Hello all! Summer is here and CrystalFNfire is ready for another round of hilariously stupid ripoffs of musical songs. Please, please, please review, everyone:D
Lovely Lady
Sung by: Gimli, Legolas, and Galadriel
Take off of "Lovely Ladies"
LES MISERABLES
(Scene: Gimli meeting Galadriel. He immediately falls in love.)
Gimli:
I see a woman,
See her over there!
I think I've dropped my ax
With her scent up in the air!
Lovely lady,
See her in the tree,
A life with bearded women
Can make you want more beauty!
Legolas: (sighing)
Even dwarves think she's prettier than me.
Galadriel:
Lovely lady,
With a husband who is fair,
He thinks he's really hot,
But there's really not much there.
Lovely lady,
Kinda needs new game.
Elves, or men, or dwarves
I guess they're really all the same.
Even ancients need a little flame!
Gimli:
Come here, you're fair,
I'd like a strand of your hair.
It's gold to me...
Galadriel: (flattered)
Master Dwarf, I'll give it to you.
I'll give you five.
Gimli:
That's far too generous, lady!
Galadriel:
I'll give you three. You seem like a handsome dwarf.
(cuts off three strands) It's all yours.
Gimli:
It's all I have...
Galadriel:
To remember me.
Gimli:
Please make it five!
Galadriel:
No more than three,
That's all you asked of me!
Gimli:
Lovely lady,
Standing in the trees
Waiting for a fast ship
Or the last ship to the seas
Legolas: (taunting Gimli)
She's tall, you're short
Won't get you in her sheets
I guess you'll only get her
If you grow a few more feet.
Your head and her hips can't even seem to meet!
Gimli: (caressing Galadriel's hair and ignoring Legolas)
What pretty hair,
What pretty strands I've got here.
What luck I've got. It's worth the world to me, here.
(To Legolas) You've got no crock!
So don't tease me! Leave me alone!
Legolas:
Let's make a price!
I'll let you be my friend!
Just think of that.
Gimli:
He's so pretty.
Legolas:
Just think of that.
Gimli:
What can I do? He's so pretty.
And he wants to be friends with me!
Galadriel:
Lovely lady's
Hair is more pretty
Legolas is jealous,
'Cause he's uglier than me.
Lovely lady
Wants you to keep her hair
Shake your head at Legolas
Because I am more fair.
Come on, Gimli, we'll make a better pair.
Legolas:
Give me the hair. I've saved your life twice.
Galadriel:
I am more fair. And I haven't got lice.
Legolas: (appalled)
I don't got lice! I wash as much as I can!
Galadriel:
I wouldn't have known.
You smell just like a man.
(Legolas begins to cry.)
Lovely lady, wants you to keep it.
Gimli:
Lovely lady!
(turns to the crying lady)
Come on, Leggy, why all the fuss?
You're no grander than the rest of us.
Life has made you as smelly with lots of sore ends,
But don't worry. I'll still be your friend.
(Legolas cries harder)
Galadriel: (evilly)
That's right, Gimli, let him have the lot.
Legolas:
Alrighty, Gilly, I'll show you what I've got!
(Picks up mud heap and throws it at Galadriel. She gasps as mud drips down her face)
Legolas: (gleefully)
Old men, young men, you smell like all of them
Harbor rats and alley cats and every kind of scum
Galadriel: (throws mud back at Legolas, who screams)
Poor men, rich men, they all smell of horse
Smell 'em with their trousers off, and they're even more coarse
Now, you smell like all of them, of course!
Legolas: (continues to cry)
Lovely lady,
Pretends like she is grand
Got a lot of years on her
But she still plays in the sand.
Gimli: (shocked and appalled)
Come on, Leggy,
Let's get back to camp
Never knew Galadriel
Was always such a tramp.
Mud and gunk there, smelling of a shed
Just as well she doesn't see the hate that's in my head
Guess that's what happens when you fall in love
With someone who should be dead!!!!!!
(Galadriel stand, mouth open, as Legolas and Gimli walk off, arm in arm, now the best of friends.)
Thank you for reading! Now please review! 3
