[A/N] First and foremost: thank you all so much for the reviews on the last chapter. They meant so much to me, and they made me feel so proud that I was able to pull off something this emotional. And I apologize for making people cry, but it was done in the name of fanfiction ;) *Hands out post-depressing-chapter tissue packs and chocolate*
Secondly: I am sorry about the short length and dubious quality of this chapter. I was sick all week - and forced to go to school and work in my miserable condition - and I was feeling about as willing to write this chapter as a slug is to go frolicking through a salt mine. But I got better, so I was feeling much more motivated after that!
Thirdly... read and enjoy.
[DISCLAIMER] I do not own The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim or anything related to it; that's Bethesda's deal, not mine (sadly). I also do not own "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons. However, Kajsa Red-Blade is my original character, and she belongs to me.
CHAPTER XXXXVIII – Readiness
Well, I came home
Like a stone,
And I fell heavy into your arms.
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun.
But I'll kneel down,
Wait for now.
And I'll kneel down,
Know my ground...
And I will wait – I will wait for you.
And I will wait – I will wait for you...
"I Will Wait," Mumford and Sons
The giant bronze door closing behind her with a bang, Kajsa pushed back the hood of her fur-lined robe from her face and brushed the coating of snow off her shoulders; Windhelm had been beset by yet another snowfall, this one lasting for much of the day. Shrugging off her robe entirely and draping it over one arm, she strode towards the end of the throne room of the Palace of the Kings.
I hope I'm not too late... I inadvertently put off Galmar's directive until the last possible moment. She smiled to herself, but upon hearing voices within the war room, she paused at the entrance to the hallway to listen.
"Well, what's your assessment of the situation, Galmar?" Ulfric's deep voice rumbled. "Are we yet ready?"
"Perhaps. But I don't think it's time to close in on Haafingar just yet."
A pause. "And why not? We have the men and we have the resources. Dengeir's catapults are at the ready, Skald's fleet is sailing to Solitude as we speak, and half the army has amassed in our northern camps. Tell me what the issue is."
"It's a question of morale," Galmar growled.
"If this is about Kajsa again –" the jarl warned.
"Again"? The Dragonborn frowned, stepping away from the entrance, where she could be easily seen. What have they been discussing about me – behind my back, no less? And what exactly has Ulfric been saying? She swallowed, but continued to concentrate on the conversation.
"It is, and you're going to listen to me, gods dammit!" The sound of a fist slamming down on wood.
A sigh. "I'm listening." Ulfric's tone sounded impatient and decidedly dangerous.
"You're an idiot for thinking that Red-Blade can be held against her will. You already tried that – oh, I don't know how many times. The point is, if she wants to fight, she's going to fight, regardless of what you say. The woman's bloodthirsty, and I have a feeling she'd much rather be slicing her way through some Imperials than staying in Windhelm and being coddled by you."
"You forget that I'll be joining you for Solitude," the jarl pointed out. "I intend to fight this last battle, Galmar. I always have."
Kajsa's eyebrows shot up. Since when was that happening?
"Then she'll be coming along, anyway," the housecarl retorted. "So why worry about it?"
"You know why. She's not ready for combat."
"Have you not seen her these past few days?" the general demanded. "Since the day after we returned, she's been training out in the courtyard with the other soldiers – and she's been showing them all up." A contemptuous snort. "'Not ready for combat,' my arse! If she can kick the teeth of a garrison in, she definitely can take on the Legion."
The Dragonborn smiled again. Despite the fact that some of her physical wounds had yet to heal – she'd only just removed the bandages from the whip scars this morning and it still felt so strange to not feel them restricting her movements as she went about her business – and that she hadn't done any serious physical training in years, slipping back into the repetitive, tiring routines of drills and running and exercises and maneuvers was easier than expected. To her pleased surprise, she found that she could still wield the Ebony Blade and her Nightingale's bow (both returned after she'd written to Karliah and asked her to retrieve them from Fort Greenwall for her) with minimal difficulty. But if she'd elicited words of praise from Galmar, then her training was certainly paying off.
"I have not noticed."
Her smile faded, replaced by an unhappy frown. Of course he hasn't.
It had been a week since her tearful confession to Ulfric about her past. A week since he'd suggested – and none too subtly, either – that she sleep with him. A week since she'd seen or spoken to him. She had just been keeping her distance, biding her time, waiting for herself to gather some courage and face him again.
When his courier had approached her while in the training yard and handed her the folded piece of parchment, she'd thought it a letter from him... or at least, she had until she opened it and discovered it was a summons from Galmar. She'd hoped, for however brief a moment, that it was from him; she had no idea what to expect from him, but she wanted him to say something.
Something that shows... something that shows that he – that he –
Her thoughts were cut off by Galmar's voice, somewhat less harsh than she was accustomed to hearing it. "And have you told her that yet?"
"Yes. She didn't take it very well," Ulfric said wryly.
"Not exactly surprising," the housecarl muttered. "My point is, if she wants to fight, you should allow her to do just that. You have no more control over her than a block of ice over the sun."
A sigh, followed by a tired laugh. "I should have learned long ago that it's fruitless to argue against you, let alone you and Kajsa combined."
"You can learn it now," the general said smugly. "Red-Blade should be coming by shortly, so you can give her that directive in person."
Sensing her cue, Kajsa stepped away from the wall she'd been leaning against and entered the hallway, emerging into the war room. Galmar had his back to her, but Ulfric glanced up as she entered, a storm of emotions in his eyes that she couldn't quite place – but most of all, uneasiness.
"Good to see you could finally make it," Galmar remarked dryly, breaking her concentration on the jarl. "We have some things to discuss."
"What kinds of things?"
The housecarl shrugged. "Capturing forts, besieging cities, winning wars – you know, the usual." Barking out a laugh, he turned around to face her. "We're making the final push into Haafingar."
"And you will be joining us," the jarl said quietly, "if you so choose."
The Dragonborn hesitated for only a moment before nodding, unconsciously averting her sight from Ulfric's face as she did so. The gesture surprised her. Since when did I start caring about what other people thought of my decisions?
Since a week ago, that's when...
"Excellent," the general growled. "We'll be departing in the morning for Fort Hraggstad. The city stables, just before dawn. Make sure you have all your gear ready and with you, because we're not damn well turning back for anything."
"I'll be there," she promised.
Galmar briskly jerked his head in a nod, then glanced at the silent jarl. "I'll leave you two lovebirds to chat while I go conference with the other officers." With that, he strode past Kajsa and vanished into the hallway, leaving her with Ulfric.
Silence hung over the war room, and she forced herself to look up. He simply stood there, both hands folded behind his back in a cool, calm gesture – but too far away for her to see what was in his eyes.
"Hello." It took her a moment to realize that she had broken the still first.
"Hello," he responded, a touch of formality in his voice.
She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she could feel something holding her back. What more can I say to him? I've told him so much already...
"If you're searching for words, there is something that I would very much like you to say to me." The jarl approached her, bringing up both hands and placing them on her shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "Promise me that you will keep yourself safe."
"I'm not going to get hurt," she retorted.
Both of his eyebrows rose at her statement. "That wasn't precisely what I was looking for, but..."
The Dragonborn sighed. "Fine. I'll stick to the shadows. I won't engage in open combat unless absolutely necessary. But," she added immediately, "before I swear to do that, I want you to promise me something as well."
Briefly, the corners of his mouth twitched into a smile before he sobered again. "What do you wish me to promise?"
"Keep yourself safe as well." The words rushed out of her before she even knew she was thinking them. "If you die while taking Solitude –"
He kissed her, silencing her words. "I do not mean to die, Kajsa. I mean to take the city and survive, and my force of will will prevail. Besides," he added with a smile after a short pause, "I can't in good conscience let you and Galmar take all the glory."
"Between the two of us, we have all the glory we need," she murmured.
Ulfric laughed. "But for legends such as us, only some glory is never enough." He leaned in for another kiss. "I promise you, Kajsa: I will keep myself safe."
"And I as well." She tilted her head back, allowing him to brush his mouth over hers, and then over her cheek and the line of her jaw – slowly, leisurely.
"Good." His hands left her shoulders, and his arms wrapped around her waist as he embraced her. "You have given me some comfort, then."
The Dragonborn nodded silently. Leaving his arms, she turned away to go.
"Kajsa."
She stopped, turning back around.
"I have not had occasion to tell you this since we last spoke, but –" The jarl broke off, gathering his words. "It was brave of you to tell me all of that. Courageous. I know it wasn't easy for you, but I wanted to thank you for telling me."
Kajsa swallowed.
"And I – I want also apologize for the bluntness of my invitation." He forced a laugh, but it didn't reach his eyes. "My words did not at all come out in the manner I expected them to."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Then how did you want to say them?"
Ulfric looked her directly in the eye, blue-green to brown. "What I was trying to say was... if you feel alone and if you need someone to talk to, my door is always open to you."
"And your bed is always empty for me," she said wryly.
Now he laughed for real. "And it always will be." His good humor gave way to earnest solemnity again. "But only when you are ready."
"I don't know when that will be," she confessed quietly.
The jarl examined her face for a moment. Then: "You'll know. You'll know when the time comes." He kissed her gently on the forehead. "And when it does, I will be waiting for you."
[A/N] Review, everybody! I want to hear your feedback!
