(Thanks for reading. I know you are all worried but i'm not going to write a miracle cure for HIV. That's unrealistic and not going to happen. I'm not writing things that are not true to form about the epidemic and people who face this issue everyday. Thanks for reading.)

Chapter 9

Santana was sitting next to Chien, who was lying on his bed dressed in a hospital gown with little lions on it. She watched him worry his stuffed bear that he shared with Grace. She ran her fingers through his shaggy hair with a smile, "You okay little man?" She asked as she rested her head on her hand to watch him.

He shook his head with a sad little frown. "Scared, Momma," he whispered. "I don't have to stay, do I? I feel okay..." He looked up at her pleadingly, "Don't make me stay, Momma. Please?"

"No, no baby." she leaned up and kissed his nose. "You're just getting a check up. Momma's getting one too." She explained, "We go to the doctor more to make sure we're healthy and you get big and strong." She smiled, as she picked up the toy and make it kiss Chien's face until he giggled. "Mae is getting a check up too, so the doctor's just making sure our little family is nice and healthy."

"Good," he nodded with a smile. After playing with the bear for a moment he looked up at Santana with his lopsided little smile, "Baby-Grace and me are really yours and Mae's now, right? Like really really? Forever? The man in the silly dress signed the paper that says we're yours? Right?"

"Yep." She smiled, "You are officially Chien and Grace Lopez." She smiled, "You get to be my little boy and girl forever and ever." She was so proud and every time she thought about it her heart swelled, "You're my son."

Chien smiled and leaned over, hugging her tight. "I'm happy you're my momma," he whispered, burying his face in her neck. "Love you always, Momma."

"Love you too, little man." She whispered and held him tightly. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Megan came into the room.

"Well hello." She smiled, "Good to see you again, Santana," She smiled and hugged the other woman, then crouched down to look at the little boy and offer to shake his hand. "Hi Chien, do you remember me? We met a few months back. I'm Doctor Megan."

"I remember," he spoke softly, more reserved now that someone new was in the room with them. He leaned into Santana and looked worriedly at Dr Megan. "I'm not sick more," he stated, though he sounded concerned. "I feel good, not sick."

"I know," She smiled, "You're not sick with that cough anymore." she said as she got her tools to check his ears, nose and throat. "But like your mom, I need to check you every few months to make sure that you are the healthy little boy that we all know." She said, "Today we're gonna check your allergies, because your mom said you were still getting some sniffles, then draw some blood to check your insides, then I'm gonna check your tummy to make sure everything is all healed in there. Okay?"

He looked uncertain, looking between her and Santana with teary eyes. "Why can't Doctor Kelly check?" he asked sadly, "I like Doctor Kelly, Momma."

"Doctor Kelly is with Mea." Santana explained, "Dr. Megan is momma and Chien's special doctor..." She said softly, "Want her to give momma a check up and you watch before you get a check up?"

He nodded, his little fingers fisting Santana's shirt in his hand as he clung to her. "Uh-huh. Please?" He was scared without Grace there to be brave for.

"Alright, Mijo." She smiled and sat up on the bed holding him in her arms. "Dr. Megan." she said, "can you please examine me first?"

"Of course." She smiled, "Chien, I've been taking care of your mom for a long time." She said softly as she started looking in Santana's eyes and throat. She stopped talking for a second as she looked into Santana's eyes then felt her lymph nodes. "A very long time." She said almost distractedly.

Chien cuddled into his momma. He hadn't lived as long as he had without being observant and he could tell when things weren't right. "What's wrong?" he asked, his grip tightening on his momma's shirt. "Momma, what's wrong? Why's Doctor Megan sounding funny?"

"Nothing's wrong, baby," She said softly, looking at her doctor. "Doctor Megan is just focusing, like when Mae is reading and trying to talk to momma or when Grace is watching that silly animal television show."

"Really?" He looked at Dr Megan hopefully, "Nothing's wrong with my Momma, right? She's my new Momma. The man in the silly dress signed the paper to make her my real momma yesterday."

"The adoption was final yesterday?" Megan smiled, "That's amazing, Chien, you and Grace will get to pick out of the special toy box today then!" She exclaimed as she went to write on the chart.

He nodded with a big smile as he cuddled into Santana's chest, "Momma and Mae are Baby-Grace and my ireal/i moms now. Nobody makes go away no more. I always with Baby-Grace and Momma and Mae now."

"That's right," She smiled, "You're my little boy." Santana soothed his back as she saw Megan put on glove and get ready to draw blood. "Chien, Megan's gonna take my blood okay?" She said as she pushed her sleeve back on one arm and extended it to her doctor. "she's gonna draw some from you too, but it doesn't hurt okay?"

"Yes it does," he pouted, not liking the prick of the needle entering his arm any of the times he'd had to have blood drawn. "I don't like it at all, Momma."

"Me ether, buddy." She said as Megan slid the needle in and drew nine vials of blood before pulling it out and disposing of the needle. She put a bandage over the area and smiled at the mother and child.

"See? Not too bad. But guess what, Chien?" She said, "I have Batman Band-aids."

His eyes widened as he perked up, "Batman? Momma, Doctor Megan has iBatman/i Band-aids!" He tugged on Santana's other arm and looked up at her excitedly, "Can we have Batman Band-aids at home?"

"Yes, only if you're a good boy and let Megan give you a check up." She said as she watched Megan label her blood and give it to the lab runner. She could tell by the way her doctor was acting something was up, but she didn't want to worry her son. "Do you think you can do that for momma?"

He thought about it for a moment then nodded. "Okay. But I like Doctor Kelly better still, Momma."

"I know, you'll see her next time. Dr. Megan is for our special doctor times, okay? When you and I go." She tried to explain to him that Megan was the doctor for the illness they had in common.

He nodded but stayed cuddled in her arms. "Don't let go, okay?" he whispered, not willing to give up her embrace completely, "Please?"

"Of course, you're my baby." She smiled and kissed his crown as Megan quickly checked him over and drew blood. "See baby. Not so bad." She said as Megan put a band-aid on his arm. When the doctor was done she hugged him and picked him up. "Wanna go see Gracie and Grandma Becca while momma checks on Mae and talks to Dr. Megan?"

He nodded, "Please? I miss Baby-Grace. Grandma Becca keeps her safe, right?" he asked worriedly, still not entirely sure about leaving his little sister in the care of someone that wasn't him, Quinn or Santana.

"Of course." She picked him up and looked at Megan who nodded, "I'll be back in." She said softly and headed back out to her mother. Becca was sitting on the ground playing with some coloured blocks with Grace. "Look who's back!" Santana smiled as she put Chien down. "Becca, I'm gonna check on Quinn okay?" She asked as she moved over to knock on the door.

"Baby?" She asked as she peeked her head in the half opened door. Quinn was just getting her dressed zipped up, "Hi, baby, how did your appointment go?"

"Embarrassing as always," Quinn's lips twitched in a smirk, "but otherwise good. I'm totally clear and since you wanted to do this as soon as we can, I decided to start treatments to be ready for when we find a donor." She smiled at Santana, pulling her into her arms and kissing her softly, "We're really going to do this, baby."

Santana smiled, "That's so exciting." she hugged her wife, "I can't wait to start looking for donors with you... You want this now right? You're okay with starting this soon?"

"Yes, silly," Quinn laughed, resting her forehead against Santana's, "I want this with you, baby. I've wanted this with you forever and Chien and Grace are going to be amazing as our little one's big brother and sister."

She smiled and kissed her wife. "Then we'll start soon." She whispered as she pulled away, "I need to go back in and talk with Megan... do you want to come with me? Hear how Chien is doing?"

"And when don't I want to come with you?" Quinn teased, smirking at her, "I always want to be with you, San. Let's go hear what the doctor has to say."

Santana held her wife's hand and walked back into Megan's exam room and found the doctor looking over her results. "Hi." She smiled, "Nice to see you Quinn, Santana tells me you're looking to have a baby?"

"It's good to see you too, Megan and yeah," Quinn smiled at Santana, squeezing her hand, "I want to give her a child even more since I've seen her interacting with Chien and Grace. She's an amazing mom."

Megan smiled, "She's very sweet with Chien... Who is very healthy, by the way. He's a happy healthy little boy." She smiled, "His counts are good and he does have a bit of allergies so we can get him some decongestants for when it gets bad."

Quinn let out a soft sigh of relief, "That's wonderful. He's such a sweet and loving little boy that I don't know what I'd do if he got sick enough to be in the hospital again. He was so sad having to be away from the rest of his family and I hated having to do that to him."

"He's fine." Megan said softly, looking at Santana. "He'll stay healthy now that we got him set up with a good immune system."

"You hear that, baby," Quinn smiled at her, squeezing her hand, "our son's going to be fine. We'll take good care of him."

"I know." She smiled and hugged her wife. "Megan... Is everything else okay?"

Megan sighed and looked at the papers sitting on her desk again. She wished the outcome was different - she liked Santana and things like this were never easy - but she couldn't argue with the facts. "Santana, it's never easy to tell someone this, but," she trailed off, shuffling through the papers again for some forlorn hope that something was wrong.

"What is it?" Quinn asked, smiling but Santana could sense the worry in her wife's voice, "Megan, just... just tell us okay?"

Megan sighed again and nodded, placing her papers on the desk. "Santana, I'm afraid your illness has progressed to the next stage," she swallowed, not wanting to see the pain in the hopeful young couple's eyes. It never got easier and the Lopezes were just getting started with their lives. It always seemed harder when they were just starting out.

"...Yeah." Santana whispered, the fear of what she thought coming true making her uneasy. She had spent the last few weeks wondering if the changes in her eyesight and general feeling of being off was normal. She knew enough about what was going on in her body to wonder, but she also knew that she couldn't have gone to the doctor before the adoption was final. "Okay." Santana said softly, looking down at hers and Quinn's clenched hands.

"What are you talking about?" Quinn looked between the doctor and Santana, refusing to believe what her mind was telling her. She smiled incredulously, "What do you mean it advanced?"

"Quinn," Megan spoke softly, trying to keep her voice calm and even, "Santana's HIV has progressed. She has AIDS now."

"No," Quinn whispered brokenly, "No. You're lying. You're lying! She doesn't! We've been doing everything right! I've been taking care of her! You're lying! Check again! Check it!"

"Quinn, calm down. I've looked over these results so many times trying to change the answer." Megan shook her head, "I'm sorry."

"No!" Quinn shot to her feet, trembling with frightened rage, "Do the tests over! Do it again! She's going to be okay! We're going to have a ibaby/i together, Megan! She's not getting sicker!"

Santana took a deep breath and reached for her wife's hand. "Quinn..." She whispered and swallowed her eyes furiously blinking so she didn't let her tears fall. She had to stay strong for Quinn and her kids. "It doesn't change anything." She said her voice trying to sound strong despite the obvious pain in it.

"What do you mean it doesn't change anything?" Quinn whispered, staring at her wife in shock, only barely holding onto her tears. "How can it not change anything? I take care of you, San! You're not supposed to get sicker! You're supposed to be with me forever! You're supposed to be part of this family iforever/i! You're supposed to grow old with me, Santana! It's not fair! You can't be sicker! Not after everything..."

Santana looked down, "I'm sorry." She knew her wife wasn't blaming her, but she couldn't help feeling like she was. She took several deep breaths, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean too..."

"No... no, baby," Quinn shook her head, tightening her grip on Santana's hand with her eyes closed for a second before dropping to her knees in front of her and wrapping her arms around her waist. "I'm sorry," she whispered, brokenly, "I didn't take care of you well enough. I messed up. I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry..."

"You took care of me." Santana smiled, "I take amazing care of me..." She ran her fingers through her wife's hair. "We knew this could happen... that it would happen... I've been pretty healthy..." She swallowed, "But I knew this was coming and so did you" She whispered, "I've been sick for 27 years."

"It's not fair," Quinn whispered into her lap, "I still need you. I'll always need you, San. You're why I wake up in the morning..."

"I'm not going anywhere." She whispered, "We need to have our baby and watch our kids get big and strong... I can't go anywhere. I'm just gonna have to fight harder." She whispered, her body near breaking down but she struggled to stay okay for her wife. "I'm gonna fight."

"You better," Quinn looked up at her, pulling herself together at the reminder of their kids out there. "They need you, I need you and our baby is going to need his momma so you have to fight, San." Her heart was breaking as she felt like she'd been slapped with Santana's mortality, but she knew Santana needed her to not completely break down. She gripped Santana's hands and did her best to smile up at her. "I'm still going to take care of you," she whispered, "and I'm going to be right beside you for all of this. I promised you once and I'll promise again if you need me to, baby."

"I know." Santana whispered, "I'm okay..." She said trying to hold everything together. "Why.. why don't you go take a few minutes while Megan and I talk about my meds and breathe." She hugged her wife tightly, "We don't wanna scare the kids okay? We'll go home as soon as i'm done."

"San," Quinn whispered, looking up at her and reaching up to stroke her cheek, "I love you. More than anything. That doesn't change. I promise you, baby, I'm not upset with you. Never with you. I just... I hate God right now for doing this to you." She hugged Santana tightly and kissed her with the same desperate passion as she had when she'd first found out about Santana being positive. "I love you and I'm going to be here for you. I promise."

Kissing her one last time, she headed out the door. Once she was on the other side of it, she leaned against it and shook her head helplessly, trying desperately to get her emotions under control. She had to be strong, had to keep it together for their kids. It didn't matter if her world was crumbling despite every effort to stick it all back together, those kids needed her to be strong and so did Santana.

Choking back her tears, she ducked into the bathroom to make sure there weren't any signs of her little crying fit before she headed out to the waiting room where the kids and her aunt were. "Hey, guys."

Chien was the first to look up from where he was playing with blocks. "Where's Momma?' he asked, leaning over to try and see past Quinn.

She smiled at him, "She just has to talk about her medicines with Doctor Megan, sweetie. She'll be out soon."

Rebecca looked up from the book she was paging through with Grace with a worried expression at the forced happy tone of Quinn's voice. When she noticed, Quinn just shook her head with a sad little smile. It was all it took to communicate the woman's worst fears about her daughter. Taking a deep breath, Rebecca hugged Grace and turned back to the book, dreading telling her wife that their child's illness had gotten worse after all these years.

After a few minutes, Santana got dressed and took her new percriptions and headed out. She faked a smile when she saw her mom and let a genuine one fall through when she saw her kids smile at her. "Hey baby's." She said as she leaned down and scooped grace up. "Ready to go home?"

"Home," Grace cooed, cuddling into her favorite person and nuzzling her neck. A little arm wrapped around Santana's neck as she cuddled into her, sleepy from a long day of playing, "Love."

"You okay, Momma?" Chien looked up worriedly from where he was putting the blocks away. "Have a cold?"

"Don't worry, Santana," Rebecca finally added, smiling softly at her daughter as she came over to hug her tight, "It'll be okay."

Santana breathed in the clean and baby powder fresh smell of her daughter. She smiled at her son, "I'm fine, Che." She said, "Just getting some new medications." she picked up the baby backpack and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm fine, Becca. Really." She lied as she looked at her mother and Quinn. "Can we just go home? It's lunch time for the kids anyway."

"Yeah," Quinn whispered, wrapping an arm around Santana's waist and smiling at her, leaning on her shoulder, "I'm kinda feeling like a nap after this visit." She rubbed her belly and did her best to smile hopefully at Santana. "Plus, I've got to get used to taking better care of myself, right, baby?" she nudged her wife, willing to let her tell her mom and the kids that they were going to try and have a baby together to distract her - to distract iboth/i of them - from the news they'd just gotten with something happier.

"Yeah." Santana said, not picking up on the hint from her wife. Not really able to do anything but walk in a straight line to her car holding her child. When they got to the SUV she went to the left side and lifted Grace into her carseat she latched her in before carefully lifting Chien into the seat. "Quinn... I can't drive right now... can you or Becca drive?" She asked softly once she closed the door to the back seat.

"San," Quinn whispered, kissing her softly. "I can drive, don't worry. Why don't you sit in the back with our kids and tell them and your mom about how we're going to have a baby? You know, think about something happy instead of dwelling on this right now?" She stroked her cheek, smiling softly at her, "It'll be okay, San. I'm sorry I got upset. We'll get through this together. Okay, baby?"

Santana slid in the backseat with the kids. She rubbed her eyes and tried to feel anything but numb, but it was more difficult than she thought.

"Momma." Grace smiled and slapped her hands against Santana's shoulder. "Sad?" She asked softly.

"No baby," She said, "Momma's thinking." She replied, as Quinn pulled out of the parking lot. "Momma and Mae have big news for you." Grace cocked her head.

"News, Momma?" Chien questioned as he worried his lip. "Bad news?"

"Nope." She smiled, knowing that yes they did have bad news... but the had good news too. "Mae and Momma want to try to give you another little brother or sister."

Chien looked worried for a moment and reached over to hold Santana's hand. "Like us?" he asked, not wanting any other little kids to be like him and Santana. "A... Adopted?"

"Not like us baby." She said, holding his little hand. "We're special, remember?" She smiled, "Mae wants to grow a baby in her tummy."

His eyes got wide, "Like Baby-Grace!" He smiled looking between Quinn and Santana. "Mae gonna have a little baby like my Baby-Grace was! A little baby, Baby-Grace!" He leaned over to look at Grace who was clapping and bouncing in her seat.

"Baby!" she cried, laughing and bouncing up and down with no idea what they were referring to having no real frame of reference. "Baby! Momma! Baby!"

"Yeah, we're gonna have a little baby." She said, "You're gonna help us with him or her, Chien?" She asked as she kissed his hand. "Be my little helper?"

"Mmhmm," he grinned happily. "I protect babies, Momma. Find milk and take care of Mae's baby like Baby-Grace." He nodded, then looked up at Quinn expectantly, "Mae? When your baby come?"

Quinn chuckled softly, glancing back in the rearview, "Not for a while yet, Che. We're trying to make a baby right now. That's why I getting a checkup from Doctor Kelly, but she says I'm all ready to try."

He grinned for a moment then looked between his moms confusedly, "Wait. Who bao? Baby needs boy like my bao." He bit his lip trying to figure it out, "No being like me and Momma, Mae. No..."

"You have two mom's." Santana reminded him, "I have two moms." She pointed to Becca, "We don't need a Bao, just Mae will have to get a baby with help from Doctor Kelly."

"I don't understand," his little face screwed up as he tried to puzzle through it. "What does Doctor Kelly do to make baby? The ladies at the bad place made babies after the bad men touched them. Baby-Grace's momma made baby after a bad man touched her in the bad way." He looked at Santana worriedly, "Don't want anyone to touch Mae in the bad way, Momma."

"No one will touch Mae in a bad way." She assured him, "People make babies with man and women together like you know... but babies can be made with doctors help. Doctors take the stuff from men that can make babies and they carefully put it in Mae so she can have a baby without a man." She explained, knowing how scared her little boy was of men hurting him or his family.

"You sure?" He asked, leaning against Santana and playing with her fingers. "Where is man who give stuff to make baby? He's a good man, right? Like Batman?"

"Want to help us pick?" She offered up to him, as they pulled into the driveway of their house. "We still need to find him. Do you wanna help us look in the book and pick a good person? That's okay right, Quinn?"

"Sure," Quinn smiled back at them via the rearview, "I think that sounds like a great idea. I bet we'll find the best man to help with our Che's help." Once she got the car in park, she reached back and squeezed their son's knee. "Cause our Che is the best helper and big brother ever. Right, San?"

"He's the best." She smiled, "Let's go inside and make some lunch for you. What do you want for you and Gracie?" She asked as she carefully picked her daughter up and helped Chien out of the car.

"Sandwiches!" Grace crowed, clinging to Santana's neck, "Cheese! Noodles!"

"Baby-Grace wants mac and cheese and sandwiches," Chien interpreted.

"Baby, I'm gonna give Becca a ride home. I'll be home soon, okay?" Quinn smiled at her, leaning out the driver's side window to kiss her wife softly. "I might talk to Cindy for a little, but I promise not to stay away too long."

"It's fine." Santana said regretfully, "Be careful." She whispered before bringing the kids into the house.


Rebecca looked over at Quinn a few minutes after they pulled out of the driveway. "It progressed right?" She asked softly, knowing something was wrong. "She has AIDS."

Quinn nodded, her movements terse. "Yes. I... I want to be the one to tell Cindy," she whispered. "I don't want Santana to have to do it. That's her mom, Aunt Becca. And it's gonna hurt San so much if she freaks out..."

Rebecca blinked away the emotions that was bubbling up inside her. "She's been so healthy." She remarked quietly, "I... I thought she'd get lucky..."

"Me too," Quinn's voice broke slightly, but she blinked rapidly and kept her emotions in check for the moment. "I really thought I'd get forever with her, Aunt Becca."

"You still have lots of time..." Becca reminded her, "Just because it's progressing does not mean she's going to go anywhere anytime soon."

"It does mean I don't get forever though," Quinn whispered, her jaw working as she tried to swallow back her emotions. "It means someday I'm probably going to have to not only bury the woman I love but my son too. Yeah, it's not right now, but it will happen and I hate it so much..."

"I know." she whispered. "I'm scared I'm going to outlive my daughter..." she sighed, "but you never know when your going to lose someone, Quinn... You need to love them like it's not going to last forever."

Quinn risked a glance at her aunt as she pulled into the driveway of the new cottage. "I don't know what I'm going to do without her. She's everything to me so she needs to hold on as long as she can." She swallowed harshly, resting her forehead on the steering wheel for a moment. "I want as long as I get with her. God idamn/i her fucking whore of a mother! God damn her to hell for hurting her!"

Rebecca nodded, knowing that Quinn needed to get it out of her system. "She will hold on," she said sadly. "She will squeak out every day she can with you, you know that." Rebecca sighed, knowing her child would waste away and hold on to make sure Quinn was okay.

"And I don't deserve any of it," Quinn whispered harshly, getting out of the car and roughly wiping at her eyes. "I need to tell Cindy. I... She needs to hear it from me. Santana needs us to be strong. It's bad enough I reacted the way I did."

"Okay." Rebecca whispered as she got out of the car and took her niece's hand as they waked to the door. "She's probably reading." She said softly. "Go on into the den and I'll make you some tea."

Quinn nodded, heading down the hall to the den. Knocking on the door, she looked in at Cindy sitting in the armchair. "Cindy?" she called out softly, knowing she looked awful but unable to do much about it, "I, um, I need to talk to you about something. Well, um, about Santana, actually..."

Cindy looked up, "What's... oh Jesus, Quinn, are you okay?" She was up quickly and over to her. "Come here sit down?"

"Not really," Quinn whispered, shaking here head, "I can't. Not... not yet. I... I have to tell you first." She caught her breath, trying desperately to hold onto her emotions as she saw the fear in Cindy's eyes. "It's... Santana... she... she has AIDS, Cindy. My wife has AIDS." As the acronym left her lips the first time, her walls started cracking. By the time she actually managed to get it all out, she was openly crying. "She's got AIDS, Cindy. She got sicker and," her voice broke as she bit her lip and tried desperately to stop crying, "and forever's gone... it's gone."

"No... She's not... She ican't/i Quinn." Cindy exclaimed, "She just has HIV. She's fine, she's not sick. She's not weak or frail. She's healthy!" Cindy nearly yelled, "You're wrong, Quinn."

"Don't you think I've spent the last hour wishing I was!?" Quinn yelled back, her ire raised at being confronted, tears streaming down her face as she got in her aunt's face, "She's my iwife/i, God damn it! My iwife/i! I love her more than I love my own fucking ilife/i and I can't do a God damn thing about this! This is ikilling/i me and you think I'd make a mistake about this? Like it's some kind of fucking ijoke/i?!"

"She's my daughter!" Cindy exclaimed, "My kid is sick with a critical illness. I never should have left... I can't lose her... She's too young."

"You can't lose her?" Quinn was shocked and appalled, "iYou/i can't lose her?! Fifteen years ago you didn't even iknow/i her! She's been with me since I was ithree/i, Cindy. Three years old. Even when we were fighting we were together. I've loved her all my ilife/i and I can't even imagine living without her. iYou/i can't lose her? She's my other half. I'm only whole when she's with me. Yeah, she's your kid, Cindy, but she's imy/i reason to keep breathing."

"I know." Cindy growled, "I.. I don't mean it... I... what if you lost Chien or Grace? you've only known them six months... How would you feel. I know what you have is different. I know that."

"Don't do that," Quinn hissed. "Don't try and make me think about what it'll be like to lose them. Just idon't/i. Chien's positive too." She trembled as she tried desperately to hold back her angry tears, "I'm going to have to bury my wife iand/i my son because of this God damn disease. iDon't/i you try and tell me I don't know how you feel. You're the one who doesn't know how iI/i feel, Cindy."

"Just... shut up, Quinn." She groaned, "Don't act like this is only going to affect you. Everyone loves Santana and going to be upset. How if Santana taking this?" she sniffled, and looked at her daughter-in-law. "How is she handling it." she clenched her hands and looked at the ground, worried about her daughter's mental status.

"She's," Quinn's voice shook as she tried to calm down, "she's... not. Not really. It's still new. I just... I had to tell you away from her." She trembled, trying to control herself, "I didn't want her to see what we just did. She needs us to be strong for her." Her jaw worked as she looked down, her heart aching, "None of us expected this but God damn it, I am going to do ieverything/i I can to give her every moment she's allowed with her family. I don't care about myself. She's all that matters."

"She's not going to handle this well." Cindy sat down on the couch, she rested her head in her hands. "We all got convinced this would never happen..."

Quinn laughed bitterly. "None of us are going to handle this well," she dropped down next to her aunt. "I don't know what I'll do without her, Cindy. It doesn't matter if it's a couple months from now or thirty years from now. She's everything to me. I just... I wanted what you and Aunt Becca have, Cindy." She sniffled, "I wanted to grow old with her..."

"You will... she's still young... she's healthy... you'll have lots of time still.." Cindy whispered, "She'll stay healthy for you."

"You can't promise that," she whispered, staring at her hands as tears quietly trickled down her cheeks to drip on them. "You can't, so don't. I know she'll fight to stay with me. But none of us know when she'll be taken away. None of us know when our son will be taken. Don't make promises, Cindy. They don't mean anything anymore."

"Then you fight like hell." Cindy said, "We help her fight like hell to make sure... we make sure she fights like hell for you and your kids."

"I'm never giving up on her," she whispered, her shoulders shaking as the dams holding back her tears finally broke, releasing silent sobs, "I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared and there's nothing I can ido/i, Cindy. There's nothing I can point out and go ithere that's what I can fix/i cause I can't fix this. I can't fix her." She tried wiping at her eyes with shaking hands, "I've never been able to do anything to make this better and it's all I've ever wanted to do for her."

She shook her head, but couldn't bring herself to look at Cindy. "I'd give her my life if I could," she gasped softly, "I'd trade it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even have to think about it..."

"You have kids now... you have to fight to keep her safe and healthy. For you, for the kids," she sighed, "for me too... we can't let anything happen to her."

"I need her," Quinn gasped, folding in on herself and trying to hold herself together, "She has to be okay..."

Cindy rubbed the girl's back, "I know..." she whispered.

"Just let me be sick instead," Quinn whispered, shaking as she let herself collapse against Cindy. "Please, God, please... she deserves to be here more than me. She deserves to live. She's been through so much. Please... just let her have my life..."

"That's not how this works." Cindy sighed, "If it did she would have been given my life forever ago." she wiped her eyes. "Quinn... You need to go deal with this... with her. She's all alone with her fear right now."

"I know," Quinn shook with her emotions, but she forced herself to sit up and wipe at her eyes. She took a deep breath and did her best to center herself and push her emotions back down. "I won't let her be alone." She wiped at her eyes, scrubbing the tears away. "I just didn't want her to see me like this," she stared at the ceiling, getting her feelings under control with a sniff. "I, um... I'll see you later, Cindy," she whispered, standing up and moving towards the door, "I'm sorry I had to tell you all this."

Cindy hugged Quinn and held her for a moment. "Take deep breaths." she whispered, before letting Quinn leave.


Santana had fed the kids and set them down for a nap and promptly moved into the bathroom and curled up in the bottom on the bathtub. She needed to hide. She needed to not be this scared and ihurt/i in her happy places. She curled into herself and sobbed.

When Quinn got home, she all but threw herself out of the car after throwing it in park. She checked the barn first, then ran inside when she didn't find Santana. "San?" she called softly, not wanting to wake the kids. Hearing the soft sounds of sobbing as she passed the bathroom, she tried the knob and let out a breath of relief as she found it unlocked.

"Baby?" she whispered, pushing the door open and slipping inside. "Oh, San," she breathed, closing the door again and kneeling beside the tub to stroke a hand over her lover's shoulder. "San, I'm here, baby. I'm here..."

"I'm sorry." She sobbed, her body wracking in fear of her tears, of her emotions, of her future. "I'm so sorry. I tried so hard."

"Don't be sorry, baby, it's not your fault," Quinn whispered, trying to pull Santana up into her arms, "Come on, let's go to bed. I just need to hold you right now. Can I do that? Please, baby. Let me hold you."

Santana nodded, sitting up and lifting her arms for Quinn to help her up. She had no energy, her ability to think or move had been crushed by one simple sentence.

Quinn pulled her up into a cradle carry, cuddling her close to her chest as she got to her feet and slipped out of the bathroom and across the hall. "It's okay, baby," she whispered, "It's okay."

She settled them into the bed and wrapped herself around Santana. "I love you, Santana. I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not scared, because I am. But I love you way more than I'm scared. And I'm gonna be right here, baby. Every step. I promise you. We're going to make a beautiful family together, baby. You, me, Chien, Grace and our little baby."

"It's irresponsible." Santana sobbed, "I'm gonna die and lose you and the kids. I can't hurt you anymore." She was hyperventilating she was crying so hard.

Quinn held her tight and stroked her back. "You're not going to lose us. And the only way you could hurt me is leaving us right now. Every year, every iminute/i I get with you is a blessing to me, San." She reached up to stroke her face, "We have each other. We have our family. And we have right now and every day between now and whenever you have to go. That's enough for me." She smiled at her, trying to reassure her, "I want every moment I can have with you and I want you to have every moment you can with our kids. I'm going to do everything I can to make your life as happy as I possibly can, baby."

"I don't..." She sniffled, "I'm not sure how I feel... I'm so scared, Quinn... I'm so scared that I'm just gonna fall apart and go away.. that I'm not going to see my kids grow up."

"I'm scared too, baby," Quinn whispered, pulling her wife close. "I'm scared to be without you. But I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure you're there when our littlest one graduates college and gets married. I want to see you holding our grandbabies and I am going to do whatever it takes to give you that. Dammit, I want to grow old with you, Santana, and I intend to grow as old as I can with you." She brushed a hand through her wife's dark hair, sniffling slightly but smiling, "Maybe I won't see your hair turn gray, but I'm going to love every second I get."

"I'm scared to be on my own again..." Santana whimpered, "I'm safe here... I love you so much... but what happens when I die? I'm gonna be all alone." she trembled, her eyes pleading for solace. "You'll have the kids... I'll... I'm gonna be alone... I can't be without you." She clung to her wife. "I'm still scared of being in the dark..."

"You won't be alone," Quinn promised, kissing the top of her head and trying not to cry. "I won't let you be alone. Just like now, I'll always come for you. You just have to wait a little for me to catch up. I promise. I won't be long. I can't be without you either, baby. I don't want to live in a world without you..."

"I don't want to die." she whimpered, "I don't wanna." she curled up in her wife's arms, "I'm scared."

"I won't let you," Quinn whispered, holding her close, "I promise. I'm going to hold onto you with both hands. I'm never letting you go, baby. Not ever. I'm going to keep you safe and take care of you. Just like I did when you climbed in my window that night, baby. I won't let you die."

Santana nodded and cried softly, "It was so dark... everything was so dark..." she whispered, "don't want it to be dark again. I need to be able to find you... I can't find you in the dark."

"I'll leave the light on for you," she whispered, kissing her softly, "just like I always do. I'll leave it on so you can find me. And I'll sing for you and talk to you so you can hear me. I'll never let you go, San. Never. You're the only one I want ever. I'll always save you. I'll keep you safe."

She nodded her eyes welling up, "I tried to make everything better. I thought if I worked hard enough, did everything right... loved you enough... that God would make me better." she sniffled, "Now I'm worse and our little boy's sick too.. he's gonna have to watch me die."

"I just hate God," Quinn whispered in Santana's hair, "for doing this to you and our boy." She took a deep breath to try and quell the tears that wanted to spill out, "But you're going to stay strong and healthy as long as possible. And so is he. You're both so incredible and I love you so much."

"I'm sorry." she whispered, "I'm sorry... I wanted forever... I wanted that." she swallowed, "I'll understand if you want want to not have a baby with me."

"No," she shook her head, blinking back tears, "I want a baby with you more than ever now. I need to see you hold our child, Santana. I need that. I need to give you that. P-please, please let me. I'll do my best not to ask too much of you. I'll take care of everything. Just... please let me give you a baby."

"I want to be a mom... I don't want to scare the kids... can... I don't want to tell them." she whispered, "I just want to pretend everything is fine."

"Okay," Quinn whispered, "if that's what you want. We can do that. You're gonna be a great mom, San. You already are." She kissed her softly, over and over, "I love you so much, baby. So much..."

She kissed Quinn back, "I love you too, I wish I was better for you."

"God, I wish you were too. I'd trade places with you if I could," she cuddled Santana close, trailing kisses down her neck. "Baby, can I love you? Please. I just need to feel you right now."

"I don't wish it was you." Santana whispered, "I just wish it was gone... or we had a cure for Chien." she looked up, "for me."

She arched into Quinn and sighed, "I'm so numb right now."

"God, I would do anything for a cure," Quinn's voice caught in her throat, as she continued to press soft kisses along the curve of her wife's throat. "Anything. Tell me what I can do, love." Her hands were gentle as the swept along Santana's body, "Tell me what you want."

"Just kiss me." She whispered, her lips seeking out Quinn's. "Just kiss me."

"Forever," she whispered softly, pressing her lips to Santana's, "Always." Her hands slid through Santana's hair as their lips joined and parted in fleeting brushes, "I love you."

"Te amo," she whispered and pulled the blanket over them. "I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared that I'll never wake up," she whispered and kissed her wife's lips.

"I'll be right here," Quinn whispered, kissing her softly, hands stroking up and down her back, "I'll wake you up every day," her voice caught softly, "until you tell me it's time to stop."

The sound of the door creaking open caught their attention and they looked up to see Chien with Grace wrapped around him like a koala bear. "Can we nap with you?" he whispered softly, "Baby-Grace had a bad dream."

"It's going around." she whispered, "come into bed..." Santana said as she reached down to pick up Grace and lay her on her chest while Quinn brought Chien up on the bed. "Bad dream, sweetheart?" she asked softly, "Momma has bad dreams too... but that's why Mea keeps the lights on for me."

"And I cuddle," Quinn added with a nod as Chien snuggled in between them.

"You give good cuddles, Mea," Chien agreed with a sleepy nod.

"Scary," Grace whimpered, hiding her face in Santana's neck. "Momma. Scary."

Santana pulled the blankets over them. "That's okay... you can be scared." she kissed her head, "But Chien, Mae and I will be here to make you not scared."

"Uh-huh," Chien yawned, snuggling so he could throw a skinny arm over Grace and Santana as Quinn cuddled into his back and reached over him to stroke her back, "Sleepy now. No more talking please."

Quinn laughed softly, "No more talking, Chien. Just sleep. I'll keep an eye on everyone," she added with a soft smile for her wife.

"Forever." Santana agreed, a single tear falling down her cheek as she drifted to sleep with her family.