"Oh, hello, My Lord. Sorry I was gone so long. I wanted to be certain I had appropriate clothing for the meetings with Moreno tomorrow, and of course they had to hem everything, so… My Lord?"
He was sitting at the table in the little dining room that connected the galley kitchen to the sitting room, and he had his head in his hands. When Bellatrix came walking into the space, he messily flicked his wand to Banish the garment bag out of her hand into the bedroom, and she gasped a little as she smelled the powerful scent of firewhisky.
"You're drunk," she whispered, and he looked at her with blurry eyes.
"There are ghosts everywhere here," he said, and she blinked in confusion.
"Ghosts?" she repeated, approaching the table. "Remnants of your past, you mean."
He dragged his finger over the rim of his empty Ever Cool firewhisky tumbler, the one Bellatrix had bought him as a Christmas gift, and he was sloppy as he spilled liquor that he poured into it. He sipped, hissed at the burn, and said,
"I made up girls in that sideways somewhere."
Bellatrix studied him, his unbuttoned white dress shirt and the tie that was lying on the table. His robe had been tossed over the back of the chair. What had prompted this drinking session, she wondered? She frowned, and he said again,
"I invented competitors for you. I made up girls the first time I knew you, but this time they're real. I really did fuck them, and they really are here."
Bellatrix cleared her throat and reached for the tumbler, but Voldemort yanked it back, making it slosh liquor, and he growled,
"Do not steal my drink, you little child!"
Bellatrix felt a little wounded, but she took a half step back and said, "I think many people have to cope with the presence of… erm… ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends."
He laughed cruelly at her and reminded her, looking up with bleary black eyes, "All I did was fuck them. Well, except for the girls at the Lazy Unicorn. They just danced."
"I thought you said you'd never been in there," Bellatrix said quietly, and Voldemort shrugged.
"I lied."
He sipped hard at his firewhisky, and Bellatrix shut her eyes.
"You're going to pass out," she whispered, and he choked a laugh into his drink. His words were slurred as he nodded.
"Just like the night you married Rodolphus."
"I've never married him," she insisted, but Voldemort slammed his drink down and yelled,
"Yes, you bloody well did! Just like, fifty fucking years ago, I bloody well did fuck Edna Flint! Just like I let a fifth-year, a fucking fifteen-year-old Noam Wood get down onto her knees in the Potions classroom, suckle on my cock just the same way you do, and rub my come all over her face! That happened almost fifty-five years ago for me, Bellatrix, and five years ago for her! Right?"
Bellatrix felt sick. She reached again for the tumbler of firewhisky, desperate to make Voldemort stop drinking. He wrenched it so hard out of her hand that half the firewhisky sloshed onto his trouser leg, and he slugged down the rest of the liquor in the glass. Then he wandlessly, nonverbally Vanished the tumbler, and he mumbled,
"There. Now you can't steal it from me."
"Steal it?" Bellatrix asked, teary-eyed. "You've just Vanished… I gave that to you as a Christmas gift, Master."
"Oh. Well… you know, sorry," he said, though he didn't sound sorry at all. She stumbled back away from him, and he immediately snapped,
"Come here."
"No, thank you." She felt so nauseated that she nearly made a break for the toilet, feeling like she might really be sick. Voldemort narrowed his glassy eyes, ran his fingers through his messy hair, and heaved himself up to stand. His steps were a disaster, his lack of coordination almost frightening as he used the table as a crutch and limped toward Bellatrix.
"Ghosts," he said again, very hoarsely. "We're ghosts, too. Ghosts in my mind… a ghost of Rodolphus, a ghost of the you that I know existed, the me that existed, the us that existed. Ghosts of Dumbledore and Harry Potter. Ghosts here, real girls walking into my office, taunting me, taunting you…"
"The only one taunting me right now is you, My Lord," Bellatrix insisted, feeling shaky where she stood. "And you aren't just taunting me; you're frightening me. I want to take a shower and go to bed. We've got a meeting with Anthony Moreno tomorrow, and if we're to be in our best condition, then we should -"
"Get on your knees and suck my cock," Voldemort said, softly and gently. Bellatrix felt her mouth drop open. She shook her head a little, and then she did something she never would have imagined herself doing.
She defied him.
"No," she said. He got closer, and the reek of firewhisky was so strong that her head spun.
"I can't stop remembering stupid bloody Noam Wood," he said, as though she were meant to pity him about that. She shrugged and reminded him,
"Men usually have had several women by the time they reach seventy, I think. She thought you'd settled for me. She's pretty. Do you wish you'd married her instead?"
"No," Voldemort growled roughly. "No. I love you. This you. Not the ghost of you, not the you from the other place, from the sideways somewhere. I need to know that you love me."
"Of course I love you," Bellatrix nodded, feeling confused. "Of course I do. You know that, Master. You know it very well."
"Prove it," he slurred, and Bellatrix scoffed, defying him again with another shake of her head.
"No. I won't. Not tonight. You know that I love you."
She started to walk away toward the bathroom, but he grabbed her wrist, and when she whirled back, she said between clenched teeth,
"Let me go, Master."
"Prove it," he said again.
"Prove what?" Bellatrix demanded shrilly. "You are drunk! Beyond drunk! Raving about ghosts! Going on and on about some beautiful witch who sucked your cock walking into your office, as though you're a victim in that scenario! And I'm meant to prove something to you? Pardon me, My Lord, but I'm going to take a shower, go to bed, and prepare for the meeting tomorrow."
She pulled at her arm, and when he didn't release her, she snarled,
"Let me go."
"No," he said firmly, and finally Bellatrix snapped like a wire. She wound up, lunged toward him, and slapped him as hard as she possibly could. She slapped him so hard that the crack resounded through the quiet flat. She slapped him so hard that both of them were silent in shock afterward. Her hand buzzed and then stung like mad from the impact. Voldemort's face rotated so quickly to the side that he stumbled and actually fell, landing awkwardly on his backside, touching at his left cheek and staring up at Bellatrix in complete disbelief.
"You've hit me," he whispered, and Bellatrix pulled out her wand on instinct. He was going to kill her, she thought. She aimed her wand at him, taking a step away, and she murmured quickly,
"I'm sorry, Master. Don't murder me."
"Murder you?" he repeated, shaking his head a little. He shut his eyes and whispered, "Please put your wand down."
Bellatrix hesitated, still unsure of how he'd react to being struck by her. After a very long moment, she lowered her wand and tucked it away, and she crouched down near him.
"If I had known when I was a stupid little boy that I was going to meet you," he said, his words still blurry from drink, "I would not have taken those girls at Hogwarts, nor gotten the few dances I did. If I had known that treating you poorly would destroy me, or that loving you properly would bring us both happiness, I would have done things differently. I can not live any of my first seventy years over again. But the ghosts haunt me just the same. You understand?
"I understand, My Lord." Bellatrix pulled her wand back out and used it to Lighten him, to help guide him to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, and as she helped him out of his clothes, she Summoned a few potions for dehydration and headache. He'd need them in the morning, she reckoned. She put them on the bedside table on his side of the bed, and she asked,
"What prompted this drinking session, My Lord?"
"I… I realised…" He shut his eyes looked pale and drawn, "I realised that any day now, either of us could fall asleep and wake up sometime else. That's how you got to 1996. I don't think it will happen. I don't. But it could. And the other thing is just that... I can't make the memories go away. I dream of things I wish I could undo. I am forced to meet with people I wish did not exist. I love you. I can't seem to treat you properly. I was awful to you in that first time. Now I've managed to get myself smacked by you. Good hit, by the way."
"I do apologise about that," Bellatrix said quietly, bringing him some flannel trousers, but as he took them, he mumbled,
"I more than earned it. I'll replace the Ever Cool glass. Isn't the same. I am… I am… so very sorry."
Bellatrix moved to stand between his knees, and he threaded his around her waist. She played with his hair a little and kissed his forehead. He smelled so strongly of alcohol that she avoided taking a deep breath, but she said, "Let's just focus on tomorrow, Master. Tomorrow you are Lord Voldemort, not Tom Riddle. Tomorrow, Anthony Moreno will be discussing Muggle segregation policies with the wizard who will soon enough be leading all of Britain. The wizard who would be king."
Voldemort kissed between Bellatrix's breasts and burrowed his face there, breathing in and swaying where he sat. "And the witch who would be queen."
Bellatrix kissed the top of his head and mumbled, "No ghosts allowed tomorrow, My Lord. No ghosts allowed."
Author's Note: We will meet Mr. Moreno soon enough! But we definitely needed to establish a few things here! a) We needed a little reminder that Bellamort is a seriously dysfunctional romance. b) We needed to see just how much Voldemort is being affected by the memories of times that haven't happened/will never happen again. c) We needed to see that Bellatrix's devotion to Voldemort runs so incredibly deep that her jealousy is negligible compared with Voldemort's guilt. d) We needed to set up the transition between his everyday work at the Ministry and his meeting with Moreno as Voldemort. Hope that all makes sense! Just trying to do some quality storytelling, people! LOL.
Thank you SO SO SO much to all those reading, and especially to those who have taken the time to leave a comment. I appreciate it more than I can say.
