Hello all! Summer is here and CrystalFNfire is ready for another round of hilariously stupid ripoffs of musical songs. Please, please, please review, everyone:D


Lovely Lady

Sung by: Gimli, Legolas, and Galadriel

Take off of "Lovely Ladies"

LES MISERABLES


(Scene: Gimli meeting Galadriel. He immediately falls in love.)

Gimli:

I see a woman,

See her over there!

I think I've dropped my ax

With her scent up in the air!

Lovely lady,

See her in the tree,

A life with bearded women

Can make you want more beauty!

Legolas: (sighing)

Even dwarves think she's prettier than me.

Galadriel:

Lovely lady,

With a husband who is fair,

He thinks he's really hot,

But there's really not much there.

Lovely lady,

Kinda needs new game.

Elves, or men, or dwarves

I guess they're really all the same.

Even ancients need a little flame!

Gimli:

Come here, you're fair,

I'd like a strand of your hair.

It's gold to me...

Galadriel: (flattered)

Master Dwarf, I'll give it to you.

I'll give you five.

Gimli:

That's far too generous, lady!

Galadriel:

I'll give you three. You seem like a handsome dwarf.

(cuts off three strands) It's all yours.

Gimli:

It's all I have...

Galadriel:

To remember me.

Gimli:

Please make it five!

Galadriel:

No more than three,

That's all you asked of me!

Gimli:

Lovely lady,

Standing in the trees

Waiting for a fast ship

Or the last ship to the seas

Legolas: (taunting Gimli)

She's tall, you're short

Won't get you in her sheets

I guess you'll only get her

If you grow a few more feet.

Your head and her hips can't even seem to meet!

Gimli: (caressing Galadriel's hair and ignoring Legolas)

What pretty hair,

What pretty strands I've got here.

What luck I've got. It's worth the world to me, here.

(To Legolas) You've got no crock!

So don't tease me! Leave me alone!

Legolas:

Let's make a price!

I'll let you be my friend!

Just think of that.

Gimli:

He's so pretty.

Legolas:

Just think of that.

Gimli:

What can I do? He's so pretty.

And he wants to be friends with me!

Galadriel:

Lovely lady's

Hair is more pretty

Legolas is jealous,

'Cause he's uglier than me.

Lovely lady

Wants you to keep her hair

Shake your head at Legolas

Because I am more fair.

Come on, Gimli, we'll make a better pair.

Legolas:

Give me the hair. I've saved your life twice.

Galadriel:

I am more fair. And I haven't got lice.

Legolas: (appalled)

I don't got lice! I wash as much as I can!

Galadriel:

I wouldn't have known.

You smell just like a man.

(Legolas begins to cry.)

Lovely lady, wants you to keep it.

Gimli:

Lovely lady!

(turns to the crying lady)

Come on, Leggy, why all the fuss?

You're no grander than the rest of us.

Life has made you as smelly with lots of sore ends,

But don't worry. I'll still be your friend.

(Legolas cries harder)

Galadriel: (evilly)

That's right, Gimli, let him have the lot.

Legolas:

Alrighty, Gilly, I'll show you what I've got!

(Picks up mud heap and throws it at Galadriel. She gasps as mud drips down her face)

Legolas: (gleefully)

Old men, young men, you smell like all of them

Harbor rats and alley cats and every kind of scum

Galadriel: (throws mud back at Legolas, who screams)

Poor men, rich men, they all smell of horse

Smell 'em with their trousers off, and they're even more coarse

Now, you smell like all of them, of course!

Legolas: (continues to cry)

Lovely lady,

Pretends like she is grand

Got a lot of years on her

But she still plays in the sand.

Gimli: (shocked and appalled)

Come on, Leggy,

Let's get back to camp

Never knew Galadriel

Was always such a tramp.

Mud and gunk there, smelling of a shed

Just as well she doesn't see the hate that's in my head

Guess that's what happens when you fall in love

With someone who should be dead!!!!!!

(Galadriel stand, mouth open, as Legolas and Gimli walk off, arm in arm, now the best of friends.)


Thank you for reading! Now please review! 3