Okay, so I've tried updating like three times now and every time I've done it it says I have an outdated URL. So here's to hoping it works this time.
Heart
Part Four
The next morning, I woke up with Dean on the couch. I was sorta smooshed between him and the couch cushions. Half my body was on his and our legs were sorta tangled together.
I tried getting up, but Dean's arms tightened around me. He seemed to be asleep, though, so maybe it was just instinctive.
"Dean, wake up," I said softly, shaking him into awareness.
His eyes opened slowly. "Don't wanna," he said.
I smiled fondly at him. "Well, we're gonna have to let Madison out soon, so…"
"Right."
We both sat up and I noticed that both Jack and Sam were at the kitchen table. Sam was looking at the closet door. Jack was looking at the two guys back and forth like something about them just…stumped him.
Jack… There was a puzzle I didn't feel like riddling out just yet. I didn't know if I could trust him anymore…or ever again, actually. I mean, what he'd said had been true. He'd never physically hurt any of us - not counting his and Dean's little scuffle the night before. But then again…withholding information was dangerous in and of itself. Especially in our line of work.
Five minutes later Dean, Jack and I walked out the door. We were planning on waiting for Sam there. Hopefully he'd talk to Madison and they could work something out.
"I'm gonna go wait in the car," Dean said. "I know Sam's just gonna let her out and leave."
"Maybe," I said. "Maybe not. I'll wait and see."
Jack and I stood there awkwardly, watching Dean walk away.
"So…why him? You didn't answer yesterday."
Was he really gonna bring this up again? Really?
I sighed impatiently. "Does it matter? I love him because I love him."
"Please. I know you're not easily led by your emotions. There must be a reason." Jack feigned nonchalance, leaning back against the wall. "Besides, the way Manu put it, I thought you were with Sam."
I froze for a second.
"What?"
"That's just what he said - or alluded to, really. So I'm wondering…why Dean?"
"I…I could never be with Sam. I don't love him the way I love Dean." Suddenly it registered that Jack had used the guy's name. "I thought you didn't know who he was."
Jack scoffed. "Do you honestly think I'd work with someone without know his name?"
"Do you honestly believe you can keep lying to me and expect me to trust you again?" I shot back.
"Look, I didn't tell you then because I had to make sure it was all right. I can pretty much talk to him whenever I want in my head."
"Oh, and that's not creepy at all," I said sarcastically.
I leaned back beside him.
"Do you really wanna know why I love him?"
"Yes."
"Okay. I love him because…he is so close to being perfect and he doesn't know it. He can't see it. He is so good to me and he can't understand why I love him. He gives and he gives and he never expects anything in return. He doesn't think he deserves me, which is why he does."
Jack looked at me skeptically and I smiled slightly.
"Dean isn't a bad guy," I said. "Despite what you might think, he's a very good guy. He makes me feel safe and warm in a world that is dangerous and cold. And that is why I love him."
I crossed my arms in front of me defiantly.
"You don't have to like that we're together, you don't even have to accept it. But you will respect it. And Dean…you'll respect Dean. I'll make sure he does the same for you."
Jack nodded tersely. "Okay."
"Good." I looked at him again, less defiantly this time. "So…this training thing? Do you know why I'm doing it? I mean, you seem to know everything else."
Jack sighed. "I know. You think you can save Dean. It won't work."
"Thanks for having confidence in me."
Jack shook his head. "You misunderstand me. You're destined to fail. It won't work."
"Well, then I defy destiny. And besides…just because something might not work doesn't mean you shouldn't try. If that were the case, nothing would ever get done."
Dean had been right about Sam. He's just wanted to go, but Madison had told him we could stay. She'd said as crazy as it sounded, she believed us now. We should just wait it out together.
Sam and Jack had followed her back into her apartment; I went to go get Dean from the car.
"We're staying?" Dean was surprised.
"So it seems," I said. Before we even reached the door to go in, I was sighing in frustration.
"What?" Dean asked. "Jack again?"
"Yeah, of course."
He grabbed my hand and squeezed softly and smiled sympathetically. Although when he touched me now it was usually part being comforting and part trying to figure out what I was feeling. His new found gift was something he found enjoyable. I still didn't know how he did it. I actually had to reach out to find out what he was feeling, all he had to do was touch me and there it was, clear as day.
"You're confused."
From anyone else, that would've been weird - the whole I-can-feel-what-you-feel-by-touching-you thing. But it was Dean, so I didn't mind. It was actually comforting.
"I am," I said. "I don't know what to do. Part of me says 'send him away, he's never gonna be completely honest'."
"And…the other part of you?"
"The other part keeps reminding me he's my dad. And he's never done anything - physically - to hurt me."
"Well…make your head be quite. Don't think. Just…what do you want?"
"To train," I said quickly.
"Don't make this about me," Dean said softly. "I asked what you want."
"Well, I do want to be able to control whatever power it is that I have."
I had been wanting to be able to control myself for a while, but Dean was right. This was about him. If - and according to Jack, it would - if what my mom had said was supposed to happen, happened then…I would do anything to get ready. And if that meant keeping Jack around then…so be it.
"So, when will we know for sure? Moonrise?" Madison asked about two hours later.
We hadn't been doing anything other than talking and Dean had said he was pretty sure she wouldn't change. We just had to make sure.
"No, I don't think so," Sam said. "You turned in the middle of the night last night. I think we've gotta hang in until sun-up."
It wasn't even noon, so this was gonna be a long, tense wait. Maybe Jack would feel like going back to the motel and we could train for a while. Or maybe I could do something else. Training probably wouldn't be good since I hadn't really had anything solid to eat since I'd been bitten.
But I needed to start soon. I had held back before when I'd been talking to Jack. I mean, sure, all the things I'd said had been true, but…it was so much more.
As pathetic and co-dependent as it sounded…Dean was my lifeline, the air that I breathed. And our bond had only grown stronger since we'd consummated our relationship. And like I'd told Jack, Dean didn't think he deserved someone to be as devoted to him as I was, which just made me love him even more.
Dean's cocky attitude was just a façade. The only time he was really sure of himself was when he was hunting. And before me, when he was flirting. I was almost positive that even now after everything Dean and I had been through, he still wondered when I was gonna leave. People leaving him was what he was used to, why would I be any different?
Unless something drastically changed between us, though, I would stay with him.
Dean snapped his fingers in front of my face, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Hey, space cadet. Come back down to earth."
"Hm?"
"Are you gonna try to eat? We're gonna order pizza."
Pizza sounded really good, although…grease.
"I'll try and eat."
"Meat lover's?"
"Yup." If I was gonna be sick from eating, I might as well have something that tastes good going down. "And those cheesy breadstick things."
Thirty minutes later we were all sitting around Madison's living room, eating. She'd asked how we even knew werewolves existed.
"It sorta…runs in the family," Sam explained. "Our dad taught me and Dean, and we taught Alyson after we met her."
"And…this is your job?" Madison asked, genuinely interested.
"It's more like a calling," I said, shrugging. "But, yeah."
"Wow…that must really suck."
"Yeah, sometimes," Sam said. "But someone's gotta do it."
"And it's automatically you guys?" she asked softly.
"Well, when you know the stuff we do, it's hard to ignore the things that go on around you. Or at least it would be for me," I said. "I mean, don't get me wrong. There are other people like us, but they're few and far between. So like Sam said…someone's gotta do the job."
"So…how did you know that a werewolf - that I - was killing people?"
"You sure you wanna know?" Dean asked.
"Yes. I think I want to."
"Okay," Sam started. "Well, first…the lunar cycle matched. Full moon and all that."
"And Nate? Did I kill him?"
"That wasn't your fault," Sam said. "You didn't have any control over it. But, yeah, it was you. The werewolf in you must have seen him as a threat."
"Wow." Madison was silent for a moment. "I didn't mean to hurt anybody."
"We know that," Sam said. "You didn't know."
The day went by slowly. Very slowly. Sam and Madison talked to each other, but mostly…they spoke with their eyes. They each liked the other, I could tell. Maybe after all this was over they would be able to…well, do whatever it was they wanted to do with each other.
Finally, though, the sun rose. Our plan had worked. Madison hadn't turned at all during the night.
"Does this mean it worked?" Madison asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I think so," Sam said, relieved.
Madison then hugged Sam, who hesitated before returning it.
"Oh, God, thank you. Thank you so much."
I smiled softly at the two of them before grabbing Dean's hand and gently began pulling him towards the door. I nodded for Jack to follow us.
It seemed that Sam and Madison were oblivious to us letting ourselves out, which made me smile even more.
"So…I'm glad that worked," I said. "Too bad we're gonna have to leave though."
Back at the motel, Jack got his own room even though Dean and I had an extra bed. It wasn't only because we didn't trust him., it was also because he was my dad. And that would've just been awkward.
Dean and I watched some movie on the TV. Devour or something like that.
"This'll be good for Sam," I said suddenly. "Won't it?"
"Us watchin' the movie?" Dean joked lightly and I elbowed him gently in the ribs.
"You know what I mean," I said. "Madison. She'll be good for Sam?"
"Sure. For now. But like you said, we can't stay."
"Yeah. So…I think he's jealous again."
"Really?" Dean asked.
"Yeah. Maybe ya'll should do somethin' without me - maybe go to a bar or something. I think he misses just the two of you."
"Sam loves havin' you around. What're you talkin' about?"
"Well, he got used to havin' you to himself and now that you're with me, I think he feels left out. Or maybe like a third wheel. Three's a crowd and all that."
"He's not a third wheel," Dean said.
"I know that, but maybe Sam doesn't."
"Well, I'll talk to him about it."
"'Kay."
There was a brief silence before Dean started speaking again. "Speaking of jealous relatives…is Jack staying for a while?"
"I don't know. He's gonna have to gain my trust again, but I wanna start training as soon as possible."
Dean was no longer watching the TV at all. He was paying attention to me now.
"I wish you wouldn't worry so much about something that hasn't happened yet."
"Dean, I worried about losing you even before the dreams. Even before the vision quest."
"You never told me that."
"You worry about losin' me and Sam all the time, you're not exactly vocal about it either," I reminded him. "Besides, you're the most important thing to me now, so I thought you knew."
That last statement I'd made seemed to make Dean uncomfortable. Dean couldn't imagine being important to anyone - that was mostly John's fault, I had to admit - and the thought of it made him…well…uncomfortable. He had no idea what I could possibly see in him.
I wished he could see himself through my eyes, but I knew even if I tried to show him, he wouldn't believe me. He just couldn't see it. It had been ingrained in Dean at such a young age that the only things he was good for was hunting, watching Sam, and taking orders. Not particularly in that order, but still…because that's what John had taught him, had trained him to do…that's all Dean thought he was. A hunter, a soldier, a protector. Sometimes Dean even hated himself, I knew that. But I loved Dean despite his flaws. To me he was never more perfect because of them.
Later that day - around five - Jack came to our room. He looked a little unsure of himself, like maybe he wasn't sure it was okay for him to be here.
"So, what d'you want now?" I asked politely- overly so.
Jack mostly ignored my tone, but he did answer. "I need to clear some things up. If you'll let me."
"That would be awesome," I said. "But how do I know you're not gonna lie again?"
"I won't lie again," he said. "If I can't tell you, I'll tell you I can't tell you."
I hesitated, looking at Dean, seeking guidance, but his eyes told me this decision was mine to make.
"If you don't believe me, you could always read my mind."
"I dunno, your mind is probably a pretty scary place," I said. "But…okay."
"Okay? Good." Jack sounded relieved. "Then…where do you want me to start?"
"The beginning would be good," I said.
"Okay, well, everything I told you was true. I may have left things out, but that's 'cause I couldn't tell you."
I sighed. That was part of the problem. He couldn't do a lot of things, it seemed. And it was all because of this Manu guy - thing? I was gonna go with thing.
"Okay, well… The first thing you should know is Manu is the one who told me you guys were at the Roadhouse the first time I found you guys."
"And how did this Manu guy know where we were?" Dean asked suspiciously.
"Well, he always knows where Alyson is. But don't worry, he doesn't wanna hurt her. And he's not stalking her or anything. He's just…kind of got, like, a LoJack on her."
My mind flashed back to when I'd first laid eyes on Jack after I thought he'd died. He'd known who Sam and Dean were even before he'd found me. He'd come to us the first time Sam had taken off and he'd known where Sam was.
"When you talked to me the first time…when Sam was gone… Did you really hear Sam talking or did Manu tell you where he was?"
"I really heard. Manu is only vaguely concerned with Sam. He's more interested in you."
"Did Manu tell you about me? Or was it really Jim Murphy?"
"Well, both, actually. Um…there's somethin' you should know about yourself."
I looked intently at him. This sounded seriously serious.
"When I died…that wasn't the first time I heard Manu."
"Well, when did you?"
"When Elizabeth was pregnant with you. Or…well, actually even before that but only once. It was a month after I married your mother. Manu came to me in my head. I thought I was crazy at first. He asked for permission for you to be born. He picked Elizabeth because she'd known Mary…I said yes, obviously."
"Permission?" Dean asked. "Why permission? And what did my mom have to do with anything?"
"Well, he explained that she'd be…special, different. He had to make sure we could handle it, that we'd accept the responsibility and keep her safe. As for you mom? It's not exactly your mom that's important. Alyson was born because Sam was born. There has to be a balance in the universe or it sends things out of whack. I think…I think you guys were just meant to know each other, that's why Elizabeth was picked."
"Okay, so…you knew there was stuff out there. You said Jim was the one who taught you."
"He did teach me, but, yeah, I knew."
"But you told him you didn't," Dean said. "Why?"
"I didn't know how serious it was. How many demons were gonna be after her until Jim told me about Yellow-Eyes and the prophecy."
"Speaking of Yellow-Eyes…he said he doesn't wanna kill me anymore," I said, breaking into his explanation. "Is he for real, or is it a trick?"
"No, that's true. You know that war Yellow-Eyes wants to start?"
"Yes," I said hesitantly. "What about it?"
"Well, he wants you on his side, by Sam's side."
Is that what he'd meant when he'd said he thought Sam and I were the ones who were together? Were we supposed to be the leaders in this war?
"Do you know Yellow-Eyes' plans for them?" Dean asked in a tone that said Jack better tell us if he did know.
"I know a lot of demons think Sam's the Boy-King."
"Boy-King?"
"He's supposed to rule over all demons."
"And me?" I asked.
"You're not supposed to rule over demons," he said, smiling slightly. "You're not supposed to rule over anything."
"Do you know what that prophecy meant?" Dean asked. "All that righteous stuff? And the humanity thing?"
"Well, that's one of those things I'm not supposed to say. But…the righteous thing? Remember when James said he couldn't tell whether it meant one or man?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it meant Man. Capital R, capital M."
"So…the Righteous Man would be who, exactly?" I asked. "I mean, if I'm supposed to protect him, I need to know who he is."
Jack glanced at Dean and then back at me. "You're fairly intimate with him."
I looked at Dean. Righteous? Was he the Righteous Man the prophecy spoke of? I mean, I could see it. Dean always stood up for what he believed was right. He was always willing to help others in need even if it meant risking his own life.
"Wait, are you saying it's me?" Dean asked skeptically. "You sure your brain-buddy knows what he's talkin' about? I've done a lot of things that I don't see as entirely righteous."
"Well, apparently someone thinks you're righteous."
Well, then…Dean was screwed. He protected me more than I protected him. That was what he saw his job as: he was the protector.
"So…you knew about me from the time I was…conceived?"
Jack nodded. "Pretty much."
"Why didn't anyone come after me before Yellow-Eyes?" I asked.
"Oh, they did. But Manu told me how to ward off demons and stuff. The salt and stuff like that. Your mother thought I was nuts." Jack smiled softly. I'd noticed he did that a lot when he thought about my mother.
I was busy trying to wrap my head around all this new information when suddenly Dean asked a very good question.
"Did her mom know Manu? I mean, you said he needed permission so… it was her body that had to be used."
"She knew him for maybe five minutes. After she said yes…he took the memories of him away. She wasn't supposed to know. If she'd known, you would've been raised differently and you wouldn't be who you are now."
"Would it have mattered?" I asked curiously.
"Yes. You weren't supposed to know about demons and the like. You would've turned out different. You would've been…jaded. Not so innocent. You would've had different views of the world."
Okay…I could see where he was coming from, honestly. But wouldn't it have made it easier to control myself if I'd been hardened to the world. Everybody always said that my emotions were what held me back. They made me very volatile.
"Anyway, I came after you, but it was too late. You'd gone and Elizabeth was dead."
"It was June," I said, hoping it would prompt him to explain how he'd died. That's the main part I was curious about.
"It was. I don't know exactly when you left, but your furniture was still there. And the carpet was…there was blood."
I grimaced slightly. That had been where my mom had been killed. I was sorry he'd had to see it.
"Did you…die in the house?" I asked hesitantly.
"No," Jack said quickly. "No. I died after I went to Layla's, in my motel room. Yellow-Eyes showed up. I hadn't had time to ward him off."
"You must've really pissed him off if he came for you himself," Dean said.
"He really didn't want me to find Alyson."
"Didn't want me to be trained?"
"Right. Unless you're on his side. Which will never happen," he said. Though this time it sounded more like he knew it would never happen because he knew me, and not because some invisible voice in his head told him so.
I nodded emphatically, though. I would never be on his side, as Jack had said.
"So, this Manu guy brought you back just so you could train Alyson?" Dean asked.
"More or less. He couldn't do it himself, so I said I'd do it for him."
"More or less?" I asked. "What does that mean?"
"Remember that war? Well, you won't be able to stop it, but you'll give the good guys a chance of landing on top."
"Is that what Manu said?"
"It's what he knows. It's what you were born for."
"And how does he know?" Dean asked. "And…how short a leash does he have you on, anyway?"
"Not a very short one. Most of the things I know are things that have already happened, he just fills in the blanks for me when I don't know what's happened."
"Like my werewolf bite?" I questioned.
"Exactly. I was in the parking lot when he told me."
"How did he get you to trust him?" Dean asked.
"He showed me what the world looks like after the war. It's…not pretty. It's dark and burnt and…just bad. Bad."
"And he wants to prevent that?"
"He wants to make it less bad. He'd like for it to not happen at all but…he's not sure how to go about it."
"And he thinks I can help?"
"He knows you'll be able to do something, he just doesn't know what."
"Well, that's comforting," Dean sniped.
"How does the war start? Can you tell us that?"
Jack grimaced and shook his head. "I don't…I can't. That's one of the things you need to find out yourself."
Around three in the morning someone woke us up, pounding on the door. It better not have been Jack. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in a long time what with the dreams and all, so if it was him, he was gonna be in a world of hurt.
I groaned, not opening my eyes, and felt Dean already stirring. Well, good…I'd let him get it. He rubbed up and down my arm a few times before standing.
I did open my eyes now, though it was more a precaution than anything else. Someone evil could have been at the door. It wasn't someone bad though. It was Sam.
"Sammy?"
"She turned," Sam said, coming in. "I couldn't grab her in time."
I sat up and Dean threw my jeans on the bed and I grabbed them.
"I already called Bobby," Sam said. "He doesn't know anything. Except he knew severing the bloodline wouldn't work. That's everyone. They all say it's impossible to reverse it."
Bobby had probably called us idjits for not calling him in the first place.
"How come she didn't turn when we were with her?" Dean asked curiously. "Maybe she's gotta be asleep to turn."
"What the hell does it matter, Dean?" Sam asked impatiently. "Look, we've gotta find some way to help her, some legend we missed or something."
"If there was, don't you think someone we know would've known it?" Dean said.
"Well, then we have to look harder until we find something," said Sam.
He had the serious puppy eyes going on. And this sucked royally. Here I'd thought Sam had found someone he could be happy with - at least for a little while - and we had to end her life.
"Sammy, I don't think we've got a choice here anymore," Dean said, trying to reach Sam's head instead of his heart. "I hate to say it. She's a sweet girl, but part of her is -"
"Evil?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, that's what they say about me, Dean. So, me you won't kill but her you're just gonna blow away?"
I'd put my jeans on as they'd been talking, so now I stood up. "Look, Sam, we'll try to find something. But if we can't…" I trailed off. "I like Madison. I do, but…" Yet again I trailed off. Only this time, it was because I thought of something. "I'll meet you guys in the car."
"Well, wait. Where're you going?" Dean asked.
"To talk to Jack."
"You think he can help her?" Sam asked hopefully.
I grimaced. "No, Sam. I don't."
"Well, then why are we wastin' time with him?" Sam was impatient again. "Let's just go find Madison."
"We don't even know where she is," I said. "But Jack might."
I walked out the door and Sam followed.
"What d'you mean? Why would he know?"
"Just…follow me."
When we got to Jack's door I banged on it, much like Sam had banged on ours. When Jack opened it, he didn't look like he'd been asleep at all.
"What?" he asked, looking at all three of us in turn. He didn't seem surprised to see Sam here.
"Did you know?"
"About what?"
"That Madison would turn again, did you know?"
Jack was shamefaced, and that was pretty much all the answer I needed. It seemed to be the only answer Sam needed, too, because he launched himself at Jack, shoving past me and Dean, into the room.
"You son of a bitch!" Sam said, knocking him to the floor. "Where is she?"
"I don't know." Sam kicked him - gave him a kidney shot. "God, I don't know. She'll be at Middle Point in the morning, I don't know where she is now."
Sam kicked him once again for good measure before turning back to walk out the door. Dean looked worriedly after him and I gestured for him to go.
I closed the door behind Dean and turned to Jack, who was struggling to get up. I stayed where I was - I didn't even have the urge to help him right now. I sighed in disappointment. And after all his talk about not lying again not even twelve hours ago.
"Are you happy now?" I seethed. "I think you've effectively screwed up your chances of me ever trusting you again." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Why didn't you tell us? How long have you known?"
He stepped towards me carefully. "I've known all along, but I knew -"
I interrupted his explanation with a well-placed punch to the jaw. It knocked him back a few steps.
"You knew all along? Why didn't you tell me?"
"You know why. I can't tell you things that are going to happen unless I have permission. I can't…In order for things to turn out the way they're meant to…in order for you guys to do what has to be done you can't know about the things you have to do before you have to do them. Someone will try to change it and mess everything up."
"No, that's bullshit!" I yelled. A surge of power from me broke the TV screen. "Stop taking the easy way out. Stop making this about the weirdo in your head. This is your fault."
"Look, I get that you're upset -"
"No, no, actually, I've moved past upset and gone straight to pissed off. Do you have idea what you've done to Sam - to Madison - by keeping this from us?"
The light in the room started flickering and then it busted, sparks flying everywhere.
"I want you gone by the time I get back. Really. Don't be here."
"What about your training?"
"Screw training. I'll do it myself."
I reached for the door, but Jack grabbed my shoulder gently.
"What about saving Dean?"
He didn't say it in a taunting way, but that's how I took it, so I shrugged him off and turned to face him.
"Don't you dare use that against me. And don't pretend you care what happens to him. You've made it perfectly clear how you feel about him. You wouldn't care if he died tomorrow, would you?"
"I don't want Dean to die," Jack said. "I don't know why you think that."
"It's obvious you don't like him, I just don't know why," I said, and turned back to the door. "Good-bye."
That morning, we found Madison at Middle Point, just where Jack had said she'd be. She wasn't in shock exactly, but she did look like she'd been crying, which was understandable. It was so horrible for her - she'd thought she'd been cured.
"I don't remember anything," she said tonelessly. "I probably killed somebody last night. Didn't I?"
We were all in the car, taking her back to her place. We weren't exactly sure what we were gonna do yet. I knew what needed to be done, but this wasn't my decision to make.
"There's no way to know yet," Dean said kindly.
"That doesn't matter," Sam said. "Let's just get you home and then we'll find out how to help you."
"Is there something else we can try to make it go away?" she asked.
"We'll find something," Sam said firmly. "I mean, there's gotta be some answer, somewhere."
"That's not entirely true," Dean said quietly. "Madison, you deserve to know. We've scoured every source. There's just no cure. I mean, we could lock you up at night, but…when you bust out, and some night you will, someone else dies."
Madison sniffled beside me and I saw a tear fall. Oh god. She was gonna cry and then Sam was gonna cry and then we were all gonna cry.
By the time we got back to Madison's place she was really upset, but not so much so she couldn't function. It was better than what I would've been doing if I had been in her shoes. So I had to give her props for that.
When we walked in, she immediately sat in one of the kitchen chairs.
"So, I guess this is all there is to it, then," she said, defeated. We all could tell she was talking about dying.
"Stop it. Don't talk like that," Sam said.
"Sam. I don't wanna hurt anyone else. I don't wanna hurt you." Her voice broke at the end of the sentence, and I suddenly felt like I was watching something too personal for prying eyes. "I can't do it myself. I need you to help me."
"Madison, no."
"Sam…I'm a monster."
"You don't have to be. We can find a way, all right? I can. I'm gonna save you."
Madison cried harder and my heart broke a little bit. This wasn't fair. Madison was an innocent victim in this. She shouldn't have to die. Not for something that wasn't her fault.
"You tried," she said through sobs. "I know you tried. But this is all there is left."
And God, I couldn't watch anymore. I left to go stand near the door where I wouldn't have to see. But I could still hear.
"I don't wanna die. I don't," Madison said. "But I can't live like this. This is the way you can save me."
A couple seconds later, Sam was standing beside me, and I could see he was about to fall apart. And I hated everything in that moment. Jack for not telling us, mostly. If he'd told us before, then Sam wouldn't have gotten more attached than he already had been, and we wouldn't be here right now struggling with this.
I hated that Glen had bitten Maddie, hated that there were werewolves, period, actually.
I hated that Sam had to lose another woman he liked - loved? Could love? I hated that he was hurting. I hated how the world seemed to be against him having any kind of normal intimacy in his life. So…I was struggling with hate at the moment.
"Sam." Dean appeared behind Sam, holding a gun. "I'm sorry."
"No, you're right," Sam said, eyes full. "She's right."
Sam turned around and the brothers looked at each other for a while.
"Sammy, I got this one. I'll do it." Dean's voice was almost a whisper.
"She asked me to."
The way Sam was - the way he looked right now - I could see him as a little kid, scared of the things that go bump in the night, sad because his mom had died and his dad was never around, and all he had was his big brother.
"You don't have to," both Dean and I said. Neither of us wanted Sam to have to do this.
"Yes, I do." The tears finally spilled over and I could feel my eyes burn in response. "Just give me the gun and wait here."
"Sam, really," I said softly. "Let one of us do it. I can do it without…" Shooting her, I added silently. All I'd have to do was lay my hands on her, and it wouldn't hurt at all. It would be like getting really tired and then going to sleep.
"She wanted me to be the one," he said through tears. "Please."
He held out his hand for the gun and Dean reluctantly gave it to him. Sam went back to the entrance and then looked back at us. He was shaking from the emotional pain he was in. This would take a while for him to get over.
When he went into the room, I glanced over at Dean. He also had a tear rolling down his cheek so I went to stand by him, grabbing onto his arm. When Dean was in pain it had to opposite affect it had on Sam. Dean seemed older when he was upset. It was like he'd seen too much for his years to handle.
When the shot rang out it made Dean flinch and I just held on tighter as my tears spilled over too.
It took a little while to get Sam to leave, but eventually we told him someone might have heard the gunshot.
He wanted to get his own room even though both Dean and I thought he'd be better off with us. He didn't need to be alone right now. He pretty much insisted, though.
At the motel, I told Dean to make sure Sam was okay.
"He's not gonna want me there right now," Dean said.
"Maybe not. But he will need you," I replied. "Just…go. Do what you would normally do if I wasn't here."
I walked with them to Sam's new room and then went to my room before remembering I'd told Jack to leave before we got back. So I changed directions and went to what had been Jack's room and caught him leaving, actually.
I didn't say anything to him. I just made sure he left. I didn't care where he went, he just couldn't be with us.
Okay I sorta dislike the ending - even in the episode because it's sad. When I watch it I always stop it before the ending. Anyway, here's my take on it.
