XXXXXIII.

Keeping A Secret

"You know I can't keep doing this."

"Of course not, if you could, things wouldn't be as interesting."

She found herself completely defenseless against just the hint of his fingertips against her; the thought alone was enough to keep her coming back. It was a risk, one that was far too dangerous to try and chance… and yet, she continued to do so. She continued to keep coming back here, back to him; it was almost a habit now. There was a support system between them. She couldn't survive without that sense of meaning he brought to her; he couldn't live without the physical contact they shared.

She enjoyed that part just as much as he did though.

The rush of euphoria from just his hands pushing her into the mattress below sent her through a downward spiral that only reminded her of this risk. Fingers pushing their way through the silk-like material of her dress and into the bare skin underneath heightened every nerve ending in her body as her spine slowly fell victim to the numbing sensations.

How much longer was she going to run this risk just to satisfy this unknown need of hers?

How many times was she going to volunteer for an expedition to the human world just so she could curb her addiction to the way his lips tasted against her own?

How many times was she going to seemingly 'ditch out' on her own team just to be here? To be here so she could give in to this one selfish action.

Sometimes she wondered if she would ever admit to this kind of risk. She wondered how far she would go to avoid breaking this gamble. She couldn't keep disobeying and lying to her Captain about this… it was practically like betraying Soul Society itself to be seen with him. And yet, she couldn't stop. Did she really want that kind of mark? Did she really want to run that even greater danger and let it happen?

No… maybe yes.

Who was she trying to fool. No one could convince her otherwise to stop this. She was too far gone to stop, too far gone to even think about quitting. Just the thought of it alone was enough to send her into cold sweats; she was just that addicted.

Maybe it wasn't to just the physical act. No, she figured it out at this point.

It was just the thought of it that continued to bring her here. It was the risk. It was the secret. All of this, this was just hers, this was like her own little world that no one else could enter- just him. No one could tell her different; no one could tell her it was wrong, she already knew that much. But, she wasn't going to let him go.

She wasn't going to just… let this go. It was a secret that only two people knew.

A shuttered gasp left her as that risk flowed from his body and into hers.