Chapter 50: A Dark Comedy
"Hey Nny what's wrong? You haven't gone out in days" the ceramic fat boy asked from the table. Johnny, lying on the couch, turned over and stared at the figment for a few moments before answering. "I broke my promise" the maniac stated in a depressed voice. "What? That you wouldn't bother her? You had no idea she would be there!" Meat attempted to change the killers mind with vibrating air molecules. "Yeah! But then I followed her! She pulled a knife on me!" Nny was feeling a little more active, but not much.
"I don't see your problem with the knife, but it's not like she knew it was you so what's the problem" the preaching statue continued. "The problem is it still bothered her! Made her afraid! I said I wouldn't do that!" the killer now sat up on the couch. "You also stalked her before that idiot promise! And she had no idea you were there! Even when you talked to her in that elevator!" the statue was good at pulling up memories like that.
(A/N: I think that's him, in the elevator asking if she's going down, just after she quits Nerve in I Feel Sick #2. And in the first one, just before she flashes back to her conversation with Eric the vampire, Johnny's silhouette can be seen staring up at her window.)
"That's not the point! I must have caused her enough trouble when I left that Valentines Meat salesman's heart on her fucking door step!" Johnny was screaming at Meat now. The incredibly angry maniac jumped up off the couch and began to walk towards the kitchen. "I don't want to cause her any more problems! I don't want to hurt her!" he screeched as he turned towards his bedroom. When he reached that particular room he walked up to the mirror, Meat had already taken up his position on the box to the left of the reflective surface. "Hurt her! Ha! That's a laugh! Don't you remember the last time you tried that?" Meat stated, gesturing towards the mysteriously repaired object.
"BUT I CAN STILL HARM HER! IN THE HEAD! EMOTIONS AND THOUGHT MEATS!" the killer screamed as his eyes became oddly disproportionate. "And so what? you're just going to stop going out? What about Squee? You promised you'd help him!" Meat continued to poke at Johnny's feelings. "AND I FAILED! TWICE! BESIDES IF SHE CAN STOP ME FROM HARMING HER PHYSICALLY KEEPING SQUEEGEE SAFE SHOULD BE A WALK IN THE PARK!" the incredibly skinny man screeched as he grabbed a knife-filled backpack, his CD player, and ran out the door.
-Much Later-
He walked along the sidewalk through the city, angry, listening to classical music. When he reached the very outskirts of the cities heart he realized what he was doing. He was outside, in the city, his chances of accidently meeting Devi skyrocketing with every step. Panicking he entered the nearest establishment hoping that she would not choose that moment to appear. He was surprised to find that the establishment he had entered was in fact the Café Le Prick, rebuilt in his years of absence.
He took up residence in a chair in a relatively empty portion of the coffee house, observing as people bought caffeinated beverages from the proprietors. It seemed as though the population still had the memory of the horrific massacre from years ago as the place was fairly empty. Johnny needing some way to vent the anger he felt towards himself just sat there and waited for some unfortunate soul to trigger his asshole detecting gland. Not only could he see most of the restaurant he could also hear some of the conversations, but only one was of interest to him:
"Hey look it's that guy who don't smoke" one patron whispered
"I wonder how that pussy survived that mess four years ago?" another responded with a question.
"He probably ran like a baby the instant things got tough!" a third exclaimed.
Angry at himself for not having gotten these assholes in his original attack Johnny stood and prepared to attack, only for his organics to complain to him as he moved. Initially he was going to ignore this warning but then Rev. Meat butted in. "Really? You're going to ignore your body? Don't you remember the video Squee told you about?" the absent yet talkative statue exclaimed. "Yeah, pee-pee explosion would be bad" the killer mumbled, earning several disturbed looks from other customers.
When he reached the rest room he immediately headed for the privacy of the stalls. After he finished relieving himself he flushed and then jumped out of the stall to avoid any spray from the toilet. Once outside he discovered, to his horror, a man standing about 5 feet from the urinals, peeing. "Aw, hey there skinny dude why'd use a stall to take a piss? Afraid someone would see your needle dick?" the man said as his stream died and he turned to Johnny; fly still all the way down.
Disgusted by the disturbing display of piss and the exposure of the man's privates, Johnny, while averting his gaze angled around the man, grabbed him by the nape of the neck, and smashed his face into one of the bathroom mirrors. While he worked to drain the guy's blood into some of those transfusion bags he had stolen he began to hear screams coming from the normal part of the café. Stowing the few bags into the compartments not filled with razor sharp blades he ran back to see what was going on.
Once there he beheld the sight of one of the assholes whom had insulted him bleeding out on the floor in front of the counter. Meanwhile the one whom had called him a pussy for not smoking was getting stabbed repeatedly by some red haired assailant. "ALL I FUCKING WANTED WAS A GODDAMNED COFFEE! I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE HIT ON BY SOME SMELLY SHIT HEAD!" the woman screamed as she chopped off the man's hand which was still clutching a lighter.
"HEY! THAT GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE TO ME FIRST! I…UH…CALL HIM!" Johnny shouted at the woman whom dropped the now dead body and turned. Her face may have registered with him if not for the fact that it was mostly covered in blood and that he was too busy trying not to get stabbed to really take a look. The two murderers soon found themselves in an intense knife fight, while the rest of the customers could only look on with a mixture of fear and awe.
This was, however, mostly fear as one murder would dodge the others knife, allowing the sharp implement to slice through the flesh of a bystander. The two repeatedly tried to slice and stab each other, only to find each of their attempts blocked. Eventually one of these people stopped cringing in pants-shitting terror long enough to dial 911. Upon hearing the sirens the female killer distracted Johnny by tossing a cup of hot coffee at him and then ran out the door.
By the time he had overcome the agonizing burning sensation he was surrounded by cops. "PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" one of the officers screamed, the terror evident in his voice.
And then Nny killed them all.
A/N: Well here is one of those "serial killer vs. serial killer" showdowns I was talking about. The comedy part of the title is supposed to refer to the "finder's Keeper's" Nny attempts to pull.
