Rise Of The Were Raccoons
"You have got to be kidding me!" Logan yelled at the television. "Those bozos pick now to out themselves? What are they crazy?"
"No, just desperate," Emma realized. "A lot of other species get mistaken for mutants. And the MRD werewolves don't exactly discriminate."
"You mutants aren't going to get away with this!" Kelly screamed as he was tied up by some raccoons.
"We're not mutants you moron! We are a different race of shape shifters that your stupid MRD hunts by mistake!" Rocco snapped. "Or in the case of the Werewolves, because they are jealous of us!"
"Werewolves?" A senator asked. "What are you talking about?"
"Your stupid MRD 'Hounds' are really werewolves!" Rocco snapped. "They've been using your war with the mutants as an excuse to try and wipe out all the other species! Hell they kill more of my people than real mutants!"
"That's insane!" Kelly shouted.
"It is the truth," A tabby cat strode to the podium and changed her form to become a beautiful brown haired female with cat like eyes. "The Were-Cats have been hunted to near extinction because of the were wolves!"
"So have the Cat People!" A cat man with black and white fur, and a white tail with a black tip strode up.
"Wait aren't you…?" A female senator was confused.
"We're two different species," The cat man said. "Though I can see how you would get confused."
"Here's the difference, Were-Cats are cats that can change into human form," Rocco sighed. "Cat People are a race of mixed cat and human. They can't change into anything."
"You haven't noticed the large amounts of cat creatures rounded up in your MRD labs and killed?" The female Were Cat snapped. "They're not mutants you idiot! The Werewolves have been trying to wipe us out for centuries because they're jealous of us and you let them do it! No more!"
"Great now they're outing the werewolves," Althea winced.
"I thought the werewolves were already outed a year ago?" Bobby asked. "Thanks to Legion."
"Not everyone believed that footage from Bayville was real," Logan explained.
"Well they do now," Emma said.
"We are holding your senators hostage until our demands our met!" Rocco spoke to the camera. "And don't even think about some kind of commando raid to free them! We've got this situation covered thanks to our allies! Ralph! Turn on the outside camera number three!"
Outside dozens of pigeons were attacking the security forces. "AAAAHHH! THE BIRDS! THE BIRDS!" A soldier screamed.
There were also a lot of raccoons attacking. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" One soldier had a raccoon on his head. "I DON'T WANNA GET RABIES!"
"ME NEITHER! THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT TO BITE YOU!" The raccoon shouted.
"MEOWWWW! MEOWWWW!" The were cats were chasing even more soldiers.
"GET AWAY! I'M ALERGIC TO YOU! ACHOOOOO!" One soldier cried out.
"I need a handkerchief and I need it now!" Another shouted.
"You gotta be freaking kidding me?" Logan was stunned.
"WERE FERRETS ATTACK!" A ferret screamed as he ran after some security guards carrying a small chainsaw. Several other ferrets followed him.
"I knew that more people got attacked by ferrets than bears but this is ridiculous," Bobby blinked.
"Somebody besides Bobby has been watching way too much television," Hank sighed.
"I SWEAR I WILL NEVER GO HUNTING AGAIN IF I GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!" A politician screamed as he was being chased around the building by a couple of angry deer.
"As you can see Humans, resistance if futile!" Rocco shouted as the camera shot on him again.
"AAAH! The stupid birds just went to the bathroom on my expensive suit!" Kelly yelled.
"Were Pigeons unite!" Three pigeons cooed loudly. "Unite!"
"See? We are organized and strong!" Rocco shouted. "The Were Species will unite with pride for everyone to see!"
"We agree!" A deer with huge antlers strode into the Senate Floor. It changed into a bearded man with antlers on his head. "The Were Deer Colony supports the Were Raccoons and believes it is time for our people to reveal themselves as well! And we have some demands as well! Demand Number One: Stop Deer Hunting Season!"
"You're not the only one with demands pal!" A rabbit with antlers hopped up. "The Jackelope Union 456 is also part of this! Yeah, we're real pal! Only we don't turn into humans!"
"I always believed the Senate could be a zoo sometimes but this is ridiculous," Hank blinked.
"This is madness!" Kelly shouted.
"This is Washington DC!" Rocco shouted. "Which now stands for Determined Critters! And we are not through yet!"
"Now what?" Todd asked as several human type creatures seemed to float in through the senate doors.
"Are those…?" Bobby's jaw dropped.
"Yeah," Scott said. "They are."
"Oh crap!" Logan groaned.
"We have decided to join with our fellow oppressed species in order to strike back at our most hated enemies!" A young blond woman showed her fangs. "The Vampire Nation supports it's alliance with the Shapeshifter Races against the Werewolves!"
"Oh now this is really going to hit the fan…" Logan winced.
"Does Dracula know about this?" Lance asked.
"Technically the Vampire Nation is separate from the Nosferatu which Drac is the head of," Elektra explained. "Drac's European while the Vampire Nation is mostly made up of American, Mexican and Canadian vampires."
"Vampires? Vampires aren't real!" A senator shouted.
"You must be mutants in disguise!" Kelly agreed. A vampire snarled at him and showed him his fangs. "On the other hand maybe you are telling the truth…"
"For too long Vampires have been forced to hide from the human world! Living in the shadows!" The female vampire hissed. "Most of us stopped drinking human blood in the Seventies because it was too dangerous! Do you have any idea how many drugs and other pollutants you humans have in your bodies? It's no longer healthy to drink from you! Not to mention live with you!"
"Great we're gonna watch a real life version of True Blood," Rogue groaned. "I know I love that show but this is ridiculous!"
"You like that show?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah," Rogue said. "For some reason I can identify with Sookie. At least her life is just as screwed up as mine."
"Rogue screwed up doesn't even begin to cover our lives right now," Kitty groaned.
"Well at least this can't get any worse or weirder," Bobby said.
"Look not all of us knew about this!" One senator screamed. "That was all Kelly and his stupid MRD plan! Blame him, not us!"
"Yeah we had no idea about werewolves or anything!" Another yelled. "We just thought they were genetically altered dogs or something! Take him instead!"
"Yeah take him!" Several senators agreed. "No one likes him anyway! You'd be doing us a favor!"
"Thanks a lot!" Kelly screamed. "You spineless worms! Here I am trying to protect the human race and all you are doing is trying to protect your hides!"
"Oh give us a break you weasel!" Another Senator shouted. "Ever since you got elected you've been trying to push your weight around here!"
"Hey, Al turn the camera on Kelly," Rocco said as Kelly and the Senators shouted. "I wanna hear this! And I think America should too!"
"At least I've paid my taxes for the past ten years, Alverson!" Kelly yelled. He looked into the camera. "That's right! Senator Alverson doesn't pay his taxes! And neither does Senator Smith and Senator Yellen!"
"Kelly!" Alverson yelled.
"Attention IRS agents! Go investigate Agent Simbleton! He's been taking bribes for years so that politicians can skate by without paying!" Kelly shouted. "Oh and while you're at it, why don't you check on Senator Heskett's secret account in the Cayman Islands! That's where he keeps his profits from the brothel he co-owns in Austin, Texas!"
"Ooh! Scandalous," Pietro snickered.
"Of course that's nothing compared to the payoffs Senators Mitch and Bristle have been getting from the local chapters of the Mafia in their states!" Kelly went on. "And how they helped Bristle bump off his ex-business partner!"
"That's a lie!" Bristle shouted. "Don't listen to this kook!"
"Check under the Biskitane Bridge in Mississippi!" Kelly shouted. "That's where the body is buried there! At least that's where the good senator has been bragging where it is! But not half as much as the married Senator Mullen has been bragging about all the bimbos he's slept with for the past nine years!"
"You're just jealous because no one else will give you the time of day!" Mullen shouted.
"How about the time you were banging that intern in the men's room while we had important work to do?" Kelly shouted.
"It was not in the men's room! It was in my office! I have a pull out couch there!" Mullen snapped. "I'm not that crass! Unlike some other people I know!" He glared at another Senator.
"And just what does that crack supposed to mean?" A Senator yelled.
"Let's just say at least I was never arrested in a train station men's room!" Mullen yelled.
"Are they just gonna let this go on?" Emma blinked as Kelly and the Senators shouted. "I mean, hasn't anyone even tried to shut down the satellite feed to the Senate Floor?"
"Probably but you know there are always all kinds of ways to override outside controls," Kitty said.
"At least I don't dress up in a furry animal costume in order to get aroused!" Kelly yelled at another Senator. "Hell this whole situation might be a dream come true for you Senator Filbbe!"
"On the other hand with all this juicy gossip who wants to stop it?" Kitty blinked.
"SHIELD would," Logan said. "Why aren't they blocking the signal? These maniacs are uncovering a ton of secret information!"
"Fine! I admit it! I like fur and having sex with fur!" Senator Fibble shouted. "At least I don't take bribes or graft from the MRD, Kelly!"
"No, you take it from the pet industry!" Kelly shouted.
"There's nothing illegal about receiving a free dog collar in the mail!" Fibble shouted.
"It is if you get them free by the case!" Kelly yelled.
"Including that," Logan blinked. "But information about all these other species has been a tightly wrapped secret up until now! Why is SHIELD just allowing this to happen?"
For the answer we cut to the SHIELD Flying Headquarters for a moment…
"GET THIS STUPID RACCOON OFF OF MY HEAD!" Fury stumbled around with a raccoon on his head.
"HA HA HA HA!" Raccoons and ferrets ran wild all over SHIELD.
"CATS! CATS! CATS!" Another SHIELD agent screamed in terror as he was covered in were cats.
"How the hell did these stupid furry freaks get in here in the first place?" Fury screamed as he tossed the raccoon off him. Only to be tackled by a half dozen ferrets. "GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMN FURRY FERRETS!"
"Here's a tip Fury," A vampire was calmly stationed by the communications monitor. "You should really be more careful where you import your vegetables from."
Back on the ground…
"Kelly if you don't shut your mouth I'll shut it for you!" Another senator screamed as Kelly spilled more secrets on the private lives of the Senate.
"WHAT ABOUT SENATOR SMITH? HE'S SLEEPING WITH BOTH HIS MALE SECRETARY AND HIS MALE CHIEF OF STAFF!" Kelly yelled into the camera.
"WHAT?" Two men yelled off camera. "YOU BITCH!" A scuffle was heard off camera. "HE'S MY MAN! YOUR MAN?"
"It just got a lot worse and a lot weirder didn't it?" Bobby asked as they watched the debacle on television.
"Definitely," Rogue sighed.
"Okay that's enough from you!" Rocco shoved Kelly off to the side. "You can spill the rest to Larry King! Humans, our demands are simple! Stop the persecution of our various species or else!"
"Or else what?" One senator shouted.
"Or else we're gonna send you to Maui! What do you think you moron?" Rocco shouted.
"Why don't you kill Kelly first as an example and then we'll think about it?" A senator shouted.
"Yeah kill him first otherwise people won't take you seriously!" Fibble yelled.
"Shut up you fur loving freak!" Kelly shouted.
"You shut up!" Fibble yelled back.
"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Rocco shouted. "IF WE DO START KILLING PEOPLE WE'RE GOING TO KILL KELLY LAST JUST TO ANNOY YOU!"
"HA!" Kelly shouted.
"But he's the one who's been funding the MRD the most!" Another senator pointed out.
"I said we weren't going to kill him first," Rocco said. "I said nothing about torturing him. On second thought, why should he be alone in it? Pigeons! Jackelopes! Get to it!"
"AAAH!" The senators screamed as the were pigeons pecked at the Senators as well as the jackelopes stabbed with their antlers.
"Not too hard! We want them alive for now!" Rocco shouted. "And uh…Don't bother stabbing Fribble. I think that guy is getting off on it."
"Well this is just peachy," Emma groaned. "Not only have the collective sense of security humans had about being the only sentient beings on this planet shattered into pieces, they are getting a taste of how ineffective their government really is. Then again that latter part there have been dozens of other instances so maybe that isn't much of a shock."
"We're gonna have to go save them now, aren't we?" Kitty groaned.
"I'm afraid so," Scott sighed.
"Oh goody! It's been a while since I burned down both a government building and something supernatural!" Pyro said cheerfully.
"We should come up with a quick strategy first," Scott said. Then he saw an image of Kelly and the other senators being used as a bathroom by the were pigeons. "On second thought let's give ourselves at least twenty minutes to plan. Maybe half an hour."
Thirty five minutes later…
"Hey boss can we take a break?" A jackelope asked Rocco. "We're starting to get tired beating up these losers?"
"Yeah George take five," Rocco sighed. "You know I really thought that someone would have called us by now and tried to negotiate with us."
"Maybe threatening to kill these idiots was not the smartest idea we came up with?" The female vampire sighed.
"Yeah we should have kidnapped somebody the American people actually respect!" Rocco groaned.
"I told you we should have went to the Oscars and made all those movie stars hostages," The Deer Man snorted. "But noooooooo! You had to pick the Senate!"
"He's right," The Cat Man said. "We should have listened to him."
"Fine! Darren I owe you a drink!" Rocco groaned. "Is the camera still on?"
"Still running chief," A raccoon told him.
"All right," Rocco sighed. "Humans of America. Apparently threatening your government isn't the most effective way to go about making you realize how serious we are. Then again in hindsight attacking your least efficient part of human society may have not been the way to go. So now I'm going to up the ante! As you may have noticed as you have tried to change the channels, our people have set up a system to control all the satellite feeds and override every single television signal."
He walked over to where a few raccoons were stationed at a small electronic system that looked like a DJ booth. "It's right here in this booth. Say hi to the American people fellas."
"Hello! Hey there!" The raccoons waved.
"In other words, we insignificant stupid creatures now control all your television sets!" Rocco said. "That's right! Us! So no more Monday Night Football! No more soap operas! No more dramas! No more comedies, reality shows, entertainment gossip shows, music videos, cooking shows or whatever it is you humans are into! You want to see the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars or find out what happens on Dexter? Forggetaboutit! You're not gonna see anything!"
"Unless of course you turn on your DVD player and put in some old shows and…" One ferret began to talk. A look from Rocco shut him up. "I'm just saying…"
"Look the point is unless our demands our met you're not going to be watching anything except reruns for a long time!" Rocco said pulling out a list of paper. "Demand Number One: All Were creatures and Vampires are to be accepted as equals or better than humans in society. Demand Number Two: All Were creatures and Vampires that are not mutants shall be released from MRD custody. Demand Number Three. All MRD will hereby no longer incarcerate were beasts and vampires with mutants. Since we are not mutants but a separate species. Demand Number Four: Neil Patrick Harris should automatically become the Host of the Emmys for life. Demand Number Five: Neil Patrick Harris should get an Emmy for hosting the Emmys…Ralph have you been screwing around with the list again?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"The MRD are attacking outside with the Werewolves!" A vampire shouted. "Our outside forces are engaging them as we speak!"
"Yeah I thought that would do it," Rocco grumbled. He yelled at the camera. "THAT'S GOT YOU FRIGHTENED NOW HASN'T IT?"
"I would think people would like the part about Neil Patrick Harris taking over the Emmys?" Someone said. "He's very talented and…"
"Ralph shut up! We have a crisis here!" Rocco shouted.
"Let them try to get in!" The female vampire leader snorted. "It's still a few hours until daylight and our forces can hold them off! Nothing can get past our troops!"
"RRARRRRRRRRRR!" The doors of the Senate burst open and through them ran Penny, ready to shred.
"And here comes nothing," Rocco groaned.
"IT'S THE SLAYER!" The were raccoons screamed in terror.
"Oh lord not another reference to that stupid television show again," The head female vampire sighed. "Look there is no…"
"Not that kind of slayer!" Rocco interrupted her. "THE WERE RACCOON SLAYER!"
SLICE! SLICE!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
SLICE! SLICE!
"Oh I see…" The female vampire blinked as Penny went to work.
"And I see the X-Men and Misfits coming here to stop us!" Rocco shouted as the mutants zoomed in. "Get them! Get…"
WHAM!
"Ooh! Stars…" Rocco lay on the floor, dazed by Pietro's punch.
The mutants were fighting with the vampires and the were beasts. "This is the stupidest day of my life," One senator moaned as he watched the scene.
"You've obviously never been to Bayville High School," Kelly moaned.
"Get off my tail you stupid weasel!" Kurt fought with a ferret.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Rocco screamed as the raccoons and Jackelopes fled from the wrath of Penny. Penny of course caught many of them and shredded them to pieces.
"Oh man, that blood is not going to come out of the carpet for a long time," Bobby winced.
"Thanks a lot!" A Senator snapped.
"Would you rather it was us that's shredded to pieces?" Another senator yelled.
"Good point," The first senator thought about it.
"Shredding the Senate? Not a bad idea!" A vampire snarled as he and five other vampires charged towards the senators.
"Don't think so, dudes!" Alex said as he and Scott blocked their way.
"Ha! Fine! We'll have a mutant snack first!" A second vampire snorted.
"Listen up," Scott snarled. "You know how my powers and the powers of my brother works? Our bodies convert sunlight into energy! So…"
Both Alex and Scott blasted at the vampires, disintegrating them instantly. "This could be a problem!" The female vampire gulped.
"How did you know that would work?" Alex asked.
"Because I did it before," Scott explained. "Jean and I ended up on a double date with some vampires. Long story."
"You didn't tell me they could do that!" The female vampire and some of her crew fled. She caught up to Rocco. "You didn't tell me there were mutants who could kill us all!"
"Don't look at me, this is new too! AAAAHH!" Rocco and the female vampire skid in front of Wolverine and Laura who blocked them.
"Going somewhere?" Logan smirked.
"FIRE! AAGGGHH!" Some were cats were being chased by a fire dog.
"HI HO BAMBI! AWAY!" Todd laughed as he rode the bucking were deer easily.
"GET THIS FREAK OFF MY BACK!" The were deer shouted. He threw Todd off but he easily landed on the wall. He used his slime to stop several pigeons in mid flight.
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The screamed as the fell to the ground.
It didn't take long for both the X-Men and Misfits to corner the surviving leaders of the attack. "Listen you jackasses," Logan growled. "You lot clear out of here! What's left of you…And never pull a stupid stunt like this again!"
"We're letting you live for now," Scott pointed at the female vampire. "If only to warn the rest of your gangs. Don't mess with the mutants! We have enough problems without you making things worse! Got it?"
"And if you don't we're gonna let Penny give it to ya!" Fred held Penny back who seemed eager to finish them off.
"I think a strategic retreat is in order," The female vampire gulped as she and what was left of her vampire crew flew away. They broke a window in the building and took off.
"Wait for us!" The were pigeons screamed as they followed them.
"THROUGH THE VENTS!" Rocco screamed as the other creatures fled for their lives.
"Wow I didn't know deer could fit through vents," Fred blinked.
"That was easy," Kurt snorted. "Although I could have done without the weasel bites on my tail."
"They were ferrets not weasels," Fred corrected.
"You know what I mean," Kurt told him.
"Looks like the MRD is finally doing something," Pietro zoomed around. "There's a whole bunch of werewolves fighting with the vampires and other were beasts. It's getting pretty bloody out there. And messy you know with the were pigeons!"
"You think they are going to send any reinforcements inside?" Kurt asked.
BANG! BANG!
"STAND STILL YOU STUPID PIGEON!"
"ARRRRRRR!"
"I think they are going to be busy fighting with the werewolves for a while," Rogue pointed outside at the sounds of fighting.
"Good! Now maybe we can talk some sense into these people and stop this war!" Scott said.
"You guys okay?" Kitty asked as she phased through the Senators' bonds.
"Do we look okay you stinking mutant?" A senator covered in bird poop screamed.
"You're welcome!" Kitty said sarcastically.
"This is all your fault you disgusting freaks!" Kelly shouted.
"Well maybe if you didn't just persecute everyone who is a little different from you, none of this would have happened in the first place?" Rogue snapped.
"A little different! You're all abominations of nature!" Another senator shouted.
"I knew mutants were dangerous and a threat to our way of life but this is too much!" Another senator screamed.
"Mutants can't be trusted! Look they even have Frost with them!" Kelly pointed at Emma. "It's her fault the GRSO was corrupted and destroyed! And now the X-Men and Misfits are working with her!"
"I was trying to save mutant lives!" Emma said. "Ever hear of 'Hogan's Heroes'?"
"By making a mutant army?' Kelly shouted.
"You've been making armies to destroy mutants! Why shouldn't we make some to protect us?" Emma shouted back.
"Like the one that nearly destroyed the Pentagon?" A senator yelled.
"That wasn't us dude," Bobby said. "That was another group tied to Magneto. It's just they're uh…"
"Some of them just happen to have the same powers as us," Scott said diplomatically.
"Senator, not all mutants are a threat," Ororo said. "Some mutants fight for good. We're people. There is good and bad in all of us."
"Yeah and we're not the ones who tried to hold you hostage," Bobby added.
"The only reason they got involved was because of you!" Kelly shouted. "You brought all these freaks and weirdoes and creatures out of the darkness to torment us!"
"They were here whether you knew it or not!" Rogue snapped. "Just because you didn't know about them didn't mean they didn't exist!"
"Hey we'd stay in the shadows too if people didn't keep sending big giant robots after us!" Todd shouted.
"Unfortunately those days are over," Ororo said. "What we need to do is to find a way to learn to live together in peace."
"Peace? With mutants?" Kelly shouted. "There can never be peace as long as your kind is around! Look what happened here!"
"You're blaming us for this? Blame your MRD and the Werewolves! Not us!" Althea snapped.
"We have just as much right to live as you do! Why won't you listen?" Lance shouted. The building started to shake.
"Avalanche!" Scott barked.
"I TOLD YOU! MUTANTS CAN'T BE TRUSTED! DIRTY STINKING ANIMALS!" Kelly screamed.
"Kelly, shut up!" Logan shot out his claws and severed his tie. "Nobody wants to hear you squawk you weasel."
"AAAAHHHHH!" Kelly screamed and wet his pants in terror.
"Oh I am so glad the cameras are still running!" Pietro cackled as he ran to one camera. "Got a good crotch shot here!"
Just then the doors burst open. "Halt mutant scum!" An MRD officer shouted pointing his weapon at the mutants. The werewolves were with the MRD, their jaws dripping with blood.
"GET THEM! GET THE MUTANTS! KILL THEM!" Kelly screamed hysterically. "KILL THEM ALL!"
"So much for gratitude," Kitty growled.
"We're gonna tear you mutants to pieces!" A werewolf snarled.
"Don't think so," Pietro pulled a whistle out of his back pocket and blew on hit.
"AGGGGHHHH!" The wolves screamed.
"Gotta love these dog whistles!" Pietro cackled.
"Yeah! They're great!" Logan said sarcastically as he and Laura held their ears.
"Warn us next time you do something like that will you?" Laura snapped.
"Storm, some cover please?" Rogue asked.
Suddenly the entire Senate was enveloped in fog. "Where did they go! I can't see anything!" The MRD shouted. "Get them! Get them!"
The werewolves dashed into the fog but found nothing. "They're gone…" A wolf growled as the fog cleared.
"Must have teleported out of here," An MRD officer suggested.
"NO? YA THINK?" Kelly shouted.
"It's not a total loss sir," Another MRD soldier held up a device. "With these new scanning devices we got a rough idea of the location they went. We've been trying to come up with a way to track them. Hopefully."
"HOPEFULLY? YOU'RE GOING TO DO A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN HOPEFULLY!" Kelly shouted.
"Sir are you all right?" Wraith ran into the building.
"Oh yeah just peachy!" Kelly said sarcastically.
"What the hell took you so long?" Another senator shouted.
"You ever try taking on a sky full of pigeons pal?" Wraith snapped. "It's no walk in the park!"
"My uniform is never going to be the same again," A poop covered MRD officer groaned.
"I think we got most of them," Wraith grumbled. "Then again a lot of those freaks left. It'll be daylight soon so the vampires must have…"
"Okay what's going on here?" Fury walked in with some SHIELD Agents.
"It's about time you showed up!" Wraith snapped. "After we did all the work!"
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU PEOPLE?" Kelly screamed. "SHIELD IS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US!"
"We got held up in traffic!" Fury snapped at him. "We came as soon as we could!"
"Not soon enough!" Kelly snapped.
"At least the MRD was outside fighting those freaks all this time! What's your excuse?" Wraith sneered. "Maybe you had a deal with the mutants? Huh Fury?"
"Shut up Wraith, the grownups are talking," Fury snorted. "They launched an attack on SHIELD too at the same time. It couldn't be helped."
"You've always been jealous of the MRD!" Wraith sneered as he got in his face. "You're afraid that we'll replace you!"
"That is ridiculous!" Fury snapped.
"It was the MRD that rescued the Senate! And it will be the MRD that will protect the human race!" Kelly shouted. Several senators agreed. "And if I have anything to say about it, the MRD will take over SHIELD's duties!"
"Are you insane?" Fury shouted.
"Insane? We were nearly killed by mutants, vampires, pigeons, raccoons and all sorts of animals and you call me insane?" Kelly shouted.
"Someone turn off the damn cameras!" Fury made a cutting motion. A SHIELD agent did so. "Kelly I know you're upset by your ordeal but…"
"Upset? Upset? No, no, no! I passed upset when the pigeons started pooping on me and those damn freak fur balls started stabbing my ass with their antlers!" Kelly roared. "I am now infuriated!"
"Considering the circumstances, I feel that our colleague Senator Kelly may have a point," Another senator spoke. "Although we could have done without him blabbing about some of our personal lives!"
"Thanks a lot Kelly!" Another senator snapped. "My wife is going to kill me!"
"Oh like you wouldn't have done the same thing Irving?" Senator Fibble snapped. "Besides it wasn't that bad."
"Considering your sex life it's no wonder you didn't think it was that bad! Must have been like a vacation for you, you freak!" Another senator shouted.
"Look we can fight among ourselves later! Right now we need to deal with the mutant menace and I say we pass some kind of resolution getting rid of SHIELD and replacing it with the MRD!" Kelly said. "Maybe give them more powers?"
"Man's got a point," Senator Mullen agreed. So did a few others.
"You can't be seriously considering this lunatic's idea of replacing SHIELD with the MRD?" Fury shouted.
"Why not? They've done more than you have lately!" Another senator yelled. Several other senators agreed with him.
"SHIELD can't just be replaced on a whim! The Senate has no power!" Fury shouted.
"YOU LIE!" Someone shouted from the back.
"And can someone shut up the Senator from South Carolina?" Fury yelled. "For once?"
"You must admit Fury," A female senator spoke. "You and your people really dropped the ball on this one. It was the X-Men that saved us. Not you."
"And they only did that to get some good press!" Kelly snorted. "Wouldn't surprise me if they were in on the whole thing!"
"Okay now you are really grasping straws," Fury snorted.
"Oh I don't think so," Kelly snarled. "SHIELD has been a loose cannon for far too long and it's about time you were put in your place! Get them out of here!"
"Excuse me but SHIELD has priority over the MRD!" A SHIELD agent snapped.
"Not anymore sucker," An MRD officer pointed his weapon at him.
"Do you people have any idea what you are doing?" Fury yelled as the MRD pointed their weapons at the SHIELD agents.
"Yes," Wraith smirked. "We're doing your job. Run along Fury before I arrest you for contaminating a crime scene."
"You wouldn't dare…" Fury gritted his teeth.
"Try me," Wraith challenged. "I've got witnesses! Several senators saying that you were deliberately helping the mutants."
"Yes! I will definitely tell them that in court if I have to!" Kelly picked up on it. Several other senators grudgingly agreed.
Fury glared at Wraith with his one good eye. "I always knew you liked pushing people around, Wraith. But I didn't know you were this bad! Or reckless."
"I call it ambition," Wraith said.
"That ambition might just get you court martialed," Fury growled.
"I'm not gonna be the one who ends up behind bars if you keep pressing your luck," Wraith sneered.
"That's right! Even SHIELD has to answer to somebody and you have to answer to us!" Kelly yelled. "Get out of here! No one wants you Fury! You and your super spies are obsolete."
"You ungrateful bastards…" Fury felt like living up to his name right there in the Senate floor. "After all SHIELD has done for this country…"
"Like what? Keeping the American public in the dark?" Kelly shouted. "I think there should be some hearings on exactly what SHIELD has been doing all these years! Don't you?" Again some Senators agreed.
"Perhaps for once you should take a hint Fury and leave when you're not wanted?" Wraith sneered. "But if you really want a fight…"
"SHIELD stand down," Fury told his troops. He glared at Wraith. "Oh there is going to be a fight coming Wraith. I guarantee it. And when I'm done you won't know what hit you!"
"I'll be waiting," Wraith said.
Fury stormed out the building with his people. "Why those cowardly…Double crossing…over ambitious…" Fury was almost shaking with rage. "Wraith's not just a bully. He's a tin plated dictator with delusions of grandeur. And those morons in the Senate are just letting him do what he wants, when he wants!"
"You know something sir?" An aide said to Fury. "For once I think I know just how the X-Men feel."
"But they can't really shut SHIELD down, can they sir?" A second aide asked.
"Get me the Jugglers," Fury snapped. "It's clear that this entire situation has gotten out of control! And if those idiots in the Senate have their way, it's going to get worse!"
"What are we going to do?" The second aide asked him.
"What we should have done at the beginning of this stupid fiasco," Fury growled. "I didn't want to get involved in politics but now I have no choice! Get me the President too! It's time to cash in on a favor he owes me!"
A few hours later back at the home base…
"So much for a peaceful end to the war," Rogue said. "Thanks a lot Avalanche!"
"They're playing the scene where Lance rocks the Senate on television over and over again," Hank gave them a look.
"Way to go Lance!" Kitty snapped.
"It's not like I did it on purpose you know?" Lance snapped. "Unlike someone who decided to slash Kelly's tie!"
"Okay I'll give you that one," Scott glared at Logan.
"Diplomacy was never my strong point! Okay?" Logan snapped.
"No! It's not okay! Because of you our one chance to end this war peacefully went up in smoke!" Scott snapped.
"Scott we could have talked to them until we turned blue and they still wouldn't have listened to us," Remy said. "No offense Kurt, Hank."
"None taken," Hank shrugged.
"Ya no big deal," Kurt said.
"Well it is a big deal! I don't freaking believe it!" Kitty fumed. "We save their asses! And they still won't listen to us!"
"Maybe we should have let the Jackelopes skewer 'em?" Remy snorted.
"I'm sorry but this is getting freaking old!" Kitty shouted. "How many times do we have to save their lives in order to save ours? How many times do we have to bend over backwards to prove to them that we are just as human as they are? I don't get it!"
"It does seem kind of futile doesn't it?" Emma sighed. "Now do all of you understand why I joined up with the Hellfire Club? All right they turned out to be a group of psychotic bastards but at least their intentions were good. No, that's not true. I thought their intentions were good. But they were just as bad as the humans who oppress us. Hell they're even worse. Bunch of hypocrites."
Emma slumped in her seat. "Nothing but a bunch of freaking hypocrites. I never wanted to be like that. Never wanted to be like them. You think I woke up one morning and decided 'Hey! I hate the world! I'm gonna try and take it over! See how that works out!' I didn't! I didn't! All I knew was that I had this power and I thought I could do something with it! Something! Anything! Thought I could do some good. You know what I learned? If you have a gift, all the world wants to do is either abuse it or ignore it. That's what I learned. That's the world we live in!"
"The Professor didn't believe that," Scott said.
"Before or after he asked you to put on a pair of spandex and join his little personal army?" Emma snapped.
Before Scott could answer that Sam ran in. "Hey guys! There's something on TV!"
"We know! Us!" Kurt pointed to the monitor.
"No, there's something else on the TV," Sam said. "I think y'all better see this."
"Oh God what plague have you sent on us now?" Emma groaned as they went into the living room. "What other horrors and misery have you decided to inflict on us mutants, the scapegoats and whipping boys of the universe?"
Kelly was on television. "It has been made clear tonight just how vulnerable the human race is to the threat of not only the mutant menace, but the menace of dozens of other species we never knew about! I have personally given the MRD the order to hunt down and contain, study and destroy any non human species that threatens the human race!"
"Oh and all those other guys are just going to love us for that!" Wanda said sarcastically.
"It is because of the mutants that the delicate balance of nature has been destroyed," Kelly shouted. "Unnatural creatures such as the ones who attacked the Senate would never have dreamed of coming out of the shadows where they belonged if it wasn't for the mutants encouraging them!"
"Oh you gotta be kidding me?" Logan barked. "It's our fault those jackass MRD can't tell the difference between a mutant and a were-raccoon? Give me a break!"
"And where were some of our so called protectors while we were being tortured and held hostage?" Kelly went on. "While the MRD was fighting for our lives, SHIELD was lounging around in the skies! Doing nothing! It's no secret that SHIELD has mutants in its ranks! Pretty suspicious that they didn't show up until after the danger was over, wasn't it? We can't trust SHIELD! They're worse than useless! They're practically in bed with the mutants and we're letting them protect our country! I say this has got to stop!"
"Fury must be loving this," Logan snorted.
"Mutants are a force of destruction! A time bomb waiting to happen!" Kelly shouted. "So I have personally ordered the MRD in every city, in every state to start a nationwide crackdown! No mutant will be safe! We will go from street to street! Door to door! But we will find these mutants! Especially the outlaw X-Men and Misfits! They are the worst of the worst! But we will find them!"
"Uh oh…"Todd gulped.
"Thanks to our newest mutant hunting technology we have determined their location is somewhere in the city of San Francisco!" Kelly said. "So listen up mutants! We will march into every business, every school, every home and we will find you! And we will use the guardians of humanity to find you! The Sentinels!"
"Oh my god…" Kitty gasped as she looked at the screen. "They're sending Sentinels into the heart of San Francisco. There's a huge underground mutant population there!"
"It will be the Massacre in Mutant Town in New York City all over again," Hank gasped.
Emma looked to the sky. "Nice touch."
