him, nudging his large head under the elf's fingers. The gold-haired male rubbed the Sertek's erect ears and Noruiel reached out to stroke Sen's muzzle, feeling more at peace now that he was close to her again...and yet, extremely puzzled as to the Sertek's sudden acceptance of Renegade.
"I will no longer force you to tell me of your life if it is not your desire to share. I won't judge you anymore." The elf's words seemed to echo in the silence to Noruiel and she didn't dare look at him, feeling her fingers tremble on Sen's muzzle and her eyes filled with tears she didn't want to shed. She barely felt like she was breathing and then when large fingers came to still the shaking in her smaller ones with a gentle grasp, she KNEW she wasn't breathing. Her heart was pounding in her ears and her body was warm, but she wasn't breathing.
"You are scaring me just a little right now." It was a very, very quiet admission and Noruiel didn't dare look up at the elf when she said it. She felt him squeeze her fingers a bit, though, before he released them and Sen growled in a way that could only be described as approving of the whole scene between them. Noruiel didn't even want to know what was going through the lizard-dog's mind right now.
"I'm scaring myself right now." Renegade offered back just as quietly and this time the Akira did look up, her blue eyes meeting his dark brown ones, sudden and perfect calm between them...an understanding of some unknown origin and rules reached between them in that moment. The Akira offered a weak smile that only served to ignite the same response in the elf.
"Glad it's both of us then." She didn't know exactly what was going on or where they were headed. She didn't know if they were ever going to discuss that kiss and what it had meant. She didn't know what kind of change had come over Renegade or why, how long it would last...but what she did know was that right here, right now, there was a fragile peace between them and she'd take it.
It seemed the elf would too as Renegade's smile grew just a little and he brushed his hair back, nodding. "Me too."
Review, pleasesies!
