I step forward and get my first glimpse of the crowds stretched out below. We are so high up that they look almost ant-like, a swarm of tiny people who all face the small white dot in the distance that marks District 1's approaching chariot. It is only when I turn to the big screens that I get any sense of what is really happening below. The cameras sweep over the crowds, trying to capture the sense of excitement and anticipation that grows ever stronger as the white dot becomes gradually larger.
Suddenly the picture changes and I see myself stretched to gigantic proportions on every screen. An explosion of noise erupts as I raise my hand and begin to wave. The President steps up to stand beside me and the pair of us are shown together on every screen in the country- me smiling, waving and the President stood stoically behind, offering nothing more than a curt nod to the roaring mass below.
"Spectacular, isn't it?" he says softly in my ear. "Together we have them in the palm of our hands."
"What if I don't want to work with you?"
"I'm afraid this is not really a case of want, Mr Odair, I cannot say that I particularly want to work alongside you. This alliance is purely circumstantial."
"Alliance?"
"Shh!" he gestures back towards the city circle below.
The tributes of District 1 are now fully visible, both of them sparkling sapphire blue in the flash of a thousand cameras. The horses come to a standstill just below us, all stood to attention waiting for the President's speech. The District 2 tributes follow on close behind, then District 3. There is the usual cheering and waving and fussing over them all but I do not focus on them for long because I know what is coming next.
The dappled grey horses of District 4 finally pull into sight and Eoghan and Annie are shown on the screens. They are dressed simply in flowing blue material but somehow the stylists have managed to make the clothes appear as though they are floating beneath the water. Even Annie's hair seems to be rippling through the tide, hypnotically swishing around her. They look spectacular.
"She's very beautiful," Snow whispers. "I imagine she will receive lots of interest from sponsors."
My stomach lurches and suddenly I see the pair of them with new eyes. I see how the material only covers what it had to, revealing a little too much flesh as it ripples around them. I see the way the pair of them work the crowd; the winks, the kisses, the waves, the pouts. Eoghan flexes his muscles. Annie catches a rose. The crowd loves them. The Capitol is going insane for their clever costumes and winning ways…
I have to stop this.
As Snow steps forward I turn to look for an exit but the doors are firmly shut and it is impossible for me to leave without the whole of Panem noticing.
I don't listen to the speech; the words just become background noise along with the infinite rumble of the thousands of spectators. I watch Annie and Eoghan as closely as I can. The pair of them actually seem happy. If only they knew what is to come. I scan the other tributes- all twenty four of them. I take in their garish costumes, their individual performances. It doesn't matter what they do or what happens to them- all of them belong to Snow now. One of them will be able to escape the arena but the victor will not have freedom. They will still be owned.
A sudden loud burst in the noise indicates that the speech is over. Snow walks back towards the doors and opens them. I follow just behind. The adjoining room is completely empty which surprises me as I always thought the President would spend his time surrounded by attendants.
"I'm surprised you see me alone."
"Why? What is to be gained by having a band of followers with me at all times?"
"I could kill you."
Snow abruptly stops walking and his face twists into a smile.
"You know I have killed before. I could do it again."
"But you won't." Snow says simply. "You only kill on my request."
Something about that statement sends shivers down my spine. It's true; of course, I wouldn't be a killer if it wasn't for him and his Games. I would still be a simple fisherman's son from District 4. No one would know my name and no one would care what I did or who my friends were. I am one of Snow's army of child assassins and I may have grown up but I am still his.
"Besides, you value your life too highly to just throw it away. Kill me and you sign your own death sentence."
It's true. I may be popular but that won't exempt me from the law. I am well and truly trapped.
"Now, I believe you have some tributes you are eager to return to."
"Yes. But I thought you- You still haven't told me what you want me to do."
The President walks over to one of the large bouquets of white roses that cover the room, just as they seem to cover every other room in his sprawling mansion. Using a pair of carefully placed clippers he cuts the head off one of the roses and turns back to approach me.
I have to force myself to stand still as he places the rose head in my buttonhole. The smell of blood intensifies as he leans towards me and I have to stop myself from gagging. Eventually he steps back, admiring his work. "That will be all," he says.
He doesn't have to say any more. His meaning is clear. I belong to him. I work for him from now on. The whole of Panem saw me at his side tonight. It wasn't just a casual invitation to try and mess with my head, it was a very public message to the people. It said that I do not support the rebellion. It said that I support Snow, that I support the Games, that I support his oppression. Just like this stupid buttonhole does too.
As soon as I get into the waiting car I pluck the rose from my chest and crush it between my fingers until nothing is left but a pulp and its cloying scent on my fingertips.
As I reach the Training Centre I am bombarded by reporters. I manage to bypass those that are stood outside but the lobby is also filled with them. They hover around like vultures waiting for pieces of dead carcass to feed off, their talons ripping into me.
"What were you doing on the President's balcony?"
"What did you think of the Opening Ceremony?"
"Your tributes looked stunning- is this part of your strategy for the Games?"
I push my way through them, not stopping to answer their questions as I fight my way to the elevator. There is no space for me to walk; it is like trying to wade through treacle. Cameras flash in my face, blinding me. The noise is so loud I can't hear myself think. I just keep going, ignoring all of them. They are still shouting questions at me as the elevator doors begin to close.
"Do you have any comment to make about the allegation of you being part of a rebel group?"
"No comment!" I shout as the doors finally seal shut and I am left alone.
I lean against the wall of the elevator, trying to catch my breath.
I have to speak to the stylists. I have to make them see that this is not the way for Annie and Eoghan to win their games. I must make it clear that I don't want them to play to the crowds. I don't want to create a situation where Snow can use them the way he has used me.
I can still feel the effects of my meeting with Snow. It is all pent up inside me, desperate to get out but I must keep it inside. I can't tell them what has happened. I have to stay strong. I run my fingers down the front of my shirt, trying to rub off the horrid perfume of my meeting.
By the time the doors open I have managed to steady myself. The quiet of the hallway calms me. It is a relief to be alone again- to be given a bit of space to breathe. I close my eyes and stretch my arms out as far as I can, feeling the nothingness that surrounds me. I draw in another deep breath through my nose.
The soft mumble of voices can be heard along the hallway in the television room. I slowly let my breath out and head that way.
Mags, Annie, Eoghan Augustus and the stylists are all gathered around the screen watching a recap of the Opening Ceremonies. Everyone is congratulating Annie and Eoghan on how well they did, telling them that is just the way to get sponsors. Everyone marvels at the sparse bits of cloth the stylists designed- how beautiful they look, how clever they are. All I can think about is the way you can see right up to the top of Annie's legs and right down to the top of her breasts, nothing is left to the imagination. Eoghan's near loincloth is just as bad.
"I was wondering where you got to," Mags says. "How was the view from the balcony?" she asks, hunting for information.
"Fine."
Mags gives me a sympathetic look. The old code still stands, it seems.
"Didn't they look magnificent!" one of the stylists says enthusiastically. I haven't met her before, she must be new. She has luminescent yellow hair that hurts my eyes to look at because it is so bright.
"About that… I… it doesn't fit the strategy. I think we should do something different."
Everyone falls silent. They stare at me with open mouths as though I have suggested the ridiculous or the impossible. Only the roar of the crowd from the television can be heard. I glance across at it just in time to catch a glimpse of myself stood next to President Snow. This only serves to make me more determined to state my case.
"But... but they were perfect- everyone loved them," Augustus says.
"But it doesn't fit the strategy." I say again, forcing my voice to remain steady.
"Then what is it you had in mind?" the yellow-haired stylist asks.
"Just consult me before you make the next designs."
"But what's the strategy?" Eoghan asks. "I thought we did it right. I thought that was what we were supposed to do."
"It's all right; I'll make sure you know what you have to do next time. I just wanted to try something… less conventional."
"But- are you sure it is going to work? We need to get sponsors."
"I wouldn't suggest it otherwise."
"Yeah, well it's not like you have the best mentoring track record."
"I'm not the worst, though. Haymitch has been mentoring for twenty years and never had a victor. Believe me; I know what I am doing."
"Then explain it." Eoghan tells me.
I can feel the whole room looking at me, waiting to hear my innovative new plan. My mind struggles to come up with something. Ideas flash by too fast for me to consider. I have to think of something. This is the only way to keep them safe. This is the only way to save them. Think, for goodness sake, think! But I have nothing. I have nothing. Still they look at me.
"Some plan-" Eoghan says. "Next time, if you want us to do something try not ditching us so you can hang out with the President."
So that's what it is. He thinks I abandoned them. I don't blame him. I was meant to be with them. I was meant to be helping them through this.
"I'm going to go have a shower," I say. I have to wash off the stench of roses.
Besides, I can't take having to answer any more questions . Everyone wants something from me these days. I can't justify what I have said without telling them everything. I can't explain to them why I had to go without revealing the truth. I know Eoghan is angry with me but he has to know that I am only doing this for the best. Surely he at least understands that much? Surely he can't stay angry with me for long? Knowing him this will have blown over by tomorrow. I hope so. After all, we need each other.
I go into my room and begin to undo the buttons on my shirt. I need to strip away every part of me that came in contact with Snow. If I could shed my skin like a snake, I would. My clothes seem stifling, as though they are just another trap to ensnare me.
There is a soft knock on my door.
I sigh. There is no peace in the Capitol. "Come in."
The door opens ever so slightly and Annie peers around the frame. "I understand if you want to be alone," she says. "I'll go away if you want me to."
I undo the last of my shirt buttons and begin to fold it up carefully. It is more to keep my hands busy than for any particular purpose.
She steps into the room and moves across to the bed, perching on the end of it.
When my shirt is folded so small that I can no longer fold it any more I reach for the coil of rope that I always keep hung over the bedpost. I am surprised that the Capitol leave it there each year but I am always pleased when I see it waiting for me.
"It must be really hard for you," Annie says quietly.
I sit down next to her, twisting the rope around in my lap. "It's worse for you."
She shakes her head. "Before we went out of the Remake Centre Eoghan told me that we should act like you do in front of the cameras- that we should wave and blow kisses and all those sorts of things. So we did. And then I saw you up on the balcony and it just suddenly occurred to me how... how invisible you are."
"I was far from invisible. The whole of Panem saw me."
"No- they didn't. Not really. Not you, anyway. They just see the act. That's how I felt too- invisible. It's like you're not even there anymore. You are just swallowed up by the cameras and the crowds. This place makes you something completely different."
"I did warn you." I pull the rope and release the elaborate knot I had constructed. My fingers automatically start on the next one.
"Is that why you don't want us acting that way too? So we don't become invisible?"
"Yeah, that's why. I'd rather the pair of you stay exactly as you are."
She nods, "That's what I hope too. If I live I want to be able to live my own life, not someone else's."
"Yeah. Some days it's hard to keep it up. It will be better when the Games are over and we can return to District 4."
Except it won't be because someone will be left behind...
We sit quietly for a moment, my fingers still looping the rope, mindlessly. It is so easy talking to Annie. It is as if she knows what I am thinking before I even know myself. I have the sudden urge to tell her how I feel. My own longing clings to the air, filling our silence with nervous anticipation.
I am just about to let it all spill out when she finally she gets to her feet. "I should let you get back to your shower." She turns her back on me and begins to walk away. For some reason I want to see her face just one more time before she goes.
"Annie…"
She turns.
"Annie… I- I'm sorry I abandoned the pair of you today."
"You didn't abandon us. Don't worry about Eoghan- you know what he's like when he's nervous."
"I know. But I should have been there."
"Then you better make sure you are next time."
"You bet." I will always be there. Always. Again my confession burns on my tongue. I am desperate to tell her but I can't. "I hope you have a good sleep. You'll have a busy day tomorrow."
"Thanks, you too."
And she goes and I am left alone again.
I throw my length of rope across the room. It hits against the wall and falls in a heap. I wish I could have told her. If it wasn't for Snow, if it wasn't for the Games, if it wasn't for Hake…
There is a creak as the door opens again. Mags pushes her way inside. "Come on, then, out with it, what is this strategy of yours?"
I shake my head. "No Strategy, I'm just not going to let them end up like me. If that means no fancy clothes and playing to the crowd, then so be it."
"You won't be doing them any favours. They need to be memorable."
"Well I don't want them to be remembered. I just want them to be alive."
That's it. I need to find a way for them to win but for no one to care. They need to become invisible but without any other persona for the crowds to see. If they aren't popular, if no one remembers them, then maybe there is a chance that they can go back to District 4 and live just as they did before…. Yeah, and maybe they'll change the rules so I can bring both of them home. Dream on, Finnick…
