Author's Note: In the words of a famous philosopher by the name of Dave Strider, "I warned you about the updates during the authoress' vacation!"

Anyway, the chapter title is appropriate, since this is a sorta-parody of Gone With the Wind.

Disclaimer: I only own the Capricorns.


It was a sunny day in Los Angeles, as Nami the socialite sat on the front proch of her mansion with two of her friends, Usopp and Luffy.

"Why is this in Los Angeles? Shouldn't a Gone With the Wind parody be set in Georgia?" Nami asked the authoress.

"Do you want us to get sued?" The authoress cried off-screen.

"Why would we be sued?" Nami asked. The authoress threw a copy of the Gone With the Wind book at Nami. The book hit her head, causing Nami to faint.

"I don't understand why Gone With the Wind became such a huge movie," The authoress said as she walked away from the scene. Luffy and Usopp sweatdropped.

"Should we tell Nami that the barbecue Sanji's hosting tomorrow is an excuse for him to propose to Robin?" Usopp asked Luffy.

"Nah. Let's go spy on the ice cream man," Luffy suggested.


When Nami awoke, it was the next afternoon.

"Oh, Shite and Onions Celtic punk podcast! Sanji's barbecue is today!" Nami cried before she made a run for Sanji's mansion. A few minutes later…

"Name?" Zeff asked the Capricorns. Before Kartik could say anything, Nami pushed several of the Capricorns out of the way.

"I volunteer as Tribute!" Nami yelled as she ran up to Zeff. The Capricorns and Zeff sweatdropped.

"Rude much?" Drusilla asked in an over-the-top, badly-done, British accent.

"Is it the mice again?" Hana asked in the same accent. With a sigh, Nami headed to the backyard, where Sanji was finishing up his engagement annoucement.

"…Yeah, I got Robin pregnant. Always use a cond –" Sanji said before Robin drunkenly stumbled onto the stage.

"Do you like it? Look at my boobs!" Robin slurred/shouted. Nami facepalmed.

"Have you no class?" Nami cried.

"Have you no bra?" Robin slurred back. Nami sighed.

"Don't look at me like that!" Nami yelled to the Capricorns.

"But, we –" Daisuke stuttered before he was cut off.

"Who put Shredded Wheat in my iPad case?" (1)

Sanji sweatdropped.

"Looks like Patty and Carne found my alcohol, some Shredded Wheat, and my iPad," Sanji said to himself before he walked away. Nami sighed, again.

"I'm just gonna leave, okay? Not my fault that everyone's drunk," Nami said.


"You want me to go WHERE?" Nami asked. It was the next day, and the Capricorns came to visit Nami.

"Reno. You know, as in, that city from Reno 911?" Yuki-Rin explained.

"Oh, yeah! I love that show!" Nami said. "What's the catch?"

"We're gonna trick Sanji into giving Robin a divorce," Heathcliffe explained.

"Heathcliffe, tricking people into divorce is not nice," Nami pointed out.

"But, Robin is just like Roxy Lalonde – Both hold the belief that it's five o'clock somewhere," Heathcliffe explained.

"That sounds too much like Thierry," Holden pointed out. Thierry nervously hid his flask, bottle of whiskey, six-pack of beer, keg, wine cooler, drink mixer, and other things relating to alcohol behind his back.

"Well, it IS five o'clock somewhere," Thierry argued.


"What the zebra print purse from Guess?" Nami cried. The Capricorns just arrived in Reno, and there was a brush fire outside of town.

"Don't think too much about it. Fires happen here a lot," Daisuke pointed out.

"Daisuke, they want us to evacuate if the fire grows," Yulia pointed out.

"But, the divorce!" Heathcliffe cried.

"What divorce?" The Capricorns cried. Nami sighed.

"Guys, the evacuations may not even happen. Just keep calm and wait for the release of Fisheye Placebo," Nami explained. Two hours later…

"What the hell? We were only here for two hours! I'm not going home!" Kazuma cried. The brush fire got bigger, so the Capricorns and Nami had to evacuate.

"Fine, then. Burn to death. We'll be roasting marshmellows over your corpse," Gareth said.

"Hell no! I wanna have Yuki-Rin's babies!" Kazuma cried.

"Kazuma!" Yuki-Rin cried. Nami facepalmed.

"It's times like these where I actually WANT to cosplay as Misty," Nami said to herself before turning to the Capricorns. "Anyway, let's ask that guy to help us evacuate."

Nami pointed to Zoro, who was passed out in the street for no reason.

"Have you no shame? We can't ask that guy! He's passed out in the middle of the street!" Blaise cried.

"Whatever happened to you being gay for me?" Mikuri asked Blaise.

"That's so last year!" Blaise yelled like a Sassy, Gay Friend. Zoro then awoke and noticed the Capricorns and Nami.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Zoro shouted before he ran for his life. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well, then, who wants to buy the plane tickets?" Nami asked the Capricorns.


A week later, it was Sanji's birthday. Why the authoress didn't do a chapter set on his birthday, the world may never know.

"Do I have to go?" Nami asked her sister, Nojiko.

"You can never go wrong with a Homestuck-themed birthday party," Nojiko pointed out.

"Who will I be? Can I at least be Karkat, my patron troll?" Nami asked Nojiko. The next thing Nami knew was that she was entering Sanji's mansion in a cosplay of Roxy Lalonde.

"Why the [Marik Ishtar's dad saying "Eff"] am I the drunk girl?" Nami cried.

"Paradox," Sanji said. Instead of dressing as Jake English or his patron troll, Feferi, Sanji was dressed as Arthur from Inception.

"Weren't you supposed to dress as Jake English?" Nami asked Sanji.

"No! The freakin' Marimo's dressed as the Bluh Bluh Bitch!" Sanji cried as he motioned to Zoro, who was cosplaying as Vriska.

"Will freak dance for free booze!" Zoro announced. Several Zoro fangirls ran up to Zoro, who began pelvic thrusting. "All the single ladies. All the single ladies."

The people who weren't Zoro fangirls sweatdropped.

"Where's the hidden camera?" Yomi from Azumanga Daioh asked everyone.

"Sanji, can I go home now?" Nami asked Sanji.

"No! I had a reason why I threw your yaoi into the ocean!" Sanji yelled to Hana.

"You didn't have to do that, you jackass!" Hana sobbed as she kicked Sanji in the balls.

"I've been so lonely girl, I've been so sad and down
Couldn't understand why haters joked around
I wanted to be free with other creatures like me
And, now I got my wish, 'cause I know that I'm a gay fish," Jinbei sang. Then, everyone threw up.

"I NEED AN ADULT!" Nami screamed as she ran out of the mansion for her sanity. A few minutes later, Nami arrived at her mansion.

"Finally, I can recover my sanity!" Nami said. Zoro then entered her mansion and slapped Nami.

"I don't care what people say! Homer Simpson got tazed when he wandered onto that soccer field!" Zoro screamed before he tore off his shirt because he could.

"Uhh… I think you're drunk," Nami said. Zoro got out a huge bottle of wine and drank from it.

"Frankly, my deer, I don't give a damn," Zoro slurred before he threw up and passed out on Nami's couch. Nami calmly walked over to her phone and dialed a number.

"Hello, Passages Rehab Facility in Malibu?"


(1) - This is a true story that happened this morning. So, my dad was eating Shredded Wheat for breakfast, and my mom's iPad case was a couple of feet away. As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I heard my mom say "Who got Shredded Wheat in my iPad case?" Sure enough, some of my dad's cereal was in her iPad case. XD

Review if you want to see Crocodile become the mascot for a sugary cereal, Kaku becoming a body builder, or if you want to see the Capricorns go on a crazy road trip.