"Kamerad! Kamerad! Nicht scheissen!"

Langenscheidt's jaw dropped. "Bitte! Bitte, sir, you cannot say that! That is a very bad word!"

"Nonsense, man. I'm just telling you not to shoot me. See? I've got my hands up in the air."

"But..." Langenscheidt began, but the impatient visitor already cut him off.

"Now are you going to let me in, or do I have to stay out here until Doomsday comes?"

Langenscheidt gulped. "If you are sure...?"

"Yes, of course I'm sure. Why do you think I'm here, outside your gate, with my hands up? Now open the gate please, before I grow roots here."

Langenscheidt did as he was told, even though he heard a very audible groan behind him.

It was the enemy Colonel - Colonel Hogan. "Crittendon," he moaned. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello old chap. What - didn't they tell you? I found a mighty interesting place out in... what was it called again... Wippertale? Whopperdale? No, it was something else..."

"Wuppertal perhaps?" Langenscheidt ventured timidly.

"No, no, no. That can't be it - you are just a lowly Jerry guard - you couldn't possibly know all the military secrets locked into my brain. Ha ha!"

"Colonel." Langenscheidt had never heard such fatigue from Colonel Hogan, and he suddenly felt a little sorry for the man.

"Group Captain actually," Crittendon corrected him. "But why don't we go to your quarters, so I can show you my secret plans, eh?"

Langenscheidt's eyes widened at that. "S-s-secret plans?"

"Now don't you worry. You just go back to guarding the gate, okay?" Crittendon slapped Hogan on the back. "Now, old boy, let's see if we can have some fireworks. I'm surprised London didn't brief you on this. Now where did I put that paper..." He started searching, turning all his pockets and even the lining of his jacket and his cap inside out. And finally he pulled out a small rectangle of paper from his underwear... "Ah, yes, there it is. The location of this top secret lollipop factory - that's what they dubbed it in code; ain't that smashing? Now let's see. Um...

"IF I MAKE A SLOGAN
I MAKE IT FOR HOGAN

"Ha ha - that's nice, isn't it? It even rhymes nicely. Now let me see...

"PBA WINNERS IN THE CANON CHARACTER CATEGORY

.

"GOLD..."

"Aaargh!" came it from a frustrated Hogan, making Crittendon turn to him with compassion.

"Everything alright, old boy?"

"I've had it - I've had it here!" Hogan's voice got louder and louder. "You can have it all - the missions, the kowtowing, the bootlicking, the maneuvering, the stupidity... I quit!" And with that, he brushed past a paralyzed Langenscheidt, pulled open the gate and marched out of camp...

Crittendon looked after him, rather crestfallen. "Oh my..." he whispered. "I hope it was nothing I said...?" He looked back at the paper in his hands. No. Nothing incriminating on there either. Well... then he better take over here and start organizing his men. They had to be ready to blow up that lollipop factory by 2600 hours, or else...

He spied around, and saw Hogan's closest friends coming towards him. Those were the guys he would use. "Hey, you four! Come and..."

"What did you do to the Colonel?" LeBeau demanded.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing!" Crittendon insisted. "But we do have a job to perform here, don't we. Now you, guard - shoo, shoo! This is top level security - not meant for Jerry's ears, no matter how stupid they look."

Langenscheidt backed off a little, but kept a wary eye on Colonel Hogan, who was walking off at a brisk pace into the woods. What should he do? Sound the alarm? Or discuss the matter with Sergeant Schultz first?

Meanwhile, Crittendon went on, "Okay, here is our plan. It's all in code, so pay attention. And don't interrupt me, please. I'm only going to say this once.


IF I MAKE A SLOGAN
I MAKE IT FOR HOGAN

PBA WINNERS IN THE CANON CHARACTER CATEGORY

.

GOLD

KOMMANDANT KLINK
in the story Beyond the Descent
written by Floating Pizza

(around him, there was a chorus of indignant snorts and mortified gasps following this announcement, but he paid them no heed)

and

NEWKIRK
in the story Let's Play Fill in the Blanks
written by Thaddeus MacChuzzlewit

.

SILVER

CARTER
in the story Wax Wings
written by Crystal Rose of Pollux

.

BRONZE

SCHULTZ
in the story On Christmas Morning
written by Sgt. Moffitt"


"Sacré chat!" LeBeau breathed. "No wonder mon Colonel ran off!"

Carter scratched under his cap. "So what are we going to do?"

"Well, that is simple, old boy. We are going to blow up that lollipop factory tonight!"