The Only Volunteer

Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS and everything in Tortall. I just like to play around in her world. Everything you recognize is hers and everything you do not recognize is mine.

A/N: Okay, this is the second piece of the huge chapter. Think of it as the 'marshmallow-fluff egg' in the 'virtual' Easter basket. ;D Also, I hope you remember that by this time in Squire, Kel and Cleon took every opportunity they could find to get away from people and they snogged passionately in the shadows and hidden corners of tents or the palace or wherever. So, please don't think my versions of Kel and Joren are too OOC, because I think they're headed in that direction, too. ;D Enjoy!! :D


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K.--

I know about Vinson and my future has been decided. Please meet me in the far stable as soon after the noon meal as you can. I'll understand if you decide not to come, but I do hope to talk to you before I go.

--J.

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Decisions, Part 2: Hayfever

Joren sat up high in the hay loft, waiting for Kel to arrive. He'd left a note for her just after the Lord Magistrate released him to Sir Paxton. Both he and his knight-master had hoped to see Lord Raoul and Kel, but neither of them had been in their rooms at the time. Now that he was finished grooming his horse, Shadow Dancer, Joren became more and more anxious, both hoping and dreading that the lady squire would come to the stable soon.

The main reason Joren was sitting up in the loft was that it was his way of ensuring that he kept his hands to himself. His last encounter with Kel, when she was dressed in that fabulous red velvet dress, reminded the handsome squire of how long a time it had been since he'd been with a woman. He figured that if he put some distance between them, he wouldn't be able to touch Kel or to hold her or to kiss her. Joren was fairly certain that Kel wouldn't want to join him sitting up so high.

When Kel finally strode into the stable, Joren silently watched her for a few moments. Today the lady squire was wearing a hooded winter cloak over her usual shirt, tunic and breeches, but she still looked very enticing to him. Mentally scolding himself for having such a one-track mind, Joren forced himself to think of all the ways Kel had ever annoyed him. Then he waited until she'd finished feeding an apple to Shadow Dancer before he called down to her.

"Joren! You startled me!" Kel exclaimed. "What're you doing up there, anyway?"

"Thinking. Making some decisions." He shrugged. "Waiting for you. Thinking some more. I've got a lot to think about."

"I suppose you do," Kel shielded her eyes from a beam of sunlight that streamed through the wooden slats of the stable. "I ... I guess you already know about ... about Vinson. I'm ... very ... sorry."

"I'm not." Joren replied flatly. "You should know that Vinson stopped being my friend a long, long time ago. I'm really not sad about him, Kel. It's true that when we were first-year pages, Vinson was practically my only friend; we'd known each other since we were small boys because of our families' close association. But the whole kidnapping scheme and the circumstances of my trial choked the life out of our friendship - just like the Chamber choked the life out of Vinson. The Chamber did us all a favor; Vinson wasn't fit to live anymore."

"Don't say that!" Kel chided him. "Have you no pity for his parents and his family?"

Joren stared down at her for a long moment before he spoke again. "I would pity them, if I didn't know that they'd influenced my father to make me take the full blame for Lalasa's kidnapping. I'm sure they all suspected that Vinson wasn't in his right mind, but they let him have his way for a long time. And then there's my father and his antics. No, I'm not feeling very charitable toward anyone in either Vinson's family or my own at the moment."

Kel's shoulders slumped and she looked down at the ground. "Then ... then you probably shouldn't feel very charitable toward me, either. I could've reported Vinson to the Temple of the Goddess after he attacked Lalasa, but ... but she begged me not to, so I didn't. Perhaps if I had turned him in, he would've received the Goddess' judgment and then ... and then he wouldn't have been able to entangle you in his kidnapping scheme or to hurt any other women."

"Well, if you put it like that," Joren scowled, "Then I'd have to be mad at myself, too, because I knew he'd attacked your maid and I didn't report him, either. In fact, when Vinson came to me afterward, I sent him to a healer to get his wounds fixed."

"That just ... that just doesn't make me feel any better," Kel admitted. "Buri was right - we can only learn from our mistakes and try not to make the same ones again the next time."

"I hope there's never a 'next time' for someone like Vinson," Joren sounded bitter. "He threatened to choke me to death and I have no doubt that he would've done anything to kill me - and you and Lalasa and Mithros knows who else. Were you there? Did you see it happen?"

Kel nodded and her voice sounded haunted. "It was a terrible sight, Joren. The Chamber ... it ... it actually killed Vinson right in front of everyone's eyes."

"I'm only sorry that I missed the whole thing," Joren drawled, "Sir Paxton also told me about Lady Gwendolyn and everything else that happened this morning, so I guess I'm no longer in any danger of being the first of my year-mates to make the trip up to the marriage altar." Then he sighed heavily. "Please, Kel, I don't want to talk about Vinson or his parents or even my parents right now. I assume that you got my note?"

Kel nodded and rubbed her neck as she looked up at him again. "Yes, I got your note, but the news is already all over the palace. Lord Wyldon put your name back on the roster of squires to go into the Chamber this year and it's all anyone talked about at lunch. How ... how do you feel about going in last?"

"Better than I would if I weren't going in at all," Joren quipped. "I just hope I'm ready."

"You are - or at least I think you will be," said Kel encouragingly. "I know you understand chivalry much better now." She smiled up at him. "I guess you might need a little weapons practice, but if you want some sparring partners, I ... I know several men in the Own who'd probably be willing to help you out on the practice courts."

"Several men? Really?" Joren grinned down at her, "But not you?"

"I, um ... I think we're still not supposed to fight each other," Kel said, thinking that his smile was very nice. "You know, so that there's no hint of a challenge or a duel or anything like that."

"Ah, I see," Joren nodded, still grinning. "But we haven't been angry with each other for quite a while. Isn't that right?"

"Yes, I think we get along just fine now," she said in a casual tone, "Except that, well, most people wouldn't und--"

"Understand," he finished for her. "That's unfortunate, because I personally think that you and I would make excellent partners - sparring, I mean. Despite the ... um ... brawling ... we were always well-matched during our page years and I ... I think you understand the way I fight better than anyone else I know. Well, other than Sir Paxton - and Lord Wyldon, of course."

"Of course," she said dryly. "What about all your long-time friends?" Kel asked about Joren's year-mates, as well as the conservative knights who'd challenged her so far during the Progress. Surely, some of them were at the palace for all the festivities. Surely, some of them would overlook Joren's family's scandals to help out their friend in his time of need.

Joren shook his head. "Perhaps Zahir or Garvey would have helped earlier, but they're preparing for their own Ordeals now. And honestly, we've drifted apart since we became squires because we rarely see each other. It's almost funny, but many other conservative knights and squires think they're my friends because of the whole kidnapping scheme. They truly believe that I hate you. They just don't und--"

"Understand." Kel finished the word this time, smiling wistfully up at him. "Why don't you come down here so we can talk properly? All this looking up at you is causing a pain in my neck."

Joren slowly shook his head. "No, it's better this way, Kel. Trust me; I'm up here for our own good. It's ... it's less ... distracting." His sky-blue eyes stared into her green-hazel eyes without blinking.

It took Kel half a second to understand what Joren was hinting at and when she did, her face blushed a bright pink. She remembered too late that she'd recently promised herself not to be alone with Joren for this very reason. Knowing that he was right made her blush even more. Then she blinked and looked away. She finally glanced down at the stable floor and willed her voice to be normal before she rubbed her sore neck and looked up at Joren again.

"You know," she began, "I'm not really afraid of heights so much anymore. I could climb up there, but ... but I'm glad you thought of this. It ... it's very considerate of you."

Joren grinned crookedly at her, "You're welcome ... Lady Keladry."

"Joren, don't press your luck." Kel warned. "I'm just ... plain Squire Keladry, and I'll thank you to remember that."

"Never plain, Kel, not even today," Joren decided to press his luck, "There's always been something about you, whether you're wearing a fancy gown or a man's shirt and breeches. Just ask Cleon of Kennan; he figured it out first. Although, I suppose we should call him Sir Cleon now. I'm glad the big redhead went first. He always was ahead of the rest of us - in height and academics and such. As a matter of fact, Cleon was the one who pointed out to me that there's so much more to you than meets the eye, Keladry of Mindelan. He even was ahead of me when we danced with you."

"He'll be ahead of the rest of you in marriage, too," Kel said, ignoring Joren's not-so-veiled references to the way he saw her at Adalia's wedding. "Cleon's betrothal to Ermelian of Aminar will be announced at the final ball after all of the Ordeals are over."

"Betrothed? Already?" Joren's eyebrows shot up. "She's not--?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Kel blushed again at his inference to a possible pregnancy, "Their mothers have been planning for them to marry each other for ages. It's actually for the best and Cleon will be happy, I'm sure." She rolled her neck and rubbed it again. "Ow! I can't keep talking to you like this. Why don't you just come down here? I have to go back to the palace soon, anyway, and I ... I'm sure we can be civil toward one another for at least a short amount of time."

Hearing that his main competitor for Kel's affections was no longer in the running made Joren a very happy man. Against his better judgment, he slowly flipped himself over the edge of the loft, hung by his fingertips for a few seconds, then dropped down to the stable floor and forward-rolled up onto his feet. Kel giggled and applauded Joren's tumbling trick and helped him brush off the pieces of hay that were sticking to his thick woolen shirt.

When Joren reached around to pluck a bit of hay out of Kel's hair, they both froze in place; they were standing only a few inches apart and could sense each other's body heat. There was no mistaking the intense look in Joren's sky-blue eyes and Kel felt all of her resolve not to kiss him anymore melting away fast. Hayfever, she thought as she suddenly felt too warm.

"Civil ... right." Joren said, his voice suddenly husky, "Kel, I want you to know that ... that I intended to keep my distance from you today, but ... but I think I can manage a civil kiss right now, can you?"

Kel only shook her head once, but before she could back up or turn away, Joren had pulled her close and kissed her full on the lips. True to his word, his kiss was quite civil - very sweet and gentle, almost polite. But when Kel responded to the kiss with more passion than either of them knew she possessed, Joren's kisses became increasingly less civil. Time seemed to pass by very slowly until they heard the horses starting to get restless. Then they both came to their senses and awkwardly backed away from each other, quietly panting to catch their breath. (A/N: I'm envisioning a kissing scene between Ewan McGregor and Renée Zellwegger's characters in the movie "Down With Love" - very goofy and steamy at the same time when they disengaged themselves from their kiss at the end of their date.)

"I ... I'm really sorry about that," Joren said, his voice still husky, but remorseful, too. "I know you don't want my distractions right now, Kel, but I just can't--"

"No, Joren. That ... that was my fault." Kel said hoarsely as she wrapped her cloak tighter around her shoulders. "I shouldn't have coaxed you down from the loft. You were trying to be ... um ... chivalrous, but I complained about my neck hurting and then there were all the bits of hay and we really were standing too close and ... and I ... I should go now." She was deeply chagrined by all her babbling and knew she'd better escape before she said anything else to further embarrass herself.

"There's more that we should talk about, Kel." Joren' voice almost sounded like he was pleading with her to stay, "I haven't had the chance to tell you about all the decisions I made during my time with Duke Turomot. And I just made some more decisions while I was waiting for you this morning. You need to know that ... that some of my decisions involve you."

"No, Joren, not until after I earn my shield." Kel shook her head vigorously this time and started to back away from him again. "We can't ... I won't--"

Now Joren paused. Had Kel actually been thinking about going farther than kissing with him just now? He knew the answer to that thought was in the way she'd kissed him, but he also saw the fear and shame in her eyes. Nevertheless, Joren's heart soared at the realization that Kel truly cared about him that much and in that way.

"Kel, I'm going to go away for a while," Joren blurted out before Kel bolted from the stable. His statement stopped her in her tracks, so he continued, "If I pass my Ordeal, I won't be returning to the Progress. I'll escort my mother back to Persopolis and then I plan to visit my sister in Maren. My father will be angry, but I truly don't care what he thinks anymore. There are some things I want to do and places I want to go before I settle down. Perhaps ... perhaps you'll already be a knight by the time I return to Tortall. But I want ... I want to keep writing letters to you. Not like the ones Lord Wyldon and Sir Paxton made me write, but ... but the more personal kind, I suppose."

"You want to write to me?" Kel sounded amazed by this because she never would've imagined him saying such a thing.

Joren nodded. "That's one decision that involves you. I'll understand if that won't be suitable. I know you have your duties and responsibilities and all--"

"No, that will be fine," Kel interrupted him, "I'd be glad to exchange letters with you, Joren. It'll be great to hear about all of your adventures."

Joren's happy smile melted what was left of Kel's insides, but she kept her distance from him. She was still mortified by her own behavior and she didn't trust herself to be any closer to him than she was. She'd decided that her resolve needed some major adjustments.

"Good!" Joren nodded. "Another decision is that I'd like to introduce you to my mother while she's here in Corus. I've told her a lot about you and, well, she'd really like to meet you, too. I know you have a lot of holiday party obligations to Lord Raoul and Master Oakbridge, but if it's possible, my mother and I would like for you to visit us at Marbleton House sometime before ... before my Ordeal."

"Alright, Joren." Kel said slowly. "I'll check my schedule with Lord Raoul. There really haven't been very many formal parties or balls this season because of the Progress, so I might have a night off this week. I'll send you a message as soon as I know."

"Then I'll look forward to hearing from you," Joren was looking intently at her again, "I hope you can join us for supper during the week."

"That ... that would be nice," Kel felt suddenly shy. "Are there ... any other decisions concerning me?"

Joren's cheeks turned pink before he answered. "As I said before, I truly intended to keep my distance from you today, because ... well, because I can't control myself around you, Kel. I think you know that already. So ... so I've decided that we ... we shouldn't, um, be alone ... like this. At least for the time being."

"Ah, yes, I see," Kel nodded. "And I ... I agree with your decision. I think that'll be the best thing for us to do."

"Fine," Joren replied. "Then I suppose I'll see you tomorrow morning - at the end of Prince Roald's Ordeal - where there'll be lots of people around us, right?"

Kel just smiled. Joren nodded and gestured to the open doorway of the stable. He let her pass by him without another word. As she walked back up to the palace, Kel's heart was filled with gratitude - and a little bit of giddiness - that Joren recognized her dilemma as his own, too. From now on, they'd just surround themselves with unwitting chaperones to keep from being 'distracted' by each other. Kel blushed again when she remembered that it was her kisses that hadn't been very 'civil' this time and then she felt a strange and wonderful shiver of longing for the day when she'd be a full knight, too.


Next came the longest night of the year, the night the crown prince kept his vigil. Kel and her friends stayed up late talking, then rose early to go to the chapel. The king and queen were already there, holding hands. When Roald emerged from the Chamber, white and dazed, the packed room echoed with cheers.

-- Tamora Pierce, Squire


Kel stood between Neal and Owen, far in the back of the chapel with many other squires and pages, cheering and whistling when Prince Roald emerged from the Chamber. She'd caught her suspicious, green-eyed friend staring at her a few times and felt self-conscious about his sudden, unwanted scrutiny. Kel was certain that she and Joren, who was on the other side of the chapel with his knight-master, had made eye contact only once or twice during the time everyone was waiting for the door to the Chamber to open.

"Is it that my hair sticking straight up, Neal?" She finally asked him. "Or do I have something stuck in my teeth?"

Neal pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes and replied dryly, "No ... but you might have someone stuck in your eye." And he jerked his head in the direction Joren was standing.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kel replied, "Owen do you know what Neal is babbling on about?"

"I have no idea." Owen shook his head and shrugged, even after Neal pointed his thumb in Joren's general direction.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Nealan, that I don't understand you when you get all mysterious with me?" Kel refused to play along and made her face a blank mask.

"Oooh, Nealan is it?" He lifted one eyebrow at her. "Someone's getting testy. And you've got your Yamani face on, so I must've hit a sore spot. What's bothering you, Kel? Is it Stone Mountain again? I know everyone's talking about him. What a mess, huh?"

"Leave it alone, Neal," said Kel. "It's nothing. Really, nothing at all."

"Have you ... spoken with him?" Neal asked, too casually. "I mean, that whole scene with Vinson really seemed to take a lot of the blame off of Joren, don't you think?"

"We are here to support our friend, Prince Roald, remember?" Kel sounded exasperated now. "This is neither the time nor the place to discuss such unpleasant matters."

"Ah-ha, so you have spoken with Joren," Neal quipped. "Just let me know if you want or need a 'second' in a duel. I'll be there for you. My knight-mistress has been teaching me some neat fencing tricks lately."

"Oh, Kel, I'll be there, too!" Owen joined in the conversation. "Especially if it involves challenging Joren. Will you duel him before he becomes a knight? That would be jolly! It'll be much more difficult to challenge him when he's a full knight - assuming that he survives the Chamber, of course."

"Stop it - both of you!" Kel growled under her breath. "There isn't going to be any kind of a duel! I told you before - we're not allowed to fight each other, not even in the practice yards. Nothing like that has happened or will happen. Just. Leave it. Alone."

Neal and Owen exchanged curious glances. Clearly something had happened between Kel and Joren, but they knew better than to press for any more details. Kel's face looked Yamani calm, but her eyes were flashing green and that meant she was quite upset. Neal decided to keep his mouth shut; he had a feeling that if he said one more word, Kel would take it out on him the next time they were in the practice yard together. After his last match with his knight-mistress, the Lioness' squire had no desire whatsoever to face off against another angry female with a sword.


A/N: Again, this in an Alternate Universe (AU) story; therefore, my versions of Kel, Joren, Neal and others will not be exactly like the original characters. I hope that the differences aren't too jarring, but after 43 chapters and six years of elapsed time within the story, I've recast each character to be the way I want them to be. ^_^ Nevertheless, I hope they are recognizable to you and that you like them the way I've written them. Keep reading and reviewing! Thanks!! :D